My life

[4EverAlone]

As promised, I'll tell you all about my life. First off, let me introduce myself. I'm Jay, a 19 year old guy from somewhere in USA. I was born in a town in Germany, moved here to America when I was 2 years old. I've been here in this town all my life. I went to school like every other kid. I did alright, I wasn't a very social kid. I kinda kept to myself during school. I had a few friends....not many. I was in what they call "Special Education" for kids who are "Slower" than normal in the learning process. They thought I had ADHD. Turns out, I didn't. Anyways....I usually got picked on a lot....got called names. This continued out through out elementary to middle school. So finally I had enough and talked with my parents about it. I dropped out of school at the age of 14 and went on to home school. My mom worked, while my dad stayed home to teach me. Home school wasn't a pleasant experience at all. I graduated at the age of 16 with a GED. Was I proud? Yeah...it felt good to graduate early. The only thing is.....here I am at 19 almost 20.....and I'm pretty much all alone. I have "friends"...or maybe I'm assuming them to be my friends. I had a few jobs...quit them because I felt left out there. I had a few girlfriends....nothing really serious...I'm still a virgin..I kinda wanna save that for someone who's worth it.....so yea basically my problem is...I feel as if I know a lot of people, yet they don't know me....and it makes me feel alone, lonley...I suffer from some sort of depression not quite sure what it is....My moods change often. I developed this social anxiety a few years ago....where i feel like i want to avoid people. I have a phobia of crowds....when im in a crowded place I feel extremely uncomfortable. I also seem to have a blushing problem..in general. It happens at random times when I'm out and about...usually when im standing in line or in a crowded place. People probably think im stupid for it...but hey, whattya gonna do right? I'm not the most confident guy either. I don't walk around with a 6 pack...I'm in decent shape..I lift weights. I'm tall 6ft 2in alright looking i guess. Low self esteem issues? Maybe so. Anyhow, I'd like some advice how to handle things, and just feel free to tell me about your problems/issues.


-Jay

 

[Sira]

If I could offer great advice, I would. Unfortunately, I've never been good at giving advice. xD But, I'm glad that you took the time to join us lonely people here at A Lonely Life. There are definitely people here who are better at offering their advice than I am, so I'm sure being here will help you greatly. I feel like being here has helped me to feel... less alone? I don't talk much on here, but simply reading and knowing that I'm in a community of people who feel similar to the way I feel offers a sense of belonging. I understand that outcast-ed feeling; the feeling that you know people but they don't really know you. It sucks to be honest, and I myself have yet to make any gains in changing that feeling. But reading your post has given me some hope that there is someone else who understands exactly what I feel on a daily basis.

The whole, crowd anxiety thing? I know that feeling. I know a few others who experience that as well. For me, it's because for some odd reason, I feel like I'm being stared at. My way at working to combat that feeling is to simply tell myself that there's really nothing about me worth staring at. And also, people are most likely preoccupied with whatever they are doing to give much of a care about me. And I find that it helps a little. But how do you manage to make that anxiety go away? Do you try to avoid crowds altogether, or do you try to ignore the people around you?

It's cool that you came from Germany by the way. How do you feel about having lived in the same town for most of your life? I have a bit of a similar history, but I came from California around the age of two and landed in a small town in Indiana. I've been here all of my life. And I just can't wait to get out of here! I share the same feeling of being done (or at least close to being done) with life that you do. I'm guessing that's a major reason why I just want to leave this place and forge my life elsewhere and become a better me. Do you have any plans of leaving the town you live in? Or do you think that's where you'd want to stay for a good while? Have you thought of perhaps attending college? That might be a good way to give yourself a feeling of... direction or something?

Gah, I'd like to write more and more questions, but unfortunately I am on a time constraint. x.x Plus, I don't wanna bother you too much. I do hope you enjoy it here. I find that this forum helps me to feel better about my myself and introvert nature a lot. Maybe it will help you too? I hope so.

 

[gnome3]

It's a lonely life
Es una vida solitaria