Hi all,
Stumbled across this site while I was figuring out ways to cope with the loneliness I've been feeling throughout the years. Maybe someone can relate to my situation and give me some pointers.
A little bit of my background. I'm 37 living in the United States. I have an older sibling and a daughter from a past relationship, who don't get to see often even after fighting several years in court for more custody, but basically no family of my own. My parents passed when I was 13 and really don't know what a true family relationship is like. I'm not sure if I fully got over the depression of losing my parents at an early age and wether that has cause some of my social anxiety and if I'm just an introvert by nature. I don't have any "true" friends but have many acquaintances. If that makes any sense at all. Throughout my teens and 20's not having any "true" friends didn't really bother me. I did what most young adults did, which was work and partied. So the meaningless social interactions were enough to sooth the soul I guess. As I've gotten older I've craved a deeper connection to people be it romantically and friendship wise. I thought I had found that in my early late 20's when I was in what I thought was a serious relationship. Met a woman (we will call her April) who was recently divorced. We had a connection and started dating. About a year later we moved in together, talked about marriage and this is when I find out she's in a black hole of debt from her previous marriage. As a couple we decide its best to take a bankruptcy as I held the assets and I would help rebuild her credit. Year 2-3 was pretty uneventful I'd say even one of our happiest times as we were rebuilding our lives together spending as much time with my daughter as we could an I even propose but hold off on the wedding. Year 4 I lost my job due to company downsizing. I find another job within my current field which is shaky at best paying less (it's a job at least) and we start to feel the financial pressure of us being accustomed to a certain lifestyle. I do my best to make it work because hey happy future wife = happy life right? Lol Year 5 tensions are high money is tight savings are dwindling to upkeep lifestyle. Year 6 I lose my job to yet another downsizing and savings are virtually depleted and my credit debt is on the rise to upkeep lifestyle. I find another job which looks promising in another career field plus my fiancé credit is on the rise due to all debt being in my name and her bankruptcy clearing shortly. It would seem like things were looking up. Wrong that's when the bomb was dropped and when she walked out. Try for months to make it work and when that didn't seem possible at least discuss as adults how to split the debt acquired while together. That wasn't productive and I was basically stuck with it all because it's in my name. Was her excuse. In the end I come to find out she was cheating and left for another man. And that's when this saying became a blatant reality:
"The loneliest moment in someone's life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart and all they can do is stare blankly."
Having no words to explain to my daughter why April isn't around and anymore and watching my daughter cry to sleep because our traditions are broken.
Seeing the disappointment in my daughters eyes when events her and April talked about come around and April is nowhere to be seen.
Explaining to my daughter why we had to sell the house that she grew up in. Etc
Though its taken several years in the end my daughter has recovered and is happier, her mother and I have reconciled in a co-parenting way and I see my daughter more than I ever did before. I guess in a way my daughter is stronger than me since I haven't recovered from the the two hurts in my life. (Parents and ex-fiancé)
The problem is I'm still lonely and get depressed at times. Though I started later in life Ivehad a rewarding career as a military contractor and military reserves, serving the country two fold. It's nice knowing what I do allows other service men and women to eventually go home to see their families. It gives a sense of purpose I guess. To be around so many people every day and feel alone especially when on assignment. Then the eventual trip home walking through an airport watching other people including other service members greeted by friends, family and loved ones, and walk into an empty home. To just wait to do it all over again. It makes it hard to cope.
For those of you that have read my my long winded intro and back story I thank you. An for those that have tips on how to cope with the loneliness and depression I gladly appreciate the advice.
Stumbled across this site while I was figuring out ways to cope with the loneliness I've been feeling throughout the years. Maybe someone can relate to my situation and give me some pointers.
A little bit of my background. I'm 37 living in the United States. I have an older sibling and a daughter from a past relationship, who don't get to see often even after fighting several years in court for more custody, but basically no family of my own. My parents passed when I was 13 and really don't know what a true family relationship is like. I'm not sure if I fully got over the depression of losing my parents at an early age and wether that has cause some of my social anxiety and if I'm just an introvert by nature. I don't have any "true" friends but have many acquaintances. If that makes any sense at all. Throughout my teens and 20's not having any "true" friends didn't really bother me. I did what most young adults did, which was work and partied. So the meaningless social interactions were enough to sooth the soul I guess. As I've gotten older I've craved a deeper connection to people be it romantically and friendship wise. I thought I had found that in my early late 20's when I was in what I thought was a serious relationship. Met a woman (we will call her April) who was recently divorced. We had a connection and started dating. About a year later we moved in together, talked about marriage and this is when I find out she's in a black hole of debt from her previous marriage. As a couple we decide its best to take a bankruptcy as I held the assets and I would help rebuild her credit. Year 2-3 was pretty uneventful I'd say even one of our happiest times as we were rebuilding our lives together spending as much time with my daughter as we could an I even propose but hold off on the wedding. Year 4 I lost my job due to company downsizing. I find another job within my current field which is shaky at best paying less (it's a job at least) and we start to feel the financial pressure of us being accustomed to a certain lifestyle. I do my best to make it work because hey happy future wife = happy life right? Lol Year 5 tensions are high money is tight savings are dwindling to upkeep lifestyle. Year 6 I lose my job to yet another downsizing and savings are virtually depleted and my credit debt is on the rise to upkeep lifestyle. I find another job which looks promising in another career field plus my fiancé credit is on the rise due to all debt being in my name and her bankruptcy clearing shortly. It would seem like things were looking up. Wrong that's when the bomb was dropped and when she walked out. Try for months to make it work and when that didn't seem possible at least discuss as adults how to split the debt acquired while together. That wasn't productive and I was basically stuck with it all because it's in my name. Was her excuse. In the end I come to find out she was cheating and left for another man. And that's when this saying became a blatant reality:
"The loneliest moment in someone's life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart and all they can do is stare blankly."
Having no words to explain to my daughter why April isn't around and anymore and watching my daughter cry to sleep because our traditions are broken.
Seeing the disappointment in my daughters eyes when events her and April talked about come around and April is nowhere to be seen.
Explaining to my daughter why we had to sell the house that she grew up in. Etc
Though its taken several years in the end my daughter has recovered and is happier, her mother and I have reconciled in a co-parenting way and I see my daughter more than I ever did before. I guess in a way my daughter is stronger than me since I haven't recovered from the the two hurts in my life. (Parents and ex-fiancé)
The problem is I'm still lonely and get depressed at times. Though I started later in life Ivehad a rewarding career as a military contractor and military reserves, serving the country two fold. It's nice knowing what I do allows other service men and women to eventually go home to see their families. It gives a sense of purpose I guess. To be around so many people every day and feel alone especially when on assignment. Then the eventual trip home walking through an airport watching other people including other service members greeted by friends, family and loved ones, and walk into an empty home. To just wait to do it all over again. It makes it hard to cope.
For those of you that have read my my long winded intro and back story I thank you. An for those that have tips on how to cope with the loneliness and depression I gladly appreciate the advice.
