My story - Loneliness & low self confidence

[im-only-me]

Hi everyone,

This is quite long, so if you make it to the end then thanks for taking the time to read it!

Im a 23 year old guy and on first glance looking at my life you would think I was happy. I have a loving family, a stable full time job & no money problems. I do not have many friends, 3 to be exact, One of them lives on the other side of the world but I will get to that soon. I currently still live at home with my mom & sister.

I quite often feel rather down & sad. I believe the main factor for this is loneliness & low self confidence. I have never had a girlfriend, had a first kiss, held hands with a girl etc. I am a very shy person around girls & when talking to them I get very nervous, go bright red & loose the ability to speak english correctly. With the little interaction I have had with girls i.e. my friends partner I have been told that I would be a great catch, I am cute, funny, sweet & she has no idea how I am still single. I also do not have much confidence in my looks and generally class most girls as out of my league. Why would any of them want to talk to me? I get to do some travelling with my job to other countries & around my own as well. I found my self doing things where I wished I had someone to share the experience with. I would always buy my sister jewellery when I went away and one day I thought If I had a partner I would buy her this or that, well I started and now I have a collection of necklaces I always thought I would give my special someone when I met her - well that does not seem to be happening.

Social life, well I don't have one. I do not like going to parties & I have no desire to meet anyone in a bar. It is also probably worth mentioning I do not drink and do not want to go out with someone who likes to go and get drunk & party every Friday / Saturday night. Ideally I would like to meet someone like me who has never been in a relationship as well. Hobbies wise I love hiking, going to museums & art galleries. I am probably what you would class as a sensitive guy. My favourite movie is Titanic & I can get a little emotional in sad movies / documentaries - generally changing the channel when something bad is about to happen. Last time I went hiking I watched the sunset, I was at the top of the hills overlooking the city below, & well I actually felt really sad, I was struggling not to cry, -- I was all alone

My two friends (guys) who are in the same country as me are great, however they both have there own lives going on & I might see them once a month if I'm lucky. Anyway a while ago by complete chance I met my 3rd friend online. As It happened I typed in to google things to do when bored and a chat site came up in the results. She would have been the 2nd or 3rd person I spoke to. I have never been back and have no desire to meet more people that way. Anyway we started talking on Skype - never calls- only typing. It was quite interesting for me, this is the first girl I have ever got to know, had feelings for or cared bout. I had a complete crush on her & it took me a while to realise those feelings were not returned but have accepted that and now I would like to think we are good friends. I sent her a picture of me after awhile - I had already seen hers. To me sending a picture was a huge deal and I actually expected her to never reply back after that. On having seen a few of her pictures she is defiantly someone I would class out of my league & if I had seen her in real life I would have completely ignored her as I would be to scared/nervous/shy to go and talk to her. But it has been about 4 months now and for some reason she still wants to keep in contact with me. It is such a great feeling to have someone who is genuinely interested in you and wants to know how your day was, even if they are on the opposite side of the planet. That whole experience has made me want to meet someone even more as I now have a idea on what I am missing out on.

I know that other people have bigger problems than me and well that makes me feel guilty about being sad which makes me feel worse. On my looks, although I am 23 I do not look it. On the odd occasion when I have asked people to guess my age the answer 99% of the time is 16 or 17. This makes me feel very intimidated when with girls as I think they would choose any one over me, I do not think I look that great so I would not blame them. The same goes with meeting guys my age, most are taller, look 'more attractive' than me, and actually look their age. So yeah, that pretty much sums me up. I have no idea how to meet a girl, I think going up to a random person might come across as a little creepy? I want a friend/companion/soul mate. Someone to hold hands with & walk bare foot along the beach with, someone who is not only my partner but my best friend, Someone to support and be there for through the good and bad times.Most importantly someone to make me happy & give my life meaning.

I walk around appearing happy, but on the inside I am just so unhappy with my life & I am struggling to make it better or change it.

I never discuss my problems with my family, & I don't want them knowing about it. I do my best to hide it and be someone I'm not. To them, I am a guy who is happy with his life, a guy who does not want a girlfriend as he wants to move cities in the future, a guy who is generally happy, a guy who does not care what others think. What they don't know is I'm also.. a guy who is unhappy just as much as he is happy, a guy who will stay awake all night listening to music and sometimes cry if it is sad, a guy who more than anything wants to not be lonely anymore / make some friends, a guy who can not even say hello to a girl, a guy who feels uncomfortable very easily and hates crowd places, a guy who is very insecure about most things to do with him, a guy who looks at depression & anxiety forums & edits posts at 3am, & most of all, a guy who just wishes he could be like everyone else

I feel like my life has gone no where in the last 4 years and I'm swimming upstream with out a paddle going no where. Some Ideas I have been tossing around at the moment are, move out of home (although flatting has never appealed to me, I would rent my own place), Mabie try and change my clothes/fashion sense. - To try and make me look older/more mature & feel better about my image. I would also like to get fitter which I will work on in the future.

If you made it this far thanks for reading! Any feedback, questions, suggestions, advice welcomed.

Please note: Edited to make this big bunch of words even longer

 

[ladyforsaken]

Hey there, welcome to the forum.

I think a lot of people would want the same thing, to have someone they could love and share a life with. However, there are also a lot of people who have not had the luck to find this particular person they can be happy with. So you are not alone, my friend.

I walk around appearing happy, but on the inside I am just so unhappy with my life & I am struggling to make it better or change it. I feel like my life has gone no where in the last 4 years and I'm swimming upstream with out a paddle going no where. Some Ideas I have been tossing around at the moment are, move out of home (although flatting has never appealed to me, I would rent my own place), Mabie try and change my clothes/fashion sense. - To try and make me look older/more mature & feel better about my image. I would also like to get fitter which I will work on in the future.

I think what you have listed above pretty much shows you know what to do to get what you want. So go for it, when you make changes to your life, even the smallest thing can have an impact overall.

Don't give up or stop trying, it's still possible to find the type of girl you want or a girl who complements you well. I wish you all the best.

 

[Socialawkwardness101]

On first glance looking at my life you would think I was happy. I have a loving family. I do not have many friends. I currently still live at home.

I quite often feel rather down & sad. I believe the main factor for this is loneliness & low self confidence. I also do not have much confidence in my looks and generally class most girls as out of my league. Why would any of them want to talk to me?

Social life, well I don't have one. I do not like going to parties & I have no desire to meet anyone in a bar. It is also probably worth mentioning I do not drink and do not want to go out with someone who likes to go and get drunk & party every Friday / Saturday night.

I know that other people have bigger problems than me and well that makes me feel guilty about being sad which makes me feel worse.I have no idea how to meet a girl, I think going up to a random person might come across as a little creepy? I want a friend/companion/soul mate.

I walk around appearing happy, but on the inside I am just so unhappy with my life & I am struggling to make it better or change it. I feel like my life has gone no where in the last 4 years and I'm swimming upstream with out a paddle going no where. Some Ideas I have been tossing around at the moment are, move out of home (although flatting has never appealed to me, I would rent my own place), Mabie try and change my clothes/fashion sense. - To try and make me look older/more mature & feel better about my image. I would also like to get fitter which I will work on in the future.

Everything I quoted we have in common. You're not alone, and I understand exactly how you feel.

 

[Rainbows]

I actually felt so sad when I read your story. You sound like a super nice guy.

 

[im-only-me]

Thanks for your replies everyone! I'm going to try and get some sleep now, so I'll edit this tomorrow and post a proper reply when I can think clearly.