Nagging worries

[onmyown1979]

Lately I've been feeling more confident that soon my situation will change financially and I can finally move out of my folks house again and restart my life, I also feel confident that I can finally find a relationship for the first time in my life but this one major worry always hits me....Will my inexperience ruin things? I worry about will I call her too much because I'm so happy to be in a relationship, or call her to little because I'm use to the solitude. Can I hold a steady conversation when were alone, will I be too shy around her family, will she get bored of me and move on, will sex not be good enough and she'll move on, etc. I know when the time comes I should just go for it and see what happens but I have this big fear that ill be 'exposed' down the line and my business will be out there on Facebook or twitter. Am I being too paranoid here?

 

[Tiina63]

No, you're not being too paranoid. These are usual and normal worries.
How often to call someone depend on what you both want-I wouldn't like loads of phone calls until I develop feelings for the other person but another woman might not feel this way. You could always ask 'when would you like me to call you again?' after a date or on ending a call.
Finding things to talk about is a major worry of mine as well, as I think it is for all people who are unsure of themselves and lacking in confidence. Gaining experience may help this, though so far it hasn't done for me:-( Do you go out much socially? Maybe you could build up experience of meeting people in social settings first and then look for someone when you are more used to mixing and to conversing.
Being shy around her family is far better than being too brash and 'in their faces.' Besides, you could always postpone meeting her family till you know the girl better and are relaxed with her. Hopefully knowing that she is in your corner would give you the extra bit of confidence you need to meet her folks.
I know that quieter people like us are often seen as boring by society which seems to value only outgoing and extraverted people. But just because you aren't constantly being entertaining and chatty doesn't make you boring despite what society says and if a girl sees you as boring because of being quiet, then she isn't the right one for you.
Sex is something which two people have to work out for themselves. But even if a girl didn't find sex with you exciting, it would just mean that you aren't sexually compatible and it wouldn't be a reflection of your worth as a person.

 

[theglasscell]

Don't worry about those sorts of things in advance.

If a girl likes you and it's going well you will be able to feel out how often to call and all that.

Everyone is different.

You can't worry about the sex either. Especially not in the beginning. Sometimes the first time can be awkward, in my experience the sex gets much better once you get used to it. There is usually performance anxiety the first time, sometimes they might do something that you don't like but you aren't comfortable telling them that right off the bat.

Don't worry about all that future stuff. Just focus on today and making it the best day you can.

Inexperience really doesn't mean much when it comes to sex. I dated a lady who'd been with over a 100 guys in less than a year and she'd been married to a woman for seven, well not fully married but in a domestic partnership.

She was terrible in bed, very selfish and just cared about getting herself off. All that experience meant nothing.

My first girlfriend who was a virgin just like me, was amazing though. I think it just really matters about being attentive. Sex isn't some big mystery, it can be learned very easily. Once you feel comfortable with the person just ask them what they like and they can usually tell you what they want and what will make it best for them.

There are an infinite number of things you can worry about in life, but worrying is just a waste of energy.

Just be glad about moving out of your parent's house and setting up your new place.

 

[Runciter]

Just communicate. If you're worried you might screw something up because you're calling too much etc. be honest and let her know "I like you and I don't want to do anything to upset you, if you ever think I'm being too clingy, not clingy enough etc. then let me know and I'll be happy to accommodate." If that puts her off then you're better off without!

Really though, every women is different and the only way you'll know what how an individual likes to be treated by openly communicating with them. You'll find a lot of good advice to help you in these forums but unless we happen to know the woman in great detail, you're better off talking to her.

Good luck moving out and even more luck finding that special someone.