OMG, I AM SO DUMB! HELP!

[Enchanted Girl]

My boyfriend and I have been dating 7 months and I live with him.

So, I did something really dumb. I tend to idealize the people I date and be very attached to them. It doesn't help that I am a lonely/isolated person.

And last night, I felt really appreciative of him and said,"You know, I love you so much that if you wanted to get married tomorrow, I'd do it."

Obviously, he freaked out. I told him that I didn't want to get married tomorrow, just that my heart felt dedicated to him and he said that I was probably just infatuated.

I'm not infatuated, but I am an idiot. He isn't freaking out so far, but this is the mistake I always make. I get really attached and dedicate myself completely to a guy and they don't do it the same. (Although I'm usually not THIS stupid about it.) I messed up already though and I don't know how to take it back and make him unafraid of me freaking out and starting to pressure him about marriage because I wasn't going to do that and he said I needed to understand it would be a long time and I am okay with that.

Just don't be super critical okay? I'm always the one rejected in relationships and I know I get attached too fast and that no one can love someone like me because its freaky or whatever. I hear it all the time about how I am unlovable for being this way. Just tell me what to do to fix it. I already hate myself enough.

 

[Badjedidude]

Haha... sounds like someone forgot rule #1:

NEVER BROACH THE SUBJECT OF MARRIAGE WITH A GUY, EVEN IN THE MOST INNOCENT MANNER.

Seriously... I'm not being mean or anything, and I know it's a bit of a joke that guys always freak out about marriage.. but they kinda do. No man wants to hear that being brought up unless they're ready for it, and when they're ready, they'll generally let you know. That's how it is for me and most guys I've been around, anyway.

I know you were just trying to convey a sense of your appreciation of your intimacy with him, but... next time find different words.

*hugs*

I hope everything settles down and goes alright. I'm sure things will be fine.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

maybe try looking up co-depednency...I'm not saying that you are..
But that's what codi do...become too attached to people.

Nothing wrong with loving someone that much...it's just
that when we dont get that same amount of love back we freak out
and stuff like that...the new get into doing whatever, bending over backwards
or people pleasing...etc..etc...etc unhealthy behaviors.

Gosh when reane told me she wanted to get married...I was very
very happy...so that's not wrong with what you told your BF either.
I love Renae with all my heart.

But there might be helpful some helpful living tools and copping skills
you can apply.
Such as...lower your expectations of how people will react or respond

 

[VanillaCreme]

Maybe he freaked out because that sounds borderline obsessive for someone to say.

 

[IgnoredOne]

That doesn't sound that bad - though admittedly the way you said it is kinda weird. I'll say to relax about it and if he's /that/ leery of even the mention of marriage, then you should probably be at least somewhat concerned about long-term prospects. I've never overreacted to that. If he's just saying that it'll take awhile and all and not freaking at it, don't make a big deal out of it either.

Now, pregnancy scares on the other hand.. >.<

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Now, pregnancy scares on the other hand.. >.<

I'm not afraid of pregnancy...i make beautiful babies
I'm man enough...If i wanna play, the posibilty are there
no matter how careful we are....
There are certain things that separates the boys from the
men.

 

[IgnoredOne]

I'm not afraid of pregnancy...i make beautiful babies
I'm man enough...If i wanna play, the posibilty are there
no matter how careful we are....
There are certain things that separates the boys from the
men.

Actually, there are ways of ensuring 99.95% contraception, such as the contraceptive implant(which I highly advocate). Children should be given every chance in life if possible, in a loving household with enough support for their educational and developmental needs, which in the modern world is an ever-spiraling upward cost. That and I admit, I've always felt that any possibility of children directly conflict with my personal careerism.

Being responsible and rational has been very traditionally masculine, the stereotypical balance against the reputed more emotional and volatile nature of women(although, naturally, reality skirts around the ideals). I try to live up to the standards of responsibility, at any rate.

 

[Limlim]

Oh god she said the M word O_O

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I'm not afraid of pregnancy...i make beautiful babies
I'm man enough...If i wanna play, the posibilty are there
no matter how careful we are....
There are certain things that separates the boys from the
men.

Actually, there are ways of ensuring 99.95% contraception, such as the contraceptive implant(which I highly advocate). Children should be given every chance in life if possible, in a loving household with enough support for their educational and developmental needs, which in the modern world is an ever-spiraling upward cost. That and I admit, I've always felt that any possibility of children directly conflict with my personal careerism.

Being responsible and rational has been very traditionally masculine, the stereotypical balance against the reputed more emotional and volatile nature of women(although, naturally, reality skirts around the ideals). I try to live up to the standards of responsibility, at any rate.

so you're saying it's the woman's responsiblity to get implants.
Whatever the side effects are to her body.
So if she get pregnant..it's her god **** fualt?
If she falls in love with her man...it's her fualt too?
She should just be a sperm deposite until whom ever the fresia wanna step up?

So we should exterminate all the children in other countries.
and the rest of the world...
Those little basturds have .1% percent of living in a household
with the flatscreen, attending Harvard and being a CEO of the
the fresia ALL YOU BICTHES Corporations.

BTW...I'm one of those .1% basturds that play with the flotsum and jetsum.
I'm seriously fucken up your idea of a perfect world or society... like a fucken disease with a passion.
I'm your favorite cancer..put a bullect in my head before i infect your sisters.

Kimmi fought her way into this world and life like a snowball in hell.
Without a chance. She made something of herself not by any standards.
You can love her or you can hate her. it's her life granted to her by GOD.
It's her love that keeps me going inspite of everyting.
That's who she is..LOVE. Kimmi came into this world to let me know
there's LOVE. My daughter loves me. Nothing of this world can give me that.

 

[IgnoredOne]

so you're saying it's the woman's responsiblity to get implants.
Whatever the side effects are to her body.
So if she get pregnant..it's her god **** fualt?

It is always at least in part, a person's responsibility to take care of themselves and safeguard their future. Likewise, it is also a man's responsibility to take adequate precautions, which is why we have legal instruments such as child support.

If she falls in love with her man...it's her fualt too?
She should just be a sperm deposite until whom ever the fresia wanna step up?

A adult past the age of consent is considered to have the maturity to judge whether they should remain in a relationship, if it is in alignment with thier goals or not. Sex, is after all, a consensual activity which is commonly accepted in modern society as having a purpose beyond simply procreation.

Someone with is eager to have a family at a young age, which is in and of itself, a completely noble goal, would most likely find the most happiness with someone else who shares that goal.

So we should exterminate all the children in other countries.
and the rest of the world...
Those little basturds have .1% percent of living in a household
with the flatscreen, attending Harvard and being a CEO of the
the fresia ALL YOU BICTHES Corporations.

Extreme. However, there is little doubt that continents such as Africa would benefit from greater knowledge and availability of contraception. The gift of life is a lot less beautiful when both mother and daughter are dying of starvation.

I am glad that your daughter loves you and she has done well for herself in life. This does not remove the importance of being responsible for yourself, and to those who you can affect in your life. Beyond that: don't overestimate your importance versus society. Thanks. There are plenty of people who need a sudden case of lead poisoning. Feeling like you have to be one more doesn't make you special.

Enchanted girl:
I do think there is something at least a bit worrying about the fact that he tried to dismiss your avowal of devotion with 'just an infatuation.' Does he expect it to be a stage that'll pass and you'll be less fascinated with him? That really doesn't sound like it bodes well for the long-term.

 

[miltonbradley]

i'll marry you tomorrow. i am madly in love with you

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Extreme. However, there is little doubt that continents such as Africa would benefit from greater knowledge and availability of contraception. The gift of life is a lot less beautiful when both mother and daughter are dying of starvation.

Oki doki...how about I send you some bullets so you can cap your
own ass...this way you can finally do something useful for the world... Its better that you fucken die (make it a beautiful death
and put in between your eyeballs)..this way there're more food
to feed children than your lazy fat ass.lol
The world would be better off with one less a-hole taking up wasted space. it'll be your gift
to the world

Actaully people in africa dont really give a honeysuckle what happens in the USA..
Same planet...different fucken world.
Children there arnt going to throw tantrum cuase they dont get mcki D.
honeysuckle they dont even know WTF all these god **** ADD, Bi Polar, COPD or whatever the fresia
that's happening in the USA. They do just fine and are happy without all the materialism or
Jesus Christ bullshit.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Oki doki...how about I send you some bullets so you can cap your
own ass...this way you can finally do something useful for the world... Its better that you fucken die (make it a beautiful death
and pull in between your eyeballs)..this way there're more food
to feed children than your lazy fat ass.lol
The world would be better off with one less a-hole taking up wasted space.

You couldn't afford the postage.

Actaully people in africa dont really give a honeysuckle what happens in the USA..
Same planet...different fucken world.

Lack of necessities, security and the ability to pursue happiness, however, are univerally human. Unfortunately, such things are common in many parts of the developmental world. Objective measurements of infant mortality, average life expectancy, and daily caloric consumption are not subjective.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Lack of necessities, security and the ability to pursue happiness, however, are univerally human. Unfortunately, such things are common in many parts of the developmental world. Objective measurements of infant mortality, average life expectancy, and daily caloric consumption are not subjective.

Didnt I tell you earily....Persue is SEEKING, WANTING, LACKING,
SEPARATION...

You freaken RAT. You have the mentally of a rat on a treadmill
or going though a MAZE..the cheess is alway going to get moved..
becuase you're alway in SEEKING and WANTING mode.
The fucken rat race....

U dont need fucken Money living in the jungle. Gold and paper money has no fucken vaule there. The knowlege to make fire
and hunt is sufficent. Everybody already knows how to love,laugh, sing ,dance, play, or be happy.
We ALL HAVE these in us already...

You so cuaght up in all of that bullshit and actaully miss a sweet moment
of a woman say she loves you and wants to marry you....
Of course she dont mean...tommorrow..tomorrow literlly.
The piont is...she's expressing her feeling and love for you honestly and openly.
She's letting herself be vunerable...it's becuase she's trusting you...
But dudes like you totally fucken miss it..spacing out with a bunch of bullshit in your head
instead of being in the moment with her. Becuase you're a fucken rat or robot to the system.
The system keeps you in fear...sherlock holmes..it's a cycle the feeds on itself that keeps
you in. Everybody has insecurities...the system knows that and plays on your insecurties
abd fears...Fucken FIRE..in the jungle keeps preditors away. it's suficient security.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Africans are not monkeys living in jungles, hunting and whooping around the fire. Even the Kung Bushmen have switched to a more sedentary means of life, with hunting and gathering having not only been abandoned but almost completely forgotten.

Please get an education and have a nice day.

 

[VanillaCreme]

o.o

Keep this track on thread. She wants some advice, not bickering.

 

[PedroSilva]

My boyfriend and I have been dating 7 months and I live with him.

So, I did something really dumb. I tend to idealize the people I date and be very attached to them. It doesn't help that I am a lonely/isolated person.

And last night, I felt really appreciative of him and said,"You know, I love you so much that if you wanted to get married tomorrow, I'd do it."

Obviously, he freaked out. I told him that I didn't want to get married tomorrow, just that my heart felt dedicated to him and he said that I was probably just infatuated.

I'm not infatuated, but I am an idiot. He isn't freaking out so far, but this is the mistake I always make. I get really attached and dedicate myself completely to a guy and they don't do it the same. (Although I'm usually not THIS stupid about it.) I messed up already though and I don't know how to take it back and make him unafraid of me freaking out and starting to pressure him about marriage because I wasn't going to do that and he said I needed to understand it would be a long time and I am okay with that.

Just don't be super critical okay? I'm always the one rejected in relationships and I know I get attached too fast and that no one can love someone like me because its freaky or whatever. I hear it all the time about how I am unlovable for being this way. Just tell me what to do to fix it. I already hate myself enough.

IMHO:
i think speaking about marriage is good, it´s a way that the relationship is going well and you reallt love each other. don´t mind the time or age. Is a way to keep dreaming , you know?
I wish i could have a girl to talk about marriage. =\

 

[tangerinedream]

And last night, I felt really appreciative of him and said,"You know, I love you so much that if you wanted to get married tomorrow, I'd do it."

Obviously, he freaked out. I told him that I didn't want to get married tomorrow, just that my heart felt dedicated to him and he said that I was probably just infatuated.

I'm not infatuated, but I am an idiot. He isn't freaking out so far, but this is the mistake I always make. I get really attached and dedicate myself completely to a guy and they don't do it the same. (Although I'm usually not THIS stupid about it.) I messed up already though and I don't know how to take it back and make him unafraid of me freaking out and starting to pressure him about marriage because I wasn't going to do that and he said I needed to understand it would be a long time and I am okay with that.

Yeah, I hear that a lot of guys'll freak. Not all of them though. I'd have to say play it cool and non-clingy. If he is the type of person who freaks at the thought of serious commitment, now that you've raised the specter of marriage, he'll probably be on guard for anything from you that seems like you're readying up to toss a net over him and drag him to the altar.

*sigh*

If you really dig him and want to stay with him, I think you'll have to, as I mentioned above, stay cool. Don't go to the extreme and be aloof though. That sort of mixed signal is likely to be interpreted as game-playing. Just allay his fears that you aren't husband-hunting, and for God's sake, if you have any bridal magazines lying around.... BURN THEM!!!



Good luck.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I get quite attached to people I date as well, so I emphasize with you. Unfortunately I think attachment works differently for most people so we (the clingers) tend not to get what we want/need.

Of course I have to admit that I HATE that I am emotionally dependant on the people I date nowadays. I limit the amount of time I spend with them, rushing off on my own schedule.

I hate feeling vulnerable and dependant upon someone else emotionally. =/

 

[IgnoredOne]

I get quite attached to people I date as well, so I emphasize with you. Unfortunately I think attachment works differently for most people so we (the clingers) tend not to get what we want/need.

Of course I have to admit that I HATE that I am emotionally dependant on the people I date nowadays. I limit the amount of time I spend with them, rushing off on my own schedule.

I hate feeling vulnerable and dependant upon someone else emotionally. =/

But well, isn't there something fundamentally wrong if you cannot trust your partner(who is supposedly in love with you) with emotional needs when you need them?

I've been with 'clingy' girls and I've never felt that it was wrong. I might have to communicate that I need some time to myself, or explain why focus on myself is important, but it seems wrong for me not to be there when she needs me. Perhaps I can postpone it, but I'll never just say no. That's...failing in my duty.