Need an advice.

[Nelica]

Well, its an short story with bad ending.. I saw an girl, we had fun for like 3-4 months via internet, and i came to finally meet her, we 've gone into an type of relationship. Distance between her and me is like 150 kilometres, but it's not an problem for me, 2 hours traveling.

After 10 months, we have gone to some serious issues, and she broken up with me, thinking it was the best of us both. Now im in kinda of a dillema:

I have read thousand sites regarding if it's good for me to stay as a friend with ex gf, thousand advices topics, but simply i can't make any decision.

Mostly i tryed that no contact period but couldn't do, because she was writting to me and calling 24/7, wishing to hear me all the time, but clearly stated to be only friends forever, nothing much more.

U know the feelings and emotions towards the loved one can't disappear in a few days, its impossible, and she is prolly acting cold but still has emotions, and i don't know if she will ever chance decision to be something more or just friends.

Now i don't know if i should just write her as a friend, stay remain/cool with no emotions or try to again start some type of rebuilding relationship, tease her etc..

Simply i don't know, cause of breakup i have problems with sleeping due of her, plus the university things and stuff, explosion..

If anyone had simmiliar experience and have an advice, please write it below.

Thanks!

 

[Ymir]

Put yourself first. Given that she doesn't want to be with you in a romantical way, and you are nice enough to respect that, do you *want* to be friends with her? Is it enough for you? If that's not the case, you should step away and go no contact. If she insists, you should be honest with her and tell that you can't handle a friendship, so you need your own space.

My two cents is that you need time away from her. You might want to get in touch again, you might not, but right now, sounds like the way is going no contact.

 

[Sci-Fi]

If you can't put your emotions aside and be friends then let her go. It isn't worth putting yourself through. Ultimately though only you can make that decision for yourself.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Something a guy who broke up with me told me....grieving together is messy.
That was painful to hear at the time, but he was right.
Limit your contact and keep things fairly impersonal for a while. If you're lucky, you two might eventually be able to just be friends.
That was about three years or so ago. I count him as a very good friend today. I'd do anything I could for him and I know he'd help me if I needed something (and has).
So, while being friends with an ex is possible, I think it's the exception - not the rule.

 

[Nelica]

I'm really confused now because.. She said today that she is crying every night because of me, i think she made mistake for a breakup..

Well, she confessed me now like "i love you", and is interested in rebuilding an relationship.. also im going to some celebration in saturday which is near her place , and she wants to come to see me, and i don't know how i'll act if she comes..

Well, im totally confused..

 

[Therapon]

She was probably advised to break up (reluctantly) due to the problems the same way you're being advised on this forum.

You need to ask yourself if YOU think the problems will be resolved and are managable, and based on that, decide if you get back together with her or not.

It'd be a good idea to consider the impact of the problems on her and not just yourself when making the decision.

If she broke up with you then it's reasonable to guess that the impact of the problems on her have been big.

If you get back together, do you think it'll work?

 

[ladyforsaken]

^What Therapon said.

Also, I think in this case, you now have to talk to her and see how you can work things out. I mean, we have very limited information about your relationship with her but it would be good to weigh out the pros and cons for the both of you and not just one side. Do what's best for the both of you.

Hope you can work things out with her and come to a proper decision on what you would do next. Things like these are never pleasant to experience. Good luck, Nelica.

 

[Case]

I have read thousand sites regarding if it's good for me to stay as a friend with ex gf, thousand advices topics, but simply i can't make any decision.

If you still have any romantic feelings for her, you should not be friends. The only way to overcome these feelings is to remove her from your life. To have her in your life while you still want her romantically, you are preventing your emotional healing.

So, my vote is that you should not be her friend.

 

[Nelica]

Thank you all for your advices. I'll do no contact thing, definitely.

Thanks!

 

[1000lifetimes]

Well said Case:

If you still have any romantic feelings for her, you should not be friends. The only way to overcome these feelings is to remove her from your life.

Movies/tv/media suggest that you can let romance grow from friendship - which is usually bullcrap.

 

[Case]

Well said Case:

If you still have any romantic feelings for her, you should not be friends. The only way to overcome these feelings is to remove her from your life.

Movies/tv/media suggest that you can let romance grow from friendship - which is usually bullcrap.

Actually, romance that arises out of a friendship is absolutely possible because it happened to me twice. The trick is that it must grow in both participants. If only one person falls in love, and the other person is not interested, then there will be only frustration and disappointment for the love struck one who continues the friendship.

As for movies and TV that portray romances, they are intended as wish-fulfillment to swell our hearts and make us feel good. I see nothing wrong with that as long as we know to separate fiction from reality.