sorandom5454
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- Dec 5, 2012
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Hey. I'm just throwing this out here cause I got very few people IRL to discuss it with (in fact only one person) and I need some perspectives on it from other people. It's kinda long to read but yeah, thanks if you pull through
So, nearly one year ago I got in touch with this girl online that lives in another country. (We're both in our early twenties). We quickly connected and started talking a lot online. Soon we also moved on from chats to talking on skype or calling on phone, we also sent some photos and stuff like that. It felt good and like we really "digged" each other.
Now from the beginning, I was rather hesitant and a bit distanced towards her. This is because I'm aware of my personal problems with people and also because I'm aware of the difficulties with meeting someone that lives abroad. She however was much more... pushing and quickly also seemed to become more emotionally attached to me. I tried to be clear with who I am and how things are but either she was fine with it or she didn't fully understand as she never met me in person. Anyway, after a while I also got somewhat attached to her, thinking it could be nice to meet as soon as I had the possibility to go there.
However, lately she has started acting much more cold and distanced. To take a few examples, earlier it seemed to mean a great deal to her to be in touch with me but now, it can go days without hearing from her or if we are chatting, it can take a very long time before she replies. Basically it's like we can't really communicate well anymore, it's just the standard phrases like how are you and so on. Now I have also contributed to this rift between us I guess. But I tried to work this out recently. I talked to her and said how I feel, that I do like her and am interested but realize the difficulties. And I also made it clear that if she rather finds someone there, it's alright with me, I would understand. She acted very weird when I said this though, kinda like she was avoiding the subject. I tried bringing it up once more but got the same reaction and now I feel like I've done my part, if she doesn't wanna talk or make this right, then so be it.
The problem now is I don't know what to do and I don't really understand what's going on over there. I'm suspecting she has found someone else but are in the early stages and don't wanna break it off with me. However it's very confusing - while she acts cold at times, other times it's the other way around. It's like she's giving me double signals. If she was tired of me or found someone else, then I think she should be clear with me on that instead of acting like this. I don't really understand it.
There is also the possibility (especially with her being from a different culture than i am) that she is expecting me to make more moves now. To contact her more, to make sure I can go there see her soon and so on. But I just don't know.
The way she's been lately and us having less contact has also made me think more about this whole thing. I know the chances are slim we would work out, both given we might not at all go along well in person but if nothing else, cause of the distance. At the same time a part of me would want to at least give it a try. So I feel like I got 2 choices now. One being breaking it off right now (as she may not care that much anymore about me anyway) and saving us some hassle. Another one being giving it some more time and see what she wants out of this. I will not be able to go there for some time anyway so there's no third option of meeting and see how it goes right now.
I know this is very unfortunate and not really her fault but I can't help this is affecting me to some degree. I just feel like it's the same old story all over again, someone "tricks me" into believing it is indeed possible for me to be liked by someone or maybe even be with someone, only to then be let down and left alone again.
I'm grateful for any input or help on this matter.
So, nearly one year ago I got in touch with this girl online that lives in another country. (We're both in our early twenties). We quickly connected and started talking a lot online. Soon we also moved on from chats to talking on skype or calling on phone, we also sent some photos and stuff like that. It felt good and like we really "digged" each other.
Now from the beginning, I was rather hesitant and a bit distanced towards her. This is because I'm aware of my personal problems with people and also because I'm aware of the difficulties with meeting someone that lives abroad. She however was much more... pushing and quickly also seemed to become more emotionally attached to me. I tried to be clear with who I am and how things are but either she was fine with it or she didn't fully understand as she never met me in person. Anyway, after a while I also got somewhat attached to her, thinking it could be nice to meet as soon as I had the possibility to go there.
However, lately she has started acting much more cold and distanced. To take a few examples, earlier it seemed to mean a great deal to her to be in touch with me but now, it can go days without hearing from her or if we are chatting, it can take a very long time before she replies. Basically it's like we can't really communicate well anymore, it's just the standard phrases like how are you and so on. Now I have also contributed to this rift between us I guess. But I tried to work this out recently. I talked to her and said how I feel, that I do like her and am interested but realize the difficulties. And I also made it clear that if she rather finds someone there, it's alright with me, I would understand. She acted very weird when I said this though, kinda like she was avoiding the subject. I tried bringing it up once more but got the same reaction and now I feel like I've done my part, if she doesn't wanna talk or make this right, then so be it.
The problem now is I don't know what to do and I don't really understand what's going on over there. I'm suspecting she has found someone else but are in the early stages and don't wanna break it off with me. However it's very confusing - while she acts cold at times, other times it's the other way around. It's like she's giving me double signals. If she was tired of me or found someone else, then I think she should be clear with me on that instead of acting like this. I don't really understand it.
There is also the possibility (especially with her being from a different culture than i am) that she is expecting me to make more moves now. To contact her more, to make sure I can go there see her soon and so on. But I just don't know.
The way she's been lately and us having less contact has also made me think more about this whole thing. I know the chances are slim we would work out, both given we might not at all go along well in person but if nothing else, cause of the distance. At the same time a part of me would want to at least give it a try. So I feel like I got 2 choices now. One being breaking it off right now (as she may not care that much anymore about me anyway) and saving us some hassle. Another one being giving it some more time and see what she wants out of this. I will not be able to go there for some time anyway so there's no third option of meeting and see how it goes right now.
I know this is very unfortunate and not really her fault but I can't help this is affecting me to some degree. I just feel like it's the same old story all over again, someone "tricks me" into believing it is indeed possible for me to be liked by someone or maybe even be with someone, only to then be let down and left alone again.
I'm grateful for any input or help on this matter.