No one,

[Rayri]

i never knew being called "annoying" and being told to "go away" could hurt so much..does anyone have any ways to stop crying ? Guests will be over any minute and i need a smile for them. i would never have imagined that someone you DONT EVEN KNOW that much could say that. i have to change. No one likes the person that is inside of me. i wish i could just be normal. Cutting hurts too much and poetry dosent satisfy my crying. At this rate, i believe i have only one friend.

(He told me i was manipulative, self centered, attention seeking LITTLE GIRL and shut me out of his life. i wish i could contract something that would kill me. i hate living. i never asked to be here anyway. i have to ask my Lord, why am i here ? Do i have a purpose ?)

 

[lonelyfairy]

Everyone has their purpose.

 

[Rayri]

i cant seem to find mine, if you say i have one.

 

[lonelyfairy]

i cant seem to find mine, if you say i have one.

I have not found my own purpose either, but I think it will show after some time.

Just have to be patient and don't lose hope.

 

[Sprint]

i never knew being called "annoying" and being told to "go away" could hurt so much..does anyone have any ways to stop crying ? Guests will be over any minute and i need a smile for them. i would never have imagined that someone you DONT EVEN KNOW that much could say that. i have to change. No one likes the person that is inside of me. i wish i could just be normal. Cutting hurts too much and poetry dosent satisfy my crying. At this rate, i believe i have only one friend.

(He told me i was manipulative, self centered, attention seeking LITTLE GIRL and shut me out of his life. i wish i could contract something that would kill me. i hate living. i never asked to be here anyway. i have to ask my Lord, why am i here ? Do i have a purpose ?)

He very well may have felt that way but it was very unkind for him to say it, IMO... perhaps he was speaking about himself.

Also you mentioned that you don't even know him that much? Then why take his words to heart. You don't know him = he doesn't know you. It was likely an emotional reaction to him not getting something he wanted from you.

*@&$# him

 

[Rayri]

No, i went off cause he called me a "little girl" I HATE BEING CALLED THAT MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE-A CHILD. SERIOUSLY. PISSES ME OFF. i told him no, im a young adult and he called me those hurtful names. He called me immature, and the fact that i was denying that i am a "child" makes that fact more clear to him. Sometimes, i wish i could have a friend to tolerate, love and listen to me. i can never be myself, im too hyper and it aggravates people too much. i literally have to force myself not to talk to people. i hate being alone(unless im in a bad mood !) and i feel people treat me different because of my age. i am ashamed. i wish to be someone else sometimes.

 

[oopsiedoop]

Why were you talking to a dick like that anyway?

 

[Rayri]

i didnt want to lose a friend i guess..

 

[oopsiedoop]

Look for someone who is.

 

[silver birch leaves]

i wish to be someone else sometimes.

Who would you like to be then? I'm sorry for asking, but I'm curious.

Btw, I agree with everything that Sprint said.

It's a pity that such things were said by someone you thought of as a friend.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Sounds like he knew your achillies heal and used it against you to hurt you. IMO guy isn't worth having as a friend if he's going to do that.

 

[Rayri]

i wish to be anyone who is beautiful, accepted, liked, happy, and grown. i know some people who kind of fit that description and some who do.

---

But anyway, he said he didnt hate me and we talk again now. i guess he was right. Maybe it was stupid of me to cry over that.

 

[Tristeza]

i didnt want to lose a friend i guess..

This made me think of my own situation. When you don't have many friends in the first place, losing one feels like the end of the world...at least to me.

 

[Equinox]

I sometimes reflect on those friends I've lost during the last couple of years, wondering if I lost them because I was acting badly (I was in a bad place, and extremely over sensitive), or if they just turned out to be jerks not worth keeping as friends (since they turned their backs instead of trying to help). I still don't know the answer.

My point is, sometimes it can be really tricky to see who's "to blame" when something goes wrong. Maybe your friend had a point, maybe he was just being a jerk, maybe a little of both? What really matters is how you decide to proceed from here, and if your friendship is worth it all, no matter who was "wrong" or "right".

 

[gothandre]

hey, calm down
You can't let those people spoil your life. Do things by your own
i'm a loner, and i go to clubs, bars, shows... all alone. It helps me, because i feel useful
cutting wont solve your problem, so please please please, stop that right now!
you are VERY normal. The people around you that arent. So you are better than them. I was like you, thinking that i wasn't normal... but then i realized that i'm good. the people around me that aren't. So i decided stop suffering for them... they are nothing, but you are!
so, INGNORE them, and do things you would do with someone by yourself. it helps a lot.
hugs, Andrew

 

[oopsiedoop]

A friend has to at least want to understand you, if they don't.

 

[Rayri]

i believe he has a point. i am VERY over sensitive like you, Equinox. and i just crumble at any word thrown at meh. He told meh he loved meh and cared about meh and wouldnt want to upset meh..but i guess hes over taht now. i dont know. i just hope i wont drive him away again.

---

And Andrew, thank you as well. All of you. i never really cut because i couldnt stand the pain. Sometimes i would scratch until my skin raised and you could see marks, which would fade away a=fter a few minutes but..im not a real cutter. The only time i actually cut was at school. I was in the back of the class and i took my safety pin and cut a stitch into my arm. My stupid mother actually believed my excuse for it. XP the scar is still there..but that was a long time ago.

 

[oopsiedoop]

But do you think calling you names is caring?

 

[SophiaGrace]

So it sounds like you demand a lot of people emotionally and it drvies them off. Friendships should be mutal. Don't take more than you give...

Stuff like that.

I've talked to peopl online before that were very difficult to talk to because they were emotionally draining. So I just shut them out of my life rather than hurt their feelings. I think these people are depressed and don't have good (or normal?) Emotional boundaries.

I know how much it hurts though to be rejected because of who you are. I was dumped by a bf once because I was "too moody".

If you give everything you have to a person, they take everythin. So don't give everything. Keep some parts of yourself to yourself for your own sake.

May you find some peace.

 

[AJR]

Rayri Ill be your friend! I am sure I speak for so many here who would also be happy to do the same. Drop me a message if you just need someone to talk too. Chances are, Ill need someone too *hugs*