- Feb 5, 2023
- Reaction score
So I turned 56 today. I’m currently in a place called Byron Bay on the east coast of Australia, which is quite beautiful and I can see why celebrities come here, although I’d hate it here in summer. It’s busy enough now even in winter. There’s also a music festival going on, which is where my two youngest daughters are attending, while my wife and I try to enjoy our time here. The weather is great. So great that there are many young people out enjoying the sun and beach, in their youthful bodies, looking beautiful and sexy, especially the girls in their string bikinis or trendy skins. It’s like they’re wearing nothing at all. So I’m living in a fantasy world in my head as I walk around with my wife, who has trouble drawing deep enough breaths because of her weight, which she regularly reminds me she needs to lose. I’m well aware that I’m not only beyond ever being with such gorgeous women, but haven’t even been the type to attract them either. I’m lucky to have my wife, she’s very supportive and kind, but has never really fulfilled my desires even though we’ve talked about all that sort of stuff in the past, done counseling and relationship courses. I’ve given up any of the fantasy expectations I might have once had and now just plod along, being a nice person and not being an over emotional and over reactive person I once was while struggling with my really bad depression. Since I’ve managed to successfully deal with it for the most part and mended many bridges I’d damaged with my family, I’ve conceded to knowing that any real exciting joyful amazing climactic experiences will forever elude me. I try to cling to a hope that there still might be something to look forward to, but it’s difficult to imagine and having expectations is fraught with disappointment. And so, here I am, heading toward 60, feeling fit and healthy in a lovely location, taking in what’s around me the best I can and trying to make the most of my time here with my wife, but with a lingering feeling of despondency and some regret. Oh well, I know it’s just how we look at things and how we deal with things, so it’s all on me. No need to respond, I just wanted a selfish moment to be sorrowful, which isn’t nice considering so many people are in awful situations far worse and destructive than mine. I should be more grateful that I have what I have. I apologise to all those who have something to really feel poorly about.