Mobile phones

[putter65]

Ok, so words on a screen don't come with tone or body language to help you understand their meaning BUT they still convey information and help people get to know you. AND people are often more candid online than in real life (it feels safer to talk about potentially hurtful topics when you don't see the person you're talking to). So yes, people can form friendships and other attachments simply via online messages. The hard part is translating it over to real life.

Yes obviously people can meet online, it happens all the time. I was just referring to me. I don't think I could develop feelings for a woman I haven't met yet and vice versa.

 

[I'm Fine]

Ah, ok. Sorry. My mistake. I misunderstood. Sorry.

 

[TheFrenchy]

Hello Everybody !

I've never liked mobile phones and upto a couple of years ago I didn't own one. I decided to buy a basic one because I thought it would come in handy. So I bought one and added my brother as a contact. Two years on and I have a grand total of three people on my contact list. One is a woman I worked with 10 years ago. I bumped into her last year and she asked for my mobile number. So I sent it to her using facebook. She's never rang me or sent a text.

The other is another woman. I worked with her until this January. When she left she gave me her mobile number and said keep in touch. (As a side issue I have a massive crush on her and I was delighted she gave me her number !)

Of course I never knew how many texts to send her beause it was all new to me. That was three months ago. At first she replied to most of my texts, now she hardly does. I never wanted to get on her nerves so I always restricted myself to one a week, at the most two. Now I'm sending one every two or three weeks. But she's answered one out of my last four. She did come on facebook a couple of weeks ago and say she was sorry for not replying. She had forgotten to.

My brother is exactly the same, hardly ever replies to my texts and never sends me one first.

People at work know I have a mobile but never ask for my number.

I'm just wondering what I'm doing wrong ? Everybody else seem to live on their phones, they are always texting, looking at their phones.

Facebook is quite similar. Nobody sends me a message and they hardly reply to mine. I do sometimes wonder why I bother sending texts and messages to people when I don't get replies.

You should work out the style of your messages. You'll have more replies than you could think. If you send hollow messages just saying hello with no real content don't be surprised to get no responses at all lol.

 

[user 9172]

I'v had a crush on her for 6 months so this is the tail end of things. I asked her to the cinema, she said 'no' - she was nice after though, no awkard moments. When she left my work, I told her how much I thought of her. What is a bit odd is a week after that she asked if she could come to watch me play golf. So in March she came along and we had a great time. We both really enjoyed it. Since then not really heard from her much. And for an awfull couple of weeks I thought I had made an arse of myself. But she's chatted on facebook a few times since then so everything is cool.

Just thought it was odd she wanted to hang about with a guy who's asked her out.

I try not to pay her too many compliments because I'm not sure it is the right thing to do. I say 'take care' and 'have a nice day' things like that. I told her 'i care for her' in a text but that's it.

I'm no expert but maybe she just wants to know you better before going on a date. I mean, it's a bit weird that she rejects a cinema date only to then turn around and want to watch you play golf, right? Perhaps you were too formal in asking her out and telling her how you feel for the level of the relationship?

I don't think you should be giving up on her yet. You've established that you have fun hanging out together, so suggest doing something else, but don't make it a date yet. Also, when you hang out with her you should text her afterwards and try to keep the communication going.

 

[putter65]

I'v had a crush on her for 6 months so this is the tail end of things. I asked her to the cinema, she said 'no' - she was nice after though, no awkard moments. When she left my work, I told her how much I thought of her. What is a bit odd is a week after that she asked if she could come to watch me play golf. So in March she came along and we had a great time. We both really enjoyed it. Since then not really heard from her much. And for an awfull couple of weeks I thought I had made an arse of myself. But she's chatted on facebook a few times since then so everything is cool.

Just thought it was odd she wanted to hang about with a guy who's asked her out.

I try not to pay her too many compliments because I'm not sure it is the right thing to do. I say 'take care' and 'have a nice day' things like that. I told her 'i care for her' in a text but that's it.

I'm no expert but maybe she just wants to know you better before going on a date. I mean, it's a bit weird that she rejects a cinema date only to then turn around and want to watch you play golf, right? Perhaps you were too formal in asking her out and telling her how you feel for the level of the relationship?

I don't think you should be giving up on her yet. You've established that you have fun hanging out together, so suggest doing something else, but don't make it a date yet. Also, when you hang out with her you should text her afterwards and try to keep the communication going.

She's sent me some messages on facebook over the last 2 days. She wants to play golf again. So hopefully it will happen soon. I'm really delighted because I did think I had made a mess of things.

Your right it doesn't make alot of sense. She's never stepped on a golf course before and she isn't the sporty type. I was really surprized when she first mentioned it. Whether she see's it as a way of keeping in touch, I don't know? I have found with her (and other women to be honest) that when I ask or suggest something I never get anywhere. The only success I have had is when the woman has done the asking. It's two months since we played golf and she is only now saying she wants to play again. There isn't much difference between going to cinema and golf really. She is still spending time with me. The first golf day was great, we had a wonderfull time, a right laugh. She sent me a text saying she had had a great time. After that I didn't hear from her for a month so I was a bit down in the dumps about it.

 

[Mooky2009]

I've got unlimited free texts and 750 minutes a month free on my mobile contract (which I am tied into for a good few months more yet and paying quite a lot of money for!). But I only have about four people I ever ring (mum, dad, boyfriend and one friend) and now only one or two people to text and I only feel comfortable doing that very occasionally. My phone virtually never rings and I very, very rarely get any texts.

 

[user 9172]

She's sent me some messages on facebook over the last 2 days. She wants to play golf again. So hopefully it will happen soon. I'm really delighted because I did think I had made a mess of things.

Your right it doesn't make alot of sense. She's never stepped on a golf course before and she isn't the sporty type. I was really surprized when she first mentioned it. Whether she see's it as a way of keeping in touch, I don't know? I have found with her (and other women to be honest) that when I ask or suggest something I never get anywhere. The only success I have had is when the woman has done the asking. It's two months since we played golf and she is only now saying she wants to play again. There isn't much difference between going to cinema and golf really. She is still spending time with me. The first golf day was great, we had a wonderfull time, a right laugh. She sent me a text saying she had had a great time. After that I didn't hear from her for a month so I was a bit down in the dumps about it.

Ok, I'm clueless with women, so don't put too much weight in my words but... she doesn't like golf, or sport, and wants to play golf with you... sounds like she likes you to me!

Perhaps you're not getting the balance right somewhere?

In that month that you didn't hear from her did you keep up the contact and ask her to do other stuff with you?

 

[putter65]

She's sent me some messages on facebook over the last 2 days. She wants to play golf again. So hopefully it will happen soon. I'm really delighted because I did think I had made a mess of things.

Your right it doesn't make alot of sense. She's never stepped on a golf course before and she isn't the sporty type. I was really surprized when she first mentioned it. Whether she see's it as a way of keeping in touch, I don't know? I have found with her (and other women to be honest) that when I ask or suggest something I never get anywhere. The only success I have had is when the woman has done the asking. It's two months since we played golf and she is only now saying she wants to play again. There isn't much difference between going to cinema and golf really. She is still spending time with me. The first golf day was great, we had a wonderfull time, a right laugh. She sent me a text saying she had had a great time. After that I didn't hear from her for a month so I was a bit down in the dumps about it.

Ok, I'm clueless with women, so don't put too much weight in my words but... she doesn't like golf, or sport, and wants to play golf with you... sounds like she likes you to me!

Perhaps you're not getting the balance right somewhere?

In that month that you didn't hear from her did you keep up the contact and ask her to do other stuff with you?

After the day at golf I sent her a text saying how much I enjoyed it and a 'see u soon', she sent one back saying the same. I also wrote some stuff on her facebook and she did the same, funny stuff about her golf game. In the next 2 weeks I sent 2 texts and one facebook message that never got replies. I waited a week and sent another saying 'not heard from you in a bit' etc. She replied to that said she was busy. Next week I sent another text that got ignored. In all of this she never interacted with me on facebook at all. No 'like' my messages, or comments. I thought that was it. Then she dumped half of her facebook friends in one go and didn't chop me. So that made me think nothing was wrong.

A week later she starts chatting (on FB) out of the blue. Said, 'sorry' for not replying to my last text and mentioned wanting to play golf again. She chatted again 2 days later. I sent her a 'happy easter' text which didn't get a reply. A few days after that she left me some messages saying she wants to play golf with me soon.

I'm clueless with women too so I haven't got a clue either !

 

[nerdygirl]

I have unlimited everything... the only person who calls me more than once a week is my mom. The others are work related, which doesn't really count. The only people who really text me often are from ALL, and even with that, I'm averaging 10 or less a month.

 

[user 9172]

After the day at golf I sent her a text saying how much I enjoyed it and a 'see u soon', she sent one back saying the same. I also wrote some stuff on her facebook and she did the same, funny stuff about her golf game. In the next 2 weeks I sent 2 texts and one facebook message that never got replies. I waited a week and sent another saying 'not heard from you in a bit' etc. She replied to that said she was busy. Next week I sent another text that got ignored. In all of this she never interacted with me on facebook at all. No 'like' my messages, or comments. I thought that was it. Then she dumped half of her facebook friends in one go and didn't chop me. So that made me think nothing was wrong.

A week later she starts chatting (on FB) out of the blue. Said, 'sorry' for not replying to my last text and mentioned wanting to play golf again. She chatted again 2 days later. I sent her a 'happy easter' text which didn't get a reply. A few days after that she left me some messages saying she wants to play golf with me soon.

I'm clueless with women too so I haven't got a clue either !

K, that's confusing behaviour. Maybe she has problems of her own that are causing her to blow hot and cold like that?

 

[I'm Fine]

I think she must like you, at least a bit, or she wouldn't have kept you on her FB friends while cutting so many others - or want to play golf with you. I just don't understand why she's so intermittent with her texts/messages. Perhaps she runs out of credit on her phone? Or gets really busy and loses your texts under a mountain of other ones? It does seem confusing though.

 

[athwart]

Putter, it seems that she likes you.

 

[putter65]

Putter, it seems that she likes you.

Thanks for your kind words everybody !

I've thought long and hard about this over the last few months. I've asked my brother for advice, he's had loads of girlfriends. I've mentioned it to this female friend I've got. I've wrote messages on other forums. On one site the thread went on for 53 pages !

There is so much more to tell, I'll try and keep it brief. I'm 42, she's 30. She's stunning, I'm not. When we worked together, the other staff made all kinds of comments in front of us. It was common knowledge that I liked her. I refused to talk about her to others unless I had to. When she left in January she cried in front of me three times. It was all very emotional. I've never had an experience like it. Everytime she starting crying I did as well. I gave her a leaving present and she hugged me. (I've never had so many body to body hugs in my life , lol !)

On the day she left I went to see her and she made a speech saying how much she enjoyed working with me etc. She gave me her mobile number. I thought might as well tell her her how I feel so I said, 'I think the world of you ! You know that don't you ?' - she replied 'yes I do and I think your a lovely, genuine guy !'

All of that I can understand, nice woman is nice to an older guy who has a crush on her. I get that.

Anyway, a couple of days later we exchange a few texts and she mentions playing golf with me. I don't take it that seriously but when she comes to my work a week later to do some training, she mentions it again. About 6 weeks later on facebook, she mentions it again. I had suggested waiting until the summer (when the course dries up - regretted that big style !) - so on March 10th we go and she caddies for me. Had a great time, no nerves. We both mentioned playing again. Yet 4 days later she is not replying to my texts. Of course I get a bit upset about it thinking I had done something wrong. I felt really bad. It wasn't until she chopped half of her facebook friends and kept me that I felt better about things.

What I find strange is she knows I like her, she must do yet she is willing to spend time with me. She's not nasty at all, she is very nice so it's not like she is teasing me or anything. I do think I am probably a refreshing change for her. She does seem to attract loads of men and maybe I am different to all of them. eg quiet, shy, undemanding etc.

 

[user 9172]

She isn't just being "nice" because you have a crush on her in my opinion. If she was then she wouldn't want you getting the wrong idea so I doubt she would give you her number or suggest the golf. Obviously there is something else going on with her since she keeps dropping out of contact, but it is probably a personal problem of hers and not related to you.

Have you invited her to spend any time with you lately?

 

[putter65]

She isn't just being "nice" because you have a crush on her in my opinion. If she was then she wouldn't want you getting the wrong idea so I doubt she would give you her number or suggest the golf. Obviously there is something else going on with her since she keeps dropping out of contact, but it is probably a personal problem of hers and not related to you.

Have you invited her to spend any time with you lately?

I agree I could have easily got the wrong idea on the golf course. Because she initiated the whole thing. She even sent me a text to remind me to send her a text the day before the golf. She was keen allright. And she enjoyed it, I could tell. I know from her facebook that she got back with some ex a few weeks ago. She's since deleted him so I don't know what happened. I presume they split again.

I know she probably has loads of friends. She is stunning so she'll have men forever wanting dates etc. Maybe she see's me as an occasional friend. I can live with that I suppose.

I haven't done anything since the golf. I just don't have the confidence to invite her anyway. Now she has mentioned playing golf again, I will send a text in a couple of weeks time, asking her. I am off work so we should be able to arrange a suitable time.

 

[user 9172]

I agree I could have easily got the wrong idea on the golf course. Because she initiated the whole thing. She even sent me a text to remind me to send her a text the day before the golf. She was keen allright. And she enjoyed it, I could tell. I know from her facebook that she got back with some ex a few weeks ago. She's since deleted him so I don't know what happened. I presume they split again.

I know she probably has loads of friends. She is stunning so she'll have men forever wanting dates etc. Maybe she see's me as an occasional friend. I can live with that I suppose.

I haven't done anything since the golf. I just don't have the confidence to invite her anyway. Now she has mentioned playing golf again, I will send a text in a couple of weeks time, asking her. I am off work so we should be able to arrange a suitable time.

Maybe that's the reason for her erratic behaviour? She might not know where she is with her previous relationship or how she feels.

 

[putter65]

I agree I could have easily got the wrong idea on the golf course. Because she initiated the whole thing. She even sent me a text to remind me to send her a text the day before the golf. She was keen allright. And she enjoyed it, I could tell. I know from her facebook that she got back with some ex a few weeks ago. She's since deleted him so I don't know what happened. I presume they split again.

I know she probably has loads of friends. She is stunning so she'll have men forever wanting dates etc. Maybe she see's me as an occasional friend. I can live with that I suppose.

I haven't done anything since the golf. I just don't have the confidence to invite her anyway. Now she has mentioned playing golf again, I will send a text in a couple of weeks time, asking her. I am off work so we should be able to arrange a suitable time.

Maybe that's the reason for her erratic behaviour? She might not know where she is with her previous relationship or how she feels.

A couple of months ago she replied to one of my texts and told me she was depressed, off work and on tablets. I was concerned so I sent her a text back saying if she ever wanted to have a chat about things, just say. A few days later she came into work to see me (She sent me a text just before I was going home - told me not to go home because she was on her way !) - We spent 30 minutes in the canteen talking, she poured her heart out, didn't go into exact details but I could tell she was very unhappy. To all the others, she said she was fine because they all kept popping in to speak to her. So she picked me to talk to. I really did listen to her and show concern. A couple of weeks later she sent me a message saying she felt alot better and a week after we went to golf together.

So to go through all that and then to hear basically nothing for a month; you can understand that I felt a bit upset about things. I thought the golf would strengthen our friendship but it seemed to the opposite. But then a few weeks ago she comes back and since then she's kept contact up.

I'm just looking forward to seeing her again.

The people on the other forum told me to completely cut all contact with her. I never understood why. I don't have many friends. They said she was using me or told me it was unheathly to have a friendship with her when I had romantic feelings for her. They all got mad when I didn't agree with their advice. A casual friend is better than no friends in my opinon.

 

[user 9172]

A couple of months ago she replied to one of my texts and told me she was depressed, off work and on tablets. I was concerned so I sent her a text back saying if she ever wanted to have a chat about things, just say. A few days later she came into work to see me (She sent me a text just before I was going home - told me not to go home because she was on her way !) - We spent 30 minutes in the canteen talking, she poured her heart out, didn't go into exact details but I could tell she was very unhappy. To all the others, she said she was fine because they all kept popping in to speak to her. So she picked me to talk to. I really did listen to her and show concern. A couple of weeks later she sent me a message saying she felt alot better and a week after we went to golf together.

So to go through all that and then to hear basically nothing for a month; you can understand that I felt a bit upset about things. I thought the golf would strengthen our friendship but it seemed to the opposite. But then a few weeks ago she comes back and since then she's kept contact up.

I'm just looking forward to seeing her again.

The people on the other forum told me to completely cut all contact with her. I never understood why. I don't have many friends. They said she was using me or told me it was unheathly to have a friendship with her when I had romantic feelings for her. They all got mad when I didn't agree with their advice. A casual friend is better than no friends in my opinon.

That's an extremely cynical view to think that she is using you. I'm not saying that she definitely isn't and that it is beyond the realm of possibility, but from what you have said about how she was hugging you and how she wants to spend time doing one of your hobbies with you I would be surprised if she was a user.

From what you've said in this last post it's harder to tell if she's interested romantically in you or not. I would say her fragile emotional state might make her harder to read. All you can do is be patient and be a good friend to her like you have been doing. If it goes anywhere more than friends, then that's great.

 

[putter65]

A couple of months ago she replied to one of my texts and told me she was depressed, off work and on tablets. I was concerned so I sent her a text back saying if she ever wanted to have a chat about things, just say. A few days later she came into work to see me (She sent me a text just before I was going home - told me not to go home because she was on her way !) - We spent 30 minutes in the canteen talking, she poured her heart out, didn't go into exact details but I could tell she was very unhappy. To all the others, she said she was fine because they all kept popping in to speak to her. So she picked me to talk to. I really did listen to her and show concern. A couple of weeks later she sent me a message saying she felt alot better and a week after we went to golf together.

So to go through all that and then to hear basically nothing for a month; you can understand that I felt a bit upset about things. I thought the golf would strengthen our friendship but it seemed to the opposite. But then a few weeks ago she comes back and since then she's kept contact up.

I'm just looking forward to seeing her again.

The people on the other forum told me to completely cut all contact with her. I never understood why. I don't have many friends. They said she was using me or told me it was unheathly to have a friendship with her when I had romantic feelings for her. They all got mad when I didn't agree with their advice. A casual friend is better than no friends in my opinon.

That's an extremely cynical view to think that she is using you. I'm not saying that she definitely isn't and that it is beyond the realm of possibility, but from what you have said about how she was hugging you and how she wants to spend time doing one of your hobbies with you I would be surprised if she was a user.

From what you've said in this last post it's harder to tell if she's interested romantically in you or not. I would say her fragile emotional state might make her harder to read. All you can do is be patient and be a good friend to her like you have been doing. If it goes anywhere more than friends, then that's great.

Thanks for your kind words and advice. I'm glad someone agree's with me ! I've always thought I was playing it exactly right. I am been a good friend to her. I don't see the problem with that. This is the best thing thats happened to me in the last five years. Women who want to spend time with me don't come along very often !

That other forum was wild and things got out of hand and alot of nasty things got said. I've left the place because it wasn't doing me any good. I'm a quiet person and all they kept saying was 'go out and meet people'. And when I didn't they started getting really nasty !

 

[putter65]

I think she must like you, at least a bit, or she wouldn't have kept you on her FB friends while cutting so many others - or want to play golf with you. I just don't understand why she's so intermittent with her texts/messages. Perhaps she runs out of credit on her phone? Or gets really busy and loses your texts under a mountain of other ones? It does seem confusing though.

She used to be facebook friends with about 15 people from my work. (She left in january), she chopped everybody apart from me and 2 other women. When that happened I knew I must mean something to her. I was very surprized. She deleted people who I thought she was friends with.

No idea why she doesn't reply to my texts. At least I'm not sending her follow up messages asking her why. I am keeping cool about it. I've used forums to have a moan about it ! lol !