My Dad's Temper

[RJLJD]

Usually things are fine. My Dad is a good man, he really is and I admire him for a lot of things.
Things like tonight though make it difficult to live with him though. First, he's got a penchant for being terrible with anything that's remotely new technology. If it isn't a piece of equipment that originated before 1985, he's probably had a problem with it. Cell phones, cordless phones, remotes, computers, you name it, he's had a problem with it. He also needs glasses to see small things, but hates using them.
This particular episode deals with our DVD player. I was downstairs when I heard a couple of thudding sounds from upstairs. I went upstairs to see what happened. My Dad was visibly frustrated, throwing the DVD remote at the floor repeatedly. Not just tossing it either, he was spiking this DVD remote into the floor. He could figure out how to watch his DVD. All he had to do was walk downstairs and ask me for help, instead, he resorted to throwing the remote. My mom came in the room too to see what was happening and asked what he was doing.
He yells something like "this **** thing is broken! i can't watch the DVD! worthless piece of crap!" and proceeds to throw the remote one last time.
of course my mom isn't of any help in squelching the situation she retorts "whats the matter with you? why are you so mad." they argue about it for a minute before she leaves.
i try to talk to him about the problem calmly, he picks the remote back up and looks at it, realizing he can't see it well, he picks up his glasses and throws them, breaking one of the lenses.
i tell him that all he had to do to get the DVD player to work was hit "tv source" on the tv remote. he can't fathom how this works.
"how the hell does that make any sense! i'm pushing 'DVD' button on the remote and it didn't do anything. how the hell does the source button make any sense!"
i try to calmly explain what source means (knowing he'll forget or really doesn't care and we will go through this episode again sometime in the future, like with other gadgets before) and why it works. we get the DVD on, but he then says "forget it! i'm just gonna sit here and look at a black screen all night!"
my mom came in to tell him it was dinner time too, to which he responded "i don't want any! forget get it! throw it away!".

clearly he was just being a real jerk, and for no good reason. my mom had no reason to be treated that way, she made him dinner, and he was incredibly rude and ungrateful. all he had to do was ask me for help, instead of throwing a fit like a 2 year old.

its bad enough i'm home on a saturday night, it could at least be a pleasant living experience at home.
and i recognize that it could be a lot worse. he's never hit anyone or anything like that, but that doesn't mean he can have these random stupid outbursts for no reason on occasion like he does.
what a way to ruin an evening.

 

[EveWasFramed]

umm...I dont mean to sound awful, but I have to wonder if your dad's issue is something more than tech issues. It sounds like he has a lot of frustration or is under a lot of stress and small things, like not being able to operate a remote, are getting to him.

 

[annik]

I can really sympathise with you. My dad can be the same at times. When he's doing jobs and having problems. He'll shout and slam doors and yell at me and mum. He's also a pro at creating a tense atmosphere. The older I've got the more I realise my parents can act like such children at times.

I spend a lot of time trying to keep my head down, it seems like the simplest thing. I don't think I've challenged him or disagreed with him that much. I have dreams when I'm screaming my head off at him. The scariest thing is sometimes I can see myself being like him.

I agree it could be worse but you shouldn't have to put up with it. I wish I had some better advice for you.

 

[RJLJD]

umm...I dont mean to sound awful, but I have to wonder if your dad's issue is something more than tech issues. It sounds like he has a lot of frustration or is under a lot of stress and small things, like not being able to operate a remote, are getting to him.

you don't sound awful, you sound on the ball. i don't doubt that he's stressed out. he isn't happy with his job right now, and as you help me put 2 and 2 together, i imagine these issues are inter-related.

it still doesn't make sense to me though if only because he wasn't at work today, and he was pleasant all day.
i don't mean to sound selfish, its just hard to live with.

---

I can really sympathise with you. My dad can be the same at times. When he's doing jobs and having problems. He'll shout and slam doors and yell at me and mum. He's also a pro at creating a tense atmosphere...

I spend a lot of time trying to keep my head down, it seems like the simplest thing. I don't think I've challenged him or disagreed with him that much. I have dreams when I'm screaming my head off at him. The scariest thing is sometimes I can see myself being like him.

I agree it could be worse but you shouldn't have to put up with it. I wish I had some better advice for you.

yes to the tense atmosphere thing. whenever he gets mad like that its like all the air comes out of the room, its like that whenever he's in a bad mood. he's had a temper for as long as i can remember, i guess he even used to be worse when i was little, like before i can remember.

i've never challenged him, but i've been doing more talking a responding when he gets mad like that than i used to. a few years ago i would have just let him be mad and not talked to him. i'm getting more and more comfortable dealing with him like that, i just hope it doesn't lead to me yelling back, i think that would just make it worse.

don't worry about not having any more advice, its good to know someone can relate, thanks for your response, annik.