Might have a chance with a girl, don't know how to play it

[ohsoalone]

So, theres this girl I've known for a few years, I've always been pretty in to her, but she's always had a boyfriend (except when I was travelling for a few months). We used to see each other a bit on the weekends just in the group we're in, but I haven't spoken to her in a few weeks. Now I know she hasn't been around cos she broke up with her boyfriend, though I didn't know cos I'm not on arsebook and someone else told me. We get along real well when sober, and better when drunk, and she gets kinda clingy and huggy, not just with me, but I think quite a bit with me. Also her ex is an ok mate of mine, could make things a bit awkward, but whatever.

Anyways, I'd really like to end up with her but seeings as how I suck at talking to girls I like, I figured I'd ask some advice here. I've got her number, and she's on another forum I'm on, so I was thinking of just a quick text or PM just to say hi and sucks about the breakup etc. I dunno, anyone?

 

[kamya]

You say you are going somewhere and want to go on a date with her and ask her out. Do it over the phone if possible.

 

[alonewanderer]

Never talk about exes, if you must know then limit their answers and your questions to only 2 sentences MAXIMUM. If your mate is a true friend and realizes how you make mojo with her, he'll give the thumbs up, even if it makes him feel like honeysuckle. Usually it's preferred to never date someone elses ex EVER, they say bro's before ho's but god dammit, who makes you happier? I agree with Kam, lunch, brunch, naked hawaiian punch, time for a date mate.


Sound advice, Kam gave it short and sweet.

 

[ohsoalone]

Thanks! I think someone telling me to just do it is what I needed to hear. I don't need to know about exes (I know the guy she was with before the last one too!), and I don't really have any to talk about myself, so... time to man up and start dialing, cheers

 

[Bluescreendeath]

Is your friendship worth risking?

 

[hijodeganas]

So, theres this girl I've known for a few years, I've always been pretty in to her, but she's always had a boyfriend (except when I was travelling for a few months). We used to see each other a bit on the weekends just in the group we're in, but I haven't spoken to her in a few weeks. Now I know she hasn't been around cos she broke up with her boyfriend, though I didn't know cos I'm not on arsebook and someone else told me. We get along real well when sober, and better when drunk, and she gets kinda clingy and huggy, not just with me, but I think quite a bit with me. Also her ex is an ok mate of mine, could make things a bit awkward, but whatever.

Anyways, I'd really like to end up with her but seeings as how I suck at talking to girls I like, I figured I'd ask some advice here. I've got her number, and she's on another forum I'm on, so I was thinking of just a quick text or PM just to say hi and sucks about the breakup etc. I dunno, anyone?

Sounds great. Only one major flaw: You're overly focused on one woman.

It seems that you feel you don't have the experience or confidence to handle this situation well. This would make sense if you haven't practiced or gained a lot of experience with women. It wouldn't make sense to try and write a best-selling novel if you've never even written a short story before. Everything in life takes practice, including relationships with women.

So, I would suggest, rather than treat this like it's the most important relationship you will ever have, treat it like it's a first step into your journey of learning about relationships with women.

Have fun.

 

[jales]

I hope you ask her out on a date. Good luck. Let us know how it went.

 

[athwart]

Anyways, I'd really like to end up with her but seeings as how I suck at talking to girls I like, I figured I'd ask some advice here. I've got her number, and she's on another forum I'm on, so I was thinking of just a quick text or PM just to say hi and sucks about the breakup etc. I dunno, anyone?

I wouldn't use her breakup as a excuse to communicate with her.

 

[DrFlashman]

I agree with Hijodeganas in that you're overly focused on this girl. There are lots of other nice ones out there, remember. However, if you like her, definitely try and establish a "new" relationship with her individually and outside of the group. Get her out on a lunch or coffee date and maybe she will start to see a new side of you she never saw before. Then just see where things could go from there. If she calls you to set up another date, that's a good sign. If you never hear from her and she won't reply to your request for another date..that's bad.

Above all, don't have any unrealistic expectations. And don't act like it's "your turn" just because she's single again and you've known her for a while. In fact, you might make yourself a little bit "unavailable." Mention other people you are hanging out with, other friends male and female you might have. It sucks to have to play those games, but sadly that's the way things work...

 

[ohsoalone]

Well, we caught up at a party (her housewarming) a couple weekends ago, she's with someone else already, so I drank it off and moved on. We'd exchanged a few messages before that, she seemed pretty keen to catch up again, but obviously not in the way I expected it to go.

As for the people who said I'm too focused on one girl, you're totally right, and i always do it. The problem is I don't meet or know a lot of girls, most of the girls I do know are gf's of my mates so no go there obviously.

Athwart, you're right, and I didn't talk about that with her.

DrFlashman, I didn't really think of it as being "my turn", it's just that in our group, after her bf, she seemed pretty interested in me, so after they broke up, I thought she might want to get together.

Lesson partially learned, I'm just kinda focused on another girl now, and thats another story, sigh...

Thanks for the kind words and advice all, much appreciated