My funeral

[BadInside]

I keep an updated list on my phone of who will attend.

My parents, bfs parents, bf, and maybe 2 friends on top of that if one of them remembers who I am.

 

[Wayfarer]

Well, you know, there's still time for the list to grow. But honestly, I advise you against holding a list about that: it'd just make you feel bad and keep you thinking about your death.

(By the way.. my list would probably be even shorter than yours XD) You have to try and think positive
If you feel like it, drop me a PM and we can talk about it.

 

[Despicable Me]

I keep an updated list on my phone of who will attend.

My parents, bfs parents, bf, and maybe 2 friends on top of that if one of them remembers who I am.

I am just curious, but why do you keep a list like that? What purpose does it serve?

 

[BeyondShy]

I keep an updated list on my phone of who will attend.

My parents, bfs parents, bf, and maybe 2 friends on top of that if one of them remembers who I am.

I am just curious, but why do you keep a list like that? What purpose does it serve?

That's to see if a very big viewing room is required or just a small one.

 

[Despicable Me]

That's to see if a very big viewing room is required or just a small one.

Hardy har har. Funeral humor. Gotta love it.

 

[mickey]

Do you have a terminal condition, beyond the mere fact that everyone alive is a terminal case? Is there some specific projection of the date of your expected death within less than 12 months? If not, then anything except making a will and maybe buying a plot in a cemetery is a bit premature, in my opinion.

 

[Despicable Me]

and maybe buying a plot in a cemetery is a bit premature, in my opinion.

I've never really understood the whole 'buying a plot' thing.
Is there a reason for that? Like... Just so you know your family members will have a decent spot to come to when they want to mourn?

To be honest I kind of just want to be forgotten when I die. I understand people need to mourn for long-term mental health, but I honestly don't like the idea of anyone going through pain because I'm not around anymore. I don't really like the idea of leaving behind reminders. If I do have a tombstone, I want something really philosophical and inspiring to be written on it. Or maybe something funny.
Anything that would mean the passerbys would have something to leave with, other than the thought of me.

Now that I think about it...
*calls local funeral home and orders a plot and a comical tombstone inscription*

 

[Serephina]

Surely it's better to embrace life and make the most of it than to think of death?

 

[mickey]

Money, honey. Even a coffin alone can cost your survivors $25,000. Having to buy a plot to bury you in would cost them considerably more. Making final arrangements and ensuring the expenses are covered is just being considerate to our loved ones so they don't have to face a huge financial bill when they're mourning you.

 

[Despicable Me]

Money, honey. Even a coffin alone can cost your survivors $25,000. Having to buy a plot to bury you in would cost them considerably more. Making final arrangements and ensuring the expenses are covered is just being considerate to our loved ones so they don't have to face a huge financial bill when they're mourning you.

Well, for me personally dump the body in the river for all I care. I'm dead, why would I care? It wouldn't really be 'me'.
And, doesn't the costs of a funeral come out of your own bank account either way? Not like the bank can legally just absorb your money. Not if you have a will or surviving family members, anyway. Is it cheaper to buy one early, for some reason? Guess I've never really looked into it.

 

[Aisha]

Once you're dead, does it make so much difference? Does it matter who comes or doesn't? I'd rather my loved ones came to see me while I was alive than huge numbers of people came after I was dead.
My funeral has never been of concern to me. As a Muslim, our rites involve bathing the body, wrapping it generally in the simplest cotton shroud, lowering it into the grave sometimes in a plain unmarked flimsy wooden box, or more often just the body without a casket. Of what use is a casket when we will all decay anyway? Everyone is equal in this, rich or poor. The funeral happens within hours of the death or at the latest, the day after the death. The burial usually happens after one of our five daily prayers and everyone in the area who comes to the prayer will pray the separate prayer for the deceased.
This means that essentially everyone in the neighbourhood, or at the least, most of the men in the area will attend the funeral, and usually even many strangers will pay their respects to the deceased. I have been to funerals and prayed for several people who have been complete strangers, as a sign of respect to their families and to the deceased.

 

[Sometimes]

@Aisha, I like how you do it. Some cultures run away and hide from death that it comes as a shock to them when it comes round, to themselves, family or people they know.

 

[TheWalkingDead]

I am sort of a Buddhist, and many Buddhist teachers request that their body is put on display so their students can use it to study impermanence! Not all Buddhists believe in reincarnation (the Buddha never taught anything about that, it was kind of a Hindu synergy thing) and I don't really, I see rebirth as the constant creation of meaning from moment to moment rather than coming back as a cat or a frog (though if I came back as my stray cat or the resident slugs it probably wouldn't be too bad an existence!)

I think awareness of death can either push us to live life to the full, or bring us down. I spent a long time in denial and pain about my mortality, I think a lot of people do, but not being in denial can be liberating rather than morbid, it means when it does come round, you are ready. You are not lying there wishing you'd done things you didn't, because hopefully you were aware you didn't have unlimited time, and did them

This is an interesting article:

http://topinfopost.com/2014/05/12/top-5-regrets-people-make-on-their-deathbed

I am doing well on 3 of them (unless you count the last month) - I need to work on 2 and 4!

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

My grandmother didn't have a funeral. After she was cremated,my grandfather went to a place she loved (I believe her parents old acreage) and said his goodbyes in prayer. I would rather have something low key like this.

 

[HoodedMonk]

Money, honey. Even a coffin alone can cost your survivors $25,000. Having to buy a plot to bury you in would cost them considerably more. Making final arrangements and ensuring the expenses are covered is just being considerate to our loved ones so they don't have to face a huge financial bill when they're mourning you.

Looking online…caskets most certainly do not cost that much.

Hell, even funerals don't cost that much.

Not sure where you are getting your numbers.

 

[Aisha]

@Aisha, I like how you do it. Some cultures run away and hide from death that it comes as a shock to them when it comes round, to themselves, family or people they know.

Often it's not a cultural thing I think. As humans we will naturally be afraid of what we don't know. But if you're brought up to acknowledge it and to see death as a part of the natural process, whatever your culture or religion may be, I think that eliminates at least some of the fear. Life is for the living but death is a part of life. Most people see it happen to someone else before it happens to themselves.
When someone dies we deal with it quickly as a community and then move on. The mourning period is three days. We're strongly advised not to dwell in sorrow, no matter how close the deceased was. Sorrow prolonged turns into depression and that affects every facet of life. In the end, no matter how you grieve, the dead remain dead.

I am sort of a Buddhist, and many Buddhist teachers request that their body is put on display so their students can use it to study impermanence! Not all Buddhists believe in reincarnation (the Buddha never taught anything about that, it was kind of a Hindu synergy thing) and I don't really, I see rebirth as the constant creation of meaning from moment to moment rather than coming back as a cat or a frog (though if I came back as my stray cat or the resident slugs it probably wouldn't be too bad an existence!)

I like your concept of reincarnation. Although you're right, it would be a good life to come back as tiddles! Do buddhists study impermanence generally regardless of whether they believe in reincarnation? I thought transmigration was a buddhist concept? By impermanence do you mean the end of physical existence but also the lack of an afterlife? What's your view on the concept of an afterlife? There's no such thing as a soul in buddhism, so what is it that endures in nirvana? I know nirvana can be achieved but isn't the concept of nirvana sort of different for every individual? Intriguing. Time to study Buddhism again, methinks. We lay the body out for viewing for a little while too, so people can pay their respects.

I think awareness of death can either push us to live life to the full, or bring us down. I spent a long time in denial and pain about my mortality, I think a lot of people do, but not being in denial can be liberating rather than morbid, it means when it does come round, you are ready. You are not lying there wishing you'd done things you didn't, because hopefully you were aware you didn't have unlimited time, and did them This is an interesting article:
http://topinfopost.com/2014/05/12/top-5-regrets-people-make-on-their-deathbed
I am doing well on 3 of them (unless you count the last month) - I need to work on 2 and 4!

I've seen that article before and wondered which of those I'd have. If I were on my deathbed right now I think mine would be putting things off that I wanted to do and achieve. So probably number one? Better work on that... tomorrow. Good for you if you're managing to live without those regrets!

 

[dd11]

Please focus on life. Funerals and those details take care of themselves.

---

“Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.”

Epicurus

 

[TheWalkingDead]

@Aisha, I like how you do it. Some cultures run away and hide from death that it comes as a shock to them when it comes round, to themselves, family or people they know.

Often it's not a cultural thing I think. As humans we will naturally be afraid of what we don't know. But if you're brought up to acknowledge it and to see death as a part of the natural process, whatever your culture or religion may be, I think that eliminates at least some of the fear. Life is for the living but death is a part of life. Most people see it happen to someone else before it happens to themselves.
When someone dies we deal with it quickly as a community and then move on. The mourning period is three days. We're strongly advised not to dwell in sorrow, no matter how close the deceased was. Sorrow prolonged turns into depression and that affects every facet of life. In the end, no matter how you grieve, the dead remain dead.

I am sort of a Buddhist, and many Buddhist teachers request that their body is put on display so their students can use it to study impermanence! Not all Buddhists believe in reincarnation (the Buddha never taught anything about that, it was kind of a Hindu synergy thing) and I don't really, I see rebirth as the constant creation of meaning from moment to moment rather than coming back as a cat or a frog (though if I came back as my stray cat or the resident slugs it probably wouldn't be too bad an existence!)

I like your concept of reincarnation. Although you're right, it would be a good life to come back as tiddles! Do buddhists study impermanence generally regardless of whether they believe in reincarnation? I thought transmigration was a buddhist concept? By impermanence do you mean the end of physical existence but also the lack of an afterlife? What's your view on the concept of an afterlife? There's no such thing as a soul in buddhism, so what is it that endures in nirvana? I know nirvana can be achieved but isn't the concept of nirvana sort of different for every individual? Intriguing. Time to study Buddhism again, methinks. We lay the body out for viewing for a little while too, so people can pay their respects.

I think awareness of death can either push us to live life to the full, or bring us down. I spent a long time in denial and pain about my mortality, I think a lot of people do, but not being in denial can be liberating rather than morbid, it means when it does come round, you are ready. You are not lying there wishing you'd done things you didn't, because hopefully you were aware you didn't have unlimited time, and did them This is an interesting article:
http://topinfopost.com/2014/05/12/top-5-regrets-people-make-on-their-deathbed
I am doing well on 3 of them (unless you count the last month) - I need to work on 2 and 4!

I've seen that article before and wondered which of those I'd have. If I were on my deathbed right now I think mine would be putting things off that I wanted to do and achieve. So probably number one? Better work on that... tomorrow. Good for you if you're managing to live without those regrets!

I think that's why I said I'm "sort of" a Buddhist, as a lot of it doesn't make sense once you start to really think about it (or at least when I think about it). I don't believe in a soul, but it's hard to argue with the fact that our atoms are recycled all the time - whether any other energy goes with them I don't know, but quantum theory predicts that even universes are being recycled from old ones all the time so who knows!

There are so many different Buddhisms - of course Tibetan Buddhism believes in reincarnation, but others believe something different. Some quite famous Buddhist teachers have really alienated me by suggesting "don't worry if things go wrong in this life, you'll get another one" which is completely at odds with what the Buddha taught in the first place as he taught that effectively there is no "you" that is fixed! And Zen Buddhists do not believe in it at all!

The Buddhism I prefer is what gets to the heart of what the Buddha said himself - "I teach only suffering and the end of suffering". I see it as a set of tools that can be used, a way of relating to experience that reduces the clinging to things as we wish them to be rather than how they actually are. My favourite Buddhist teacher is Gil Fronsdal (he has a lot of talks at Audiodharma) and I don't think he's ever mentioned reincarnation once. He trained in Zen to start with, and I think a lot of Zen appeals to me, as it's about the here and now, and is very human.

http://zen-buddhism.net/faq/zen-faq.html

This article may be of interest on the reincarnation:

http://dharmafield.org/resources/texts/what-the-buddha-never-taught/

 

[SofiasMami]

I keep an updated list on my phone of who will attend.

My parents, bfs parents, bf, and maybe 2 friends on top of that if one of them remembers who I am.

Why do you keep a list of who you would expect at your funeral? How do you know they will outlive you? Hopefully you're not planning to die soon?

I think about my own death only in the context that I would like to put that moment off for many years to come since my child is still young and needs a mother. But my funeral? Meh.

Funerals are for the living. After my life ends, I expect my survivors to do whatever they feel is appropriate and gives them comfort.

-Teresa

 

[TheWalkingDead]

I was thinking about my current problems in the context of this thread. It was helpful to think, if I saw a doctor today and was given a few weeks to live, how I would so willingly go back to the wonderfully mundane problems I had now. The urgency of sorting out walls and websites and rodent infestations and workloads would vanish in the blink of an eye. It makes me think that problems are temporary, and there is always the opportunity to sit and smell the roses, even when they might be a little withered.

Sometimes I do look back, and think it would be great to have the problems I had in my 20s, but I suppose hindsight means I know that things worked out in the end, and I know when you are in a dark place that can seem very unlikely.

I think when you are depressed thinking about death can feel like a blessing, you know at some point there will be an end to the way you feel and it's tempting to fantasise about the peace that will bring - except you (probably) won't ever experience that peace, and doing something about it is of course a permanent escape to a temporary feeling. Even depression and sadness will pass, or you will find ways to manage it better and enjoy life more.

I don't underestimate how hard it is, because I have been in those dark places and had those same thoughts, and been unable to see a way forward.

I also think imagining your own funeral can be a healthy thing - plan it like the the end of a big film, knock 'em dead (pun intended), a relative of mine had Monty Python's "Always Look on the bright side of life" played at their funeral and insisted on everyone wearing bright colours, he made people laugh even though he was gone!