My Top 10 Rules To Finding Your Self Confidence

[BUFFALOBT]

I thought I would lay these out for everyone...they worked for me!

Please let me know if you would like me to expand on any of these to apply to your specific situation:

1) There is ALWAYS someone better/richer/stronger/smarter, and there is ALWAYS someone worse

2) Sometimes you HAVE to burn bridges

3) Life is too short NOT to be honest with yourself and others

4)EMBRACE your shortcomings

5)Make fun of yourself...then others won't!

6)None of us is perfect, and you shouldn't want to be

7)Understand what you believe in, and defend those beliefs always

8)Look out for those who cannot look out for themselves

9)Don't blame anyone else for your problems- blame yourself and move on

10)The Golden Rule! Treat others as you wish to be treated

 

[Stephanie]

Could you expand on #4 please? Shouldn't one try to acknowledge their shortcomings and improve on them? How does embracing them make one self-confident? Aren't shortcomings, by definition, limiting?

 

[BUFFALOBT]

Excellent point Stephanie!

The way this one worked for me is that once I finally realized that I had shortcomings...just like EVERYONE else has shortcomings...I was able to better undersatnd and accept that as a simple fact of life.

So...now that I understand that I'm not talented enough to become a movie star...I can move on to other areas that I can easier improve on- if I choose to do so.

Another shortcoming I have is that I sometimes have a temper when I play basketball. I know this, and so do the guys I play basketball with. I end up apologizing more so than not, but I have embraced this particular shortcoming...it's just part of who I am.

Does this make sense?

 

[Mary Mary]

Great thread!

 

[BUFFALOBT]

Thanks MM! I want to use my 10 rules to help others...any way I can.

I read a lot of these posts...and I see enough similarities to some of the things I went through- before I figured it out.

So...if I can give a little back- that would be very cool.

 

[Mary Mary]

Thanks MM! I want to use my 10 rules to help others...any way I can.

I read a lot of these posts...and I see enough similarities to some of the things I went through- before I figured it out.

So...if I can give a little back- that would be very cool.

I'm very interested in hearing what you have to say and your journey to this point. I hope you post more.

 

[BUFFALOBT]

Nothing special about it really...I was a dorky, fat, glasses-wearing kid from a divorced home in Upstate NY. Dad wasn't around to teach me how to defend myself, act, etc. So I had to figure it all out on my own...how to be a man...how to make friends...how to treat women...how to do it all basically.

What I found out, and I wish I knew this sooner- is that it isn't magic. You don't have to be exceptional to make it in this world and be happy with what you have. It does take a level of self-realization(is this a medical term? hope not!) to pull it off.

But once you do...everything makes sense.

That's all I got!

 

[Mary Mary]

Nothing special about it really...I was a dorky, fat, glasses-wearing kid from a divorced home in Upstate NY. Dad wasn't around to teach me how to defend myself, act, etc. So I had to figure it all out on my own...how to be a man...how to make friends...how to treat women...how to do it all basically.

What I found out, and I wish I knew this sooner- is that it isn't magic. You don't have to be exceptional to make it in this world and be happy with what you have. It does take a level of self-realization(is this a medical term? hope not!) to pull it off.

But once you do...everything makes sense.

That's all I got!

I imagine when a young man doesn't have a man to mentor him, there can end up being a lot of gaps in knowledge. Brian (you will meet him soon if you haven't already) recommends young men becoming a volunteer fire fighter. I thought that was very good advice for socially awkward young men.

I agree with not having to be exceptional. If you make the most of what you have, you can find a lot of happiness.

what do you mean by needing a level of self realization?

 

[BUFFALOBT]

Waking up one day and saying...I'm flawed just like everyone else! Why not me? When you accept this truth...things become a lot more clear.

I know it seems too simple, and maybe it isn't the answer for everyone...but it can work for many.

 

[Mary Mary]

Waking up one day and saying...I'm flawed just like everyone else! Why not me? When you accept this truth...things become a lot more clear.

I know it seems too simple, and maybe it isn't the answer for everyone...but it can work for many.

That's so funny. I remember when I was in my early 20's, I told myself: "I'm just a loser, and I accept that." It was as if a great weight lifted off my shoulders.

I know that's really negative language, but seeing myself in the worst possible light and still accepting myself gave me a sense of peace.

 

[Stephanie]

You can't become what you're capable of until you accept what you already are.

 

[A new life]

The day I learned #5 (to make fun of myself) was a great day in my life.

It really takes the wind out of their sails (those who would try to take you down a peg) if you do it first!

I'm the one making the bald jokes and the short jokes about myself, and since I started doing it, others have stopped.

It's just no fun to poke fun at somebody who's already laughing about their own "shortcomings"

It's a freakin' miracle.

 

[Bread]

Good list, altho' I can't say I agree with #9. Sounds counterproductive to self-confidence to me, and sometimes, the fault does lie in the other party.

 

[Stephanie]

Bread, more often than not, it takes two to make or break a relationship, regardless of what happened. I think he meant that we have to take responsibility for our roles in why things sometimes go wrong. We have to look at stuff from multiple points of view and say, 'In what way did I contribute to this situation?'

That's just how I see it anyway. I do that all the time. I don't blame anyone else for anything. If something is my fault, I own up to it. If it's not all my fault, I try to figure out what I did wrong and only shoulder that much of the responsibility.

 

[BUFFALOBT]

With #9 what I mean is that, generally speaking, you'll be better off by moving on and not playing the blame game.

Of course there are times when you are not at fault for something, and therefore have 0% of the blame to take.

But...I've been around too many people who continue to blame others for their problems...move on already- noone wants to hear about it.

 

[ChiCowboy]

Very very good, Buffalobt. I couldn't agree more.

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Waking up one day and saying...I'm flawed just like everyone else! Why not me? When you accept this truth...things become a lot more clear.

Exactly. Looking at it another way, we aren't flawed at all. We just come in different flavors.

I know it seems too simple, and maybe it isn't the answer for everyone...but it can work for many.

All truth is simple and basic. That's why it's called true. Needless complications are what distract us from our core. (That's why it's called drama. )

Sharing this is a class act on your part, Buffalo. Kudos.

It's really easy. If we remove the bullshit from our lives, shed the inner complications, our true being becomes free and we no longer feel like we're struggling. I look back, myself, and wonder why I ever felt shitty in the first place. Easy to say, I know. But it is all so very simple, basic and true.

---

Good list, altho' I can't say I agree with #9. Sounds counterproductive to self-confidence to me, and sometimes, the fault does lie in the other party.

Disagree. Blame is the purview of lawyers and judges. For us, if something goes wrong, the most productive thing we can do is to fix what's been broken. Blame is a mind game. It produces nothing but grief.

 

[NormalishGayGuy]

I thought I would lay these out for everyone...they worked for me!

Please let me know if you would like me to expand on any of these to apply to your specific situation:

1) There is ALWAYS someone better/richer/stronger/smarter, and there is ALWAYS someone worse

2) Sometimes you HAVE to burn bridges

3) Life is too short NOT to be honest with yourself and others

4)EMBRACE your shortcomings

5)Make fun of yourself...then others won't!

6)None of us is perfect, and you shouldn't want to be

7)Understand what you believe in, and defend those beliefs always

8)Look out for those who cannot look out for themselves

9)Don't blame anyone else for your problems- blame yourself and move on

10)The Golden Rule! Treat others as you wish to be treated

This seems nice. Warm and fuzzy at least. Could you elaborate on how this actually changes things. I don't blame people for my problems; I know they're my fault (9). I am friendly and courteous, I'm honest, and know my flaws. How exactly does this make things better?

 

[A new life]

I see number 5 as the gem of the lot.
The day I learned to make fun of myself
it literally changed my life.

It really takes the wind out of their sails
When you are already telling jokes about yourself.
When you have already demonstrated that you are not sensitive
about your shortcomings it's no fun at all to make fun of you!

 

[lonelyfairy]

I agree, you're right. Especially rule 1. Everyone is good as him/herself. ^_^