Need for validation/attention?

[Zorg]

I have a tendency to purposely try to distance myself from some of my friends ever so often. I'll sort of become a bit of a hermit and not attend certain events that I'm invited too and try to avoid them a bit. Now, this may seem counter-intuitive, but I do it because I want to make sure I have friends. I feel that if I ignore my friends a bit then the real ones will try to contact me and see what's up while the others may just not care or give a honeysuckle.

I think it's sort of a a need for validation or something that I still have even though I've actually gotten friends. I wish I didn't do it, but I do...

Does anyone else do this? Is it normal?

 

[Katia]

I can't say that is exactly what I do. I just avoid events because I dont like social settings. But normally when I don't try to contact someone, they don't try to contact me. Then I just become depressed when I realize how many friends I don't have.

I'm not sure if it is normal but everyone wants to make sure who their friends are. Right? Each person jst has their own way of figuring it out I guess.

 

[SilentThinker]

It was my usual method of doing things.But normally,the results are not the ones I expected to be.

If it is overdone,people will perceive you as attention seeker and the perception will cause you to be stereotyped.

 

[Haineko]

You are not the only one who has done this,
for I used to do it during the time I believed in friendship.

The thing is, the results obtained by means of this "technique"
are not the expected ones more often than not, and it is even
more depressing if you realize that when someone else has done
the same, you have tried to contact him/her but later on, nobody
even tries to do the same for you.

Is it normal? that is not an answer I can provide right now,
but it´s true that many people do it. Perhaps, since they
cannot approve of themselves, they look for others to give
them such approval, then become depressed when realizing
it is not there

Cheers =)

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Yes, I've done it. It's normal when you're going into isolation.
Not healty however.

Perhaps, you're going through changes...as we all do.
I'm not sure what type of feelings or thoughts you're experincing.
Sometimes I get a feeling poeple/friends are just retarded in general.
I had a group of friends that was doing activities that was counter
productive to my life in general...at the very least, it didn't have
the luster, excitment nor fun I used to have. They were actaully
a good group of dudes. We joke around and have lots of luagh
and what have ya...those **** activities we got into wasn't too
healty. We all surffered consiquence from it. The price I was paying
was getting too high or I didn't want to play anymore.lol

The guys were my real friends...I've known many of them for decades.
We're still friends...not as close anymore...but that's okay.
We'll run into each other eventaully some other times with some other
circumstance...they have their lives and challenges too.
So me sitting around waiting for them to call...is not too healthy for me.
I never burnt that bridge...I just can't be around them at this stage in my life.

I can either revert or move forward.
Yes...good friend are hard to come by..And the thought of trying
to find new friends gave me a feeling of fear and discomfort as will.
However I have a chioce.

I had to sit down and write about my life..soul searching perhaps.
Get really honest with myself...get right with myself.
It took a lot of work..but it was will worth it. I still don't have
all the answers...but I'm not as confused as i used to be.

Yes..I need human contacts in my life. I had to reach out to
resouces that's avilable to me. Positive people doing positive
activities. At the very least...it got me out of isolation...so it's all good.

Actually I'm in the process of re connecting with a freind I've known for many years ATM.
The circumstance had changed...I've changed..She's changed.
We're both still the same person...but we've grown.
I'm hoping she'll take me out of the friend zone and move forward

 

[querida]

ive not personally done this...i agree with silentthinker, if overdone tho, you may shoot yourself in the foot, and also you don't want the boy who cried wolf situation...

i understand the need tho to feel validated, and understand who truly cares about your wellbeing...

 

[samba101]

Nope never done it and would never do it.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I have a tendency to purposely try to distance myself from some of my friends ever so often. I'll sort of become a bit of a hermit and not attend certain events that I'm invited too and try to avoid them a bit. Now, this may seem counter-intuitive, but I do it because I want to make sure I have friends. I feel that if I ignore my friends a bit then the real ones will try to contact me and see what's up while the others may just not care or give a honeysuckle.

I think it's sort of a a need for validation or something that I still have even though I've actually gotten friends. I wish I didn't do it, but I do...

Does anyone else do this? Is it normal?

dont you think that just by wanting your presence that they like you for SOME reason? Isnt this validation in and of itself of their friendship towards you?

If not, their friendship will be tested in other ways, like if they get cancer (will you be there?) or if your brother dies (will they be there for you?) THOSE are the tests. The ups and downs of life...not isolating yourself...