My humble dispensation of misery.

[Leatherbadge]

This is the open "rant" forum, where you can, anonoymously, express how you feel. Feel free to post as you like, but please try and keep somewhat to the overall point of the forum.

What a glorious green light to have - to release all your thoughts no matter how deluded, random, or irrelevant (well, I suppose there's a bit of a rule against that last one). Not so much anonymously - I'm 17, and only in desperate times do I show hint of my brooding irrationality! I feel especially depressed now that the weekend's over and I have to face yet another week of school. To that end, I've decided not to go to sleep. Its 3 AM, right now - so if I did, it'd do me no great service anyway. I don't know what I'll do tomorrow, go to school a zombie and tired out of my mind or have a tempestuous clash with my parents to stay at home (I think I have over a month of absences in total).

My academic career is no triumphant one, in that I have straight F's. Not a better grade in the whole lot. Okay, maybe a D for good measure, somewhere in there. Still! The reason is I've given up hope, and look forward to hopping a fence somewhat unnoticed so as to skip that educational penitentiary daily, and not graduating from its dank and dirty halls as I should, and get the whole thing over with. I hate school. I haven't considered a job yet, but even if I wanted one (which I do), I need a car first. My lack of social skill, I suppose, berefits me of friends. I've made friends in the past, and all that requires is acting and pushing yourself (to a normal person, I suppose it'd come all too naturally; for me, its anguish). At this school, though, I've no friends because the classes are far too short and well, I don't care anymore as I've outlined; So! I loathe every moment of my existence within it.

I don't know why I'm up right now - because what I hope to gain out of it is entirely demented from a logical perspective (which is usually my kind of outlook). Yet, here I am. I can't imagine going back there tomorrow. I never can - this night, particularly so! Go figure.

Devoid of much socialization and always a healthy plenitude of boredom, I take heart in a very beneficent feature courtesy of my Comcast cable box: the OnDemand menu. Today, I watched Yes Man. Great movie, really elevated my mood. Followed by K-19, the Widowmaker. Great movie, but a sad one which made me rather more somber for the evening. Then, finally, at about 1:00 I figured I'd watch the latest episode of Rescue Me's new season. I assumed, oblivious to its result on my morale, that after watching it I'd pass out like a log. >.> It was cool, great, in your face and full of Denis Leary's edgy, disquieting manushia (the show never fails to deliver on that point), but it had quite a very sad ending. Apparently, if any of you've seen it, they fail to rescue a man in a burning sky-rise. He waves this white towel outside his window, drops it, and disappears into the flames inside. They all, in turn, look up at him, for some reason, completely unable to assist.

Not a good ending, I say. Or, perhaps a perfect one! If, in fact, devised to leave me feeling empty and desolate, which I did not at all intend given my already despondent state of mind.

... Anyhow! I hope you enjoyed mulling over my misery as much as I did over some of yours, on the other threads to be found here. Fun stuff, eh?

I love you guys. XD

 

[Bluey]

FFFFFF's HAY. Well I can't say anything has I left school with nothing and I hated it has well. I got out of going anytime I could.

The thing is I did struggle with the work. You however come accrues has a very bright indevigual. I think if you applied yourself you could do very well academically. So I think if I was you I would be asking myself what am getting out of not trying?

Your parents are only getting onto you cos they care. Ask yourself what you would do if you where in there place worried over there son not going to school and judging from your posts I would say you probably could do much better then an F. I would wont my kid to reach there full pretashuol which you just don't seem to wont to do.

I never liked school and I think only some ppl get something that's worth taking with them in life. I would say you should maybe leave and go to college instead. Do you know what it is that you would like to do in life? I know I did not at your age and I joined a YTS (youth training scheme) for catering. I wasn't really into it but I never know what else I wonted to do.

 

[Leatherbadge]

Ah, Bluey. On a point of honesty, I glanced across your profile once. You have so much good reputation! You struck me as an outstanding individual; One, which I was assured I would never have gotten the opportunity to speak with (evidently, and fortunately incorrect).

In answer to your first question, I ask myself that more often than you think. My mind, in a rare display of reliability reverberating back to me the obvious answer, nothing. =P I did care about my grades - once. But so unappealing is it to go to that place that the concern, along with the subsequent consequences providing my lack thereof, means little to me. In answer to your second, not really. Though I do love animals. I wanted to be a biologist once. Given my latent circumstances, I don't know in what capacity I could ever become one, now. Bringing me back to square one.

 

[Alvaro]

This is the open "rant" forum, where you can, anonoymously, express how you feel. Feel free to post as you like, but please try and keep somewhat to the overall point of the forum.

What a glorious green light to have - to release all your thoughts no matter how deluded, random, or irrelevant (well, I suppose there's a bit of a rule against that last one). Not so much anonymously - I'm 17, and only in desperate times do I show hint of my brooding irrationality! I feel especially depressed now that the weekend's over and I have to face yet another week of school. To that end, I've decided not to go to sleep. Its 3 AM, right now - so if I did, it'd do me no great service anyway. I don't know what I'll do tomorrow, go to school a zombie and tired out of my mind or have a tempestuous clash with my parents to stay at home (I think I have over a month of absences in total).

My academic career is no triumphant one, in that I have straight F's. Not a better grade in the whole lot. Okay, maybe a D for good measure, somewhere in there. Still! The reason is I've given up hope, and look forward to hopping a fence somewhat unnoticed so as to skip that educational penitentiary daily, and not graduating from its dank and dirty halls as I should, and get the whole thing over with. I hate school. I haven't considered a job yet, but even if I wanted one (which I do), I need a car first. My lack of social skill, I suppose, berefits me of friends. I've made friends in the past, and all that requires is acting and pushing yourself (to a normal person, I suppose it'd come all too naturally; for me, its anguish). At this school, though, I've no friends because the classes are far too short and well, I don't care anymore as I've outlined; So! I loathe every moment of my existence within it.

I don't know why I'm up right now - because what I hope to gain out of it is entirely demented from a logical perspective (which is usually my kind of outlook). Yet, here I am. I can't imagine going back there tomorrow. I never can - this night, particularly so! Go figure.

Devoid of much socialization and always a healthy plenitude of boredom, I take heart in a very beneficent feature courtesy of my Comcast cable box: the OnDemand menu. Today, I watched Yes Man. Great movie, really elevated my mood. Followed by K-19, the Widowmaker. Great movie, but a sad one which made me rather more somber for the evening. Then, finally, at about 1:00 I figured I'd watch the latest episode of Rescue Me's new season. I assumed, oblivious to its result on my morale, that after watching it I'd pass out like a log. >.> It was cool, great, in your face and full of Denis Leary's edgy, disquieting manushia (the show never fails to deliver on that point), but it had quite a very sad ending. Apparently, if any of you've seen it, they fail to rescue a man in a burning sky-rise. He waves this white towel outside his window, drops it, and disappears into the flames inside. They all, in turn, look up at him, for some reason, completely unable to assist.

Not a good ending, I say. Or, perhaps a perfect one! If, in fact, devised to leave me feeling empty and desolate, which I did not at all intend given my already despondent state of mind.

... Anyhow! I hope you enjoyed mulling over my misery as much as I did over some of yours, on the other threads to be found here. Fun stuff, eh?

I love you guys. XD

Hey there Leatherblade.

First off all, nice job on conveying your thoughts and feelings in this thread. You deserve having straight A's straightout!

Secondly, I can picture what's happening to you because the exact thing happened to me in high school.(Could it be I'm a gemini, who knows. )

Yes, this is a very tough world in which we live in, and equality is nonsense. But there is desire that no human being is devoid of, and that is to be free, free from problems, free from stress, free from anxiety,free from depression, free from hopelessness, free from all. And that's what exactly you're going to have to do.

You're going to tap on that desire to socialize with people at your school and daily life. For starters, you might should sleep early. Every time you sleep late, it makes you feel more hopeless and in doubt about yourself, when you're in reality smart and intelligent enough to get what you want. Lack of sleep also makes it extremely difficult for you to feel motivation for yourself. Believe me, you have much more better chance at fixing your problem when you're fully awake then when you're not. And even if you don't believe it, at least you'll be able to realize the scope of your problem.

Well, that's all I could help ya with man, because I kinda suck at helping.

 

[Bluey]

Ah, Bluey. On a point of honesty, I glanced across your profile once. You have so much good reputation! You struck me as an outstanding individual; One, which I was assured I would never have gotten the opportunity to speak with (evidently, and fortunately incorrect).

In answer to your first question, I ask myself that more often than you think. My mind, in a rare display of reliability reverberating back to me the obvious answer, nothing. =P I did care about my grades - once. But so unappealing is it to go to that place that the concern, along with the subsequent consequences providing my lack thereof, means little to me. In answer to your second, not really. Though I do love animals. I wanted to be a biologist once. Given my latent circumstances, I don't know in what capacity I could ever become one, now. Bringing me back to square one.

You do convey yourself extremely well that's for sure. I agree with Alvaro an "A" for that.

So that what you just said tells me you really don't like school at all even though you are moor then bright enough to clearly do anything you put your mind to doing. So what is it, Lack of friends? I think maybe its that. The thing is when at school specially its difficult to move on. ppl put you in a class and even if your personality has changed the ppl around you wont let that come out. If you get all that. I myself am not has good at conveying what my thoughts are as you. But if you do get that this is why I say you maybe should scrap school all together and go to college. Obviously school is not working for you so why continue to flog a dead horse? To me your talent is being wasted here.

You are still very young. There is no reason if you put your mind to it you still can't be a biologist. In fact we have a member on here who is at university studding just that.

The reps I got worked in a different way when I first got here. They don't mean am better then anyone here. Just maybe that I been here a bit longer then most that's all. I talk to anyone that talks to me

 

[spuzzwink]

Hello LeatherBadge,

I'm sorry to read of your difficulties in finding motivation to attend school; I remember how insufferable I found the majority of my time there and how in retrospect I may have approached the entire venture in the wrong frame of mind, so if I may I'd like to share with you what I learned at roughly the same age you are now (I'm now 24) which helped me discover the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel.
Your penitentiary analogy reminds me of a joke we would propagate in primary school - some British primary state schools carry the suffix C.P., which officially stands for County Primary, but our de facto interpretation would always be Children's Prison.
Anyway, to return to my point, my experience of school until age 16 was that of indifference; having my entire syllabus decided for me and crammed down my throat whether I wished to learn it or not contributed to a sense of rebellion which began to consume me around that age. My grades began to slip; I would stop doing homework, instead challenging the teachers to justify how my writing an essay on something would in any way improve either my grades or appreciation for the subject (some, to their credit, attempted it). I found myself daydreaming more and secretly continuing my own private studies in class on things I found interesting, such as economics and maths, instead of the work I had been prescribed.
After we made the transition to VIth form, where one is permitted to select three or four subjects to study at advanced level, my outlook suddenly changed. I realised that school is a means to an end; a tool for preparing oneself for life as an adult. It is not meant to be the social hub so many of my classmates used it for. Cynics would claim school is nothing more than a mass government social conditioning programme designed to prepare citizens for a life of contributing to the economy and paying taxes. I took a more optimistic viewpoint and concluded school would simply be a necessary evil in pursuing my passions.
University is one of civilisation's finest accomplishments, in my opinion. Being able to interact with other like-minded people on a subject you are all passionate about, without many of the insignificant trials of daily life to distract one is, for me, heaven. I realised entrance to university depended in no small part on the final grades one achieves at A-level, and achieving those grades would mean applying myself in school, which I began in earnest. I eventually managed to achieve the necessary results to attend my first choice university, and I can honestly say it was the best three years of my life.

In answer to your first question, I ask myself that more often than you think. My mind, in a rare display of reliability reverberating back to me the obvious answer, nothing. =P I did care about my grades - once. But so unappealing is it to go to that place that the concern, along with the subsequent consequences providing my lack thereof, means little to me. In answer to your second, not really. Though I do love animals. I wanted to be a biologist once. Given my latent circumstances, I don't know in what capacity I could ever become one, now. Bringing me back to square one.

You seem to me to be incredibly intelligent; your writings are very insightful, and great things lie ahead of you. If you know what you want to do in life, all you then need to do is find a path to it, which sometimes involves testing your resolve in places like school. I know now, looking back, if I had dropped out of school and not pursued my dreams I wouldn't be the same person.

Hang in there Leatherbadge; we'll be here for you along the way.

Spuzzwink

 

[Leatherbadge]

Hello LeatherBadge,

I'm sorry to read of your difficulties in finding motivation to attend school; I remember how insufferable I found the majority of my time there and how in retrospect I may have approached the entire venture in the wrong frame of mind, so if I may I'd like to share with you what I learned at roughly the same age you are now (I'm now 24) which helped me discover the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel.
Your penitentiary analogy reminds me of a joke we would propagate in primary school - some British primary state schools carry the suffix C.P., which officially stands for County Primary, but our de facto interpretation would always be Children's Prison.
Anyway, to return to my point, my experience of school until age 16 was that of indifference; having my entire syllabus decided for me and crammed down my throat whether I wished to learn it or not contributed to a sense of rebellion which began to consume me around that age. My grades began to slip; I would stop doing homework, instead challenging the teachers to justify how my writing an essay on something would in any way improve either my grades or appreciation for the subject (some, to their credit, attempted it). I found myself daydreaming more and secretly continuing my own private studies in class on things I found interesting, such as economics and maths, instead of the work I had been prescribed.
After we made the transition to VIth form, where one is permitted to select three or four subjects to study at advanced level, my outlook suddenly changed. I realised that school is a means to an end; a tool for preparing oneself for life as an adult. It is not meant to be the social hub so many of my classmates used it for. Cynics would claim school is nothing more than a mass government social conditioning programme designed to prepare citizens for a life of contributing to the economy and paying taxes. I took a more optimistic viewpoint and concluded school would simply be a necessary evil in pursuing my passions.
University is one of civilisation's finest accomplishments, in my opinion. Being able to interact with other like-minded people on a subject you are all passionate about, without many of the insignificant trials of daily life to distract one is, for me, heaven. I realised entrance to university depended in no small part on the final grades one achieves at A-level, and achieving those grades would mean applying myself in school, which I began in earnest. I eventually managed to achieve the necessary results to attend my first choice university, and I can honestly say it was the best three years of my life.

You seem to me to be incredibly intelligent; your writings are very insightful, and great things lie ahead of you. If you know what you want to do in life, all you then need to do is find a path to it, which sometimes involves testing your resolve in places like school. I know now, looking back, if I had dropped out of school and not pursued my dreams I wouldn't be the same person.

Hang in there Leatherbadge; we'll be here for you along the way.

Spuzzwink

I apologize in advance for my late response to this thread. Thank you Spuzz for your, both, very flattering and enlivening words. I've seen some of your posts after your introduction to the forum and I must say I've grown a bit of a liking to you, as I have for all rather exceptional members (my criteria of 'exceptional' remains only personal opinion). But still, that statement is designed to, in turn, flatter you. XD

In truth however, I feel uneasy when called intelligent, let alone "incredibly". Your rhetoric is, if I may say quite unilateral - and worse, aligned with all the things I have pounded in my head every morning in the drive to school, and every afternoon on the drive back. Applying myself, and all that - not that I don't completely agree with it in about every way. I take offense to it, though, since it doesn't seek to comfort my unfortunate condition in the slightest, and begs me instead to - laughably - correct it! *Laughs.* I am, however, abundantly happy that you succeeded through the veritable educational filter, through which one's being is so mercilessly strained, and wish you the best of luck in life (which, arguably, you've acquired to a point, already).

University is one of civilisation's finest accomplishments, in my opinion.

I, on the other hand, would have to resolutely disagree; One of civilization's finest accomplishments would have to be the endeared and beloved, cardinal necessity to any soul - the personal computer. A device which has been a vital part of me ever since I sat in my father's lap, marveling at the technological monolith for the first time (at about 1-2 years of age).

Aye, that's definitely it. It, and chip-resistent dishware. I'm... a bit clumsy, sometimes. <3

 

[luciddisconnect]

Leatherbadge:

You're too smart not to get through high school. It shows in your writing. You could coast through with Cs if you put in the slightest bit of effort. At least get your GED. You've got to have a slip of paper to have any hope of a decent job anymore. (though I guess that depends what we're calling decent, and maybe I'm just reciting what the authorities told me to say.)