My life never aligns with my desires?!

[TheSolitaryMan]

Hey all, first post in a while. I've been feeling more upbeat, so I've been away from the forums.

However, I've been experiencing some great frustration again lately.

I hope you can stick with my rather long post after this point - no point in writing it out if I'm not thorough, after all

Quick recap for context: I'm 20, male (the username's a giveaway ), studying a degree that requires a lot of hard work and have always been single.

Right now, I'm finding my biological drive absolutely maddening at times. Everything around me seems to encourage that human part of me, but logic and circumstance means it's all but impossible to do anything about it.

While I'm currently on holiday, the previous term I had 20+ hours of lectures a week on top of home assignments and reading. I sometimes had 4+ assignments a week to hand in for the next week.

I haven't got time at present for a full-time job, because even during the holidays I'm having to study to make sure I'm secure next year. I only earn bits of money from doing assorted jobs for people I know in my spare time.

I haven't been on a proper night out for at least a year now, as ridiculous as that sounds. I entertain myself with exercise, movies, videogames - forms of entertainment that can be quickly used and moved on from.

Yet there are girls in my class, all very attractive and friendly, who seem keen on getting to know me. There is one I have a crush on who spends a lot of time smiling at me...in fact, she really seems to like me too. This is making it even worse, ironically :club:

I fear don't have the money or time to really devote to a girl and make her feel special, so instead I'm trapped in this infuriating cycle of just doing absolutely nothing. It's got to the point where if I see a movie featuring some people kissing passionately or whatever, it actually puts me in a bad mood.

I feel exceedingly lonely, especially when other people speak of their partners. I'm not a jealous person by nature, but I get some pretty bitter feelings when people are going on about their busy social lives or romantic breaks.

I'm almost in a different caste to those people - I've got the same romantic abilites and assets, but that part of me is locked away for the next 4+ years until I have the money to "buy the key" for it.

Part of me thinks that I should just say "Screw it" and ask that girl out, but then what's the point if I don't have the money or independance to back that up? I'm sure a girl can only watch DVDs and eat pizza so many times before she gets bored.

I think the weirdest thing is, unlike many guys my age, I don't want sex or any of that heavy stuff. I'd just like someone to give me my first kiss and a big hug, and actually want me to be there for them.

Apparently, however, that's way out of my capabilities right now, because one kiss brings with it "The Relationship"

I don't know where I'm going with this, so I'll stop. I know this degree will really set me up in future (with any luck, anyway), but ****...I feel like a machine sometimes. One that's running low on fuel and making disturbing creaking noises.

Thanks for reading, if you did. I'd really appreciate anyone's thoughts or similar experiences. Modern life is...so **** hectic at times

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I was broke and didnt even have a ride when Michelle asked me out.
She had a car and tool me out.

You dont really need much money to hang with a chick...simple romamnitc stroll on the beach or park is cool.
You can always hang out and play vedio games or watch movies at home and make out....

Heck My first GF....we just went swinning. played vedio games and just made out at her place

Just ask her out...you havr nothing to lose and everything to gain.

 

[user 9172]

It's never a good thing to think that these things will just happen magically once X, Y, and Z are done with; Been there, done that, and found that life doesn't work out that way. Seize the moment and do what you want to do now.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Part of me thinks that I should just say "Screw it" and ask that girl out, but then what's the point if I don't have the money or independance to back that up? I'm sure a girl can only watch DVDs and eat pizza so many times before she gets bored.

Why not? She might enjoy her time to get to know you, and she might also appreciate the time you spend on your own life. Plus, not everything requires money; there are a lot of fun things that just take a bit of time, the major issue does seem to be that you are strapped for money /and/ time. And there's nothing necessarily wrong in just getting to know people as people.

If you really do require both the money and time entirely to focus on your future, then it has to be what it has to be. Be proud that you're taking the honorable path of not wasting someone else's time and look forward to your future. Life is about choices, after all, which I think you've understood as well. Take pride in your choices.

That said, you play video games. Those tend to be pretty time-consuming, so its possible that you might be able to lax off from them to get yourself more time in a day?

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Part of me thinks that I should just say "Screw it" and ask that girl out, but then what's the point if I don't have the money or independance to back that up? I'm sure a girl can only watch DVDs and eat pizza so many times before she gets bored.

Why not? She might enjoy her time to get to know you, and she might also appreciate the time you spend on your own life. Plus, not everything requires money; there are a lot of fun things that just take a bit of time, the major issue does seem to be that you are strapped for money /and/ time. And there's nothing necessarily wrong in just getting to know people as people.

If you really do require both the money and time entirely to focus on your future, then it has to be what it has to be. Be proud that you're taking the honorable path of not wasting someone else's time and look forward to your future. Life is about choices, after all, which I think you've understood as well. Take pride in your choices.

That said, you play video games. Those tend to be pretty time-consuming, so its possible that you might be able to lax off from them to get yourself more time in a day?

An "Amarr Noble", eh? Kindred spirit there it would seem

EVE was something I had to give up early on due to lack of time. I miss that wallet blinking icon

I think maybe I've subbed my social life for gaming to a degree. Going drinking or clubbing becomes a lot less attractive when you've spent 4 hours in a boiling hot lab and have to get up at 9 the next day. Whereas with people I know through gaming, I can sign on for an hour or two, then disappear and sleep.

You're definitely right though, games do often eat a surprising (and horrifying) amount of time, so perhaps I can cut back there and give myself some spare time elsewhere.

Thank you for the advice, it's given me a bit more faith in what I'm doing

It's never a good thing to think that these things will just happen magically once X, Y, and Z are done with; Been there, done that, and found that life doesn't work out that way. Seize the moment and do what you want to do now.

Hmmm. We shall see if she really likes me (I'm still not sure, I'm pretty useless at telling), then maybe I will just take the chance and ask her out. I'm assuming lots of looking and smiling is good, but she's quiet like a mouse when I try to talk to her. Not an easy situation, but then nothing ever really is

 

[IgnoredOne]

An Amarr I am, in all their glorious refinement and arrogance I took it too, because I am in fact, a pureblood noble and can trace an unbroken descent of title from both sides of my parents. At any rate, EVE is pretty awesome for its educational value but it is essentially a second job; its pretty neat if you work a network job at night and can play it with a vague attention on it. The economy aspect of it is awesome and it is an excellent material to study real-world stock markets by; the political aspects of it are compelling enough that multiple intelligence agencies use it as a training grounds.

Alas, I had to quit it early for much of the same reasons. The Guiding Hand, though is a beautiful example of effective intelligence.

At any rate, get to know the girl if you can - if she's shy, you might have to be a bit more proactive. She's probably an exhausted student like yourself and she could probably understand the same stresses you have. I once was with a girl who mostly liked to play WoW and Perfect World International with me in her free time, so who knows, she might consider that to be the fun thing to do together

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

An Amarr I am, in all their glorious refinement and arrogance I took it too, because I am in fact, a pureblood noble and can trace an unbroken descent of title from both sides of my parents.

Neat! I think if I had that particular trait I'd have a little throne in my living room in place of the usual sofa. I'm immature like that

-Gaming stuff below-

Alas, I had to quit it early for much of the same reasons. The Guiding Hand, though is a beautiful example of effective intelligence.

Oh, the GHSC are what made me join the game. I heard of their exploits and thought "Wow, that sounds fantastic." The whole dark, social manipulation side of EVE is the most intriguing I believe - I love how one smart individual can topple a whole conglomerate.

Aren't they retired now? Last I checked, anyway. Shame.

I always wanted to get into the game's markets legitimately, but I generally lacked the time to make the serious money, so instead I devoted my efforts to a variety of shady get-rich schemes. It took a while for me to stop moralising and realise it was all part of the game, then I started enjoying the effort it took.

My last one worked rather nicely - with some smoke and mirrors and a rehearsed script I ran a little financial institution made out of cardboard and got quite a few wealthy customers. I stuck to the truth all the way - they were making a sizable investment, I just didn't inform them it was to my credit status, not market assets

Cruel, maybe. But it's a game after all. And it was certainly a lot quicker and more fun than mining

All that cash sits on my character now, I never got to spend it. Or see the aftermath - I bet I have a lot of rather unpleasant Evemails waiting for me if I log in again...

You wouldn't believe the character name I used either, it makes me laugh thinking of it - it was a name that really gave a huge hint something was shifty

Anyway, I'll stop with the EVE nostalgia for the benefit of any other readers. Drop me a PM if you'd like to chat about the game, I'd be interested in hearing about your character's adventures

(Non-gaming stuff below!)

Yeah, this girl is on the same course as me, so I imagine she's pretty tired out too XD

It's kinda frustrating, I'm so used to my own shyness messing things up, but I've been really confident (against all odds) at approaching her so far. Problem is, she just stops talking near me almost completely.

She'll talk to the other guys, but she's only tried to strike up conversation with me once (and I gave a rather short and rubbish reply). Most of the time she just grins at me while I chat with people she knows.

Last time I saw her, we had this really weird (but pleasant) moment. I was joking with her friends, we all laughed, and she locked eyes with me for about 5 seconds, just smiling. Then I...did nothing

I had no idea what to do really. Urgh. I've sent her messages on the net and she seems to ignore them, so that's confusing me quite a bit.

I suppose I'll play the waiting game and see what happens, just try and be casual friends with her and get to know her as you say. I wish life was a little more clear cut sometimes though - I seem to attract girls that have no idea what they want from me

 

[LostInside]

Same here

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Frankly, I have this awful feeling I'm building a huge trap for myself for the second time. I've already once become interested in a girl who was just messing me around, this feels like an encore.

I had a different girl sort of cuddling up to my arm recently when we were chatting - I think I should have been flattered, and I was really polite to her. Instead, inside, I felt this horrible kind of dread, like I was being used again.

I get that "She's screwing with me" feeling every time a girl gives me a flirty kind of signal now. I hate being so suspicious, but being mislead really, really sucks, as I'm sure a lot of guys and girls here know.

Even when this lady smiles at me, I start thinking to myself "Oh, don't bother, it's just going to end the same way again. She doesn't like you." There's a good possibility I'm right.

Perhaps the first girl's messing around with my feelings screwed me up more than I thought

Anyway, sorry to everyone for the meandering posts, I just need somewhere to store these feelings sometimes. When these frustrations bottle up my happy demeanour seems to vanish.

 

[MountainGhost]

I can understand the position that you in...your plate sounds very full...but I would think that part of being truly successful in life is finding the right balance.
You can cram your head full of all the knowledge it will hold and and find the perfect job but what if, when you finally decide to make the time, you find that the opportunities you once had aren't there anymore.
You don't want to wake up one day and wonder where your " good years" went.
Education and money are, after all, only a means to an end.

Make the time...life really is to short

 

[IgnoredOne]

Neat! I think if I had that particular trait I'd have a little throne in my living room in place of the usual sofa. I'm immature like that

Hahaha. Well, I'm still planning to get a treasure chest with gold and jewels.

Oh, the GHSC are what made me join the game. I heard of their exploits and thought "Wow, that sounds fantastic." The whole dark, social manipulation side of EVE is the most intriguing I believe - I love how one smart individual can topple a whole conglomerate.

Aren't they retired now? Last I checked, anyway. Shame.

I always wanted to get into the game's markets legitimately, but I generally lacked the time to make the serious money, so instead I devoted my efforts to a variety of shady get-rich schemes. It took a while for me to stop moralising and realise it was all part of the game, then I started enjoying the effort it took.

GHSC is now retired, lol. And you expected honesty from an organization dedicated to the finer grasp of skillful deception?

Its an fascinating little microcosm of how a bit of cleverness and ruthlessness can have incredible dividends, but as you discovered, there are also downsides to accumulating a terrible reputation.

I was part of Seleene's glorious Mercenary Coalition, and part of its rise and fall. We were truly epic, some of the best fighters in the game. Winning battles with an average ratio of 4:1 against our favor thanks to our strict, unwavering discipline remains one of my proud memories.



I always hated BoB and was glad to see them finally go up in flames. And yes, its impressive how much one person can do, but its also interesting to note that its never really just one person most of the time. Intelligence is usually a force multiplier; effective information on enemy forces allows for /much/ more effective deployment of your forces - it doesn't matter if the enemy is twice as strong, for example, if they split up their forces and attack at different times; if you know exactly when they will strike, then your forces, even at half actual strength, are at an effectively equal strength.

Defeat in detail in a beautiful thing. Study it, love it, obsess over it.

The impact of surprise, too, should not be underestimated; and most battles(hell, wars) are decided not by material losses in the end as much by morale. I was a spymaster for my alliance, and it was good work.

That said, if you're mittani, I suppose you can sometimes one-hit knockout entire alliances of thousands with a single defection. Would that I be so glorious. I was SO jealous of mittani; my friend there remarked on how I was furious, seeking to one-up him after that accomplishment of his. I've done some amazing things, but I've /never/ managed to wipe out thousands with a single move. I was, and am angry, but **** it. He's good.

I bow to the grandmaster.

Yeah, this girl is on the same course as me, so I imagine she's pretty tired out too XD

It's kinda frustrating, I'm so used to my own shyness messing things up, but I've been really confident (against all odds) at approaching her so far. Problem is, she just stops talking near me almost completely.

She'll talk to the other guys, but she's only tried to strike up conversation with me once (and I gave a rather short and rubbish reply). Most of the time she just grins at me while I chat with people she knows.

Last time I saw her, we had this really weird (but pleasant) moment. I was joking with her friends, we all laughed, and she locked eyes with me for about 5 seconds, just smiling. Then I...did nothing

I had no idea what to do really. Urgh. I've sent her messages on the net and she seems to ignore them, so that's confusing me quite a bit.

She sounds like she's shy; why not suggest something that isn't particularly intimate, like lunch or breakfast, something that might get you the chance to get to know her.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

That said, if you're mittani, I suppose you can sometimes one-hit knockout entire alliances of thousands with a single defection. Would that I be so glorious. I was SO jealous of mittani; my friend there remarked on how I was furious, seeking to one-up him after that accomplishment of his. I've done some amazing things, but I've /never/ managed to wipe out thousands with a single move. I was, and am angry, but **** it. He's good.

I bow to the grandmaster.

Glorious stuff. Sounds like you were in the big time kind of infiltration. I was more the scummy criminal sort, lol. One day perhaps I will get back to the game and revel in more sophisticated havoc orchestration...a man can dream

Yeah, this girl is on the same course as me, so I imagine she's pretty tired out too XD

It's kinda frustrating, I'm so used to my own shyness messing things up, but I've been really confident (against all odds) at approaching her so far. Problem is, she just stops talking near me almost completely.

She'll talk to the other guys, but she's only tried to strike up conversation with me once (and I gave a rather short and rubbish reply). Most of the time she just grins at me while I chat with people she knows.

Last time I saw her, we had this really weird (but pleasant) moment. I was joking with her friends, we all laughed, and she locked eyes with me for about 5 seconds, just smiling. Then I...did nothing

I had no idea what to do really. Urgh. I've sent her messages on the net and she seems to ignore them, so that's confusing me quite a bit.

She sounds like she's shy; why not suggest something that isn't particularly intimate, like lunch or breakfast, something that might get you the chance to get to know her.

I kinda did this a few months back, but I screwed up I think.

She was so quiet, I figured sending her an online message would be the best way to get her to meet up with me for a chat. She'd already responded positively to one I sent previously.

So I sent her a nice friendly invite just to a quick coffee a few days in advance. She didn't reply, to my dismay, despite logging on a few times.

Then, a day or two after I'd suggested it, she suddenly broke from her daily routine for the first time and started following me towards the coffee place after our class. Of course, being the inept person I so often am, I decided that I needed to check my stuff to see if I'd left something behind that particular moment.

So I sat down on these steps, rifled through my belongings, and then saw her right behind me. She looked rather disappointed/surprised that I'd stopped before my normal walk to the coffee place, and quickly walked past.

She goes to the cafe, I go in, buy my usual stuff, then I notice she's gone and sat all alone in a side room nearby. This was like the first time she'd left behind her female friends and gone into that building. I walked near the open door, she looked at me, and then I decided to...walk past it. Lol.

Probably the wrong decision, but I figured that it's a function room and she could have been waiting for an event rather than me. It would have looked super creepy if I'd barged in and started talking if she wasn't there for that. I still wonder if she was trying to meet with me but was too shy to say.

I guess I won't find out now

 

[Haz]

don't get too hung up on this idea of waiting it out until you are a big success to start dating

If you can, by all means do it. but i've been through this exact situation before and the one thing is if you don't have that emotional support behind you it can make things 20 times as hard, even if you think having the girlfriend is gonna be what's the emotionally draining challenge for you

it's all a bit of a double edged sword. it's up to you to make the decision clearly, but if you can put that little time you have towards a girlfriend it might be just what you need. but, if you don't have the time for her it is a different story