misanthropicparty
Member
hi! c: I'm not sure how to start introductions that well, but I'll try my best..
my name is Lou (or Tirza, that's my birth name)
I'm 15 and genderfluid. I live in Texas, but was born in Cali and moved here when I was about 3.
I think loneliness started sinking in for me about 4 years ago, when my family became homeless. My only best friend moved to Germany so I had no one after that. My mom got a boyfriend and we moved in with him, but I wasn't able to get in school because most of them wouldn't accept me because I hadn't gone for a couple years. So there I was, no friends and no way to get any. The only thing I had to do for that year besides going on my computer was to go outside and explore (the apartment actually had some amazing scenery around it.) I started developing depression right around then.
I was able to get into school last year (and successfully finished 9th grade! wooh!) but things still got worse. Yes I have friends now, and I'm slowly getting my life back together, but my intense sense of loneliness got so much worse. I found that being around people and becoming involved with them causes a lot of problems and makes my current ones even worse, though there a lot of upsides to having friends. I get easily attached to people, and anyone who I think I can trust I latch onto. I always like someone more than they like me and I value friendship at such a higher level than most people.
No one has ever really loved me, and I can totally see why. I don't expect anyone to. I've had a huge puddle of affection which I was never able to give out, so it just sits there. I've tried getting better, getting the least bit positive, but things just keep going downhill so at this point I don't even try. I'm just trying to enjoy what little there is to, in hopes that things will get better one day.
Anyways sorry for the whining!! Don't be afraid to say hi, and I hope I'm welcome here c:
my name is Lou (or Tirza, that's my birth name)
I'm 15 and genderfluid. I live in Texas, but was born in Cali and moved here when I was about 3.
I think loneliness started sinking in for me about 4 years ago, when my family became homeless. My only best friend moved to Germany so I had no one after that. My mom got a boyfriend and we moved in with him, but I wasn't able to get in school because most of them wouldn't accept me because I hadn't gone for a couple years. So there I was, no friends and no way to get any. The only thing I had to do for that year besides going on my computer was to go outside and explore (the apartment actually had some amazing scenery around it.) I started developing depression right around then.
I was able to get into school last year (and successfully finished 9th grade! wooh!) but things still got worse. Yes I have friends now, and I'm slowly getting my life back together, but my intense sense of loneliness got so much worse. I found that being around people and becoming involved with them causes a lot of problems and makes my current ones even worse, though there a lot of upsides to having friends. I get easily attached to people, and anyone who I think I can trust I latch onto. I always like someone more than they like me and I value friendship at such a higher level than most people.
No one has ever really loved me, and I can totally see why. I don't expect anyone to. I've had a huge puddle of affection which I was never able to give out, so it just sits there. I've tried getting better, getting the least bit positive, but things just keep going downhill so at this point I don't even try. I'm just trying to enjoy what little there is to, in hopes that things will get better one day.
Anyways sorry for the whining!! Don't be afraid to say hi, and I hope I'm welcome here c:
