My boyfriend might have a lying problem.

[Inspire]

I just don't know what to do... There have been a lot of times where I really don't believe something he has said, and it started out small. Now I'm thinking he's lying to get out of doing things, but I'm not sure. I could really just be acting cold, but I'm getting a little tired of it being consistent. I'll list some examples of what I think he's been lying about.

* Holding an internship at Intel for a week. He claimed to have only have gone into the building twice and said he worked from home. Before I lived with him, he would say he worked overnights and "on call" while I was sleeping and his boss would call him to catch hackers from his laptop. When I spent the night at his place, he said he got "called in" when I was sleeping and had to work in the living room. I am a very light sleeper and wake up to the slightest noise or movement. One time he said he caught a hacker and even caught the guy on webcam. When me and a few of his friend continuously asked him about it, he then later claimed that the "project failed" with his team at Intel (claiming that of the guys there let a virus in and crashed all of the servers) and that all of the interns, including his boss, were fired. I think that was an excuse to quit his lie about interning at Intel, cuz I don't think things work that way there. (I have an ex-boyfriend who legitimately worked there, with a company cell phone, badge, and everything to prove it). My boyfriend did nothing to prove he worked there. No paperwork, no badge, nothing.

*He claims that he has had 3 heart attacks in two years. He's also diabetic (which is true, I take his blood sugar all of the time) but he's only 29. I know it could be possible at his age but he's not exactly fat, either. He's a little overweight, but not huge, just has a bigger build. He said that his heart attacks were due from a "broken heart". I don't know what to think about this.

*He has this continuous bleeding ulcer. I say this is bullcrap because he's been using this excuse to get out of doing things like cleaning, moving things around, etc. he claims he coughs up or pukes blood whenever I'm not around, always warns me that he might have to go to the hospital, and is always scaring me to death because he claims he's really sick but I don't see it!

There are other things I think he has lied about that worry me. Tonight he said that he hasn't told his parents that I lived with him! Then, when I questioned him about it, he then told me he told his Mom, but his Dad didn't know. I told him he changed his story and he said he *thinks* his Mom knows. Why is he keeping the truth away from his parents? Even when his parents asked him on the phone where I moved to (I had just moved in with him) he told then I got my own apartment. He lied to them, too! WHAT? (also, his parents have complete control of his finances and he gets a certain amount f money a week from them, like an allowance. He's 29, for Christ's sake!)

Please help me understand what is going on. I love him but this is a HUGE deal breaker.

Wait. Just now he came through the door and told me he's getting audited for his tax returns. Great. This is a mess. I'm desperate to know what I need to do. I know I am being very cold about this situation and he claims he does not lie but I beg to differ!

---

Also, a couple if his friends just let him know they think he's been lying to them and cut all connections to him. Surprisingly they did not un-friend me on Facebook or anything, but these two people were supposed to be good friends with my boyfriend and suddenly they ditch him? I mean I feel bad for my boyfriend but something is a little fishy here.

 

[Rosebolt]

He's lying, and trying to guilt trip you.

You're not being cold, follow your instincts, however scary they might be. Has he been blackmailing you, that you know of? If not, he might try that some time.

Considering the finance thing, he doesn't seem to stand on his own legs much. Now that you live with him, or rather, he has an apartment of his own, he is suddenly in control of alot of things that perhaps he doesn't want to have control over. He'll get afraid and not know how to deal with the situation. Considering you live with him, there's alot to be gained from you, and he doesn't want to lose that. So he tries everything to not make you leave. (wether you really want to leave is irrelevant here, he might percieve that anyway)

Has the lying increased since he got his own place? And, more importantly, has it increased since you moved in with him?

 

[murmi97]

He said that his heart attacks were due from a "broken heart". I don't know what to think about this.

Actually that is a thing - it's called Cardiomyopathy
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Takotsubo_cardiomyopathy
Not that does anything for his veracity. Probably just an indication that he's seen an episode of House.

 

[Inspire]

He's lying, and trying to guilt trip you.

You're not being cold, follow your instincts, however scary they might be. Has he been blackmailing you, that you know of? If not, he might try that some time.

Considering the finance thing, he doesn't seem to stand on his own legs much. Now that you live with him, or rather, he has an apartment of his own, he is suddenly in control of alot of things that perhaps he doesn't want to have control over. He'll get afraid and not know how to deal with the situation. Considering you live with him, there's alot to be gained from you, and he doesn't want to lose that. So he tries everything to not make you leave. (wether you really want to leave is irrelevant here, he might percieve that anyway)

Has the lying increased since he got his own place? And, more importantly, has it increased since you moved in with him?

I just got into an argument with him that turned into a discussion. I am so hurt right now. Crying.
I couldn't take it anymore. I went through the text messages on his phone and saw the conversation he had with his mother. He told his mom he went to the hospital, was put on oxygen, passed out in the waiting room. I don't know if I believe him or not. I told him I saw it, an he started freaking out. He told me his body is failing him. That he's in so much pain. That he doesn't know if he wants to live anymore.
Now he says that now that his parents know I live with him, he might get funding cut for him to pay his rent and utilities. I have offered to help with these in the past (since I work two jobs and he doesn't work at all) but he wants me to concentrate on getting my bills paid as well as saving up for my plane ticket to visit my hometown and saving up for the bigger apartment we plan on getting (I'm thinking not anymore). I told him that, because his funds might get cut, that I should move out, so he could still be supported. He told me to stay, that I have given him more than money can ever cover, more than he can lose. He's guilt tripping me to stay.

To answer your question, he has been living in this apartment for nearly 5 years. He used to be a security guard and claims to have worked 80 hour weeks. He took a leave of work because he got sick. The lying increased when I moved in, and it decreased after I called him out on the Intel thing. Then it started again. I am getting so tired of this. I am so get he kept this from me, or that he's lying about this recent hospital visit. I don't know what to do. I am so hurt...

---

What should I do? He might kill himself if I even mention that I'm moving out, and that would be my fault! I already have huge problems when it comes to guilt. I am guilty of everything, or at least my mind tells me that every single day. I have been fighting in this battle with myself for as long as I can remember. I am desperate for solace. I thought I was happy. Now I'm finding myself miserable again, broken hearted. :'(

---

He said that his heart attacks were due from a "broken heart". I don't know what to think about this.

Actually that is a thing - it's called Cardiomyopathy
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Takotsubo_cardiomyopathy
Not that does anything for his veracity. Probably just an indication that he's seen an episode of House.

Yeah, he has explained that I understand it is possible for it to happen... but 3 heart attacks in 2 years? He's explained to me it's because his daughter lives far away and he never sees her (which I can understand) an that's when his girlfriend of 3 years cheated on him. I cn see where he is coming from and maybe I really being too cold about that subject. He told me he hasn't told his parents about these heart attacks, only told them about "heart problems". That a huge red flag.

 

[Hearmenow2012]

It sounds like he is really getting to you and I believe that you deserve so much better. It has been said, but it definitely sounds like he is trying to make you feel guilty about everything. Furthermore it does seem like he lies a lot, but then again it has been said that some men do stretch the truth to impress others from time to time (not that I agree with it). It is all too clear that he is getting to you (making you feel guilty) and it doesn't exactly sound like a healthy relationship neither (he is relying on you too much). I don't really know what to suggest, however as I have already said I feel that you can do so much better. He should be appreciating you so much more.

 

[Inspire]

It sounds like he is really getting to you and I believe that you deserve so much better. It has been said, but it definitely sounds like he is trying to make you feel guilty about everything. Furthermore it does seem like he lies a lot, but then again it has been said that some men do stretch the truth to impress others from time to time (not that I agree with it). It is all too clear that he is getting to you (making you feel guilty) and it doesn't exactly sound like a healthy relationship neither (he is relying on you too much). I don't really know what to suggest, however as I have already said I feel that you can do so much better. He should be appreciating you so much more.

I do believe he does appreciate me, and he shows that he does in many ways. The way we are living, however, is not healthy. I just turned 21. Work two jobs, no college degree, thinking about going back to school, can't move back in with parents because they live too far away and don't have an extra room for me, can't move back to my hometown because I hate it there and again, not enough room for me at my parents' place there. I have tried living on my own. It is so stressful. I do not regret trying to do everything by myself at such a young age, but it is taxing and I feel like I'm always sick because I put myself under so much stress. People say I have always deserved so much better but I have convinced myself that I will always be taken advantage of. My friends are always worried about me, because I put myself through this. My family is worried too, and my Dad did not have a good feeling about my boyfriend at all. I have always though I would do much better living all by myself, I just simply can't afford it...

 

[9006]

He sounds exactly like a friend I used to have, he was such fun to hang out with but he was a compulsive liar, he would tell the most obvious an ridiculous lies you ever heard. For example I bought this Sony cinema system for my TV an then when he saw it he claimed Sony was making a car an that he had already paid a deposit to buy it, sound like a child's lie right? He was 24. That's just one of many an they get worse.

But I think some people just don't grow up or something, they feel the need to lie to make their life seem more interesting or manipulation. To be honest it sounds like your life would be much simpler without this guy, why don't you speak to his ex friends on Facebook why they abandoned him? I'm wondering if they say he was annoying the honeysuckle out of them with his compulsive lies.

 

[Hearmenow2012]

It sounds like he is really getting to you and I believe that you deserve so much better. It has been said, but it definitely sounds like he is trying to make you feel guilty about everything. Furthermore it does seem like he lies a lot, but then again it has been said that some men do stretch the truth to impress others from time to time (not that I agree with it). It is all too clear that he is getting to you (making you feel guilty) and it doesn't exactly sound like a healthy relationship neither (he is relying on you too much). I don't really know what to suggest, however as I have already said I feel that you can do so much better. He should be appreciating you so much more.

I do believe he does appreciate me, and he shows that he does in many ways. The way we are living, however, is not healthy. I just turned 21. Work two jobs, no college degree, thinking about going back to school, can't move back in with parents because they live too far away and don't have an extra room for me, can't move back to my hometown because I hate it there and again, not enough room for me at my parents' place there. I have tried living on my own. It is so stressful. I do not regret trying to do everything by myself at such a young age, but it is taxing and I feel like I'm always sick because I put myself under so much stress. People say I have always deserved so much better but I have convinced myself that I will always be taken advantage of. My friends are always worried about me, because I put myself through this. My family is worried too, and my Dad did not have a good feeling about my boyfriend at all. I have always though I would do much better living all by myself, I just simply can't afford it...

I never said that he didn't appreciate you though. I was just saying how it's not exactly a healthy relationship and with everything else that you are trying to do as well could end up hurting you in the long run (You are only 21 and you're already doing so much). It sounds like you are trapped between a rock and a hard place though. I still stand by what I said that you deserve better though even if it is not what you want to 'hear' (it is your decision at the end of the day, but I am just trying to help).

It sounds wrong though to say that you are still living with this guy because you can't afford to live by yourself. You should try to find out if there is any support available so that you are able to make the 'right' choice, but again it is all up to you at the end of the day.

 

[Shipster0958]

If you think that he's up to something, he probably is. Trust your gut on this one.

I had a very similar experience with a habitual liar about 9 years ago. A couple of people warned me about him, but I didn't listen because I loved him. We were together about a year, and became engaged. He would lie to me constantly about the wedding date, pushing it and pushing it. After another year of being engaged, we ended up splitting because I sensed it was going no where and I felt as though things weren't right and he was being secretive.

I found out he was doing online dating the entire two years we were together (I wasn't online much back then, I had college full time and a full time job, plus the whole online dating things wasn't hugely popular back a decade ago, so I didn't even think of it.) Later, another girl he was dating confronted me when they broke up, asking me if I had done all these horrible things to him when we were dating. Of course I didn't, and she told me she didn't believe him anyway. She found sites he was on, inviting random strangers to his apt for random hook ups. She got on the site and completely caught him.

He could lie so well that if you had feelings for him, you wanted to believe him. He could come up with them quickly too.

This guy kind of sounds the same. Just trust your instincts and stay vigilant.

 

[Scotsman]

I find it difficult to conclude very much with any certainty. I find it difficult to dispense advice on a relationship close to me let aline one so distant. I mean, for all i know he could write his perspective on things here and that might give an entirely different impression. Of course what you've presented doesn't exactly sound favourable. Best advice, if you want it and if this relationship matters, a good chat is needed. Possibly an entire evening, you put all your cards on the table both good and bad, your hopes, fears and doubts, and more importantly, WHY you have doubts, and hope he responds with openness, honesty and respect for you. If he has respect for you he should be open and honest. And if he still can't be open and honest then he has a problem, possibly even one that requires sympathy but that sympathy comes after he proves himself able to recognise his apparent faults and a willingness to work on them.

 

[Inspire]

A lot happened today, guys. I am too exhausted to post all what happened. Long story short... I had to call 911 to prevent my boyfriend from killing himself. He was staring at the gun and I told him to not hurt himself. He yelled at me that I had no desision in that, and to get out.
I ran outside and called 911. He was taken to the hospital later. He did not hurt himself. I wasn't hurt.
Could I have died today?
I'll tell you the full story tomorrow. I just wanted to give you a quick update. I am safe and staying at a friend's house until I move out on Friday. Thanks you to everyone for listening.

 

[Hearmenow2012]

I'm sorry to hear that. I never knew that it would have gotten that bad. You'll be in my thoughts.

 

[Shipster0958]

Hope everything is going ok for you. If you need to talk or vent or whatever you need, feel free to use my pm box as well.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Inspire *hugs* please take care, let us know how you are when you can.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Sorry I joined the thread late. My advice would have been to RUN. Run far, and run fast.

 

[Edward W]

And don't blame yourself, this was his choice to take this course of action.

Be careful, and I hope things work out okay for you.

 

[VanillaCreme]

More than likely, he knows he's lying. I wouldn't feel bad if I were you, about his friends up and disappearing from him. He deserves it, in my opinion. Sure, I feel bad to some extent, because who wants to not have their friends around... But at the same time, it's him who's doing it. It's not like they refuse contact with him for no good reason. I sincerely hopes he does a 180, because it's very likely he'll end up alone anyway. I don't blame you at all if you don't put up with it for much longer.

Well, reading your update, that's unfortunate. I hope he changes for the better at least after all this.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Sorry I joined the thread late. My advice would have been to RUN. Run far, and run fast.

Yeah, I think I would agree with Eve. You shouldn't have to put up with all that. :\

But I know sometimes it's difficult to do this...... like how it was hard for me to take this advice before.

 

[Case]

A lot happened today, guys. I am too exhausted to post all what happened. Long story short... I had to call 911 to prevent my boyfriend from killing himself. He was staring at the gun and I told him to not hurt himself. He yelled at me that I had no desision in that, and to get out.
I ran outside and called 911. He was taken to the hospital later. He did not hurt himself. I wasn't hurt.
Could I have died today?
I'll tell you the full story tomorrow. I just wanted to give you a quick update. I am safe and staying at a friend's house until I move out on Friday. Thanks you to everyone for listening.

I am glad you are okay and that you're moving out. This guy tried to solve all of his perceived inadequacies by lying and it appears to have caught up with him. Let the professionals help him, and you get as far away as you can.

Be well.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

That's awful. I wish the best for your ex and for you. It sounds like his problems were too hard for him to fix by himself.