More Realizations

[Jesse]

You don't have to be hyper aware of your behavior to get someone to like you. In fact, you don't have to get someone to like you at all. Successful social interaction involves really getting to know a person. You don't try to get someone to like you. You see who they are as a person and you will know if you two will naturally get along. You'll find out based on how you both react to the same situations or if you share interests.

People naturally attract to each other or naturally don't. We shouldn't try to get someone to like us based on a conception of what we think we're looking for. We simply need to interact and see what feels right. This goes for all types of relationships. You'll be able to tell who you want to talk to and who you don't. You'll be able to tell who's a great friend or who could be a potential mate. Then, you can accept the natural relationship (romantic or platonic) as it develops, rather than what you try to create it to be.

I feel like this is a huge deal for me. I have been diagnosed with PTSD and one of the aspects of that is hyper-awareness. I feel like I've discovered the cause of my hyper-awareness and the solution.

 

[Nina]

I believe in natural attraction and have experienced it first hand many times in real life. You meet or read the words of a person and you immediatly get hit the vibe that says, "I LOVE" this person. Nine times out of ten those feelings are right on target for me. But sometimes, if you just watch and listen to folks for awhile, over time, an opinion can change for the good or bad. I am a committed people watcher, be it a stranger or folks I'm around regularly. I'm always pleasant with new folks I meet unless they're so damned obnoxious I feel the need to either leave or break into a homicidal spree. But I watch folks for awhile before I totally warm up.

I've found I'm much the same on-line. I've read posts that strike me as mean but after you read the person for a bit you sort of catch their vibe for humor and what you originally thought was mean just turns out to be their quirky sense of humor.

I think sometimes folks meet someone for the first time and assign them traits and personality aspects that are in their mind and NOT neccessarily a trait of the person they've just met.

That's where your idea of just riding with the flow for awhile is an excellent observation.

 

[Brian]

You don't try to get someone to like you. You see who they are as a person and you will know if you two will naturally get along. You'll find out based on how you both react to the same situations or if you share interests.

People naturally attract to each other or naturally don't. We shouldn't try to get someone to like us based on a conception of what we think we're looking for.

This is so true, Jesse. Thanks for verbalizing (er...writing?) it.

I recently started my new job and as a part timer, I move around all of the shifts as I'm needed, so I work with everybody. There's a wider variety of people here than I've ever dealt with before.

I 'get along' with all of them, but there's been a select few that I have clicked with and a handful that I just...can't, because we're not compatible on that level.

I have a friend Alan who has the same sort of sense of humor I do and a lot of the same views regarding work and priorities. I had one guy tell me he sometimes wonders if we're brothers. Another guy, Ross, shares a lot of my philosophies and values. I respect him for his achievements and qualities, and he respects my ambition and attitude; we click.

Other than that, there's a lot of people that just lack common ground with me beyond the job. We still get along, but we're not friends the way I am with these others, and to change that I don't think would make either party happy like I used to think it would have.

 

[Badjedidude]

People naturally attract to each other or naturally don't. We shouldn't try to get someone to like us based on a conception of what we think we're looking for. We simply need to interact and see what feels right. This goes for all types of relationships. You'll be able to tell who you want to talk to and who you don't. You'll be able to tell who's a great friend or who could be a potential mate. Then, you can accept the natural relationship (romantic or platonic) as it develops, rather than what you try to create it to be.

Exactly right. That's why it's so important to keep moving on when you fail. It's not that you're failing as a person... it's just that the personalities didn't mesh. NOTHING WRONG WIDDAT!

Just keep searching until you DO make a match!

 

[Jesse]

I believe in natural attraction and have experienced it first hand many times in real life. You meet or read the words of a person and you immediatly get hit the vibe that says, "I LOVE" this person. Nine times out of ten those feelings are right on target for me. But sometimes, if you just watch and listen to folks for awhile, over time, an opinion can change for the good or bad. I am a committed people watcher, be it a stranger or folks I'm around regularly. I'm always pleasant with new folks I meet unless they're so damned obnoxious I feel the need to either leave or break into a homicidal spree. But I watch folks for awhile before I totally warm up.

I've found I'm much the same on-line. I've read posts that strike me as mean but after you read the person for a bit you sort of catch their vibe for humor and what you originally thought was mean just turns out to be their quirky sense of humor.

I think sometimes folks meet someone for the first time and assign them traits and personality aspects that are in their mind and NOT neccessarily a trait of the person they've just met.

That's where your idea of just riding with the flow for awhile is an excellent observation.

I feel exactly the same way. I do watch people for a while before I start really talking to them and yes, sometimes they aren't as they seem at first. We should give everyone a chance.

You don't try to get someone to like you. You see who they are as a person and you will know if you two will naturally get along. You'll find out based on how you both react to the same situations or if you share interests.

People naturally attract to each other or naturally don't. We shouldn't try to get someone to like us based on a conception of what we think we're looking for.

This is so true, Jesse. Thanks for verbalizing (er...writing?) it.

I recently started my new job and as a part timer, I move around all of the shifts as I'm needed, so I work with everybody. There's a wider variety of people here than I've ever dealt with before.

I 'get along' with all of them, but there's been a select few that I have clicked with and a handful that I just...can't, because we're not compatible on that level.

I have a friend Alan who has the same sort of sense of humor I do and a lot of the same views regarding work and priorities. I had one guy tell me he sometimes wonders if we're brothers. Another guy, Ross, shares a lot of my philosophies and values. I respect him for his achievements and qualities, and he respects my ambition and attitude; we click.

Other than that, there's a lot of people that just lack common ground with me beyond the job. We still get along, but we're not friends the way I am with these others, and to change that I don't think would make either party happy like I used to think it would have.

Once you figure this stuff out it makes socializing so much easier because you identify who you want to be around. Sure, you might know the "types" of people you would like to meet, but to actively seek them out of a crowd takes some perception.

And yes, everyone is generally happier that way. The trick is finding the right people and not being afraid to sort through the others. You'll find yourself in complete control of who you're around which can eliminate so many social fears. Most importantly, you're finding who you can be yourself with.

That's cool you've got some good people to work with. I can't stand having to work with people I don't get along with. Hope you like your job man! Good luck!

People naturally attract to each other or naturally don't. We shouldn't try to get someone to like us based on a conception of what we think we're looking for. We simply need to interact and see what feels right. This goes for all types of relationships. You'll be able to tell who you want to talk to and who you don't. You'll be able to tell who's a great friend or who could be a potential mate. Then, you can accept the natural relationship (romantic or platonic) as it develops, rather than what you try to create it to be.

Exactly right. That's why it's so important to keep moving on when you fail. It's not that you're failing as a person... it's just that the personalities didn't mesh. NOTHING WRONG WIDDAT!

Just keep searching until you DO make a match!

Definitely man. That is key to success. This thread is about how to know who you want to talk to and the opposite of fear is about overcoming your fear to talk to those people. I've figured out two very major things.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I'm always pleasant with new folks I meet unless they're so damned obnoxious I feel the need to either leave or break into a homicidal spree.

LOL