My Own Worst Enemy

[Roble]

It’s hard for me to try to put into words the immense pain I’m feeling from my own self exclusion from society. Nevertheless I’ll try to articulate to the best of my ability what I’m feeling mainly to try and determine where I’m at, and generally to just have other people listen to what I have to say.

Pressure is something I have learned to cope with from an early age. High achieving older siblings coupled with an austere upbringing insured I did well at school. Don’t get me wrong I had a wonderful and loving childhood thanks to my parents, but they took school very seriously.

In secondary school (I’m from the UK) i continued with my educational development by being in all the top classes, and school reports spoke of my potential and leadership characteristics. Left with 11 GCSC’s and went on to do well in my A level. Whilst at school i had no problems making friends and was quite popular with all social groupings in school. You could also say i was somewhat of a chameleon, I built strong friendships with the ‘nerds’, the posh kids, and could hang with the cool sporty kids. My popularity only grew and on leaving school was voted 2nd out of 250 pupils to be the, most likely to succeed.

Then came university and I gained my BA in Politics 2 years ago.

Things started to go wrong in my final year of university, working to the bare minimum, missing lectures and finally missing out on a first class degree by 2%. Dad was unimpressed to say the least with my 2:1. This is probably the last time i was my true self.

After university i managed to get an internship with a government minister and worked for him for 6 months receiving a good reference. Then went to Tanzania for 4 months to work with their national electoral commission, and gain some firsthand insight into developing democracies.

Came back to England and my life stopped..........

I applied for a few graduate positions and didn’t even get a reply. So now i have been searching for work for just over a year, still living at home. I don’t have a girlfriend, with all my social skills and popularity at school i have never been good with the ladies.

Additionally i find I’m distancing myself from my friends more and more as the days pass, as i feel they are achieving things in their lives and I’m not. Additionally my childhood friends have moved out of the area to other cities in search of jobs, and most are now also married.

Recently there has been a more worrying development, in that i will find an ad for a job I’m qualified for, yet won’t apply in time. I want to desperately but can’t bring myself to do it. Additionally whilst home alone i will burst into tears just suddenly without warning. I feel like I’m losing control. My life has become a solitary existence and i believe deep down it's self perpetuated.

But i don’t know what to do. What is this mental block i have constructed. Fear of failure?

Did i give up at the first real hurdle?

I am a man who just became 24, and feel like a failure. Haven’t met any expectations and have been left behind by friends.

Sorry for such a long post and thanks for reading.

 

[SufferinginSilence]

I don't know if you expected a reply when you wrote the above or not but here's what I think anyways. :shy:
First of all, I don't think you're distancing yourself from your friend on purpose, that's just the way life goes. As we move from one stage of life to another our interests change and as most friendships are based on mutual interests or goals it's natural that friendships will change and in some cases fade, as one person goes one direction and the other goes another. I found in the move from secondary school to university that I left most of my childhood friends behind, even my closest friends and we grew apart. Your friends are just moving in a different direction to you, not necessarily a better direction, just a different one.

As for the job search, my advice is to send your C.V. to places that may or may not have a vacancy, just to make contact. I know from experience that even if there is no job going at the moment, in six months time if a suitable vacancy comes up, someone will remember that they received a suitable applicant a few months previous. I know that may seem be a long time to wait but in case nothing turns up in the meantime it's worth a try. Fear is probably a factor but you have to ask yourself what is there to fear in sending a few pages of paper? There's no point in being afraid of failure. You have your BA, you are as qualified for the job as the next person. Have some faith in your abilities. Get someone you know already working in your chosen job sector to look over your C.V., sometimes people are too modest and the C.V. is the first impression you have to stand out from the other applicants. An experienced person will know what employers are looking for. If you have contacts use them, it's who you know that can help you succeed. Knowing a name to address your application to can avoid it being thrown in a corner without being looked at. (i.e. find out the name of the person who will be screening the application, putting Ms. Jane Doe on the cover letter for example is much more effective than "to whom it may concern" or HR Department).

As for the girlfriend, you're only 24 and you've got plenty of time. You may have to concentrate on your career for a while and try and succeed there first.
Set your goals at achievable heights and ignore what other people expect or expected of you. I know it's tempting but don't compare yourself against your siblings. That's why I made a point of following a different career path than my older high-achievers. Only you know what you're capable of and what you want.

 

[NotBillMurray]

I had a lot to say but then the above post said so much of it. Well f-ing said, Suffering.

I am also in a pressury-crunch spot in school/transitioning to work and I feel like I am seconds away from letting everyone down. But man, when I hear it from a third-person perspective, it sounds so different.

Everyone wants to keep their family happy, but you have to live for you and need to stop beating yourself up for doing poorly in something you may not have been enthusiastic about in the first place. There is no shame in taking time to figure out what the hell you are doing. I sure have times devoted purely to getting my head on straight - there isn't anything wrong with that and don't let anyone make you feel guilty.

Good luck - hope you find what makes you happy!

 

[Roble]

Thank you for your kind words Suffering. They were practical and a good place to start.

Your right about the separate lives me and my old buddies are living, although sad but the reality is they’ve become nothing more than facebook friends.

Took your advice on networking and have an interview tomorrow for an unpaid producer role in a radio station. Although not what i want to do, it will be good for getting out and mingling again. Plus will help out with the gap i have in my CV.

I know my Dad loves me allot and we had a great relationship, as close as a son can be to a father, but his constant reminding me daily that when he was my age he had a wife and house with his own business, doesn’t help with my already declining confidence levels.

Thanks also to NotBillMurray for the kind words.

PS! Bill Murray is my favourite actor
I feel a little better having 'shared'.