Online dating - meeting up with different girls - is this okay?

[user 115627]

At least you tuned it down from outright accusing people of racism to racial discrimination. Props for that. That would be correct, but I believe I have already explained in another thread of yours why Asian women are more often presented as attractive in comparison to their male counterparts. But there is virtually no use in continuously pointing that out unless you intend to shame somebody into dating just so they aren't labeled a racist by you.

I know there are people out there who date only for fun, some even just to catch meals and activities for free. If you don't go beyond first dates, I'll be at least less harsh with regards to your quest for gaining "socializing experience" on a perceived false pretense. You cannot know the other person's intentions, their dating frequency and how much expectations and hopes they put into every single date. If you have already decided that you only want experience but you still go on multiple dates with a person, you are leading them on. Obviously that's a two-way street, so if (for example) that Filipana girl doesn't thank you for your box of chocolates, I guess that's just the way things go. But you have not stated on how many dates you were with her, so I'm lacking some facts to come to an opinion about this.

Lastly, I have not entirely understood whether you rejected the "thicker" girls just because they were overweight or because they mispresented themselves - deliberately or not - on the photos they used on the dating sites. If the former is the case, you revoke your right to complain about discrimination because of your race because as far as I am concerned this is based on physical features (and possibly stereotypes) in the same manner. As I said before, I encourage anyone to sexually discriminate on the personal level as much as they like but do not apply a double standard.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Kind of off-topic, so I apologize in advance but I just wanted to say something. I've done a lot of reading about trying to figure out how to be more date-able, and one of the major consistencies I've found is that women don't like guys who blame their problems on stuff like ethnicity and all that. I am working to become more aware of and undo a lifelong complaining habit myself so don't feel like I am talking down to you from a high horse. I'm just saying that it's could be a self-fulfilling prophecy to blame your ethnicity.

Also, I wanted to point out that one of the most charismatic people I have ever met is a guy of Asian background. He's a pretty active person, is pursuing some interests seriously, is good with conversation, carries himself with confidence, and is quite the ladies' man. I think he's a pretty cool guy. Anyway, I just wanted to say don't get down on yourself about something like race - for one, it's a fact that women don't like that stuff and it creates the very outcome you wish to avoid and for two, maybe race is not as big of a factor as you think, if at all. I think it's becoming less of a factor all the time.

PS - please don't friendzone that girl, or anyone. It really makes a person feel fundamentally inferior and of little to no value, even worse than insults or bullying. I would one million times rather be insulted or bullied than friendzoned ever again. It really would be best to "throw her away", because people don't like getting looked down on. It's one thing I hate the most. I only want to be treated like an equal, or if not that, then an adversary.

 

[EveWasFramed]

At least you tuned it down from outright accusing people of racism to racial discrimination. Props for that. That would be correct, but I believe I have already explained in another thread of yours why Asian women are more often presented as attractive in comparison to their male counterparts. But there is virtually no use in continuously pointing that out unless you intend to shame somebody into dating just so they aren't labeled a racist by you.

I know there are people out there who date only for fun, some even just to catch meals and activities for free. If you don't go beyond first dates, I'll be at least less harsh with regards to your quest for gaining "socializing experience" on a perceived false pretense. You cannot know the other person's intentions, their dating frequency and how much expectations and hopes they put into every single date. If you have already decided that you only want experience but you still go on multiple dates with a person, you are leading them on. Obviously that's a two-way street, so if (for example) that Filipana girl doesn't thank you for your box of chocolates, I guess that's just the way things go. But you have not stated on how many dates you were with her, so I'm lacking some facts to come to an opinion about this.

Lastly, I have not entirely understood whether you rejected the "thicker" girls just because they were overweight or because they mispresented themselves - deliberately or not - on the photos they used on the dating sites. If the former is the case, you revoke your right to complain about discrimination because of your race because as far as I am concerned this is based on physical features (and possibly stereotypes) in the same manner. As I said before, I encourage anyone to sexually discriminate on the personal level as much as they like but do not apply a double standard.

+1

 

[ardour]

GrayandLonesome is trying jumping on the oppressed group bandwagon, which is a tad hypocritical me thinks given some of his comments. If there were enough people from the relevant national group (Chinese, Korean, etc.,) living nearby all his social and romantic "needs" would no-doubt be met and he'd be living life oblivious to anyone else.

Other minorities have to deal with worse stereotypes than Asians and as far as perceptions of the opposite sex are concerned, I’d rather be a middle-class Asian man than a below average looking working class white male any day of the week.

 

[Paraiyar]

I know of an Asian guy whose married to a pretty white girl. The ethnicity thing is no excuse.

 

[Nwahs]

Gray,

Would suggest not buying things (flowers, chocolates, etc).

 

[GrayAndLonesome]

Lastly, I have not entirely understood whether you rejected the "thicker" girls just because they were overweight or because they mispresented themselves - deliberately or not - on the photos they used on the dating sites. If the former is the case, you revoke your right to complain about discrimination because of your race because as far as I am concerned this is based on physical features (and possibly stereotypes) in the same manner. As I said before, I encourage anyone to sexually discriminate on the personal level as much as they like but do not apply a double standard.

I turned them down because they mis-represented themselves on their profile pictures. They posted photos that they took a while back when they were skinnier. In addition, I didn't feel the romantic vibe with these girls, the initial ones that I have had face-to-face dates with. I want to get married, have kids, and I felt that I couldn't do it with these girls. These girls also didn't reciprocate any love to me, such as holding hands or wanting to hug me. It was usually me who initiated the hugging after we parted ways.

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I know of an Asian guy whose married to a pretty white girl. The ethnicity thing is no excuse.

Oh wow, you just know of ONE Asian guy married to a white girl.

So all of our Asian males being left out of the dating scene, or being single, issue is swept under the rug.

People like you don't seem to understand the crap/honeysuckle that I have to go through not only with online dating, but with getting turned down by girls I have asked for their phone numbers, because you're not one of us.

 

[GrayAndLonesome]

Kind of off-topic, so I apologize in advance but I just wanted to say something.  I've done a lot of reading about trying to figure out how to be more date-able, and one of the major consistencies I've found is that women don't like guys who blame their problems on stuff like ethnicity and all that.  I am working to become more aware of and undo a lifelong complaining habit myself so don't feel like I am talking down to you from a high horse.  I'm just saying that it's could be a self-fulfilling prophecy to blame your ethnicity.

Also, I wanted to point out that one of the most charismatic people I have ever met is a guy of Asian background.  He's a pretty active person, is pursuing some interests seriously, is good with conversation, carries himself with confidence, and is quite the ladies' man.  I think he's a pretty cool guy.  Anyway, I just wanted to say don't get down on yourself about something like race - for one, it's a fact that women don't like that stuff and it creates the very outcome you wish to avoid and for two, maybe race is not as big of a factor as you think, if at all.  I think it's becoming less of a factor all the time.

@ TheSkaFish - I actually don't talk about racial issues in dating when I attend these face-to-face dates or meet up with women I have met on online dating sites. I mainly talk about my job, my career goals, where I'm originally from, and also ask her questions about her life, her goals for online dating, about her cultural background so that she too has a say in the date discussion.

Funny, some of my first time dates with women end with a smile, and a hug.

Some of them either don't respond to my subsequent text messages, or we end up meeting one more time for lunch or usually dinner and take a walk.

I try my best to be confident. But when I am online in forums, yeah, I have a bad tendency to vent my anger and frustration in the romance world, because I'm in my mid 30s, life has passed me by, God doesn't seem to want to answer my prayers for a girlfriend (a real girlfriend, not platonic relationships), and ALL of my cousins are married, my sister married six years ago, and my friends have all married.

I am the lone black sheep who is still single, feeling like sh-t today on Valentine's Day (thank God it's a day off for me because I have been depressed for the last couple of weeks),

 

[TheRealCallie]

It sounds, to me, like you are using your race as an excuse.

 

[GrayAndLonesome]

It sounds, to me, like you are using your race as an excuse.

You are one clue-less lady.

Read some of these articles, and then you will know the kind of crap that I have to go through with dating in the US.

Online dating favors white men, Asian WOMEN

No eHarmoney with Asian men

I even have to deal with ******** women from my own racial background who post blogs like this.

Asian women - I refuse to date Asian men

 

[TheRealCallie]

Really....I'm clueless?  I just did a quick search and there's also many articles about how women (and men) won't date white men/women, Mexican men/women, black men/women. 

I'm not clueless, you are just refusing to see outside of your own problems and blaming it entirely on your race.

 

[TheSkaFish]

@ TheSkaFish - I actually don't talk about racial issues in dating when I attend these face-to-face dates or meet up with women I have met on online dating sites. I mainly talk about my job, my career goals, where I'm originally from, and also ask her questions about her life, her goals for online dating, about her cultural background so that she too has a say in the date discussion.

Funny, some of my first time dates with women end with a smile, and a hug.

Some of them either don't respond to my subsequent text messages, or we end up meeting one more time for lunch or usually dinner and take a walk.

I try my best to be confident. But when I am online in forums, yeah, I have a bad tendency to vent my anger and frustration in the romance world, because I'm in my mid 30s, life has passed me by, God doesn't seem to want to answer my prayers for a girlfriend (a real girlfriend, not platonic relationships), and ALL of my cousins are married, my sister married six years ago, and my friends have all married.

I am the lone black sheep who is still single, feeling like sh-t today on Valentine's Day (thank God it's a day off for me because I have been depressed for the last couple of weeks),

I didn't think you talked about race when you went on dates.  But I think women can still sense when you feel down about something like that and I think it turns them off.  Mostly I was just telling you that story because I wanted to encourage you and tell you that race isn't that big of a deal.

I'm insecure not about my race, but about my lack of money, lack of talent, feeling like I'm not interesting enough, and feeling like I don't and can't understand social skills enough to attract a girl that I actually want, and maybe not anyone at all.  I worry that I'll never be "cool enough", that I'm just a natural born loser, and I have pretty much all my life.

And I have a tendency to vent my anger and frustration about romance here too.  I just turned 30 last year and I still have yet to go on one date.  I hate the platonic honeysuckle too.  It makes me feel like I'm just naturally a loser, in life to get kicked around, like I'm not strong enough to break this curse on me and that my low status and self-image wasn't just me being negative, it was the truth and my self-doubts were me trusting my gut.  I really want to be seen as better than that.  I really want to prove to the world, women, and myself that I can be more interesting, exciting, and fun than "just friends" and that I won't have to miss out on sex with someone that I actually want, or on sex with any woman for that matter.  I want to whip "just friends"' ass once and for all.

Valentine's Day is pretty lousy for me too.  I get you.

 

[EveWasFramed]

"These girls also didn't reciprocate any love to me, such as holding hands or wanting to hug me. It was usually me who initiated the hugging after we parted ways."

Maybe they didn't want physical contact on a first meeting/date and you turned them off.
I'd certainly not want a guy to try to hold hands with me the first time I meet him. And if I recall correctly, from your previous posts, you only saw those two ladies once?
Maybe you put them off by your own actions? What does it matter though - you didn't like their bodies, right?
Protip: Always let the woman decide if she wants to make physical contact on a first date.

 

[GrayAndLonesome]

Really....I'm clueless?  I just did a quick search and there's also many articles about how women (and men) won't date white men/women, Mexican men/women, black men/women. 

I'm not clueless, you are just refusing to see outside of your own problems and blaming it entirely on your race.

^^ can you show me links to those articles that you claim to have viewed in your online search?

No, you're wrong. There is clearly discrimination against Asian men when it comes to dating in the US. It's because of the advertisements and movies that sexualizes Asian females, and show them mainly with white men.

Also read some of these articles I've found online.

Asian men can't seem to do well on online dating websites

Heck, that POS named steve harvey also poked fun at my racial group two months ago.

steve harvey pokes fun at Asian men dating

Realcallie, I've noticed that you like to dispute and argue with others here. Hope that slash means you're a goner.

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"These girls also didn't reciprocate any love to me, such as holding hands or wanting to hug me. It was usually me who initiated the hugging after we parted ways."

Maybe they didn't want physical contact on a first meeting/date and you turned them off.
I'd certainly not want a guy to try to hold hands with me the first time I meet him. And if I recall correctly, from your previous posts, you only saw those two ladies once?
Maybe you put them off by your own actions? What does it matter though - you didn't like their bodies, right?
Protip: Always let the woman decide if she wants to make physical contact on a first date.

I didn't bother to hold the girl's hands. It's a turn off to make the first move, especially if the girl usually takes one month long to decide if the guy is right for her.

LOL, no. I saw both of those ladies TWICE. First time for coffee, and the second time for a dinner. The first one, I didn't really feel the love for her. The second girl, she too was chubby, but she kept sitting far away from me during our second meet up dinner. We also didn't bother to text each other after the second dinner (this is for the second girl I've met on match.com) and slowly, as weeks passed by with neither of us communicating to each other, came to an unsaid/silent agreement that we will not see each other again. I ended up deleting her phone number from my cell phone a week after the second dinner.


I got a question for you though.

You've mentioned to let the woman decide if she wants to make physical contact on the first date. So does she usually lean over to hold my hands?

I'm quite confused because I thought it was the guys who would initiate hand holding on the 2nd or 3rd date. And if the guy doesn't initiate the hand holding on the 2nd or 3rd date, then the girl loses interest in the guy? No?

 

[GrayAndLonesome]

I didn't think you talked about race when you went on dates.  But I think women can still sense when you feel down about something like that and I think it turns them off.  Mostly I was just telling you that story because I wanted to encourage you and tell you that race isn't that big of a deal.

I'm insecure not about my race, but about my lack of money, lack of talent, feeling like I'm not interesting enough, and feeling like I don't and can't understand social skills enough to attract a girl that I actually want, and maybe not anyone at all.  I worry that I'll never be "cool enough", that I'm just a natural born loser, and I have pretty much all my life.

And I have a tendency to vent my anger and frustration about romance here too.  I just turned 30 last year and I still have yet to go on one date.  I hate the platonic honeysuckle too.  It makes me feel like I'm just naturally a loser, in life to get kicked around, like I'm not strong enough to break this curse on me and that my low status and self-image wasn't just me being negative, it was the truth and my self-doubts were me trusting my gut.  I really want to be seen as better than that.  I really want to prove to the world, women, and myself that I can be more interesting, exciting, and fun than "just friends" and that I won't have to miss out on sex with someone that I actually want, or on sex with any woman for that matter.  I want to whip "just friends"' ass once and for all.

Valentine's Day is pretty lousy for me too.  I get you.

@ TheSkaFish.

Hahah, I actually did talk about racial issues regarding dating when meeting up with my female friend (no, this is a friend I already knew before I started online dating, and met her at a meet up event, but I'm not "romantically" attracted to her - she's just a friend) last week Saturday for dinner.

I told her that I was having difficulty finding dates through online dating websites, and that I have been doing online dating for the last three months. I also told her that there is a huge dating disparity when it comes to Asian men, compared to males of other racial groups, here in the US.

If you've read my other thread regarding online dating, I felt that it was just a carousel of meeting various girls, spending my time, gas and money driving out to meet her, spending a crapload of money on coffee, drinks, lunch or dinner - basically NONE of those meet ups led to any potential girlfriend relationships. I'm basically back at square one, single, sad, and EVEN MORE depressed than I was prior to starting online dating ( I started at the beginning of November of last year).

I still believe my race and sex are two factors that place me at a huge disadvantage here in the US, when it comes to dating and romance.

I have sent out couple of hundreds of messages to girls, not just girls from my ethnic or racial group, but also to white, hispanic and some black women. I received NO responses from those messages.

Yup, I too hate platonic honeysuckle. While platonic relationship is better than nothing, I still long for a nice kiss with a girl while seated on a bench at the park, watching the sun set, or the full moon shine over a pond. Yup, I too hate being "friendzoned." once you're "just a friend" it's hard to get out of that f--king mindset with your female friend.

 

[Nwahs]

Gray: While platonic relationship is better than nothing

Disagree with that. Nonplatonic or nothing. Unless you're honestly not attracted to them. When you're in a position where she only wants platonic friendship & you want something else, walk away. Situations like that are always bad for the person who wants more's self-esteem.

If you're truly cool with it being platonic, put her to work as a wingwoman.

 

[GrayAndLonesome]

Gray: While platonic relationship is better than nothing

Disagree with that.  Nonplatonic or nothing.  Unless you're honestly not attracted to them.  When you're in a position where she only wants platonic friendship & you want something else, walk away.  Situations like that are always bad for the person who wants more's self-esteem.

If you're truly cool with it being platonic, put her to work as a wingwoman.

@ Nwahs,

No no, you're right on the dot, bro. F--k platonic relatonships. I've been in two of those relationship, none of them lasted past seven months. One was with a girl I was set up with through mom's friend. All we did was eat lunch or dinner together, go to movies together. She got annoyed when I made an attempt to hold her hands. Broke up after two months. Another, the second platonic relationship was set through a dating agency (where I've squandered $1000 for a one-year membership! Grrrr!). The dating agency paired me up with a girl, and I really didn't like her, but it happened that she knew some of my sister's friends. Dayum, it also turned out that one of my high school best friends also dated this girl. After he told me negative honeysuckle about her, my opinion of her just went downhill. All we did was peck kisses on each other's lips when meeting and parking ways, held hands during Christmas light viewing, and that's it! No sex! No smooches.

*shakes head*

This is why I'm contemplating on leaving the US in the near future. I'm looking at working for the US military and to be stationed in S. Korea so that I can find a GF, and a wife. I want to get married and have kids. My current profession allows me to still enter into the US military until the age of 40.

I hate to sound desperate, but my plan was to hopefully marry next year in 2018. I don't know.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I don't care to answer your question, nor do I have any other input to offer. Nothing anyone says gets through to you, so it's all pointless.

 

[GrayAndLonesome]

I don't care to answer your question, nor do I have any other input to offer. Nothing anyone says gets through to you, so it's all pointless.

Blah blah blah. Fine, be like that. LMFAO!!!

 

[TheRealCallie]

Really....I'm clueless?  I just did a quick search and there's also many articles about how women (and men) won't date white men/women, Mexican men/women, black men/women. 

I'm not clueless, you are just refusing to see outside of your own problems and blaming it entirely on your race.

^^ can you show me links to those articles that you claim to have viewed in your online search?

No, you're wrong. There is clearly discrimination against Asian men when it comes to dating in the US. It's because of the advertisements and movies that sexualizes Asian females, and show them mainly with white men.

Also read some of these articles I've found online.

Asian men can't seem to do well on online dating websites

Heck, that POS named steve harvey also poked fun at my racial group two months ago.

steve harvey pokes fun at Asian men dating

Realcallie, I've noticed that you like to dispute and argue with others here. Hope that slash means you're a goner.

It's not really that hard.  Replace "Asian" in your search with "black" or "white" or "Mexican" or whatever other race you want to fine.  If you can find it for Asians, you can find it for ANY race.  Why do you assume that Asians have all the problems?  I can assure you they don't. 
Stop blaming your race and find the real answer as to why people ignore you after the first date....

And sorry, I'm not a goner.  Deal with it.