Online Dating?

[DarkSelene]

No, advice is taking in consideration that person's ability to follow it, the practicality of it and also where they stand emotionally, approaching the issue unbiased would also help. Shouting what works for you as if it's the only right path, from your spot of moral superiority, is basically just talking to yourself.

Also, it makes people want to disagree with you,but seems like you enjoy that, so...

P.s.: opinion and experience =/= advice

 

[Red_Wedding_Casualty]

I know what it's like to be a slave to your emotions, so maybe you should stop assuming.  Maybe I haven't lived a life of rejection and only rejection, but I have been rejected.  Hell, my husband left me on Christmas night, so yeah, I know rejection pretty **** well.  I know feeling like your nothing pretty **** well.  

Lol, yeah, it's cute how you think I'm sexist and only do it to men.  I don't discriminate.  I've told JUST AS MANY women to suck it the fresia up too.  

In the end, it's on YOU whether you take my advice/opinion, I'm merely providing my take on it.

Well that would explain the heart of iron then. And quite possibly the anger towards users that don't just leave the forum to (hopefully) harden the fresia up. I'd offer up my condolences, but I suspect they're neither needed or wanted. 

Also, forgive me for not observing you telling female OP's to harden the fresia up. Thing is I'm not on those threads. For the most part, I can't relate to their situations, so any advice I could give from my perspective is likely not going to be useful to them and quite possibly condescending. Hence why I don't make a presence there. 

But yeah, I absolutely agree with Selene here. In order for advice to be received well, one needs to exercise a little empathy for the receiver. I suspect that you don't care much for that though. As you often say: How we take your advice is on us. The moment that right hook connects, it's no longer your problem. 

...Or is it? I've been inactive for over two weeks and you've engaged in how many arguments in that time?

 

[Wintermute]

One does have to wonder what the motivation for giving advice is if the giver is not concerned with what the receiver does with it (or how they interpret it in the first place)

 

[TheRealCallie]

I know what it's like to be a slave to your emotions, so maybe you should stop assuming.  Maybe I haven't lived a life of rejection and only rejection, but I have been rejected.  Hell, my husband left me on Christmas night, so yeah, I know rejection pretty **** well.  I know feeling like your nothing pretty **** well.  

Lol, yeah, it's cute how you think I'm sexist and only do it to men.  I don't discriminate.  I've told JUST AS MANY women to suck it the fresia up too.  

In the end, it's on YOU whether you take my advice/opinion, I'm merely providing my take on it.

Well that would explain the heart of iron then. And quite possibly the anger towards users that don't just leave the forum to (hopefully) harden the fresia up. I'd offer up my condolences, but I suspect they're neither needed or wanted. 

Also, forgive me for not observing you telling female OP's to harden the fresia up. Thing is I'm not on those threads. For the most part, I can't relate to their situations, so any advice I could give from my perspective is likely not going to be useful to them and quite possibly condescending. Hence why I don't make a presence there. 

But yeah, I absolutely agree with Selene here. In order for advice to be received well, one needs to exercise a little empathy for the receiver. I suspect that you don't care much for that though. As you often say: How we take your advice is on us. The moment that right hook connects, it's no longer your problem. 

...Or is it? I've been inactive for over two weeks and you've engaged in how many arguments in that time?

I don't have an iron heart and I very rarely get angry, so you are misreading what I type.  When I first came here, I was angry, I snapped at everyone, I was actually the ***** everyone thinks I am now.  lol  But no, I have no issue with whether people stay or people go.  What I do have an issue with, what I won't entertain is when people repeat the same things over and over, never changing, or changing very little.  It's more likely that those people are afraid to change.  I get that, I really do, I was the same way.  But at some point, people need to change.  Life will never change if you don't change. 
So because I speak bluntly and don't coddle or sugarcoat, that means I'm not empathetic?  I'm not a yesman.  I will never tell people what they want to hear.  Could my advice drip honey....sure, I suppose it could, but what does that do?  Nothing, it doesn't change the advice, it's still exactly the same.  It's funny though, that all the "arguments" I have are always with the same people.  Yeah, they might be under new names, but it's still the same people.  Either that or new people who were "warned against me" that have been brainwashed to not bother deciding for themselves.  Either way, most people who are thinking for themselves don't really have much of a problem with what I say. 

One does have to wonder what the motivation for giving advice is if the giver is not concerned with what the receiver does with it (or how they interpret it in the first place)

I can't help how other people interpret what I type, now can I?  I can't force someone to take my advice and I wouldn't want to.  It may work for them, but it may not.  Not everything works for everyone.  So all I can really do is write my own experience, what I've observed, what seems right to me.  So it's not about whether or not I'm concerned or how they will interpret what I write, it's simply about free will and the OP or poster going to do what THEY want to do regardless of what anyone writes.  I feel there should be a plethora of advice to any person asking for help, because of the fact that it is unknown what will help them or work for them.  Take my advice or don't, I can't change what they decide, I can only try to help, just like anyone else.

 

[smarty24]

Yup, it's the way you've dealt with things, so it has to be shouted at everyone else.

Yes, the same as you shout YOUR opinion and experience at everyone else....That's typically how advice works.

Good one

You said this on the funny way "... that's typically how advice works", exactly!

 

[Enpatsu No Shakugan]

I've given up on it.

I met one friend that I still have that way and had a lot of very interesting catches that I never got to talk to. They never got back to me.


And now thanks to Tinder, with the 'ease' of it, it's become less about meeting people wherever, online or not, and more about automation and 'quick and easy' which is not how an actual, solid relationship can or SHOULD work.

My best bet is to be places I would want to be normally, online and off and meet a girl there. Online dating has become useless now.

It requires work, and most people don't want to accept that, sadly enough.

 

[smarty24]

Enpatsu No Shakugan, you said it requires work, but same is in off-line dating world I would say?

 

[Noodlez]

99% of dating sites are either scams or just for hookups without any romance. I’ve tried many sites and I’ve never gotten a single date or friendship.

 

[pad79]

we get slammed for asking a friend out or going into friendships with any such hopes.

This ^

This is why I dont bother with women anymore. I really like someone I train with but I think i will give that a miss too.
Im not sure what its like where you are, but it seems that if I actually show any signs with people I really click with I am interested in them.  I am immediately branded a weirdo or a stalker, then ghosted for the rest of my life without any given reason.

 

[kamya]

we get slammed for asking a friend out or going into friendships with any such hopes.

This ^

This is why I dont bother with women anymore. I really like someone I train with but I think i will give that a miss too.
Im not sure what its like where you are, but it seems that if I actually show any signs with people I really click with I am interested in them.  I am immediately branded a weirdo or a stalker, then ghosted for the rest of my life without any given reason.

But you haven't even tried anything with her yet. 

I do understand where you're coming from though.

 

[Xpendable]

When a girl really likes you, you don't have to try anything; they come to you.

 

[blackdot]

When a girl really likes you

I don't understand this concept.

---

99% of dating sites are either scams or just for hookups without any romance. I’ve tried many sites and I’ve never gotten a single date or friendship.

Interesting tidbits of info.
If I have a pay account with a site and I let it expire, I suddenly get notices that women are wanting to speak to me. If I pay to come back, the people that sent the message have vanished from the site or have no interest in talking.

I have left my account visible on one of those sites. I have put in the profile at the top that I no longer have an account and can not see or respond to anything they send me. I then left the original profile down below so they can see what they are missing. Any time I log on the site so the system picks up that I have logged in which means the account shows up on women's searches, I will suddenly start getting notices that women are e-mailing me.
The conclusion is, they either do not exist or they are illiterate.

 

[Sci-Fi]

That's just a scam these sites use to get you to come back and pay for another membership. They only want you to make money off you and have no interest in matching you up with anyone.

 

[TheLoadedDog]

That's just a scam these sites use to get you to come back and pay for another membership.  They only want you to make money off you and have no interest in matching you up with anyone.

This is a very salient point.  Successful matches mean no return business.  It's actively against their business interest to do what they claim to do.

 

[MikeyLE80]

I had a terrible experience. No results whatsoever. It's because I'm unemployed due to disability I'm pretty sure. In hindsight one of the sites I tried has like 5x more men than women for the relationship preference I selected (casual dating). I did eventually want something long term but I was not and am not prepared to cohabitate. It wouldn't have been honest (as they understand the preference) to put serious relationship. I need to live alone for a long time. Maybe the rest of my life.


Well I did get a thing where 1 or 2 women clicked one check to say they'd meet me based only off my picture. I would have to pay $33 just to respond and I'm sure they're farther away than I could afford to go, as I checked out all the women that were close enough. That's a scam.

Oh and camgirls always checking out my profile. Not cool.

 

[MikeyLE80]

Anytime you have to be extremely smart or witty or sexy to get a response in kind, that's a toxic environment in my opinion.

Imagine if you said to twenty people in real life " Hi how are you? I noticed this or that " and either nineteen or all twenty of them don't acknowledge your presence at all. lol.


There were posts about lying in the first few and YES lol so many people lie. When I tried Tinder there were so many women that said they were 32-34 (mind you I wasn't looking for someone younger, that was just within my range) and unless they all lived really really hard lives they must have been at least 45.

They didn't even leave the pics where they look older off the profile lol If you're going to lie, at last take it seriously enough to be good at it.

 

[user 139760]

That's just a scam these sites use to get you to come back and pay for another membership.  They only want you to make money off you and have no interest in matching you up with anyone.

This is a very salient point.  Successful matches mean no return business.  It's actively against their business interest to do what they claim to do.

Not quite so. No successful matches affects their rep, thus their business. They need those testimonies from real people to get at least word of mouth going, if nothing else.
The balance is the focus.
That being said, your being single is the last thing on their minds. Just the profits they make.

 

[Ghost77]

My experience... most of the dating sites I've used were not scams, though some of the people on them were scammers. A bit of common sense will see you right with those. Don't give anyone your email - if they want to talk they'll ask for your number, not your email. Do use sites that require you to pay a subscription before you can send messages (scammers generally prefer to use the free ones). Ignore anyone who tells you to visit a website in order to chat with them (duh). Just use your common sense really. Genuine people swap numbers, chat on the phone, and then meet. Anyone who deviates from this norm should immediately raise a red flag.

Liars are a different matter than scammers. Plenty of liars to be found on all the sites (and off them). Seems most people (certainly most women, and I assume most men too) are quite happy to tell a lie or ten to get what they want. But the sites themselves are mostly fine.

My experiences:

POF.com - the site itself is genuine but the people on it are the worst. This is widely regarded as the cesspit of online dating. It's free but full of scammers and attention whores. Avoid this site at all costs.
Match.com - genuine dating site, never seen a scammer on it, probably because you have to pay to use the site. Had quite a few dates, all genuine (meaning not scammers - several of them were liars but as I said that's a different issue).
Tinder - genuine dating app, surprisingly few scams for a free app but plenty of time wasters. Tinder is a free, minimal effort dating app, and hence attracts people who are just testing the waters or looking for a hookup rather than people looking to really date. Still I did have a few dates here and again they were all genuine, but considerably less enthusiastic about finding someone than the women on Match.
Bumble - probably a scam, definitely a waste of time.
Guardian Soulmates - the real deal. Very few people on it and probably even fewer outside of the UK, but a very genuine dating site with exceptionally decent people.
eHarmony - probably the real deal, but it's so dead it's hard to tell.

 

[TheLoadedDog]

That's just a scam these sites use to get you to come back and pay for another membership.  They only want you to make money off you and have no interest in matching you up with anyone.

This is a very salient point.  Successful matches mean no return business.  It's actively against their business interest to do what they claim to do.

Not quite so. No successful matches affects their rep, thus their business. They need those testimonies from real people to get at least word of mouth going, if nothing else.
The balance is the focus.
That being said, your being single is the last thing on their minds. Just the profits they make.

_________________________________________________________

I think that's a good point, mate.  However, I suspect the truth is halfway between.  You want to fly from Montreal to Vancouver?  There is a special on for $1 seats (at least this happens in Australia).  What they don't tell you is there are only three of those seats on the entire plane.  Good for the airline, as they can post some happy customer testimonials, but everybody else on that plane pays full price.  I think the dating sites may have a similar business model.

 

[Madbadteacher]

Yay! One month today on tinder and not a single hit. WTF?