Online dating - connected with a girl-all of a sudden on date day morning-"I'm sick"

[TheRealCallie]

I keep telling her that I have time for a date on the weekend, but she keeps telling me she's busy working for her real estate company on the weekends, etc.

I just will give up on her.

Hate to break this to you, but real estate people ARE busy on the weekends.  They have open houses and show people other houses on the weekends because they work during the week.  I have friends who work in real estate.  They ARE busy on the the weekends. 

I'm sorry, but you sure do throw people away for the slightest reason.  You may want to look into why you do....

 

[Northern Lights]

Sorry to hear it didn't go the way you had hoped, but good on you for trying. There's the saying "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take."

Dating really sucks and I suffered through the first date curse for a long time so I know the feeling. It's a blow to the ego. I empathize with your comments about blaming the media. I don't fall into the media's standards of beauty (or pretty much most men's ideals) so it really hurt to put myself out there. However, I lucked out 3 years ago (still pinching myself) and if it could happen to me it could happen to you. I just hope that you continue reaching out and find a great partner.

Keep us posted!

Hey NorthernLights, thank you for your understanding and kind word of advice.

Yeah, I am very bummed out right now about online dating. I mean the good news is that I have received responses from some people, and have gone out one 3 dates so far. Like I've said in other threads or postings, the first two girls were not my type because they were a little too thick for me and didn't have that sexy vibe to them.

However, the most-recent girl was very nice, pretty, and although she copped out on me three weeks ago, I was able to not give up and finally we had a dinner date. When we talked, it sounded like we had a good connection with each other.

However, subsequent to our dinner date, it seemed like she didn't want to initiate text messages. My last message with her was last week Friday.

I keep telling her that I have time for a date on the weekend, but she keeps telling me she's busy working for her real estate company on the weekends, etc.

I just will give up on her.

I have received other message responses on match.com. However, I don't think that i will meet a pretty girl like her, especially with online dating. =(

Are you still responding to messages from other women? 

I think that you are emotionally investing yourself too much into this person who is a stranger. She could actually be busy or is just making excuses. At this point, it's not clear (to me) but time will tell. You have made it clear that you are interested and available so if she does not take up your offer then that is her loss. I'd suggest keeping in touch with her but give her space for now.

As for looks, as long as you are not repulsed by the thought of kissing/ sex/ romance with a person then I think it is possible for attraction to grow if she has a complementary personality, goals and beliefs to yours. There are people who I did not find attractive at first but they became more attractive with time. 

As for "thickness", many people gain weight over the years. I have a conventionally "beautiful" family member and she is honest-to-god batshit crazy with a terrible personality. Men initially are attracted to her for her beauty and overlook her flaws at first. However, with time, they realize that she is not a good person to be with (she's verbally abusive etc.) and that looks aren't everything.

 

[GrayAndLonesome]

Hate to break this to you, but real estate people ARE busy on the weekends.  They have open houses and show people other houses on the weekends because they work during the week.  I have friends who work in real estate.  They ARE busy on the the weekends. 

I'm sorry, but you sure do throw people away for the slightest reason.  You may want to look into why you do....

^^ Hey listen. Yes, I do know that realtors are busy during the weekend.

However, in subsequent text messages, I have asked her to have lunch or dinner together. Nothing more, none of this "let's walk in the park together."

Last week, one of the days was my birthday. She said that she would treat me for a meal for my birthday.

Come two days ago, I wish her happy Chinese new year, because of her ethnic background and our culture.

She only responded with a "hi, I hope your trip was great." and that was it!

So oh well, I came to grips to realize that she doesn't like me.

However, there are other girls I have messaged, and am currently dating, so forget about that other girl.

---

Are you still responding to messages from other women? 

I think that you are emotionally investing yourself too much into this person who is a stranger. She could actually be busy or is just making excuses. At this point, it's not clear (to me) but time will tell. You have made it clear that you are interested and available so if she does not take up your offer then that is her loss. I'd suggest keeping in touch with her but give her space for now.

As for looks, as long as you are not repulsed by the thought of kissing/ sex/ romance with a person then I think it is possible for attraction to grow if she has a complementary personality, goals and beliefs to yours. There are people who I did not find attractive at first but they became more attractive with time. 

As for "thickness", many people gain weight over the years. I have a conventionally "beautiful" family member and she is honest-to-god batshit crazy with a terrible personality. Men initially are attracted to her for her beauty and overlook her flaws at first. However, with time, they realize that she is not a good person to be with (she's verbally abusive etc.) and that looks aren't everything.

^^ Hey Northernlights, yes, I am still mainly sending out private messages to women on the dating website I have been using.

No luck at all for the past four weeks. There was one girl who wanted to meet up with me after my trip back home. I even gave her my phone number via personal message to send me a text message. I have not heard from that girl. I'm actually bummed and depressed right now because I just turned 34 years old, half of my life is freaking gone, and I still don't have a person whom I can call my true/bona fide girlfriend. No, I'm not looking for "friends" or platonic relationship.

Look wise, I liked the third girl who finally met with me for dinner about a month ago. This was the girl who texted me that she was sick and couldn't make it to dinner on Dec 29th. I kept pestering her, and we finally had one (and last) dinner date together. I thought she liked me, but a hint that she didn't want to continue the relationship was that she thought I was ethnic Chinese (when I'm Korean).

We have been texting each other on and off. I really did like her, she looked pretty, and was kind of tall (a tad shorter than me) and had a good career going for her.

Unfortunately, when I ask her questions about simply meeting up for lunch or dinner, she avoids answering those questions. Hence, I have come to terms, and realize that she doesn't like me. I guess I'm in the "friendzone" for her.

Lastly, in terms of thick women, I am turned off by women with big bellies and flabby thighs.

The first two women I have met on the dating website were fat, and their profile pictures/photos LIED about their body type.

 

[TheRealCallie]

^^ Hey listen. Yes, I do know that realtors are busy during the weekend.

However, in subsequent text messages, I have asked her to have lunch or dinner together. Nothing more, none of this "let's walk in the park together."

Last week, one of the days was my birthday. She said that she would treat me for a meal for my birthday.

Come two days ago, I wish her happy Chinese new year, because of her ethnic background and our culture.

She only responded with a "hi, I hope your trip was great." and that was it!

So oh well, I came to grips to realize that she doesn't like me.

You're missing the point that she replied to you....that, in itself, tells me that she doesn't not like you. If she didn't want to talk to you, she would ignore your messages. Regardless of how much you bug her, she wouldn't reply nicely if she didn't want to talk to you.

However, there are other girls I have messaged, and am currently dating, so forget about that other girl.

Until they send you a message you don't feel is good enough? Keyword there is YOU. YOU are determining for them what they mean. You should stop thinking for others. If you want to know something, why not stop trying to figure it out yourself and just ask them?

 

[bleed_the_freak]

There is a difference between not liking and being incompatible.

The former sounds personal and defensive whereas the latter sounds matter-of-fact and objective.

Sometimes, people are simply incompatible.

 

[GrayAndLonesome]

You're missing the point that she replied to you....that, in itself, tells me that she doesn't not like you.  If she didn't want to talk to you, she would ignore your messages.  Regardless of how much you bug her, she wouldn't reply nicely if she didn't want to talk to you.  

Until they send you a message you don't feel is good enough?  Keyword there is YOU.  YOU are determining for them what they mean.  You should stop thinking for others.  If you want to know something, why not stop trying to figure it out yourself and just ask them?

^^ Okay, so she responded to my text messages. That's fine. But in terms of dating, I want romance, I want a girlfriend, ....not to be friendzoned.

So okay, I see what you're saying. She likes me as a friend, and since she's still responding to my text message and recently approved of me adding her to my Facebook friends list, then she's okay with me.

My point was, that whenever I asked her questions about eating out for a simple one-two hour long lunch or dinner meet up, she skirts around the question - literally doesn't even answer those questions at all. So maybe we're text message buddies, maybe she's using me as a "back up" person. I don't know.

However, it's time for me to MOVE ON and to find other girls with my online dating adventure. My membership expires at the end of March. Time is ticking!

 

[GrayAndLonesome]

There is a difference between not liking and being incompatible.

The former sounds personal and defensive whereas the latter sounds matter-of-fact and objective.

Sometimes, people are simply incompatible.

^^ Well, with this one particular girl, I thought we were compatible. However, during our first (and maybe last?) date over dinner, she said that she thought I was a particular ethnicity, so that kind of gave it away that she didn't want to pursue any further "romantic" relationship with me, or at least, had the thought of marrying me in the near future.

I think we're just "text message" buddies/friends. I state this because after that dinner date, I asked her in subsequent text messages if she wants to eat out for dinner. She even told me that she will treat me to lunch or dinner since my birthday was last week. So far, no response from my text messages request.