Misfit or Not?

[Ironhorse]

Honestly I looked at the other forums and I didn't see this fitting anywhere else. So, Please forgive me if I've posted this incorrectly. I'm not lonely, there is no relationship, There is no low self-esteem, nor social problems, it is what it is and that's about it.

So, for the last 28 years I've been completely and utterly single. During that whole time it wasn't as if I didn't try get a date. I asked out many women over those years but none would say yes. Eventually along came internet dating and I gave that a shot for 10 years, but again no one was interested. I received no hints or messages and all the messages I sent out went ignored. Even in social activities I always get the cold shoulder as if I'm not good enough for anyone. Now, I do realize I'm no Brad Pitt but geez, I'm a long ways off from being hideous. Therefore, I'm at a loss to explain my great misfortune? I just can't see how anyone including myself could be this unlucky?

 

[ladyforsaken]

Well, do you have any idea why this could be? I mean, you're a new member and I don't quite know your personality / character in the least so it's hard to think of the possible reasons why.

 

[Ironhorse]

Well, do you have any idea why this could be? I mean, you're a new member and I don't quite know your personality / character in the least so it's hard to think of the possible reasons why.

Truthfully speaking no I haven't a clue? All I can say is after a great deal of consideration the only thing that makes any sense is "Occam's Razor". In otherwords "When you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth." Therefore that single truth being is I'm undesirable and unwanted based purely on the firm reality I'm not attractive to those whom I would be attractted to.

 

[ladyforsaken]

What about finding people with similar interests and likes? Do they also turn you down?

 

[Ironhorse]

What about finding people with similar interests and likes? Do they also turn you down?

Yes they do... Of course there isn't many to choose from in that arena, 90% are already spoken for, the other 9.9% aren't anyone I'd be interested in anyhow... That leaves just 0.1% to ask and they're of course not interested in me.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Meh. I'm no expert in this.. nor do I have any experience in this area cos I have not used dating sites before and don't usually express interest before even knowing someone after some time. Sorry I can't really help much here. Perhaps other people who've been through this could?

 

[Ironhorse]

Meh. I'm no expert in this.. nor do I have any experience in this area cos I have not used dating sites before and don't usually express interest before even knowing someone after some time. Sorry I can't really help much here. Perhaps other people who've been through this could?

Well, this doesn't apply exclusively to dating sites. I merely ventured down that path just to see if I could get anyone to speak with me. I however discovered much to my disappointment, It wasn't who I am that was making them uninterested but rather my looks (Back to Occam's Razor again). See, it doesn't make any difference whether I'm on a dating site, nightclub, or a social event the end result is all the same. I just don't get that look that other people receive, you know the one? That says "hey handsome I'm checking you out, and would like to make your acquaintance"... That never happens, and if I just radomly go around and try to strike up a conversation with a complete stranger, I'm given the cold shoulder...

I don't think you have to be some expert in this to understand what I'm talking about. If you push all other things aside what lay at the core of this matter is I'm undesirable to those I'd desire.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I get what you're saying. But I do believe there would be someone out there who would like you for you. I don't know how you could find this person, but unless you have a really obnoxious attitude, to me, I think it is possible to find someone who could be attracted to you.

I'm sorry this has been going on so long for you and that you've not found any success. I wish you all the best nonetheless.

 

[Ironhorse]

I get what you're saying. But I do believe there would be someone out there who would like you for you. I don't know how you could find this person, but unless you have a really obnoxious attitude, to me, I think it is possible to find someone who could be attracted to you.

I'm sorry this has been going on so long for you and that you've not found any success. I wish you all the best nonetheless.

O' don't feel bad about it, I certainly don't feel bad about it. In the end It is what it IS and there is nothing I or anyone else can do about it. In someways it's like being an 'Endling' you're the last of your kind... There is no sense in complaining about it for nothing will change.

O' I have my faults but these are not so easily seen from first appearances or even 2nd or 3rd meetings. There is people who've known me all my life and still are unaware of my vices... And obnoxious is something I most assuredly am not... In general I'm good natured, funny, witty, intelligent, caring, responsible, adventurous, honorable, honest & extremely trustworthy.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Aww.. in that case I really hope someone would see you for who you are and be attracted to those qualities.

 

[Ironhorse]

Aww.. in that case I really hope someone would see you for who you are and be attracted to those qualities.

Thanks,
But I'm still at a loss as to why no one is interested? Have such things fallen out of vogue? Or is it because women would rather have a loser, who's none of those things, as long as he looks like Matt McConaughey?

Here's a good example of what it's like in my world: Now, mind you I was only in the place to do some work, and not to view the dancers. The dancers of course didn't know why I was there, to them I was just another joe that walked into the place. So while I was in this strip club waiting for a co-worker to show up so we could do our job. I took a seat at a table and set there for about 15-20 minutes before my co-worker showed up. Now you'd think seeing how these women are there to earn money from patrons, they'd be all over you. And with other people who walked through the door they was, but none of them ever approached me or asked anything. And again I stress, they had no idea why I was there and that's a fact. I don't know what tells a more damning tale then when a guy walks into a strip club and even strippers won't pay him any attention.

 

[Batman55]

...Eventually along came internet dating and I gave that a shot for 10 years, but again no one was interested. I received no hints or messages and all the messages I sent out went ignored. Even in social activities I always get the cold shoulder as if I'm not good enough for anyone. Now, I do realize I'm no Brad Pitt but geez, I'm a long ways off from being hideous. Therefore, I'm at a loss to explain my great misfortune? I just can't see how anyone including myself could be this unlucky?

I spent a month on OK Cupid a while ago. I got one response for every 12-15 messages I sent. However, it all led to a dead-end very fast, and I absolutely HATED the experience, it is quite literally like putting out your stats like a baseball card and hoping someone doesn't skip over your card for a better one. It is awful, and if you want success on a dating site esp. if you're an average guy, I figure you have to be (or become) masochistic to allow any chance for success before you naturally become bitter and bail out.

Reading your post again now, I'm realizing you said you tried online dating for 10 years.. wow. So.. not sure what else to say here, except I'd have trouble believing you didn't get a single reply.

 

[Ironhorse]

Reading your post again now, I'm realizing you said you tried online dating for 10 years.. wow. So.. not sure what else to say here, except I'd have trouble believing you didn't get a single reply.

Yep, it's the honest to God's truth... I never got one single message nor any replies to the hundreds of messages I sent out. Nothing like a dating website to destroy whatever self-esteem a person has. Is it that difficult to say thanks but no thanks? Where are people's manners? They love to brag about what a kind and caring person they are, but when someone messages them, they behave as if they are nothing of the sort. I don't know how they sleep at night being such hypocrites? I don't and never have treated people like crap, you've really got do something pretty bad for me to show disrespect.

But my total experience isn't just about online dating sites. The real world hasn't been much better. I'm avoided as if I had the plague or something. As I said in the begining I've not had a girlfriend since H.S.. I don't understand what there is not to like about me that could cause me to have this bad of luck? It most assuredly isn't in anything I might have said, the conversation never gets past Hello before I'm told to take a hike.

This is how empty the seats are around me when I go to a crowded nightclub.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Perhaps you should post on the "faces" thread. Usually when people are stumped over an issue like this, it's not about their looks. I've seen plenty of cases like that here on the forum. Someone will post their pic and then I will think, "He/She looks perfectly normal - what is the issue?"

 

[Ironhorse]

Perhaps you should post on the "faces" thread. Usually when people are stumped over an issue like this, it's not about their looks. I've seen plenty of cases like that here on the forum. Someone will post their pic and then I will think, "He/She looks perfectly normal - what is the issue?"

Done... Page 789 of the faces thread.

See I said I wasn't some freak of nature... I'm no Brad Pitt that's for sure, but I'm along way off from being the "Elephant Man"... So, that makes this all the more puzzling? Because at least if there was something I could point to and say that's the reason for it, that would help explain everything.

 

[Batman55]

Yep, it's the honest to God's truth... I never got one single message nor any replies to the hundreds of messages I sent out. Nothing like a dating website to destroy whatever self-esteem a person has. Is it that difficult to say thanks but no thanks? Where are people's manners? They love to brag about what a kind and caring person they are, but when someone messages them, they behave as if they are nothing of the sort. I don't know how they sleep at night being such hypocrites? I don't and never have treated people like crap, you've really got do something pretty bad for me to show disrespect.

If your grand total of replies on dating sites after that much time is ZERO, that is quite peculiar. I would even find it more surprising if you studied up on dating sites and learned how to be a little witty/creative with your initial message.

Perhaps it may have something to do with where you live, and the local culture. In the United States it's been rumored that arrogance and superficiality is a bigger problem up north than it is down south. But then I'm no expert on these matters, I'm just trying to guess as to what happened with you. It just doesn't make sense.

 

[Ironhorse]

If your grand total of replies on dating sites after that much time is ZERO, that is quite peculiar. I would even find it more surprising if you studied up on dating sites and learned how to be a little witty/creative with your initial message.

Perhaps it may have something to do with where you live, and the local culture. In the United States it's been rumored that arrogance and superficiality is a bigger problem up north than it is down south. But then I'm no expert on these matters, I'm just trying to guess as to what happened with you. It just doesn't make sense.

Trust me I tried that... I even contacted a relative of mine who's a proof reader in Hollywood to give me some help. Nothing worked, it didn't matter what words we used or how witty it was constructed. No one would respond... It seems to me if your not super good looking you've got no chance.

I live in the Orlando area (Population for the greater Orlando area is about 2.25 Million) and while Orlando is in the south, the people here can be very snotty. Visitors don't usually see this side of the people as Orlando has become over the last three decades an attraction town. Therefore, people put on one face when they greet you at the door, but if they're not at work they'd let that same door slam in your face. So, yes the general attitude among women here are superficial and overly narcissistic. Still even with such bad odds, you'd think in 10 years I'd had at least a little luck in finding that rarity who's not like the others? As I said in a previous post I once had to do some work in a strip club and the dancers didn't know why I was there. None of them ever tried to approach me either, how bad is that! Especially when they are in the business of earning money from blokes who look like no woman would give them the time of day, LOL.

My standards aren't that high... But evidently theirs is way overly unrealistic. Most fellows worry about going on the date, not me. I always found the date part the easiest thing, it was getting someone to say yes to a date that I never had any luck with.

 

[Batman55]

:club:

It just doesn't make sense.

 

[Ironhorse]

:club:

It just doesn't make sense.

LOL, I never said it did... I'm as mystified by it as well. I've tired to find a reasonable answer but no amount of logic adds up. The only thing I ever guessed it might be is a situation of misfortune. In short I'm undesired and unwanted.

 

[Ironhorse]

Well I was hoping for some insight here but it seems I'm still at a dead end.