My Dad told me to leave him.....

[The_long_journey]

Although my dad helps me out with money here and there....he told me to find my own place and leave him. I said it's just not that easy ....we been together for five years and I'm going to try almost every option except having kids...cause I know by both of our experiences and his sister experience it's tough raising the kid by yourself. I rather wait and go to counseling with him and talk things out but his super reluctant to go.


When things get to hard he avoids and ignore the situation completely and if it does fall over by its self ....then it's my fault.



I really dont want to go to a womens shelter. I am trying hard to be stable and since my family threw me out right after high school....couch surfing until I found a stable place from a coworker who shockingly was super dirty.

I was always told i'm a failure since I was born and I was never going to succeed which is really hard because I have a learning disability.


I wish my parents had an abortion sometimes.......but now I'm religious and I stuck dealing with honeysuckle but i'm always told dont say anything ...




I want to be financially stable....and I'm rock solid when it comes to decisions....I have no support...I'm on my own 100% I dont even have emotional support in this relationship...


i always listen to his venting.

I'm sick of it, cause when I tell him how to deal with the situation but he keeps saying i'm going to wait it out....i'm so tired of it



I wish I had support like all these other people have.


I feel like every time I get close to becoming stable his mom always want to fresia with our relationship and say crap to me all the time. I 'm tired of keeping my mouth shut. But she offered me a room to rent from and then she turn all jackel and hyde. I clean, put away dishes vacuum and pay rent and reluctantly babysit for free from time to time. she literally doesn't find a babysitter and throw her kids on me. Before she used to pay me then suddenly she stopped. I'm so sick and tired of being taking advantage of.

 

[Rosebolt]

I'm sorry you're going through this. From what i understand you want to live on your own without your bf? Do you want to break up with him? If so, can your dad provide any support in doing so, do you know?

It also sounds to me like you should tell these people exactly how you feel.

Apologies if i'm not hitting the nail right, i do not fully understand the situation.

 

[The_long_journey]

I want to try out almost every sensible and logical option available.but my family is giving me advice but not letting me stay with them because of the step mom issues....I did tell them but they dont even understand or comprehend how much stupid crap they do to me among the mocking and tantrums....I wish I had somewhere else to go but sadly I dont. Also I dont want to give up just yet....I really want to try until the very fragment of hope has been used up or decayed

 

[Rosebolt]

I want to try out almost every sensible and logical option available.but my family is giving me advice but not letting me stay with them because of the step mom issues....I did tell them but they dont even understand or comprehend how much stupid crap they do to me among the mocking and tantrums....I wish I had somewhere else to go but sadly I dont. Also I dont want to give up just yet....I really want to try until the very fragment of hope has been used up or decayed

I still don't fully understand. You want to flee from your stepfamily (is that a word?) and still try going on with your boyfriend? Or does your last sentence here also encompass your stepfamily?

 

[The_long_journey]

step family yes they are two words, can you quit being a jerk or just not respond at all.....your not even helping your giving a lecture like I hired you to be my teacher

 

[Minus]

That is not a very civil way to respond to someone who is attempting to understand the situation that you are trying to describe.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Sounds to me that you shouldn't depend on them at all. I completely understand you want support, but that can't be had from a source that's just not supportive. Try your best to make it so you don't have to look towards them for anything, because it sounds as though they wouldn't help you anyway.

 

[Rainbows]

I've read your various posts on the forum and I really don't understand the situation :/ It's so confusing. If you don't like the situation, get out. If you don't get enough support from your boyfriend, get out.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Although my dad helps me out with money here and there....he told me to find my own place and leave him.

I'm sorry :\ **** must feel like you're unwanted if your parent tells you this. In my case, I wish my parents would've told me to go out there and do my thing, that they'd not mind and support my decisions ahead of me. Instead, my mother guilt trips me whenever I try to venture a little further out from the nest.

I want to be financially stable....and I'm rock solid when it comes to decisions....I have no support...I'm on my own 100% I dont even have emotional support in this relationship...

i always listen to his venting.

I'm sick of it, cause when I tell him how to deal with the situation but he keeps saying i'm going to wait it out....i'm so tired of it

Can you look for a job?

Did you try to talk things out with your boyfriend? If he doesn't want to work on making you feel better too, then why stick around if it only leaves you feeling sad and in pain each time?

I feel like every time I get close to becoming stable his mom always want to fresia with our relationship and say crap to me all the time. I 'm tired of keeping my mouth shut. But she offered me a room to rent from and then she turn all jackel and hyde. I clean, put away dishes vacuum and pay rent and reluctantly babysit for free from time to time. she literally doesn't find a babysitter and throw her kids on me. Before she used to pay me then suddenly she stopped. I'm so sick and tired of being taking advantage of.

You have a choice to stop people from taking advantage of you. Where you put your foot down in these matters and not let them boss you around.

step family yes they are two words, can you quit being a jerk or just not respond at all.....your not even helping your giving a lecture like I hired you to be my teacher

Perhaps Rosebolt was wondering if the word "stepfamily/step family" in itself even exists as a term. Cos technically the term tends to be more precise, like stepmother or stepfather or step siblings. I personally don't normally hear of step family but I guess the term makes sense here.

Also, what Minus said above. It's clear that Rosebolt was just trying to understand your situation by asking questions instead of making assumptions (not many do this and make stupid assumptions about people and think they know all about it when they don't), and he was doing that clearly to try and help or give some words of encouragement or support. There was no lecture given on his end, in fact merely empathy towards you and your current situation.

 

[Serenia]

I know you mentioned, not wanting to go to a Womens Shelter, but those places while not ideal, they usually have outreach workers who can give you the support you need, and also help you find somewhere stable and permanent and help with any other problems you have.

Good luck

 

[Rosebolt]

step family yes they are two words, can you quit being a jerk or just not respond at all.....your not even helping your giving a lecture like I hired you to be my teacher

I was reflecting on myself with that word usage, i was not aiming it towards you. I sometimes have difficulities finding the right words since my english isn't the best. I'm trying to properly understand your situation so that i may be able to help. I mean no harm.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I know you mentioned, not wanting to go to a Womens Shelter, but those places while not ideal, they usually have outreach workers who can give you the support you need, and also help you find somewhere stable and permanent and help with any other problems you have.

Good luck

This. You say you have nowhere to go, but you do. You say that you have no support, but you could. Let go of the pride and do what needs done. Are you sure your father would let you go so far as to be homeless?

It sounds to me like you are making excuse after excuse to not do what you know you need to do. You clearly aren't happy, as you are, so why not do what you have to do to possibly give yourself another chance?

 

[The_long_journey]

yup my dad and I texted all day yesterday ...he told me to go to a homeless shelter or womens shelter......


and yes I mean step family overall.... my step mothers son wanted my room which my sister and I used to share.



( here's the how everything started.....................................................................................................................................)


1st time I got kicked out they threw all my stuff in the trash and kicked me out in the middle of the street in front of my moms
place ...she said she only wanted to live by herself with her and my step dad so then my dad took me back in.



everything from my previous room was gone....I didn't have enough to grab and pack my things. my dad only bagged 4 medium sized bag of my clothes and threw out the rest of my stuff. for over 3 years she's been trying to give my room to her son.


when I was told to stay in his room .....I said okay...when I open the door...it was full of stuff like a storage unit. I only had enough room for my feet and a space on the bed. I had to live like that for about 2 years. I lived in the suburbs and since they said because I have learning disability I'm was too stupid to even go to college or drive so I should walk everywhere and for a job I would look for. So I saw a guy friend from the high school days.... we would meet up at BK from time to time. He kept giving me the notion where he wanted to date me but I wasn't interested at all. And then my step mom and my step sister approached me saying that her daughter needs to know everything we talked about and I'm not allowed to be his friend anymore. I said no......later that day at night ....I had the small dim light on in the room.......I felt hopeless....and I felt lost..... for two days I tried killing myself and then I called the suicide hotline and I forced to stay in the hospital for two weeks and I told them it was because of the emotional abuse from my entire step family but mostly because of my step mom. my dad then forced me to tell the young doctor who was in his 30's that it wasn't because of my step mom or he wont pick me and I would be left on the streets. So I told the staffers there that I was forced to comply.my step mom always acts like she cares in font of people but behind close doors she cusses and belittles me and even tried to hit me. So yea it's because of my step famly and not excuses people like to assume. I went out of the hospital and went back to work.

I was still friends with him and talking to him ...telling him about what happen.
I assumed he cared but I was dead wrong.

Later that day.......My step mom some how found out I was telling him about what happened. She came in my room which looked like a storage unit for all her stuff. I was sitting on the bed when she looked at me and unplugged the lamp..... ( it was night time )
" you dont deserve light or anything.........just sit here in the dark......." I kept turning on the light and she said she wanted all my checks that I was getting from work. And she said " I know you met that boy with your best friend ( his a guy too) at the BK. I said " ok," " your step sister wants him your not allowed to talk to him anymore and I need to know now what you said to him. I said " no...it doesn't matter anyway" she then said I'm going to make your dad choose between you and me , your not going to win .


My dad yelled at me to just listen to her ... I said no .....my dad rushed up stairs.... threw my things in bags...and said your going to your moms.....he was driving at night on the beltway I was about t o call my mom....my dad snatched my cell phone and told me not to warn her and if I say anything he would break my cell phone in half and kick me out on the side of the beltway .

I was later dropped off in the middle of the street 1'oclock in the morning....my dad said his going to force my mom out of the apartment by putting my things n the middle of the street. it was embarressing and I saw some young people pointing and laughing at me.

I said dad..... you and mom keep doing this to me ....all I ever wanted was a chance to go to school and be stable ...but you guys keep doing this to me. I said she calls me ***** everyday and I'm just trying to get on my feet but you keep letting the step family make decisions for you and it isn't fair.


my mom came outside blaming me and my dad for everything....my mom threw out 90% of my things in the trash even my winter clothes and jacket she never even replaced. My mom demanded all 80-90% of my checks ...i was always doing chores...cleaning and I couldn't even be myself ..I couldn't watch tv shows she hated or have seen....she was very narcissitc.... I said to her I wanted to go to school she said okay but pay for everything by yourself and make sure your available every morning to clean and you need to buy your own food, medicines , clothes etc...and on top of money I gave her I also had to pay for rent....She always made unreasonable demands and every day she made up some fake contract for me to sign and if I didn't I would be force to live on the streets on the spot and that when my step dad threatened to kill me.

I called my friend the next day telling him what happened and he should stay away from them..... Later on I found out he didn't care and went out with her eventually having a baby. I then called my best friend asking him why he never calls me. He then said he doesn't call anyone...and he said he just didn't feel like it because his hanging out with him and my family so that was it.

Althought My family is middle class...they paid for my sisters schooling and car and everything. I was always told I would be a failure and janitor for the rest of mylife




------------------I dont want to go back to my dads but even though I did ask him that I need help ,he told me no....

My mom told me she never wanted me to contact her again because she only want my step dad in her life.



------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I want things to work with my boyfriend and myself.....for those people that doesnt know

I have a head,neck and back injury including my learning disability that doesn't help....

My previous job denied me workers compensation and no one would take my case.

So i'm forced to sign up for SSD




btw......The womans shelter is in VA or way down in southern MD...... I live in the city with metro access and have no money .... I tried working at a grocery store...and the pain was sooo extreme I had to stop..... The pain was sooo bad I wanted to die. And I dont want to ..i'm just describing the intensity of the pain.



My dad did say since he was just diagnosed with scoliosis he can only temporarly help with money here and there but not all the time.


My dad only recently decided to help me very little. I haven't spoken to him for about 5-8 years probably more...and I used to write him emails and texts or even call

asking him all the time to meet up and talk to me or even with a counselor but he kept saying he wasn't interested.


only recently have i seen a slight change in my dad but I do see my step mom hasn't change..... she keeps asking if I cheated or my boyfriend cheated or if something
drastically bad has happened to me with a small laugh at the end. She gave my dad permission to help me alittle but yea .....It's why I said step famliy earlier and it not excuses








.............................................. my dad keeps telling me to leave him...but I'm not . It's just his mom and two sisters remind me and act like my mom/step mom and step brother and step sister so much........I am angry that I never had support and
all of the shelters are filled.....so my only option is to move....I just hope I can deal with this chronic pain

---

I've read your various posts on the forum and I really don't understand the situation :/ It's so confusing. If you don't like the situation, get out. If you don't get enough support from your boyfriend, get out.

It's easier said then done......okay get out and go where live on the street like a homeless person ? I did call the womens shelter and there filled. I dont want to give up on the relationship.... I dont it's his mom and two sisters who had the same personalities like my step family and mom. So yea its easier to say get out ...but I refuse to live on the street.

I have no support , no family ...my only family was my dad,mom, only sister who currently is stationed in texas who refuses to help me and said if you ever want to die dont call me just do it or call suicide hotline...i said i dont even want to kill myself ...I'm just asking you to help me since you live in a house...she said flat out no and hung up.

 

[stork_error]

You say you have nowhere to go, but you do. You say that you have no support, but you could. Let go of the pride and do what needs done. Are you sure your father would let you go so far as to be homeless?

It sounds to me like you are making excuse after excuse to not do what you know you need to do. You clearly aren't happy, as you are, so why not do what you have to do to possibly give yourself another chance?

Its amazing that a father would allow thier daughter to go homeless, especially if the daughter is in a relationship where she is being abused by a man. But some fathers are weak pussy addicted loosers who are controlled by the new wives that want no part of the mans children. I think its a really awful kind of man who does this and its probably the reason you are tolerating being mistreated my a man... because your father doesnt value you either.

Shame on parents who put significant others before thier own flesh and blood children. It's really disgusting.

Leaving an abusive relationship is hard for a rich woman who has options such as finding her own place and moving on but its twice as hard for a poor woman who has only one option.. a shelter.

Bite the bullet, go to the shelter,( a womans shelter not a homeless one) let them try to help you.

---

I replied to your e mail before i read this. Let me ask you a question. Are you causing honeysuckle? Are you coming home messed up on drugs, or getting hammered with your money? or trying to steal your step sisters boyfriend? or smoking in the house when you are not supposed to. Is any of this your fault for not following their house rules?

Im not accusing you, I'm asking this because sometimes parents just dont give a honeysuckle because they are honeysuckle but sometimes they get fed up when their child is out of control. Which is it?

Not accusing, just asking.

 

[The_long_journey]

I never smoke or did drugs. The only time I smoked a cigerrate is on the day I tried committing suicide before I went into the hospital. I wasn't allowed to do anything...I was always told to shut up and just stay there. My boyfriend doesn't hit ...he just avoids problems and confrontation. I know if he learned how to mediate issues he would be an ideal guy. It's just his family....he tells me he knows his family is treating me wrong he just feels like his stuck in the middle and he didn't want to lose one of. I spend time watching my favorite shows with him, he treats me out and sometimes buy me things from the store. I mainly have issues with his family not too much on him just his mom and two sisters. I think if we try moving to that one apartment everything will be fine. I'm filling under Section 8 at the apartment . I told him
his family is too toxic for me to be around and if it was just me and him I would be happy. I said he can spend time with his family on weekends and visit ...it's just they always avoid me and disapprove me so much they do anything to me to break us up.


I told him ....I will try to land some kind of part time job while doing physical therapy but I said no matter what if your family does anything to us when we move you have to promise to me you would try to solve the situation.


I'm trying really hard to move into the new apartment right now.

My dad keeps saying move out on your own and get your own place as if it's not hard enough trying to find a room for rent for cheap. It's even more harder with a learning disability ...no matter how many times I study a geometry problem ....I keep forgetting a step or two. or not remembering what isle is coffee on when I worked in the grocery store. It's like I know where it is but the specifics of the exact number and exact location. I have to study double time to meet the same criteria.


I'm fully aware and accept my downfall.... but I'm trying so hard to go back to college. I'm in my late 20's ....It's always the scar of having a disadvantage and it's not like you can get over it . It's hard to work through sometimes.



shelters are full....I'm being totally honest.


Im going to try and get that apartment but I told him our happiness comes first. I give you guys an update on whether or not I was able to get it.

 

[VanillaCreme]

So i'm forced to sign up for SSD

You'd most likely get SSI, but that's neither here nor there.

The situation sounds terrible, and honestly, I wouldn't want people like that in my life. That's just awful that they would treat someone like that. I know there are people like this out there - had the displeasure of meeting someone who acts very close to how your parents do - and it's so very sad they value family so little. It's like it's all a big joke to them.

I understand what you're going through. Although my situation was a little different, I know on a personal level that feeling of having no where to go and no where to be. Then wondering how I would get to where I needed to be in order to have stability. It's not a fun thing, and it's very exhausting. However, I'd do anything possible to leave that situation, because that is not a healthy environment to be in.

Best of luck to you.

 

[The_long_journey]

A letter came in saying I was denied Social Security Disabilities and my doctor was trying to compare me to her sister who has a disability and says she can work. Then I said " And I'm hurt taking anti-imflammatory meds and muscle relaxers since 2012.....and I'm still in horrible pain" .......I'm going to change my primary doctor ....I dont like that I was being compared ....not once did she mention she was ever in a accident. anyways.......I'm still filling out applications at Didlake ....which is more helpful then Melwood because the staff there just glares at you and writes everyone off.....they kept talking about what to get for lunch with snaking on a trail nuts bag in front of me. Government agencies are only in for the money thats all I have to say ...not even the local DORS are helpful. God.......save me from this horrible planet. ........ I'm trying to land a job befor moving and my boyfriend is filling out applications for a second part time job and decided to go to school online. I told him I'm sorry but I am filling out applications on snagajob .com and other sites....but since I'm injured I can only do 2-3 days a week since I'm in horrible pain.


I cant even file a workers compensation claim .....how f__cked up is that. I didnt even know what to do and thats not even fair.


Everyone tells me get a job stop being lazy....and my boyfriend keeps telling me dont tell about your accident but after our argument several days ago I told them about it ....



All I know is my life is technically over befor it even began.... I have no hope left and I refuse to live on the streets.

I will give an update on my job process later........ going to go job hunting now...I hope my 20mg muscle relaxers and anti - inflammatory medicine meloxicam wont get in the way.



oh yea....btw my boyfriends ex - is planning on moving back in ....the toxic abusive relationship never stops..... I hope I can move out in time befor the yelling and his cheating ways flares up another argument.......



I'm sorry but unless you have some kind of high or average IQ with a learning disability you wont make it in this world unless your family helps you or slightly supports you.


All these agencies that claim they want to help people with disability is a lie.


All I can say by experience........ I think being born with a intellectual disability is the worse because you feel worthless...like you

dont want to even exist....I had 2 part time jobs non stop befor I was injured and look at me now....not enough IQ to even get an office job.


You may think I'm heartless but coming from a disabled person....sometimes abortions are doing us a big favor....cause were the ones who have to suffer no one else..... No one can fully understand the struggles until something major happens to them.



Sorry I'm feeling helpless because I cant do anything to support myself and I feel like a bullshit failure

 

[TheRealCallie]

Are you in America? If you are, you should know that 99% of people get denied for disability benefits the first (sometimes second and third and fourth) time. All you can do is keep trying, find other doctors, get a second opinion, get a lawyer to help you file (legal aid if you must).

You could also look for other avenues of income. There are lots of jobs you can do from home.

 

[HoodedMonk]

Apply for SSI, not SSD. SSD can only be gotten after you work a certain amount of years.

 

[Despicable Me]

A letter came in saying I was denied Social Security Disabilities and my doctor was trying to compare me to her sister who has a disability and says she can work. Then I said " And I'm hurt taking anti-imflammatory meds and muscle relaxers since 2012.....and I'm still in horrible pain"

If your learning-disability is severe enough to prevent you from doing a normal amount of work or from keeping a job, you should be receiving SSI.

For SSI the pain probably won't matter to them because the government's definition of "disabled" essentially means a 'permanent disability' or a disability that has lasted or will last for a year or longer. The only way this will matter is if the doctors expect it to last for a year or more. Is this true?
If not, I think the government expects people to have Worker's Comp or lots of money just sitting in people's bank accounts, because everyone is rich, right? Sure.

Anyway, on the rejection letter you received there should be a part that explains to you how to Appeal your claim. DO THAT. And do it before the deadline listed.

In the meanwhile...

.......I'm going to change my primary doctor ....I dont like that I was being compared ....not once did she mention she was ever in a accident.

That is a pretty good reason to change your doctor. I agree.
See this new doctor before you have your appeal, so that you have something to use at your SSI appeal.

anyways.......I'm still filling out applications at Didlake ....which is more helpful then Melwood because the staff there just glares at you and writes everyone off.....they kept talking about what to get for lunch with snaking on a trail nuts bag in front of me.

Please do change. See explanation below.

Government agencies are only in for the money thats all I have to say

Well, it truly depends on the person you talk to. There are some really nice and helpful people.... but most of the time I'd have to agree. I've worked at agencies like these myself and you're mostly right. A lot of the people are just ignorant, mean, and just working there to get a paycheck, they don't really care about anyone but themselves. A lot of the agencies are also very poorly set up and it's important to find a good one, and find someone who cares you can ask for each time. If that person isn't assigned to be your 'case worker', request that they be.

Usually the best agencies available in the community will have a decent reputation and the others will have bad ones.

I cant even file a workers compensation claim .....how f__cked up is that. I didnt even know what to do and thats not even fair.

It's a pretty messed up world.
What is the reason you can't file one, though? What type of accident was this? Who was determined to be 'at fault'?
You may want to start asking around at the agencies to see if you can apply for 'legal aid'. Sounds like this may be your best option in the long run.

All I know is my life is technically over befor it even began.... I have no hope left and I refuse to live on the streets.

No, it's not.
If you are truly left without any hope left go ask around at the agencies you know of and tell them you're desperate to get some help, explain your full situation to them. If they seem unhelpful or unresponsive, or in any way uncaring, ask if you can see someone else.
If they say they can't help wherever you asked then ask them to recommend you to a place that can and ask if they can make the phone call for you before you waste your time going there and get nothing from it.

Tell them you have no family support and will literally be living on the street if they cannot get you some help as soon as possible. May not do anything, but it kinda guilts them into doing a bit more if they weren't very motivated.

I'm sorry but unless you have some kind of high or average IQ with a learning disability you wont make it in this world unless your family helps you or slightly supports you.

To be fair, people don't usually make it in this world even with very 'high IQs' if they don't have any family support. Disabilities do make it even worse, though.
That's why society is so screwed up, they put way too much emphasis on the family and simply assume that everyone has a decent family. Everyone else is screwed.

There are tons of preconceptions and social-problems relating to disabilities and such things and very little support. It is the reason why, statistically speaking, people with disabilities and mental illness compose the majority of those who have been 'homeless' in the long-term.
Not that I want to scare you, but just to agree with you somewhat. It's a major problem and society needs to actually deal with it on a more practical level instead of being stupid about it.

Don't let this get you down though. Keep fighting for your rights. All hope is not lost.

All these agencies that claim they want to help people with disability is a lie.

It's not a total lie. You can still get help there. It is more like a ruse put on by really stupid people who have no idea what they're really doing (believe me, I've worked with many of these people).
Just keep pushing back, eventually the agencies are the ones that break because in the end if they get reports about them that they aren't helping people, especially official reports, those things can send them down the hole at any moment.
They will hide these facts from everyone in every way possible, though. So that's why they rarely get reported.

All I can say by experience........ I think being born with a intellectual disability is the worse because you feel worthless...like you

dont want to even exist....I had 2 part time jobs non stop befor I was injured and look at me now....not enough IQ to even get an office job.

I'm really sorry you're having a tough time. There is so much wrong with the way capitalism works, and this certainly just makes the social problems much worse.

You may think I'm heartless but coming from a disabled person....sometimes abortions are doing us a big favor....cause were the ones who have to suffer no one else..... No one can fully understand the struggles until something major happens to them.

Please don't think like that.
It's not you who is screwed up, it is society. Society is the one who aren't helping you and are making you miserable. They are the ones with the problems, they are the ones who don't understand people like yourself and the things you go through, they are the ones that leave you with a screwed up family and no ability to find or get support from others.

Sorry I'm feeling helpless because I cant do anything to support myself and I feel like a bullshit failure

You're not a failure, society is just failing you.

If you need more help, don't be afraid to ask. And PM me if you need any other help. I probably can't answer right away, but I've had some experience with these agencies and stuff and I'm not the best at dealing with them and I've already explained all my 'tricks' above, but I know some others who are deeper in these things than I am and have went through all the processes multiple times, so if you need help with anything in particular I can certainly ask around.

Good luck with the job searching and everything. I hope things turn around for you.

Sorry for such a long post!