Never mind.
- Thread starter Danny23
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Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:
Hello Danny23, welcome to the site.
Well I would think that it's not too late, you could very well tell her how you feel but leave it up to her what she wants to do next. However I'd be prepared to be able to accept if she's not interested in that way, though I don't think it would be as brutal as that, also be prepared to be patient if she needs time.
You's already seem like good friends who support each other well, and to be honest even if you's remain as friends, it would be someone I'd definitely want to hold on to.
Well I would think that it's not too late, you could very well tell her how you feel but leave it up to her what she wants to do next. However I'd be prepared to be able to accept if she's not interested in that way, though I don't think it would be as brutal as that, also be prepared to be patient if she needs time.
You's already seem like good friends who support each other well, and to be honest even if you's remain as friends, it would be someone I'd definitely want to hold on to.
theraab
Well-known member
What you are asking for is to stay her friend, but not be bothered when she is with other guys. I'm sorry to say that's basically impossible.
You have a kind of shitty decision to make - either you go after her romantically, you separate yourself from her (basically end your friendship), or you bite the bullet and endure not being with her romantically, while sticking around while other guys are with her; the only way you are going to be able to be her friend and not be driven crazy by her being with another guy is if you find another girl (which you said you didn't want to hear).
You have a kind of shitty decision to make - either you go after her romantically, you separate yourself from her (basically end your friendship), or you bite the bullet and endure not being with her romantically, while sticking around while other guys are with her; the only way you are going to be able to be her friend and not be driven crazy by her being with another guy is if you find another girl (which you said you didn't want to hear).
bluedolphin92
Member
Hello and welcome to the forum!
In a way, I'm in the same boat as you, (with needing to get over feelings for a friend, at least.) My story goes like this (It's kind of a long one as well, hope you'll give me your time
)...
Mid-2006: I start talking to this guy on an internet forum. I feel an almost instant connection to him that's different than anything else I've felt for anyone I've talked to on there. I find that I feel really happy any time I see that he's online, and really enjoy talking to him. I don't remember exactly when my crush started, but I know it was fairly early on.
2007-Early 2012: Things continue more or less the same way. Each of us takes the occasional leave of absence from the forum, sometimes going months without any sort of contact. In spite of this, we immediately reconnect anytime both of us are online and keep the friendly communication up.
Mid-2012: We start talking even more on the forum. The first serious hints of arranging a meeting in real life are brought up, though at the time I am not ready.
February 2013: He gives me his cell phone number and we begin texting on a daily basis, even if neither has much to say. I mention that my favorite musician (whose music I introduced to him and he really enjoyed) will be coming to my city in May, implying that I'd like to go with him. He agrees.
Early May 2013: We meet and go to the concert. When we get back to my dorm room afterwards, we end up hooking up (Won't go into too much detail...All I'll say is it was 3rd base, almost all the way.)
Late May 2013: I notice that his texts are becoming shorter and he is never initiating, whereas he always used to. I finally ask him what our meeting meant, and he tells me that long distance relationships have been bad for him in the past, and that while he had wanted to believe it could work this time, it was just too much for him to handle. (He lives two states away)
Now: Still upset over it all, depressed for a variety of reasons (Have been for awhile, though I'm sure this whole experience worsened it). He's said that he wants to be friends still, but hasn't been on the forum and still doesn't initiate texts, so I haven't talked to him much. I still have feelings for him though.
My experience isn't quite the same as yours, though I can definitely relate with having feelings for a friend and feeling that you'll never find someone who you feel the same way for. In my case, I worry that my social anxiety will prevent me from ever being able to meet anyone in real life. I feel like I'm pretty much destined to be with someone I meet online, and to take the time to get to know someone as much as I've gotten to know this guy is just going to be so difficult. I can also relate to the not wanting to say everything you really want to say for fear of losing the friendship. In the end, it's entirely up to you whether or not you want to tell her. Me, I've decided to wait and see if I can bring stuff up naturally and gradually.
As for getting over the crush, it's kind of hard for me to give advice on that, given that I'm in the same predicament. To be honest, part of me doesn't WANT to give it up entirely because I feel that maybe, just maybe, there's hope in the future (I plan to go to grad school out of state, so I could be closer to him. When I told him this he didn't rule it out, though he did tell me not to get my hopes up =/). At this point I'm pretty much just moving along with my life as best I can. They say time heals all wounds so maybe with time I'll get over him, or at least learn to love others while still holding a special place for him in my heart.
In a way, I'm in the same boat as you, (with needing to get over feelings for a friend, at least.) My story goes like this (It's kind of a long one as well, hope you'll give me your time
)...Mid-2006: I start talking to this guy on an internet forum. I feel an almost instant connection to him that's different than anything else I've felt for anyone I've talked to on there. I find that I feel really happy any time I see that he's online, and really enjoy talking to him. I don't remember exactly when my crush started, but I know it was fairly early on.
2007-Early 2012: Things continue more or less the same way. Each of us takes the occasional leave of absence from the forum, sometimes going months without any sort of contact. In spite of this, we immediately reconnect anytime both of us are online and keep the friendly communication up.
Mid-2012: We start talking even more on the forum. The first serious hints of arranging a meeting in real life are brought up, though at the time I am not ready.
February 2013: He gives me his cell phone number and we begin texting on a daily basis, even if neither has much to say. I mention that my favorite musician (whose music I introduced to him and he really enjoyed) will be coming to my city in May, implying that I'd like to go with him. He agrees.
Early May 2013: We meet and go to the concert. When we get back to my dorm room afterwards, we end up hooking up (Won't go into too much detail...All I'll say is it was 3rd base, almost all the way.)
Late May 2013: I notice that his texts are becoming shorter and he is never initiating, whereas he always used to. I finally ask him what our meeting meant, and he tells me that long distance relationships have been bad for him in the past, and that while he had wanted to believe it could work this time, it was just too much for him to handle. (He lives two states away)
Now: Still upset over it all, depressed for a variety of reasons (Have been for awhile, though I'm sure this whole experience worsened it). He's said that he wants to be friends still, but hasn't been on the forum and still doesn't initiate texts, so I haven't talked to him much. I still have feelings for him though.
My experience isn't quite the same as yours, though I can definitely relate with having feelings for a friend and feeling that you'll never find someone who you feel the same way for. In my case, I worry that my social anxiety will prevent me from ever being able to meet anyone in real life. I feel like I'm pretty much destined to be with someone I meet online, and to take the time to get to know someone as much as I've gotten to know this guy is just going to be so difficult. I can also relate to the not wanting to say everything you really want to say for fear of losing the friendship. In the end, it's entirely up to you whether or not you want to tell her. Me, I've decided to wait and see if I can bring stuff up naturally and gradually.
As for getting over the crush, it's kind of hard for me to give advice on that, given that I'm in the same predicament. To be honest, part of me doesn't WANT to give it up entirely because I feel that maybe, just maybe, there's hope in the future (I plan to go to grad school out of state, so I could be closer to him. When I told him this he didn't rule it out, though he did tell me not to get my hopes up =/). At this point I'm pretty much just moving along with my life as best I can. They say time heals all wounds so maybe with time I'll get over him, or at least learn to love others while still holding a special place for him in my heart.
Thank you
Sorry I had to remove the thread, I realised I posted it in the wrong section and I was getting paranoid that she could read it ._.
That's quite a story you have there
There's nothing wrong with meeting people online, you just get more time to know them. I had a long distance relationship once, it didn't last very long but I actually really enjoyed the conversations we had online. To be honest the guy sounds like a jerk ._.
As for your social anxiety, I'm pretty sure you'll get over it
I was a very socially awkward kid growing up, but after awhile you just gain some confidence and next thing you know you can ask out a person like without ease xD
Hang out with your friends outside more often, be part of a drama club, and if you're a musician perform in front of an audience more often, that's how I overcame my social anxiety. Though it's not all completely gone, I can still maintain a healthly social life
Yeah, I don't know I still need more time to think about it ._.
Maybe one day I'll man up, but today is not the day xD
Sorry I had to remove the thread, I realised I posted it in the wrong section and I was getting paranoid that she could read it ._.
That's quite a story you have there
There's nothing wrong with meeting people online, you just get more time to know them. I had a long distance relationship once, it didn't last very long but I actually really enjoyed the conversations we had online. To be honest the guy sounds like a jerk ._.
As for your social anxiety, I'm pretty sure you'll get over it
I was a very socially awkward kid growing up, but after awhile you just gain some confidence and next thing you know you can ask out a person like without ease xD
Hang out with your friends outside more often, be part of a drama club, and if you're a musician perform in front of an audience more often, that's how I overcame my social anxiety. Though it's not all completely gone, I can still maintain a healthly social life
Yeah, I don't know I still need more time to think about it ._.
Maybe one day I'll man up, but today is not the day xD
bluedolphin92
Member
It's fine. I saw it all before I made my post.
It is quite a story indeed. Been thinking a lot about it, posted about it many times on many forums...And yeah, I feel that the guy is kind of a jerk...=/ Don't think he meant to be one though. I know him well enough that I don't think he'd be the kind of person to be like that on purpose. Sometimes in life people just can't help but hurt others, it's terrible. For all I know he's been avoiding contact with me because he's feeling some of the same things as me. I'm sure we'll get back to how things used to be eventually...
I sure hope I get over the social anxiety. Something's gotta give eventually, I've had it for awhile but it's only worsened since college. It's kind of hard when it's coupled with depression because I can't really find the motivation to get out more. But since I've found this forum and a few other good ones to talk about this sort of thing, hopefully I can eventually improve.
I feel ya there. I'd tell you not to put it off for too long, but I'd be one to talk. Best of luck to you in the future.
It is quite a story indeed. Been thinking a lot about it, posted about it many times on many forums...And yeah, I feel that the guy is kind of a jerk...=/ Don't think he meant to be one though. I know him well enough that I don't think he'd be the kind of person to be like that on purpose. Sometimes in life people just can't help but hurt others, it's terrible. For all I know he's been avoiding contact with me because he's feeling some of the same things as me. I'm sure we'll get back to how things used to be eventually...
I sure hope I get over the social anxiety. Something's gotta give eventually, I've had it for awhile but it's only worsened since college. It's kind of hard when it's coupled with depression because I can't really find the motivation to get out more. But since I've found this forum and a few other good ones to talk about this sort of thing, hopefully I can eventually improve.
I feel ya there. I'd tell you not to put it off for too long, but I'd be one to talk. Best of luck to you in the future.
