My Story

[sameoldsameold]

I'm not really sure if I am posting this in the right place, but I will give it a go.

So for the past four years, since I finished high school, I have been really confused and undecided about where my life is going to go. It was the expectation in my family that I would attend university, finish and get a job, because of this expectation I never felt like I had the right to decide to do something different. Basically the last four years in a nutshell are: 2008: worked full time in administration to be eligible for some financial assistance in university. 2009: started my uni course. Was still living at home as I had no choice. In the second half of the year I had a mental breakdown, ended up on antidepressents and failed two of my uni classes. I managed to keep all of this information from my parents and had no one to talk to about it. I hated the uni course and felt like I had no escape. 2010: I spent 12 months working part time in retail and trying desperately to get a full time job so that I could move out and really gain my independece. Unfortunately I live in a small town and I was not able to get anymore permanent work. (I guarantee it was not for lack of trying). 2011: I am back doing my original uni course and I am hating it again. The university is small and doesn't have the typical social scene of uni's. The courses are all health based and particularly hard to get into (e.g. dentistry, pharmacy physiotherapy etc), and as such the students are very focused. The reason that I returned to the course was plain and simply pressure from family.

I feel a bit like my life is completely out of my control. I know that realistically once I have finished my uni course I will definitely be able to get a job and will earn very good money. The problems is that I do not ever see myself as continuing with this profession for the rest of my life. At the same time I have become very withdrawn from everyone and everything in my life. I don't talk to my family and actively avoid any type of family gathering. I despise Christmas and Easter because I feel like I am being judged by everyone around me. I have lost all friends and don't have any real connections in my life. I'm lonely, the problem is that I have been this way for nearly 6 years, so I don't really know what to do about it. I'm not a typical 22year old either. I have very little interest in going to a pub to get pissed every weekend. I would love to simply have someone to have a conversation with about uni, about work, about things that are happening in the world. I have very little tolerance for drama and people that thrive by making someone else feel bad.

The feelings of isolation have been happening for a long time. Most people, that I have observed, seem to get more confident, comfortable, intelligent and content as they get older. They feel comfortable expressing themselves and have interest and hobbies. I feel like I have done the opposite. As I have gotten older I have no hobbies, don't want to express myself, I have no confidence is anything that I do any more and as a result everything is suffering. My health is just disgusting while on the antidepressents I gained nearly 15kg (30lbs) and have been so embarrased by my size that I can't face going to a gym because of what people will think. My mind is definitely suffering. My marks at uni are just pathetic, whereas during high school I was the top in my year in all subjects that I took. I know that my mental health is really causing problems in all aspects of my life, and I have no idea how to fix it.

Anyway, that's my story. I'd appreciate any advice. Thanks.

 

[A new life]

Using the knowledge that I've gained from my psychology degree (pulled out of a box of Cracker Jacks just last week)
It sounds like you're running.
Why do I say this?
Because you talked a lot about what you did NOT want, but did not say "I'd rather be a ____________"

Just kidding about the degree and the Cracker Jacks.

My only clue is that you sound like me.
I'm 53 and still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
I have a friend who's 60 and feels the same way.
We've both always worked and paid the bills. But never felt a "calling"

Then only real piece of advice I can offer as an older guy to a younger person is this:
Do something you REALLY enjoy doing.! no matter how little it pays.
Sometimes it's all you get in life.
People leave, people die, people disappoint you, situations often turn out to be much less than you'd hoped for or
much more costly than you ever expected. Employers promise the world but end up giving the goodies
to friends and family or there's always some bullshit reason that they don't live up to their promises.
Your idols rarely fail to be much more flawed that you'd ever imagine.
If you do something you love, it may often be the one thing you can count on when all else fails.

Happiness is an end in itself.

 

[Fvantom]

Hes right, sure you can get a job that pays a lot but if you hate it, after a while youre going to regret it, you have to do what you love doing, whatever it is, go for it

If you ever want to talk to someone, feel free to pm me

 

[kamya]

Another 22 year old . I swear like 2 or 3 make accounts every week.

That's rough. I can relate a lot to that and I know a few other members can too. Unfortunately, I'm in a somewhat similar situation so I don't really have much advice I'm the same with big family gatherings too, I hate all the probing questions >>

I've also been working on finding full time work and will for sure have some by the end of the summer once training is done. Independence before education for now. I moved back in and it's gotten old really fast.

So, I don't have much advice but pm me if you want to talk.

 

[Fitz]

Holy honeysuckle, you're practically the exact same as me. I'm repeating a course in uni as well, failed two exams. I really hate college. It's very hard to connect with people or something. I feel invisible walking through campus.
I know how you feel about wanting to get a job and move out, then maybe your life will properly start. But I've kept saying that to myself the past couple of years. when I was in school, I couldn't wait to finish it so my life could start finally when I get to college, but now I'm in college I'm saying to myself, When I get a proper job and move out, all the doors will open for me and I can be whatever I want to be. I dunno what the hell I want though. I don't know what the hell I want. There's just something missing. A girlfriend would probably help too.

 

[Fitz]

Holy honeysuckle, you're practically the exact same as me. I'm repeating a course in uni as well, failed two exams. I really hate college. It's very hard to connect with people or something. I feel invisible walking through campus.
I know how you feel about wanting to get a job and move out, then maybe your life will properly start. But I've kept saying that to myself the past couple of years. when I was in school, I couldn't wait to finish it so my life could start finally when I get to college, but now I'm in college I'm saying to myself, When I get a proper job and move out, all the doors will open for me and I can be whatever I want to be. I dunno what the hell I want though. I don't know what the hell I want. There's just something missing. A girlfriend would probably help too.