My Dark Side, do u really want to know?

[Chris 2]

Bluey I know u know me on here for more than a year now, but you don't know my exact feeling on thing. I just hope you don't judge me on what I write, because you as well as I know that life has treat me like crap. Just know I trust you well moor than enough to show the other side of me. And to everyone else, don't criticize me for what I write, because it took lot of guts for me to write this, and might as well be the hardest thing I have write online to people I know so well.


What make it that some children are born poor, minority, and simply just unlucky as oppose to the one that are born rich, white, and simply get everything handed to them. What make some so lucky they have brothers and sisters their age? And what make it that some have one horrible sister and no brother what so ever? There are many uncertainly in life, none as unexplainable as my life. From everything I do, consequences are severe, life is painful, excruciating at times. What can one do when almost everything is out of their control, why was I born Asian, why was I born as a scapegoat, why was I even born in the first place?
WHY? I don’t get this life, and probably never will. I am 20, a virgin, an outcast, a 2nd year in college. I am not a commuter, and have to bare the incredible pain of living in the dorm where my sadness fuels everyone else happiness. I make all my decision with cautious yet no matter what I choose it always end up biting me in the ASS. I am sick, I am not human, I feel insane, I feel broken, lost, hopeless, yet everyday I put myself out there, one small step at a time, yet the more I try, the worst in get. It like I have fail life and it is entirely out of my control. To see little kids with young parents, loving parents, with tons of brothers and sisters, tear my heart into a million pieces. I am not EMO, but I am broken, I am dying each day by day. I may not smoke, but stress can take many years off my life, and of course I will die earlier than expected.
To live as an Asian male is the most cruel and most demanding task put upon a person. Simply put, we are not wanted. I am also screw in my own preference, I simply just like White girls, and because of this my life has become an aching pain. Do white girls even like Asian guys? There is a moment of inferiority here; there is almost a 99% chance that a white girl would take a white guy over an Asian guy any day. Why is it that? Because the white men have show that they are superior to every other single race out there and are the dream prince for all girls, just as what white girls have shown. Asian guys are short, and it is injustice in it self. For me to look up at most white guys when I talk is unjust. I should not have to look up at white guy; I should look at them eye to eye or below. I am not born to feel inferior, I was born to be superior, and I can’t stand it. I feel wicked sick in my way of thinking. The days seem to dread to years, who know how much longer before I go crazy. I am piss off mad, angry at people. Everything seems to trigger me nowadays, when I see couple, pets, brothers, etc… it hurt me in a way that people don’t realize. I hate people simply put, I’m racist, I hate white guy, and I have every reason to. Call me a racist, but it is jealously that has boil up over all these years. Just knowing every time I see a white kid, I just know that once he my age, he will be much taller than me, and it hurt. “What hurt the most” by Rascal Flatt is knowing that I will always be 5’8.5 and that Asian male are the least prefer by almost any girls. I have seen more Asian girls date white guy than Asian guys in my school. Does this mean the Asian race is dying? Why did white people call themselves “CauASIAN”? Maybe someday the world will be mix, but like Martin Luther King or women’s who fought for justice die before their potential was realize. To say someday Asian will get respect of the world may not be too far off, but when that time come, I will be long gone.

What do I have that other people don’t have? Nothing. I have no life, I never did, I just continue to live to prove myself wrong, but the more I live, the more that I see that I am right. I am a normal person from physical appearance, but I am not a normal person by circumstances. I was not born like other kids, and was bully, beat up, gang bang, racist, rumors, make fun of, hated on, scapegoat, as well as many other things. I was born to be made an outcast, simply put. From my early years of kindergarten to my 2nd year in college, nothing has change. For someone to understand my life would require years of studying, something that most people just don’t understand. Calling me a “troll” show the luckiest, spoilness, and immaturity of other people. I am a nice guy, and many people realize that, yet how come no one has reach out to me, lend me a hand, because I sure will make on hell of a friend. Maybe I’m just too honest, I hardly lie, and I care about other. I am not shy, I am clean, I dress nice, am pretty smart, can hold a conversation, not bad looking, can make joke, quite outgoing if given the chance, emotionally strong, a good listener, enjoy helping others, someone you can trust, not afraid to try new things, very romantic, very unique, and very chill, yet why? I have no friends, never had a gf, and feel older as the days goes by. What is there not to like about me? Why ME in the first place?
I don’t expect anyone to know the answer, I expect my life to be long and hard, and lonely. Every path I take is “ a boulevard of broken dream” by green day. My life can best be describe by 2 song from Simple plan “Welcome to my life” and “Shut-up”. Do I want to die? NO. Do I want to live like this? NO. Whether those song or fake or not, whether people hate those band or not, it doesn’t matter, the truth is I fit that song perfectly, it has gotten me through life. Music is the best medicine, and it truly is. Without music, I would have nothing.
Please someone be my GF, will it ever happen? Probably not. Will I ever date the girl of my dream? NO, simply put there are tons of handsome guy out there who can date any girl they want, and I am not one of them. Does this make me sound selfish or a bad person? I can't tell for sure, but what guy don’t want to date the hottest, cutest girl from first attraction? I’m sure I’m not alone in this. Life is too demanding for me, people do more things in a month of their life than I have done in my 20 years of existence. To say all “men are equal” by Thomas Jefferson is the most BS thing ever wrote.
I have never done anything wrong at birth, I never hurt anyone, yet my life feel like prison, and most of the time it is, a struggle to survive in the harsh world of mankind. I would only hope that a girl would walk up to me and hold my hand, put her head on my shoulder and say “I love you, Chris”, I would have her, my life would be forever change. I could kiss her all I want, I would not have any more lonely sleepless night alone, where the only reality are my dreams.

People who show PDA make me want to chew them out. I want to hurt them, cream them, whatever it take to make them miserable. I want to reckless ruff them to the edge where they beg for my mercy. This is my dark side and society has cause me to be this way. I was born innocence, care free, friendly person, but the more I live the more I grow to be angry, lonely, miserable, and sick. Is it possible for me to not ever know what love is? It is more than likely I will be alone. Sometime I sit on my ASS thinking I wish I was a girl sometime.

 

[blah_blah]

I'm a white guy. I don't hate you for hating white guys or thinking that way. Its just the way life has treated you that made you think that. I don't feel lucky because I'm white. I'm same as you pretty much. I never had a GF either. I'm younger than you though. I don't look down upon asians. I had a asian friend once. (not hardly a friend just someone I talked with at school) I thought he was pretty cool. I never had any friends really. Maybe just a few when I was young. I'd say middle school is when the honeysuckle life started. Thats when the kids get mean. Anyway you shouldn't feel disadvantaged. Race doesn't matter screw them magazines or whatever told you that. Its all in your own mind. You think you can't do this and can't do that. And that is why you cannot do them. Its all about stupid mindset. If you didn't have to think about anything you'd be all set wouldn't you? You'd just do things and not think over the consequences in your head over and over. I need to tell myself the same thing. I'm preaching all this to you, when I'm just as much as a failure as you.

If I girl does come your way you better jump on it and don't make excuses. Like "OH SHE'LL NEVER WANT ME".

 

[Phaedron]

What make it that some children are born poor, minority, and simply just unlucky as oppose to the one that are born rich, white, and simply get everything handed to them.

Well our constitution says that all men are created equal, but this isn't true. Some were born to be rich aristocrats, others to dig through the trash for food. Why?

It's the most basic rule of life: give and be given to, what goes around comes around. Do something nice for someone and eventually someone does something nice for you. This is what the cavemen and the Indians did, but rather then learn from them, we killed them.

For every action theres an equal and opposite reaction. The reaction for trying to be too good (religious zealots) is evil (mass crusades) In fact the need to seperate beautiful from ugly, good from bad, is in itself a statement that we are inherently bad.

Then we created a thing called money, so that some people and jobs could become better then others. Money causes everyone to be out only for themselves, rather then follow the way of give and get they are all driven to get and become rich.

Like it or not, thats how it is. In a world where having emotions at all makes one unmanly what are we to do? Human beings were meant to need each other, but we've been desensitized to that. We've become jaded and in doing so act in a way that make others jaded which in turn supports everything that made us jaded to begin with.

What make some so lucky they have brothers and sisters their age?

I was an only child. It has its ups and downs. In the long run having those ties is better.

I feel insane, I feel broken, lost, hopeless, yet everyday I put myself out there, one small step at a time, yet the more I try, the worst in get.

I won't pretend to understand what its like to be an Asian male, but at least you're out there. If you lament that fate is against you maybe you should seek answers to the big questions so as to understand fate. It's fine to assume the worst.

It feels hopeless now, but theres really only two choices. Keep trying or turn your back on the world. The latter has many joys, but it won't bring you love. You've just got to set goals and try try try learning more along the way.

At your age I would've never taken this advice, things seem worse then are. Theres a lot of lonely people out there, what you need is to find a suitable approach and apply a politic of volume. Contact as many of them as possible. I need to do it as well so it's not like I have all the answers.

What do I have that other people don’t have? Nothing. I have no life, I never did, I just continue to live to prove myself wrong, but the more I live, the more that I see that I am right.

Yeah I was an outcast from day one. Look man, the real world is nothing like school. Nobody knows you, nobody knows you're an outcast. All anyone you meet knows is that you're a stranger, which is almost kinda worse. When college ends the school mentality will end and things will be different.

You've got the whole world to search for a white girl that'll love you and about a dozen approaches to try. Can you be willing to work even when results are unlikely? Don't be like me and give up on it man, you'll regret it later and by then you won't have a lot going for you. I envy that you're only 20, I'm 27.

 

[Bluey]

Dude! Sorry man but that was BS. Simple as that. I do not know of one girl that would not go out with a guy simply based on the color of there skin. Am sure there are ppl out there that are that sad. But I don't know any. Really I do think since the days of the great marther luther king we have moved on a little. I ******* well hope so anyway. Dude, I know the world can be a sad place but its not that sad. Most ppl are not that sad. Some ye. Most are not.

And your pissing me off with the height thing. Your ******* 5,8.5 How the fresia dose that make you a short ass. Your average. My dad is only 5,7. I think now your just making accusers up for yourself. If anyone should be jealous it should be me jealous of you. Your taller then me. Your better looking then me. You have better health then me. honeysuckle you even have better english grammar them me and am ******* English. Your obviously brighter academically then me as you go to uni. I would not get into one uni anywhere.

Ye ppl are born better of then others or weirs of. ppl are born blind. I would say blind ppl have it weirs then must here. Life ent fair, Get over it. You have moor then a lot of ppl do. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. The grass well always look greener on the other side. It very really is.

Your not racist. That's like me saying I hate all tall ppl. I am slightly jealous of anyone that seems to be able to get a girl at a drop of a hat. But it don't mean I hate them just cos they appear to have things better then me.

I don't hate you for being racist. I just simply don't believe that you are. You are not that sad.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Hang in there Chirs. Be stronge
Don't give up. Try to focus on your education as much as you can.
It will make a big different in your life.
I'm sorry that you're in an environment that you can't get out more. And that's probably
why you want to quit school. It's true..there's another world beyound your college campus.
Yes, I imagine it's probably feels like prison or worst to you.

Try to love yourself more...it will make a difference.
We all have to face life's lesson. They all come to us in different forms on the surface,
but beneath all of that...the lessons will make us stronger and bascailly we learn to love and accept ourselves more.
That's pretty how it is for me..even though my life's path is a bit different than your's.

You might not know this...but my GF that i love very much died this year.
Yeah. i felt life is unfair... and it is...but life wasn't only unfair to me.
Well...if i really think about it....it was more unfair to her...she's fucken dead.
So..I can't go into self pity for too **** long. it's been sometimes now I'm dealing with it the best as
I can. So I'm not going to beat up on myself either.
But for the most part..it's been learning to love myself through these trouble times or the challenges
I've had to faced.

I also know people cares about me..so life is worth living.
I also know there's love inside of me...I have an ach in my heart of wanting to love someone.

i don't have a problem understanding Bluey's post.
i can't even imagine the physical pain Bluey has to endure everyday.
As messed up as i feel sometimes about my current life's situations..I think i have it alot easier than Bluey.

I do have good news though...from an asian guy to another.
All the women I've been with are white women.
Obviousely...there was a sort of attractions i had for white women or certain type of women.
I can't tell you the numbers becuase people will think I'm a slut or accused of being a racist or some crazy crap.
But yes...there's plenty of white women that loves asian guys.
It's ironic as hell too becuase i can fall heads over heels for an asian woman about right now.

Anyway...don't give up

 

[Phaedron]

You might not know this...but my GF that i love very much died this year.

I feel for ya man, thats rough. So, do you believe in life after love?

I believe in at least some sort of eternity, or reincarnation. Either way I don't think I would move on. As lonely as it gets at least I'd know that someone cared for me deeply and have the hope of being reunited one day.

lol she'd probably become a ghost and haunt the place and then I'd always believe her spirit was with me.

But theres no way I'm going to find someone else and then possibly have to face a situation where I end up having to choose in heaven.

 

[Naleena]

You might not know this...but my GF that i love very much died this year.

(((((((((((((Lonesome Crow)))))))))))))))))))) I didn't realize it had been only this year. If you ever need someone to talk to, let me know

Either way I don't think I would move on.

Catharsis, I differ with you a bit here. I wonder if Loneseome's girlfriend would want this for him? I know if I passed away, I would want the man I loved to move on. It doesn't mean he wouldn't think about me or remember me with love. And it doesn't mean that his heart wouldn't be big enough to love me having passed on and someone else that, I would hope, would take good care of him, love him as I would and make him happy. I think love is wanting the best for someone and I would be very sad to think someone I loved felt he had to hold onto my memory- especially if he were as young as Lonesome Crow. Knowing he was making himself a Martyr would bring me no joy. My joy would be in knowing he was happy and not alone in this world.

I wonder how many people stop to think about what the deceased person would have wanted? Hmmmmm.

 

[SleepyKid]

well chris...there is one thing I have to say.
not every girl is after guys solely for their looks.
some girls, like me, is turned on by great personality. ^^

 

[Bluey]

i don't have a problem understanding Bluey's post.

hah, You crack me up man lol

I think we all have it difficult one way or another.

The only thing I have ever lost that I was close to was my dog that was the same age as me and she past over at 17. So I can't even begin to imagine losing someone like a wife.

Dealing with physical pain is easy most of the time. You just pop a pill or smoke something Its the mental honeysuckle that's not so easy to deal with. As you know there is no cure for that kinder pain. Much moor complexe thing to have to deal with.

You have dealt with that and you do come across as a pretty amazing guy. Fun and intelligent. And lots of great advice to tell. Its obvious you've been there as it where. Don't ever take anything away from yourself man.

 

[itti]

Chris nothing wrong with ur life . bcoz there is no perfect life for anyone out there white black asian whatever . we all have problems in life .
ur not short ur not bad looking so why this sadness ,
dude trust me ur way much better than many , i would traded my life with urs anytime
if u dont have faith in ur self , u cant expect others or girls to be in love with u
u should start with ur self before u ask others

 

[Unacceptance]

It's the most basic rule of life: give and be given to, what goes around comes around. Do something nice for someone and eventually someone does something nice for you. This is what the cavemen and the Indians did, but rather then learn from them, we killed them.

I could not stop laughing after I read this. Yeah we did kill them, and then this society prospered, doesn't seem like your point was well made.

 

[EveWasFramed]

It's the most basic rule of life: give and be given to, what goes around comes around. Do something nice for someone and eventually someone does something nice for you. This is what the cavemen and the Indians did, but rather then learn from them, we killed them.

I could not stop laughing after I read this. Yeah we did kill them, and then this society prospered, doesn't seem like your point was well made.

roflmaooooo!

 

[ragingbull17]

Bluey I know u know me on here for more than a year now, but you don't know my exact feeling on thing. I just hope you don't judge me on what I write, because you as well as I know that life has treat me like crap. Just know I trust you well moor than enough to show the other side of me. And to everyone else, don't criticize me for what I write, because it took lot of guts for me to write this, and might as well be the hardest thing I have write online to people I know so well.


What make it that some children are born poor, minority, and simply just unlucky as oppose to the one that are born rich, white, and simply get everything handed to them. What make some so lucky they have brothers and sisters their age? And what make it that some have one horrible sister and no brother what so ever? There are many uncertainly in life, none as unexplainable as my life. From everything I do, consequences are severe, life is painful, excruciating at times. What can one do when almost everything is out of their control, why was I born Asian, why was I born as a scapegoat, why was I even born in the first place?
WHY? I don’t get this life, and probably never will. I am 20, a virgin, an outcast, a 2nd year in college. I am not a commuter, and have to bare the incredible pain of living in the dorm where my sadness fuels everyone else happiness. I make all my decision with cautious yet no matter what I choose it always end up biting me in the ASS. I am sick, I am not human, I feel insane, I feel broken, lost, hopeless, yet everyday I put myself out there, one small step at a time, yet the more I try, the worst in get. It like I have fail life and it is entirely out of my control. To see little kids with young parents, loving parents, with tons of brothers and sisters, tear my heart into a million pieces. I am not EMO, but I am broken, I am dying each day by day. I may not smoke, but stress can take many years off my life, and of course I will die earlier than expected.
To live as an Asian male is the most cruel and most demanding task put upon a person. Simply put, we are not wanted. I am also screw in my own preference, I simply just like White girls, and because of this my life has become an aching pain. Do white girls even like Asian guys? There is a moment of inferiority here; there is almost a 99% chance that a white girl would take a white guy over an Asian guy any day. Why is it that? Because the white men have show that they are superior to every other single race out there and are the dream prince for all girls, just as what white girls have shown. Asian guys are short, and it is injustice in it self. For me to look up at most white guys when I talk is unjust. I should not have to look up at white guy; I should look at them eye to eye or below. I am not born to feel inferior, I was born to be superior, and I can’t stand it. I feel wicked sick in my way of thinking. The days seem to dread to years, who know how much longer before I go crazy. I am piss off mad, angry at people. Everything seems to trigger me nowadays, when I see couple, pets, brothers, etc… it hurt me in a way that people don’t realize. I hate people simply put, I’m racist, I hate white guy, and I have every reason to. Call me a racist, but it is jealously that has boil up over all these years. Just knowing every time I see a white kid, I just know that once he my age, he will be much taller than me, and it hurt. “What hurt the most” by Rascal Flatt is knowing that I will always be 5’8.5 and that Asian male are the least prefer by almost any girls. I have seen more Asian girls date white guy than Asian guys in my school. Does this mean the Asian race is dying? Why did white people call themselves “CauASIAN”? Maybe someday the world will be mix, but like Martin Luther King or women’s who fought for justice die before their potential was realize. To say someday Asian will get respect of the world may not be too far off, but when that time come, I will be long gone.

What do I have that other people don’t have? Nothing. I have no life, I never did, I just continue to live to prove myself wrong, but the more I live, the more that I see that I am right. I am a normal person from physical appearance, but I am not a normal person by circumstances. I was not born like other kids, and was bully, beat up, gang bang, racist, rumors, make fun of, hated on, scapegoat, as well as many other things. I was born to be made an outcast, simply put. From my early years of kindergarten to my 2nd year in college, nothing has change. For someone to understand my life would require years of studying, something that most people just don’t understand. Calling me a “troll” show the luckiest, spoilness, and immaturity of other people. I am a nice guy, and many people realize that, yet how come no one has reach out to me, lend me a hand, because I sure will make on hell of a friend. Maybe I’m just too honest, I hardly lie, and I care about other. I am not shy, I am clean, I dress nice, am pretty smart, can hold a conversation, not bad looking, can make joke, quite outgoing if given the chance, emotionally strong, a good listener, enjoy helping others, someone you can trust, not afraid to try new things, very romantic, very unique, and very chill, yet why? I have no friends, never had a gf, and feel older as the days goes by. What is there not to like about me? Why ME in the first place?
I don’t expect anyone to know the answer, I expect my life to be long and hard, and lonely. Every path I take is “ a boulevard of broken dream” by green day. My life can best be describe by 2 song from Simple plan “Welcome to my life” and “Shut-up”. Do I want to die? NO. Do I want to live like this? NO. Whether those song or fake or not, whether people hate those band or not, it doesn’t matter, the truth is I fit that song perfectly, it has gotten me through life. Music is the best medicine, and it truly is. Without music, I would have nothing.
Please someone be my GF, will it ever happen? Probably not. Will I ever date the girl of my dream? NO, simply put there are tons of handsome guy out there who can date any girl they want, and I am not one of them. Does this make me sound selfish or a bad person? I can't tell for sure, but what guy don’t want to date the hottest, cutest girl from first attraction? I’m sure I’m not alone in this. Life is too demanding for me, people do more things in a month of their life than I have done in my 20 years of existence. To say all “men are equal” by Thomas Jefferson is the most BS thing ever wrote.
I have never done anything wrong at birth, I never hurt anyone, yet my life feel like prison, and most of the time it is, a struggle to survive in the harsh world of mankind. I would only hope that a girl would walk up to me and hold my hand, put her head on my shoulder and say “I love you, Chris”, I would have her, my life would be forever change. I could kiss her all I want, I would not have any more lonely sleepless night alone, where the only reality are my dreams.

People who show PDA make me want to chew them out. I want to hurt them, cream them, whatever it take to make them miserable. I want to reckless ruff them to the edge where they beg for my mercy. This is my dark side and society has cause me to be this way. I was born innocence, care free, friendly person, but the more I live the more I grow to be angry, lonely, miserable, and sick. Is it possible for me to not ever know what love is? It is more than likely I will be alone. Sometime I sit on my ASS thinking I wish I was a girl sometime.

Why do you feel inferior to white guys? I'm white, 21 and have the same social difficulties as you. Depression, heartache. Race and colour means absolutely nothing, my man.

 

[Chris 2]

I'm a white guy. I don't hate you for hating white guys or thinking that way. Its just the way life has treated you that made you think that. I don't feel lucky because I'm white. I'm same as you pretty much. I never had a GF either. I'm younger than you though. I don't look down upon asians. I had a asian friend once. (not hardly a friend just someone I talked with at school) I thought he was pretty cool. I never had any friends really. Maybe just a few when I was young. I'd say middle school is when the honeysuckle life started. Thats when the kids get mean. Anyway you shouldn't feel disadvantaged. Race doesn't matter screw them magazines or whatever told you that. Its all in your own mind. You think you can't do this and can't do that. And that is why you cannot do them. Its all about stupid mindset. If you didn't have to think about anything you'd be all set wouldn't you? You'd just do things and not think over the consequences in your head over and over. I need to tell myself the same thing. I'm preaching all this to you, when I'm just as much as a failure as you.

If I girl does come your way you better jump on it and don't make excuses. Like "OH SHE'LL NEVER WANT ME".

Thanks for the kind advice, and thank you for being honest, it really show your true personality.

 

[Chris 2]

Chris nothing wrong with ur life . bcoz there is no perfect life for anyone out there white black asian whatever . we all have problems in life .
ur not short ur not bad looking so why this sadness ,
dude trust me ur way much better than many , i would traded my life with urs anytime
if u dont have faith in ur self , u cant expect others or girls to be in love with u
u should start with ur self before u ask others

I am sad because I am alone, and it simple as that. I have no friends what so ever and I'm a 2nd years in college with a whole bunch of essays, and it almost impossible to concentrate being this lonely, yet I still do.

I do have faith in myself, and I am not shy of anyone, but I am not looking for a gf, I just want friends.

 

[somedude]

Chris nothing wrong with ur life . bcoz there is no perfect life for anyone out there white black asian whatever . we all have problems in life .
ur not short ur not bad looking so why this sadness ,
dude trust me ur way much better than many , i would traded my life with urs anytime
if u dont have faith in ur self , u cant expect others or girls to be in love with u
u should start with ur self before u ask others

I am sad because I am alone, and it simple as that. I have no friends what so ever and I'm a 2nd years in college with a whole bunch of essays, and it almost impossible to concentrate being this lonely, yet I still do.

I do have faith in myself, and I am not shy of anyone, but I am not looking for a gf, I just want friends.

Hey Chris, I understand to a point where you are coming from. I have a mountain of essays at the moment too and am having trouble getting through them because I am lonely and feeling a bit down.

Sometimes it is hard to find friends, but you have to make an effort to be outgoing and show an interest in other people. I'm not sure what kind of guy you are or what you are into, but most people if they are not too busy are happy to spend a bit of time chatting to someone about themselves or what they are interested in if you come across as friendly and down to earth.

It sounds like you have some real issues with being Asian. I can't imagine what that is like because I am a white guy but I am lonely a lot of the time too. I can tell you though that things are changing, I am seeing more white girls with Asian guys lately (hey, it even makes me jealous sometimes ). Fact is man, you are who you are and you have the choice to either see it as a negative or to embrace it and freakin' run with it.

I hope you feel better soon man, and I hope I don't upset you when I say this because I really do feel for you but I think for things to get better you are going to have to take control. Unfortunately that's what being a man is about, find your goals, find your vision and work towards it. Try to find things to focus on to improve your life ... work out, focus on hobbies, if you are into music then play an instrument or write your own songs ... just put your energy and frustration towards something positive. Things won't magically improve overnight but over time you will see the benefits.

Wish you all the best man.

 

[Lexicon Devil]

Bluey I know u know me on here for more than a year now, but you don't know my exact feeling on thing. I just hope you don't judge me on what I write, because you as well as I know that life has treat me like crap. Just know I trust you well moor than enough to show the other side of me. And to everyone else, don't criticize me for what I write, because it took lot of guts for me to write this, and might as well be the hardest thing I have write online to people I know so well.


What make it that some children are born poor, minority, and simply just unlucky as oppose to the one that are born rich, white, and simply get everything handed to them. What make some so lucky they have brothers and sisters their age? And what make it that some have one horrible sister and no brother what so ever? There are many uncertainly in life, none as unexplainable as my life. From everything I do, consequences are severe, life is painful, excruciating at times. What can one do when almost everything is out of their control, why was I born Asian, why was I born as a scapegoat, why was I even born in the first place?
WHY? I don’t get this life, and probably never will. I am 20, a virgin, an outcast, a 2nd year in college. I am not a commuter, and have to bare the incredible pain of living in the dorm where my sadness fuels everyone else happiness. I make all my decision with cautious yet no matter what I choose it always end up biting me in the ASS. I am sick, I am not human, I feel insane, I feel broken, lost, hopeless, yet everyday I put myself out there, one small step at a time, yet the more I try, the worst in get. It like I have fail life and it is entirely out of my control. To see little kids with young parents, loving parents, with tons of brothers and sisters, tear my heart into a million pieces. I am not EMO, but I am broken, I am dying each day by day. I may not smoke, but stress can take many years off my life, and of course I will die earlier than expected.
To live as an Asian male is the most cruel and most demanding task put upon a person. Simply put, we are not wanted. I am also screw in my own preference, I simply just like White girls, and because of this my life has become an aching pain. Do white girls even like Asian guys? There is a moment of inferiority here; there is almost a 99% chance that a white girl would take a white guy over an Asian guy any day. Why is it that? Because the white men have show that they are superior to every other single race out there and are the dream prince for all girls, just as what white girls have shown. Asian guys are short, and it is injustice in it self. For me to look up at most white guys when I talk is unjust. I should not have to look up at white guy; I should look at them eye to eye or below. I am not born to feel inferior, I was born to be superior, and I can’t stand it. I feel wicked sick in my way of thinking. The days seem to dread to years, who know how much longer before I go crazy. I am piss off mad, angry at people. Everything seems to trigger me nowadays, when I see couple, pets, brothers, etc… it hurt me in a way that people don’t realize. I hate people simply put, I’m racist, I hate white guy, and I have every reason to. Call me a racist, but it is jealously that has boil up over all these years. Just knowing every time I see a white kid, I just know that once he my age, he will be much taller than me, and it hurt. “What hurt the most” by Rascal Flatt is knowing that I will always be 5’8.5 and that Asian male are the least prefer by almost any girls. I have seen more Asian girls date white guy than Asian guys in my school. Does this mean the Asian race is dying? Why did white people call themselves “CauASIAN”? Maybe someday the world will be mix, but like Martin Luther King or women’s who fought for justice die before their potential was realize. To say someday Asian will get respect of the world may not be too far off, but when that time come, I will be long gone.

What do I have that other people don’t have? Nothing. I have no life, I never did, I just continue to live to prove myself wrong, but the more I live, the more that I see that I am right. I am a normal person from physical appearance, but I am not a normal person by circumstances. I was not born like other kids, and was bully, beat up, gang bang, racist, rumors, make fun of, hated on, scapegoat, as well as many other things. I was born to be made an outcast, simply put. From my early years of kindergarten to my 2nd year in college, nothing has change. For someone to understand my life would require years of studying, something that most people just don’t understand. Calling me a “troll” show the luckiest, spoilness, and immaturity of other people. I am a nice guy, and many people realize that, yet how come no one has reach out to me, lend me a hand, because I sure will make on hell of a friend. Maybe I’m just too honest, I hardly lie, and I care about other. I am not shy, I am clean, I dress nice, am pretty smart, can hold a conversation, not bad looking, can make joke, quite outgoing if given the chance, emotionally strong, a good listener, enjoy helping others, someone you can trust, not afraid to try new things, very romantic, very unique, and very chill, yet why? I have no friends, never had a gf, and feel older as the days goes by. What is there not to like about me? Why ME in the first place?
I don’t expect anyone to know the answer, I expect my life to be long and hard, and lonely. Every path I take is “ a boulevard of broken dream” by green day. My life can best be describe by 2 song from Simple plan “Welcome to my life” and “Shut-up”. Do I want to die? NO. Do I want to live like this? NO. Whether those song or fake or not, whether people hate those band or not, it doesn’t matter, the truth is I fit that song perfectly, it has gotten me through life. Music is the best medicine, and it truly is. Without music, I would have nothing.
Please someone be my GF, will it ever happen? Probably not. Will I ever date the girl of my dream? NO, simply put there are tons of handsome guy out there who can date any girl they want, and I am not one of them. Does this make me sound selfish or a bad person? I can't tell for sure, but what guy don’t want to date the hottest, cutest girl from first attraction? I’m sure I’m not alone in this. Life is too demanding for me, people do more things in a month of their life than I have done in my 20 years of existence. To say all “men are equal” by Thomas Jefferson is the most BS thing ever wrote.
I have never done anything wrong at birth, I never hurt anyone, yet my life feel like prison, and most of the time it is, a struggle to survive in the harsh world of mankind. I would only hope that a girl would walk up to me and hold my hand, put her head on my shoulder and say “I love you, Chris”, I would have her, my life would be forever change. I could kiss her all I want, I would not have any more lonely sleepless night alone, where the only reality are my dreams.

People who show PDA make me want to chew them out. I want to hurt them, cream them, whatever it take to make them miserable. I want to reckless ruff them to the edge where they beg for my mercy. This is my dark side and society has cause me to be this way. I was born innocence, care free, friendly person, but the more I live the more I grow to be angry, lonely, miserable, and sick. Is it possible for me to not ever know what love is? It is more than likely I will be alone. Sometime I sit on my ASS thinking I wish I was a girl sometime.

wow you really have a big chip on your shoulder. Nobody owes you anything mate, so stop acting like everyone is deliberatley going out of their way to make you feel this way. We all have our problems in life, pull your socks up, stop moaning and get on with your life.

 

[SighX99]

chris i totally understand where u are coming from. being an asian male, sometimes it is hard competing with other white males. that is the truth. some white guys maybe not think so, but it is true. white guys have more chances with a lot of girls.

i see it as white people in general have more variations with their looks. blonde, brunette, curly hair,blue eyes, brown eyes, green eyes, pale to tanned skin. Asians mostly have black hair brown eyes, often straight hair, sometimes asian males dont look good in long hair...etc. i see more asian girls with white guys way often than white girls with asian guys. this is kind of a dilliemma every asian man go through. plus many girls sometimes have th sterotype of asian man are manipulative and dominating. which isnt true at all. sterotype is there. it sucks.

idk, other races like spanish or spanish or european in gneral, they can easily blend in with other races. but asians stand out from all the other races. its hard to blend into the general public. a mexican guy sometimes can look white... whereas an asian guy will just look like an asian nerd no matter what his hobby is. again, the sterotype is there. just most people dont notice it.

however, chris, you seem very disillusioned. u need to step up and quit moaning. the more this state of mind takes over, the less chance u wil be able to make friends. im in this proces as well. im very bitter emotionally now because a lot of my friends fuckede me over in the past, and most of them are white guys.. my best friend was white and he hooked up with my ex who was also white in front of my face. ive been hurt bad, in some ways, im in the same shitty situation as u. just that i commute to my college, i live with my parents. i dont live in a dorm where its a lot easier to make friends or girlfriends.

ujust need to go out there. ur in a better situation than i am. i live with my fuckin parents for godsake, less chance for me to get with a girl. u however, live in a party college, live in a dorm with thousands of students all around u at all times... that sounds pretty fuckin awesome i tell u what. u just need to stop these thoughts u have, and just get out there and live in the moment not in the past.

good luck in ur endeavors.

 

[SimizAkri]

Why do people go through life blaming their misfortunes on their race?

You can't blame your whole life on being Asian.
Maybe if you accept who you are, you wouldn't have so many problems.
I mean, every race and religion receives hatred from the rest of the world and Asians aren't even up there.
African Americans, Jews, homosexuals, and Muslims are probably the most hated people in the world right now and they face adversity everyday.

Everyone goes through honeysuckle man. You just have to learn how to deal.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Why do people go through life blaming their misfortunes on their race?

You can't blame your whole life on being Asian.
Maybe if you accept who you are, you wouldn't have so many problems.
I mean, every race and religion receives hatred from the rest of the world and Asians aren't even up there.
African Americans, Jews, homosexuals, and Muslims are probably the most hated people in the world right now and they face adversity everyday.

Everyone goes through honeysuckle man. You just have to learn how to deal.

That's right man...

Life is like a relationship, bussiness or the chatroom.
It's a series of bullshit endurance.