On a friends relationship... advice?

[Papabear]

Sooo.... kind of an awkward/strange situation for me. I'm not entirely sure what position to be in.

I've been friends with a guy and a girl since before they've known each other... they are married now.

I've been attracted to the girl since before they knew each other, but have never pursued it in any fashion. The guy is one of my best friends.

Now, they've been fighting for the last several months over the stupidest things. He's cheated on her a few times (which she knows about) and is constantly wanting to chase other women, or cause other problems. He's basically being a complete and total piece of honeysuckle.

Normally I would just mind my own business, but these are two good friends of mine, he's REALLY hurting her, and they keep pulling me into the middle of it.

He even went so far as to freak out because me and another guy hung out with her (which is 100% completely normal) at their house, while he went out drinking and chasing other women. (He was supposed to be hanging out with us).

I dont just want to walk away, these people are good friends of mine, but I'm worried about giving advice because I am admittedly attracted to the girl, I question whether or not it would be biased. I dont think that I am being biased, but what if I was? It wouldnt be fair to him if I was biasing. (as he is my friend, for at least a while anyways... he's effing that up quick). But I really feel like this situation is messed up, and i really really...REALLY... hate the way that he's treating her.

To add, i have no desire, despite my attraction, to pursue a relationship with the girl. There are too many things wrong or messed up with that scenario, buuut... I am still very attracted to her (and I dont just mean physically)

I'm just wondering what peoples advice or opinions are on this situation.

 

[Steel]

I would suggest trying to remain impartial, and offering support rather than advice. Listen a lot, and if asked for an opinion simply state that you know them both too well to do so.

 

[Unacceptance]

Yeah Steel has a better idea. I was just going to say don't meddle. It gets messy,

 

[freeder]

I think you should have a serious talk with the guy, tell him you don't like how he's treating your other friend and that she deserves better. Don't be too judgemental/partial, just approach him as his best friend. Sometimes being a friend means stepping in when things get out of hand. Tell him he should either clean up his act or move on. They're obviously both unhappy. There are two sides to every story, so listen to his story too. The girl, I suggest just being there for her, supporting her and if her husband continues on this path, you shouldn't be afraid to support her if she decides to leave him.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

It's toxic all the way around. You're getting intoxicated by the matter yourself.
It's unhealthy all the way around.

If you truely care for yourself and your friends. Step away from the entire situation.

Though you might not be the source of ignition...you're pouring more fuel into the fire.
You're getting caught up in the visious cycle yourself.

Even if you do manage to be with her...there's always going to be miss trust of her in your mind.
If she cheats on her husband...surely she will cheat on you.
If she dumps her husband for you...surely she's capiable of dumping you for another man.
You will always have these thoughts in the back of your mind.
However subtle...this will keep an inviable wall of seperation or intimatecy.
Couples fight as they always have....If you were with her, surely you will bring it up during an argument.
You might say to yourself .... you'll never do that...but when the moment arrives, it's still going to
be a test of your will. The lesson will be the same as it is now. Let go of your lust. (not just sexaully meanings)
Lust = a WANTING, A DESIRE. Wanting to be right..wanting to be accepted, wanting to be secured...

Step away....remove yourself from the equation. Give you friends space to work out thier marriage.
You are not a marriage couselor to be giving advice. If they want advice...inform your freinds to seek marriage counseling.
Get out of the way and watch the mirracle happen.

Give yourself a break and detox yourself from the toxic situation.
You're emotionally involved.

Ask yourself this...GOODWILL ?
Are your motives pure ?
Do you WANT something out of this ?

Of course he's a gardenia...if you want to be with her.
Keep it simple like that. The truth is always simple.

Let's call it for what it is....A LOVE TRIANGLE.
Poeple die over this honeysuckle.