Sandalphon
New member
I don't know exactly why I'm lonely. It was so much easier to make friends back in elementary school, but then in middle school, high school, and now college, it is as if people are afraid of eachother. Everyday I am surrounded by thousands of people but feel completely alone. Sometimes I get king of envious when I see people meeting with there friends to eat or just sit together and talk. I just wish someone would talk to me and want to spend time with me that way. This causes me to have a lot of depressing thoughts like Why doesn't anyone want to talk or be friends with me? Is it because of the way I look, the way I dress? But then I realized there was nothing wrong with my apperance, I was just trying to come up with excuses as to why I didn't have any friends when my real problem was shyness. I find it easy to talk to people I have know for a long time, but when it comes to other people, I want to say something but I'm too afraid to. What if they reject me, or end up not liking me, or just plain ignore me? I don't know when this shyness came about because according to my parents, I was a very outgoing and talkative as a child. It's like the older I got, the less friends I had, and even when I do make friends, the relationship only lasts a short time, because for some reason, almost every close friend I got ended up moving somewhere far away where I will probably never see them again. For instance, one of my best friends for the past two years moved to Great Britain and is going to be there for at least 3 years. Now I just don't know what to do with myself anymore. My own roomate hardly ever talks to me. I don't watch T.V., I don't feel like playing video games, reading, or drawing, which used to be my favorite things to do. I just come home, eat, do homework and read (school books), and lay on my bed thinking depressing thoughts till the points where I'm almost crying until I eventually decide to go to sleep again. Holding all these feelings inside me for the past 6 years has caused me more pain than anything physical or emotional I have ever experienced. Sorry if you think I'm rambling, but I just wanted to tell someone about how I fell, it makes me feel better, and I don't want to talk about it to my parents, my youth pastors, or some stupid psychologist, and this seemed like a good place to start. Thanks for reading...
