Military Life

[Weretiger]

I managed to find this site on google searching for ways to cure my lonelyness. I just so happen to be in the Army and I have been to Afganistan twice. I got married and my wife had a kid before my second deployment. Also before that second deployment my wife wanted a divorce. This was a surprise to me because after a month at NTC things where fine until I went home. Long story short she was cheating on me with my best friend who is also in the army & married. According to her they had plans to divorce each others spouses and run away happy together in Alaska (where he was soon to pcs too). When I confronted him about it he told me nothing happen between them. When she got word from him he wanted to stop seeing her she decided that we should goto marriage counseling. I agreed because I love my son so much and I want to always be there for him. While going to counseling I find out that they are still seeing each other. I presented the evidence to my first Sargent that he was seeing my wife. They swept it under the rug and wouldn't help me. All this was a year and a half ago, and it still haunts me, how I was treated like the villain and made the fool.

The problem I face now is that I fear to trust anyone anymore because if my wife & best friend will stab me in the back who wont? I was abused growing up so family is out of that eqasion. My job, wouldn't uphold their responsibilities and my wife couldn't uphold her vows, I don't know what to do. Everywhere I go home & work I feel so lonely. There is no one I can depend on, I can trust, I can love. It's horrible....

 

[In a lonely place]

An awfull story, I can't imagine how you must feel. One good thing, has to be your son. He needs you now and will do even more in the future, I hope you can be there for him.

 

[fox]

Welcome to the forum Weretiger

I am sorry of your situation. People worthy of trust exist, but they are difficult to find.. should cherish if one comes in your life.. I hope you can find such a person.

In mean time, maybe it is best to change focus. Instead to despair you have no person to trust, depend on, you can do your best to be some one your son can trust and depend on. Create the best life you can for him. It can help to make yourself happier. If your wife shows so much she is unfaithful, and you are not happy, what good comes if you remain with her? For you, or her, or your son? It is not a good life to grow up with unhappy parents.. For both parents to be happy, this is best for the child.. even if not together. (I hope I do not offend, or cross a line. Just it is what I think..)

In any case, I wish you best of luck to take steps forward and find a person you can trust and depend on. You deserve this surely.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I'm sorry youre going through that.
I dont know if theres anything i can say to make you feel better or your problems
go away. It's a hell of a thing to have to live through.

All I can say is..I survived it.

I lived it, in a messed up version. Best friend, my woman and then the military.
Which kind da messed me in the head before I went into basic....
After I was in the military I got married. Then the fun begins.
Yes, I even had children.(from both women too) It gets complicated.

I believed thats when I developed the..... I'll so you bitches syndrom.
I started ******* 2 women at the same time. Two wrong women, made it right????
I had to come up with some type of coping skills.

This is how studs were made...from the depth of hell of broken fucken everything.

 

[LostInTheSupermarket]

Hi Weretiger,

I'm sorry to hear about all you've gone through. Sending you a hug.

You say that now you're afraid to trust. All I can offer is my own personal experience. I was totally betrayed by someone i thought intended to marry me. I was betrayed romantically, financially, and to make it worse my best friend ditched me to pursue a career with him (trying to use his connections). i even found out he'd screwed the lawyer who was supposed to be helping us in our business. I don't mean screwed her over, I mean SCREWED her. Whore. *ahem* But I digress... I didn't know who or where to turn to. I was totally afraid to trust, much like you, because as you said, if you can't trust your own wife and best friend... But somehow, I just did. I just DID.

I guess part of it was making myself open up so that I wouldn't let him win by ruining my life, and part of it was that I so badly didn't want to be alone that the potential benefits outweighed the risk. I will tell you that it taught me a lot about character, and did make me more wary of people. But that's not necessarily a bad thing. Eyes wide open, and all that. Maybe I'm more cynical and don't give people very much benefit of the doubt, but so what. I have the most wonderful guy now, and I had to be willing to trust him to get this far. Guess what? He proves that there ARE good, trustworthy people out there, and closing myself off would have caused me to miss this relationship.

Anyway, i don't know if that helps or if I'm babbling, but the main thing here is a) hug for you, and b) trust creeps back if you'll let it, and all the better if you can take something away from this situation without letting it make you permanently bitter. Not an easy thing, but from one survivor to another... it can happen. Hey, even if it's just to show that your ex can't ruin your life!

Okay, here's another hug...