My loneliness story (long read and rantish)

[SofiasMami]

Who knows, maybe if you're lucky, you'll get called a Funny fresia

Does that mean I fresia like a clown or that it's a joke to fresia me?

Yes

-Teresa

 

[FreedomFromLiberty]

I really hate living at home because I feel that my family is too overbearing for me. Could I afford to get a 1-bedroom apartment...yeah, I think so. But the reason I won't do that is because I'll go absolutely insane and God knows what I'll end up doing if I'm living by myself. I've asked friends if they would like to get a 2-bedroom, but it seems that none of them are up to it. And I'm not willing to live with a stranger.

My issues go even farther than that though. Nobody in my life knows that I feel this way, and it's not something I plan on sharing with them. They can't help me, and I wouldn't trust anyone with this kind of information. I really don't trust anyone, and because of that I've kept my true feelings hidden. It's easy for me to keep things a secret, but it also adds to my loneliness.


Now, why don't I tell my friends/family about this? Two reasons: 1) They wouldn't be able to help me; 2) I don't know how they would react to me being so vulnerable. I have also thought about seeking therapy, but a therapist wouldn't be able to do a **** thing either. Honestly, what would the solution end up being from these people -- to probably put me on some kind of medication. I don't want that though because it will not solve the underlying issue.

I think a good way to stave off loneliness is to keep yourself on your toes by seeking out NEW experiences. In your case, that's taking a chance on moving out, taking a chance on seeing a psychologist (they're not ALL the same, seek out one who will counsel and not medicate you), The surest way to stay lonely is to keep doing exactly what you're doing right now.

It's not that I hate being myself, it's just that I really can't share myself with anyone. Yeah, now I know this sounds like the whole "I need a girlfriend" rant which I guess it is in a way. However, I know that's never going to happen because I am destined to be alone forever. I don't go out to bars/clubs/parties/anything like that because I don't drink and am not much of a partier either. I'm an introverted, shy person so I don't meet new people. Besides that, I'd rather be with someone who likes going to the library (not necessarily in the literal sense, but you get my drift).

Libraries are awesome! I wish more people thought the same. And parties in my experiences are for shallow people. I only end up feeling even lonelier every time I've gone to one.

What's really sad is that I had opportunities in the past, but I blew them all because I've got to the most stupidest person the planet. Those moments still linger in my mind because it reminds me of different things could've been. Hell, I even tried online dating, and literally no one responded to my profile. I really don't see what could be wrong with me: I'm attractive (worst case scenario is that I'm certainly not ugly), I have a good sense of humor, a good personality, I'm not broke...so I don't think I'm an undesirable mate. Unfortunately though, it seems that everything is aligned against me.

I've done the online dating thing and it's a complete waste of time if you're a guy. Do you realize that most of them have a guy-to-girl ratio of like 5 to 1? Girls really have their pick of the litter on those sites and they simply can't pick every lonely guy. You're definitely not alone: http://pofsucks1.wordpress.com/2008/01/07/online-dating-great-for-women-sucks-for-men/#comments

 

[Just_Some_Dude]

you are 25, time to move out.

 

[SophiaGrace]

you are 25, time to move out.

eh, everyone is different.

As long as he is contributing to the family income I dont see a problem.

I'd really hate to think that he would move out just for society's sake and then end up alone in an apartment, having his mental health deteriorate that way...

 

[Just_Some_Dude]

true. some people need to be coddled, lmao.

 

[SophiaGrace]

true. some people need to be coddled, lmao.

I'm not saying that he doesnt need to change things. He probably should. What he is doing now isn't working for him.

But if he goes out in the world and just repeats his behaviors, shutting himself up in his room. It'll just be bad for him.

If he built up social support first and then made a move where he was physically alone it'd be ok. If he isn't making any changes he should probably be looking on craigslist for rooming with OTHER people so he doesn't feel alone.

 

[PurpleDays]

Medication isn't always a bad thing. There have been bad side-effects and addictions and an endless amounts of stories where they haven't work, true....

But some problems are based on a hormone imbalance and if that can help you feel happier in your skin, why is there always this social stigma around them.... Medication can help people. Not everyone, but in some cases, it has proved beneficial.

I think you're very brave to come on here NJ. We'll listen as long as you keep talking

 

[njlonelydude]

true. some people need to be coddled, lmao.

Yeah, I guess I'm not cut out to be a tough guy.

Perhaps you can give me some lessons?

Medication isn't always a bad thing. There have been bad side-effects and addictions and an endless amounts of stories where they haven't work, true....

But some problems are based on a hormone imbalance and if that can help you feel happier in your skin, why is there always this social stigma around them.... Medication can help people. Not everyone, but in some cases, it has proved beneficial.

I think you're very brave to come on here NJ. We'll listen as long as you keep talking

Do I have a hormone imbalance, I don't know? Is there something "off" with me -- yeah, definitely. However, I don't believe medication will fix the root problem.

 

[Floating]

Please don't give-up hope yet. You are only 25 and it sounds like you haven't exhausted every avenue. Have you tried self-help? A very good book is Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers. Have you tried daily affirmations? A very good site is www.greatday.com by Ralph Marston. Have you tried clubs? www.meetup. com is great. You will find clubs for hundreds of subjects. You could even create your own club.

It's very important to change your perspective to one of hope rather than doom. Studies have shown that the happiest people distort their perceptions of life to the positive in order to preserve their self-esteem. The happy person learned this defense mechanism from their parents. If a happy person loses their job, they blame the boss and the economy, and they tell themselves that it was ultimately a good thing because it means they can try another type of career. If a depressed person loses their job, they blame themselves, consider themselves flawed, and tell themselves that now that their reputation is ruined there is hardly a chance they will get another job. Why choose the negative outlook when it is just as valid to choose the positive one? The positive one feels so much better. The negative one erodes your self-esteem.

It's good to remember that you can enjoy friendships at many different levels. Take a moment to rate the people in your life on a scale from 1 (acquaintence) to 10 (best friend). Until you find a level 10 (may takes years or who knows, could happen tonight!), focus on the joy even a level 1 can bring you. Make an effort to acknowledge the good feeling you have if you see the postman (a level 1) everyday and have a pleasant chat about the weather.

Try to focus on what's going right in your world. Remember that there is lots of pleasure to be found in life outside of social interaction. In fact, even popular people spend large quanitities of time alone studying, commuting, working, and taking care of daily tasks, like grooming or exercise. They don't ignore the non-social joys in this world. Non-socail pleasure is a reality. A piece of pizza tastes great whether you are eating it alone or with someone. Don't make your life even worse by ignoring all non-social joys. That's terribly mean to yourself.

I hope this helps some.

Hugs

 

[njlonelydude]

Please don't give-up hope yet. You are only 25 and it sounds like you haven't exhausted every avenue. Have you tried self-help? A very good book is Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers. Have you tried daily affirmations? A very good site is www.greatday.com by Ralph Marston. Have you tried clubs? www.meetup. com is great. You will find clubs for hundreds of subjects. You could even create your own club.

It's very important to change your perspective to one of hope rather than doom. Studies have shown that the happiest people distort their perceptions of life to the positive in order to preserve their self-esteem. The happy person learned this defense mechanism from their parents. If a happy person loses their job, they blame the boss and the economy, and they tell themselves that it was ultimately a good thing because it means they can try another type of career. If a depressed person loses their job, they blame themselves, consider themselves flawed, and tell themselves that now that their reputation is ruined there is hardly a chance they will get another job. Why choose the negative outlook when it is just as valid to choose the positive one? The positive one feels so much better. The negative one erodes your self-esteem.

It's good to remember that you can enjoy friendships at many different levels. Take a moment to rate the people in your life on a scale from 1 (acquaintence) to 10 (best friend). Until you find a level 10 (may takes years or who knows, could happen tonight!), focus on the joy even a level 1 can bring you. Make an effort to acknowledge the good feeling you have if you see the postman (a level 1) everyday and have a pleasant chat about the weather.

Try to focus on what's going right in your world. Remember that there is lots of pleasure to be found in life outside of social interaction. In fact, even popular people spend large quanitities of time alone studying, commuting, working, and taking care of daily tasks, like grooming or exercise. They don't ignore the non-social joys in this world. Non-socail pleasure is a reality. A piece of pizza tastes great whether you are eating it alone or with someone. Don't make your life even worse by ignoring all non-social joys. That's terribly mean to yourself.

I hope this helps some.

Hugs

Look, I've tried all that stuff already...years ago. None of it works. I'm actually an optimistic person that even when I fail I manage to get over it and try again. I've been in some pretty bad slumps, but managed to get over them in a day or two.

However, none of that really matters to me. I personally feel that God wants me to live a lonely, pathetic life. There have been times where I'm starting a new hobby. It's very hard at first and I don't know why I even got myself into. Then one day, I notice myself getting better...I feel that there's progression. Then once I start to see that I can excel at the hobby, something so ******* stupid happens and I'm back to square one.

I know I'm talented and passionate about certain things, and I know that if I combine both of these things together I can live a successful life...but I just don't ******* care. I'm sick and tired of doing everything by myself -- I can't ******* handle it anymore. I've tried getting friends with similar interests involved with my ideas, but they don't have the same drive that I do. I plan everything out, and it's obvious that I'm very serious about it. But to these *******, it doesn't mean a goddamn thing.

For example, I've got a friend who asked me to help him come up with a business idea (this was three years ago). I was going to be the creative side of the business, and he was going to be the technical side. For three ******* years I pitched him ideas and he shot them all down. Then a few months ago I finally think of an idea that he likes and it looks like we're going to finally do this...then he balks for some stupid ******* reason.

I can't do this honeysuckle by myself anymore, and my general attitude towards life is "fresia everybody." I'm at my best when people are pushing me, when the pressure is constantly on; but when it's just me, I'm not motivated enough to even get out of bed. If God/Fate/Whatever you believe in wants me to be miserable, there isn't a thing I can do about it.

 

[FreedomFromLiberty]

It's very important to change your perspective to one of hope rather than doom. Studies have shown that the happiest people distort their perceptions of life to the positive in order to preserve their self-esteem. The happy person learned this defense mechanism from their parents. If a happy person loses their job, they blame the boss and the economy, and they tell themselves that it was ultimately a good thing because it means they can try another type of career. If a depressed person loses their job, they blame themselves, consider themselves flawed, and tell themselves that now that their reputation is ruined there is hardly a chance they will get another job. Why choose the negative outlook when it is just as valid to choose the positive one? The positive one feels so much better. The negative one erodes your self-esteem.

I know you mean well by this, but are you advocating that he tell himself positive lies? Whatever happened to good-old-fashioned realism where you just tell yourself the truth, which by the way usually lies somewhere in-between the self-imposed limitations of the depressed/cynical and the pipe-dream idealism of the optimistic? I've tried being a 'positive' person and giving myself affirmations and stuff like that. I could never get past the sinking feeling that I was just flat-out lying to myself. Now I just deal with life with as much integrity and honesty as I can possibly muster. Whenever I think I can't do something, I have to stop myself and think for a minute before I realize that it's not that I can't, but that I just don't have the will and am imposing my own restrictions, which of course is the blatant, honest-to-goodness truth.

Hell, even my signature is meant to show that realism is the way to go.

For example, I've got a friend who asked me to help him come up with a business idea (this was three years ago). I was going to be the creative side of the business, and he was going to be the technical side. For three ******* years I pitched him ideas and he shot them all down. Then a few months ago I finally think of an idea that he likes and it looks like we're going to finally do this...then he balks for some stupid ******* reason.

I can't do this honeysuckle by myself anymore, and my general attitude towards life is "fresia everybody." I'm at my best when people are pushing me, when the pressure is constantly on; but when it's just me, I'm not motivated enough to even get out of bed. If God/Fate/Whatever you believe in wants me to be miserable, there isn't a thing I can do about it.

It really isn't all you, man. I often times find myself in the same boat of being the only person who even gives a ****. I have lots of friends and family members who just sit around lazily and depressed and have no inclination of ever doing anything productive with their lives. It almost seems as though the only people who ever get out and do anything with their lives are being who go out clubbing and bar hopping and stupid bullshit like that. If you don't do that kind of stuff, you're destined to sit at home bored and alone. I've tried asking people to accompany me to events and inevitably I just get the same ******* answer "no, I don't feel like it", "no, I'm tired", "no, I have other things to do". And then they'll sit on their ass the whole day. WTF?

Strangely, one of my co-workers is one of the most active and social people I've ever met. He's not like a big bar-hopper or anything, but he's routinely invited me places and done things with me during the weekends. He stands in stark contrast to pretty much everybody else in my life in this regard.

 

[njlonelydude]

Hell, even my signature is meant to show that realism is the way to go.

In regards to your sig, my response is "Who cares -- I'm ******* thirsty!"

 

[Lost Loner]

I'm 25yo and I have a few friends, I do talk to people at work and I still live with my parents. I guess in the strictest definition I would not be considered "lonely," but the reality is that I am incredibly alone.

I really hate living at home because I feel that my family is too overbearing for me. Could I afford to get a 1-bedroom apartment...yeah, I think so. But the reason I won't do that is because I'll go absolutely insane and God knows what I'll end up doing if I'm living by myself. I've asked friends if they would like to get a 2-bedroom, but it seems that none of them are up to it. And I'm not willing to live with a stranger.

My issues go even farther than that though. Nobody in my life knows that I feel this way, and it's not something I plan on sharing with them. They can't help me, and I wouldn't trust anyone with this kind of information. I really don't trust anyone, and because of that I've kept my true feelings hidden. It's easy for me to keep things a secret, but it also adds to my loneliness.

Now, why don't I tell my friends/family about this? Two reasons: 1) They wouldn't be able to help me; 2) I don't know how they would react to me being so vulnerable. I have also thought about seeking therapy, but a therapist wouldn't be able to do a **** thing either. Honestly, what would the solution end up being from these people -- to probably put me on some kind of medication. I don't want that though because it will not solve the underlying issue.

It's not that I hate being myself, it's just that I really can't share myself with anyone. Yeah, now I know this sounds like the whole "I need a girlfriend" rant which I guess it is in a way. However, I know that's never going to happen because I am destined to be alone forever. I don't go out to bars/clubs/parties/anything like that because I don't drink and am not much of a partier either. I'm an introverted, shy person so I don't meet new people. Besides that, I'd rather be with someone who likes going to the library (not necessarily in the literal sense, but you get my drift).

What's really sad is that I had opportunities in the past, but I blew them all because I've got to the most stupidest person the planet. Those moments still linger in my mind because it reminds me of different things could've been. Hell, I even tried online dating, and literally no one responded to my profile. I really don't see what could be wrong with me: I'm attractive (worst case scenario is that I'm certainly not ugly), I have a good sense of humor, a good personality, I'm not broke...so I don't think I'm an undesirable mate. Unfortunately though, it seems that everything is aligned against me.

This loneliness has made my life even worse. I don't care about anything in my life anymore because I've got nobody to spend my life with. I can spend the entire day doing nothing because I care about nothing. I hate my job so much, but I won't even bother to get a new one because what's the point? It seems like another empty pursuit to me. I'd get more money to buy more stuff that I don't need. There's other things I need to change, like getting away from my family, but leaving people I dislike to live almost as a recluse seems like a bad idea.

I wish there was someone out there I could open up to, someone I could confide in. Someone who could accept me and really try to help me, not see me as a patient or see what I have as a weakness. I never reveal my emotions to anybody, I never reveal my ideas to anybody, I never reveal my ambitions to anybody...because what's the point? I'm not motivated enough to go through with any of them.

It seems that God, or whatever you might believe in, wants me to spend the rest of my life this way for some reason. I hate it, it eats me up constantly, and I see no cure for it. Is this all my doing...maybe, I don't know.

I wasn't even sure about joining this forum and posting this -- don't see how it's going to help me at all.

Hello njlonelydude
I know exactly how you feel. That is one of the best descriptions ive ever seen for how I feel every day. Im a very analytical person and Ive tried to endlessly analyze and rationalize why I feel this way, who I am (or more to the point who im not), and self dignose and although thoughts run through my mind endlessly (and its driving me crazy) im still confused and I dont know whats wrong with me. It just seems inside ive really always been this way and that I will always be and theres not possible way to feel any different. Just like you Im terribly lonely and I just dont give a honeysuckle about anything. I have to force myself up every day and tell myself that I feel good and im excited although I know its a lie. In reality everything I do and face in daily life is a chore and I really have no motivation. Every job I ever had was painful, I dont care about things or money although I go through the motions because the fear of failing and being broke is outweighs the lack of enthusiasm. I really dont have any REAL freinds and although I have a huge family I feel isolated even when im with them. I dont feel loved by them and I dont know if I really love any of them. Although im a good looking guy I havent had a girlfriend for over 10 years. When im surrounded by people that I dont really know such as in a work environment I always have this nervous anxiety that keeps me from relaxing and is really draining. The ironic thing is that although I desperately long to be involved in groups and feel like part of something and be genuinely connected with people, for the most part I dont give a honeysuckle about most people and dont care who they are or what they have to say. Its like I cant be with them but I cant be alone either. The idea or concept of happiness seems so unreal to me I cant even imagine what it would feel like. Im not one of those people that blames the world or other people for the way I feel, mostly I blame god and the universe for creating people like me and putting them in a world that seems so sad....

 

[jsgjin]

It's been three and a half decades met since BK's Mass Customization campaign on the television airwaves, and now a group of start-up Customizer [url=http://www.yet another lame spam link]Buy WOW Gold take the "design-your-own" concept, the Internet, with a one-day advertising blitz is that tomorrow on Facebook . Carmen Magar, Managing Director Final Fantasy Gil of chocri - the design-your-own WOW power level company - is the mastermind behind the coordinated campaign on Facebook, they say, could result in 8 million impressions and help a national awareness of design-your-own and individual products on the Internet Buy RS Gold.

 

[EveWasFramed]

It's been three and a half decades met since BK's Mass Customization campaign on the television airwaves, and now a group of start-up Customizer [url=http://www.yet another lame spam link]Buy WOW Gold take the "design-your-own" concept, the Internet, with a one-day advertising blitz is that tomorrow on Facebook . Carmen Magar, Managing Director Final Fantasy Gil of chocri - the design-your-own WOW power level company - is the mastermind behind the coordinated campaign on Facebook, they say, could result in 8 million impressions and help a national awareness of design-your-own and individual products on the Internet Buy RS Gold.

(no) SPAM fail. lol

 

[Olde shoe]

Living alone isn't bad at all. If you can afford to get a 1 room apartment, I suggest you give it a go.

I live in a 1 room apartment. I am completely alone. my parents are in another country, and my sisters. My friends have gone away and have their separate lives. I'm in a foreign land where my only companion is myself. Obviously, I have no girlfriend. the occasional acquaintance or two that happen to be men--seriously bad luck.

but then again I'm completely desensitized and have become rather stoic over the years. Resigned to my fate of being a worker drone in society. :club: The only woman I seek nowadays is Death herself.

 

[blaah]

TWINS! only i'm 20 and female. maybe we should date and get married...