My worthless life

[julestcb]

Hi Everyone

Im new on here so bit nervous writing this. My life seems so emtpy and worthless that I find it so hard just getting through each day. My boyfriend split up with me in November and since then I cant seem to get over him. I have a family but only a handful of friends and those friends have their own familys and partners so I cant rely on them.

I get up in the morning, go to work, go home, go to bed and get up again and do the same thing all over again. Im 39 years old and I feel that Im a complete failure. Everything most people my age have I dont. Like being married, or being in a happy relationship or having kids, earning good money, a great job. I have none of these. My job is low paid and I struggle to get by. I feel like I am just existing and its so pointless going through the motions for yet another day of the same old thing. Ive read lots of things on the internet about being lonely and they advise you to go out and join clubs or even do voluntary work just to meet new people. I have actually got an interview on Thursday for a voluntary job as a ward helper in a hospital. But the few people I told about this all looked at me like im nuts with the comment "why do you want to work for free"? My thinking was that if Im out of the house and helping others less fortunate than myself it will give me a sense of worth. But try telling that to people who have everything perfect in their life!!!!! I have been put on 20mg prozac last week by my doctor so maybe they will help. Anyone out there who understands what Im feeling???

 

[VanillaCreme]

Well, it's not a bad thing to work for free. I would if it meant I'm helping someone less fortunate. A lot of people are selfish though, and wouldn't understand that who attitude. And you'll heal from your break up. I broke up with my ex over a year ago, and it's still clinging to me for some reason. You just need some time. It gets better.

 

[julestcb]

Thanks vanillacreame. Its the constant lonliness I feel. Everyone I work with is married with kids and they talk about what they are doing when they get home, or what they are doing at the weekends, sometimes I hear them saying,"I dont get a minute to myself"

I envy them so much. I go home to nothing. They actually think Im still with my boyfriend as I dont want people to look at me like the poor sad lonely woman of the office. Instead of feeling happy at the end of the day when I finish work I feel so depressed because Im going home to do nothing but watch tv yet again. Im actually going to a friends tomorrow but in a way Im dreading that because one of my friends is going away for the week with her boyfriend at the weekend, the other is going away with her husband next week and the more they will talk of that it will make me feel even more lonlely and like a complete failure.

 

[Badjedidude]

Welcome to the site, julestcb. I think you'll find some nice people to talk to here.

 

[Minus]

... I feel that Im a complete failure. Everything most people my age have I dont. Like being married, or being in a happy relationship or having kids, earning good money, a great job. I have none of these. ...

Yeah i know the feeling. I try not to dwell on it to much because it doesn't get me anywhere. Still hate the feeling though.


The idea of doing something for free seems to be alien to some people. It would be a pretty sad world if everyone thought that way. Volunteer work and being of service to others can be of great value to both the person doing it and the people they help. I hope it turns out that you like the place that you are volunteering at. If not their are always other places.

 

[AndrewM]

Hi julestbc, it's interesting that you admit to envying these people so much. I think it's because you envy them that they seem so wonderful and happy. I doubt most of them are as happy as you think they are. Even people who are in relationships, have kids, earn good money, etc can still feel miserable and lonely. Surely on some level you must know this, but your envy for what you think they have is blinding you to the reality of their situation. I'm not sure if this observation will be of any help to you. But I couldn't help noticing it while reading your posts.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

yeah..after a relationship break up it's difficult to adjust to changes. Plus you have the emotional roller coasters.
Yeap...feeling like your a failure, life is meaningless, anger, grieving, hurted and all that good stuff.

So...I didn't take a lot of things too seriously. I had to give myself a break.

I started attending my support group. it helps.
At the sametime I was doing a sort of volunteer work or service work.
I used to take an elderly gentalman to the hospital all the time. I hang out with him.
Sometimes he would test my patience. In other words, I felt like I was white knuckling life half of the time when I was with him.lol
I was even unemployed at the time...yeah, all that stuff people say that I weas doing didn't serve me well..but what fresia do they know?

But it was a part of my journey or process of getting well and healing.
I don't feel hurted or devistated today. My life had changed in so many ways.
I'm employed today...it dosn't pay as much as i used to make..but my life has gotten better.
I'm making progress. There's love in my life today or I'm willing to try and love again.
Just keep doing what you're doing...reach out. More doors will open.
Whatever the day may bring or life brings.

Service work had always been a part of my recovery.
I got clean and sober at a young age. While i didn't understand a lot of aspects about recovery at first.
My grand sponsor helped me. I used to just clean the ash trays, mop the floor, clean the bath room before and after support group meetings.
While during the meetings I'd sit and stair at the walls
I used to also go pick up people from treatment center...hahahaaaaa, the treatment center i wasn't allow to attend. Errrrrr!!!!!!
But i was down and out, bascailly sleeping in my car at that time.

Service work kept me ground in my recovery. It also kept me grounded as a person. I belive I'm still clean and sober becuase of it.
It putted me into actions....and it taught me..It's not all about me.

I still do service or volunteer work for the support groups that i attend today. hahahahaaaaa, sometimes i feel like I'm white knuckling life in some
of the bussiness meetings. It's all good.

Yeah..I'm also in my 40's when my life turned up side down.

Be well

 

[julestcb]

Welcome to the site, julestcb. I think you'll find some nice people to talk to here.

Thanks for the welcome Badjedidude! Its lovely having people who understand

---

Hi julestbc, it's interesting that you admit to envying these people so much. I think it's because you envy them that they seem so wonderful and happy. I doubt most of them are as happy as you think they are. Even people who are in relationships, have kids, earn good money, etc can still feel miserable and lonely. Surely on some level you must know this, but your envy for what you think they have is blinding you to the reality of their situation. I'm not sure if this observation will be of any help to you. But I couldn't help noticing it while reading your posts.

Yeah I never thought of it like that before ... thanks AndrewM for putting a different perspective on it for me.

---

yeah..after a relationship break up it's difficult to adjust to changes. Plus you have the emotional roller coasters.
Yeap...feeling like your a failure, life is meaningless, anger, grieving, hurted and all that good stuff.

So...I didn't take a lot of things too seriously. I had to give myself a break.

I started attending my support group. it helps.
At the sametime I was doing a sort of volunteer work or service work.
I used to take an elderly gentalman to the hospital all the time. I hang out with him.
Sometimes he would test my patience. In other words, I felt like I was white knuckling life half of the time when I was with him.lol
I was even unemployed at the time...yeah, all that stuff people say that I weas doing didn't serve me well..but what fresia do they know?

But it was a part of my journey or process of getting well and healing.
I don't feel hurted or devistated today. My life had changed in so many ways.
I'm employed today...it dosn't pay as much as i used to make..but my life has gotten better.
I'm making progress. There's love in my life today or I'm willing to try and love again.
Just keep doing what you're doing...reach out. More doors will open.
Whatever the day may bring or life brings.

Service work had always been a part of my recovery.
I got clean and sober at a young age. While i didn't understand a lot of aspects about recovery at first.
My grand sponsor helped me. I used to just clean the ash trays, mop the floor, clean the bath room before and after support group meetings.
While during the meetings I'd sit and stair at the walls
I used to also go pick up people from treatment center...hahahaaaaa, the treatment center i wasn't allow to attend. Errrrrr!!!!!!
But i was down and out, bascailly sleeping in my car at that time.

Service work kept me ground in my recovery. It also kept me grounded as a person. I belive I'm still clean and sober becuase of it.
It putted me into actions....and it taught me..It's not all about me.

I still do service or volunteer work for the support groups that i attend today. hahahahaaaaa, sometimes i feel like I'm white knuckling life in some
of the bussiness meetings. It's all good.

Yeah..I'm also in my 40's when my life turned up side down.

Be well

Thanks for sharing your story with me Lonesome Crow. Its great that you are doing so well now. Its also good to hear you do voluntary work because as I said most people I have told seems to think I am odd for wanting to work for nothing!!!!

Im genuinly touched that you, and everyone else has took the time out of your day to reply to me and give me advice. Thanks so much everyone. Maybe Im not as lonely as I thought with you guys out there. xx

 

[grundel70]

Omg…

I read your post and was like…that’s me!

I am 39, and all of my friends are married. They all have lives that I am not a part of. I remember when I used to call them and say ‘hey, lets grab a movie’, and we would…now it’s the kids, the wife, etc…that prevent them. They can’t talk to me for very long, dinner is on the table…they can’t come over because they are going to the in laws. They can’t watch the game with me because jr is having friends over…

I had a somewhat successful career, but unfortunately I had take a few steps back. It frustrates me. I have nothing to show for my 39 years… No money, no house, no wife, no kids, etc… To quote my favorite musician

“Then one day ten years have got behind you. No one told you when to run. You missed the starting gun”

Where did the time go? Why do I have nothing still? When is my life going to start?

The more I dwell on it, the worse it gets. I start to isolate. I start to feel sorry for myself because I have no one in my life to love, my friends are too busy for me. My family is so successful except for me. My cousins have families, great jobs, etc.. I have nothing.

I do go to group therapy, and the constant advise I am given is to focus on someone else, get out of my own head. I should take the time to try and help other people. Sharing my story, giving someone a ride, etc… I helped a tech here at work with her rent one month (no wonder I have no money ) I gave a ride to someone that was stranded somewhere. I volunteered at work a schedule for someone that needed time off. I listened to someone that was having a bad day. When I do these things, it really does help. But sometimes my depression and loneliness still get the better of me, and I start to isolate myself.

I am most certainly not one to give advice. But all I can do is share how I feel, and hope that through relating to others going through similar things, it can help us feel better, and also them as well…knowing that in our loneliness we are not alone.

 

[julestcb]

Hey Grundel70

So at least we both now no its not just us who feel like this, and maybe if truth be known there are thousands of us out there who feel exactly the same way. But when we have our down days it just feels like we are the only ones in the world who have nobody to share our lives with. I keep thinking when is it going to happen for me? When is it going to be my turn.

At least we can keep each other company on here and anyone else who is in the same boat. Its the end of another working week and already Im thinking what can I do with my time!!!! When people ask me in work, I lie and make stuff up that makes me sound like I have a great social life! How sad is that.

Anyway keep in touch. Im here for you.

 

[onedayatatime1969]

I understand how you feel. I am a 40 year old woman who lives alone in a single bedroom apartment. I have no friends really and i have a brother i occassionally talk with. I feel the same about not having what others do our age. It makes me feel like there is something wrong with me.I was married 10 years and the 9 years i have been divorced have been hard. When a guy shows interest in me i run the other way because i know when they find out how i live and how broke i am with no friends they will leave anyway. I moved to this town 9 years ago and i have developed no real friendships. It gets harder as you get older to make good friends especially when you are single. I try to take every day as one day at a time. I am in school and i try to work on my self confidence. I know things can get hard but to survive lonliness and obstacles is better than giving up. There has to be a reason for all this crap going on down here. I have a hard time grasping that God put us here to be miserable the rest of our lives although sometimes it feels like it. You are not alone.

Hi Everyone

Im new on here so bit nervous writing this. My life seems so emtpy and worthless that I find it so hard just getting through each day. My boyfriend split up with me in November and since then I cant seem to get over him. I have a family but only a handful of friends and those friends have their own familys and partners so I cant rely on them.

I get up in the morning, go to work, go home, go to bed and get up again and do the same thing all over again. Im 39 years old and I feel that Im a complete failure. Everything most people my age have I dont. Like being married, or being in a happy relationship or having kids, earning good money, a great job. I have none of these. My job is low paid and I struggle to get by. I feel like I am just existing and its so pointless going through the motions for yet another day of the same old thing. Ive read lots of things on the internet about being lonely and they advise you to go out and join clubs or even do voluntary work just to meet new people. I have actually got an interview on Thursday for a voluntary job as a ward helper in a hospital. But the few people I told about this all looked at me like im nuts with the comment "why do you want to work for free"? My thinking was that if Im out of the house and helping others less fortunate than myself it will give me a sense of worth. But try telling that to people who have everything perfect in their life!!!!! I have been put on 20mg prozac last week by my doctor so maybe they will help. Anyone out there who understands what Im feeling???

 

[arkitek4]

No one as i believe can possibly advice you on how to change your life, because you will get your life when it is due you. But of course it all depends on your character, how do you face your problems? do you analyze first then act or do you act whatever comes to mind.

I tell you when it is your time your life will start, and when it start you have to be prepared for it. For opportunities does not come knocking n the door when you want it too, it comes when you least expect them too. Maybe God think you are not yet prepared to face something new or what you want may not suit you right that is why you feel like an outcast because maybe in your mind you are inferior.

Change the way you think and act or a full behavioral change usually works wonders but do so intelligently. If you want sometime, you go for it, life's too short to wait for summer to come. I too was once like you, none of my friends want to hang out with me, none of my friends would drop by and say hi nor make a call to chat somewhat.

I found my niche when I found my wife, although sadly it fell apart and now again I am alone. But somehow I figured that things will be good for me, I actually look forward to what tomorrow brings. I search, I ask around I dont just wait for it I get off my butt and look for answers. It is your attitude that will spell your doom or success.

like in the movie 'Black Hawk Down'. "What you do right now makes a difference." So stop wondering how it feels like and start wanting to have a life!

I hope I helped my friend.

 

[Unique Unicorn]

First of all to everyone in this thread - big hugs :shy: (Can't find a hug smile?)

I know this sounds so contrived but at least you have work and family, and a roof over your head, which for some may be considered luxuries, in no way am I saying that your feelings of being lonely and isolated are not valid, but when I feel 'isolated' and 'alone', I go to the local nursing home and spend a day talking to the 'oldies', it brightens their day so much and some of the amazing anecdotes and stories I hear are just amazing, by the time I come out, I feel so good, knowing that for just a day I listened to someone else and brightened their life for just a short time, it also helps ease my own pain, in turn they now look forward to my visits and consider me a friend. So Jules your idea of being a volunteer will provide you with so much - please just try it.

Just my take on it.

Cheers to all.

 

[Mr.Solution]

I'll tell you what to do,

You think you are in a blur, sick black and white world . But you know what to do? You got to clear the blur and get rid of the sickness and add some colour to your life. You got to stop thinking about your sad movements and you got to stand up from your bed and say: 'MY LIFE IS A GIFT OF GOD AND I SHALL ENJOY IT TO THE VERY LAST MOVEMENT OF IT!' You have to start forgetting about the past and start thinking about a fresh start. You got to pull up your confidence and change your usual things. When you get up in the morning, Start by the usual activities (brushing, bathing etc). And then get outside, act like you are full of life and go to your office. Get a cool boyfriend (Be brave and confident) and make some cool friends,. One way to do both of this is by proving that your life is not worthless. Do something that impresses others and you will find everything sliding to you.

Good luck and you need your full confidence to accomplish in your life

 

[Venetia]

Hi Everyone

Im new on here so bit nervous writing this. My life seems so emtpy and worthless that I find it so hard just getting through each day. My boyfriend split up with me in November and since then I cant seem to get over him. I have a family but only a handful of friends and those friends have their own familys and partners so I cant rely on them.

I get up in the morning, go to work, go home, go to bed and get up again and do the same thing all over again. Im 39 years old and I feel that Im a complete failure. Everything most people my age have I dont. Like being married, or being in a happy relationship or having kids, earning good money, a great job. I have none of these. My job is low paid and I struggle to get by. I feel like I am just existing and its so pointless going through the motions for yet another day of the same old thing. Ive read lots of things on the internet about being lonely and they advise you to go out and join clubs or even do voluntary work just to meet new people. I have actually got an interview on Thursday for a voluntary job as a ward helper in a hospital. But the few people I told about this all looked at me like im nuts with the comment "why do you want to work for free"? My thinking was that if Im out of the house and helping others less fortunate than myself it will give me a sense of worth. But try telling that to people who have everything perfect in their life!!!!! I have been put on 20mg prozac last week by my doctor so maybe they will help. Anyone out there who understands what Im feeling???

I feel like my life is worthless too. I have no sense of purpose. So I have become involved as an admin in a support group. But my efforts are not appreciated. So I know how you feel.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I'll tell you what to do,

You think you are in a blur, sick black and white world . But you know what to do? You got to clear the blur and get rid of the sickness and add some colour to your life. You got to stop thinking about your sad movements and you got to stand up from your bed and say: 'MY LIFE IS A GIFT OF GOD AND I SHALL ENJOY IT TO THE VERY LAST MOVEMENT OF IT!' You have to start forgetting about the past and start thinking about a fresh start. You got to pull up your confidence and change your usual things. When you get up in the morning, Start by the usual activities (brushing, bathing etc). And then get outside, act like you are full of life and go to your office. Get a cool boyfriend (Be brave and confident) and make some cool friends,. One way to do both of this is by proving that your life is not worthless. Do something that impresses others and you will find everything sliding to you.

Good luck and you need your full confidence to accomplish in your life

*rolls eyes*

 

[lomojojo]

Is there some kind of breakdown we go through at 39 geez! I'm 39 and I somehow feel the same way. I am not alone (married with two kids) but feel lonely most of the time. I feel like a complete failure sometimes. Career wise I was a high school drop out, got my act together and got my G.E.D. after having a couple of crappy jobs I decided to get a higher education, I wanted to become a doctor so I went on to get a college degree. I got it and transferred to a 4 year university and and I stopped right there... helped my husband out with his marketing business which grew really big. Then we tried expanding and with the economy the whole thing collapsed and I am bankrupt without a job. So as someone said in a previous post what you envy in people around you may only be an illusion. Things sometimes are not what they appear to be. As far as volunteering I believe there's nothing more rewarding than helping others without expecting anything in return is like payment for your soul. It feels good. I wish you the best

 

[AlonelyCrumpet]

Hi Everyone

Im new on here so bit nervous writing this. My life seems so emtpy and worthless that I find it so hard just getting through each day. My boyfriend split up with me in November and since then I cant seem to get over him. I have a family but only a handful of friends and those friends have their own familys and partners so I cant rely on them.

I get up in the morning, go to work, go home, go to bed and get up again and do the same thing all over again. Im 39 years old and I feel that Im a complete failure. Everything most people my age have I dont. Like being married, or being in a happy relationship or having kids, earning good money, a great job. I have none of these. My job is low paid and I struggle to get by. I feel like I am just existing and its so pointless going through the motions for yet another day of the same old thing. Ive read lots of things on the internet about being lonely and they advise you to go out and join clubs or even do voluntary work just to meet new people. I have actually got an interview on Thursday for a voluntary job as a ward helper in a hospital. But the few people I told about this all looked at me like im nuts with the comment "why do you want to work for free"? My thinking was that if Im out of the house and helping others less fortunate than myself it will give me a sense of worth. But try telling that to people who have everything perfect in their life!!!!! I have been put on 20mg prozac last week by my doctor so maybe they will help. Anyone out there who understands what Im feeling???

 

[eolithicman]

a voluntary job could be a good thing and just what could help, your the one who is lonely not your work colleagues so i wouldn't take any notice of what other people say,
I really feel for you, and i know the pain of what your going Thur until 4 months ago i was in a fifteen year relationship, we were never big at socializing and were happy just to spend our days with each other for company,
so now she's gone I'm left with nobody the worst thing is i only work a couple of nights a week so i spend a lot of days and nights feeling very lonely, i have some family who i dont get to see much, i sometimes be found pottering about my house at silly hours looking for things to pass the time away, lol
i too never thought my life could get to such a low point, try to get comfortable with your own company, i know its hard but it helps, i hope it work out for you. just keep your chin up sweetheart, and don't let the gremlins grind you down

 

[bugonwall]

You know why is it that we all need friends? Really ? Have you ever had a best friend? I'm guessing yes...Where are they? GONE ! We choose our own path in life, just remember it could always be worse , and better yet what do you have to loose? You have gained so much just with your life , Sure you are bored sure you are lonley .sure, sure ,sure but that is easily fixed get off this dumb internet and go meet someone! Go to a bar and have a drink , go to the supermarket and hit on a guy, go to the bus stop go to the .....theres so many places you just have to get out and look