randomdude
Well-known member
- Joined
- Nov 29, 2012
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- 111
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I have no confidence at all and when people ask me what are my strengths in life i have to lie since i don't have any. In every single part of my life i am weak i am nothing compared to guys that are near age of 19 as i am. I am afraid of people negative reactions towards me and that makes me feel bad saying no. I am awkward as fresia i have problems holding up conversations and most of the times words barely come out of my mouth and people have trouble understanding me and ask me to repeat myself. Most people except my friends see me as weirdo before they get to know me better BUT the thing is they never do. To be honest like 2 years ago i was feeling so much worse since i wasn't on meds and i didn't talk to therapists. What bothers me the most is that i can't stand for my rights and show that i am man too. My mind state is preventing me from doing normal things like going to school regularly or trying to find a job, find a girlfriend or just enjoy myself. I am just a ******* loser and weak minded dumb fresia that spends his time thinking about past embarrassing moments wishing i could react differently. When someone is having a bad day and that someone insult me THEY MADE MY DAY BAD.. I MEAN I AM THE ******* idiot i get offended and next whole week i am feeling like trash.. Parents say i am kid born from pure love.. LOL i wish they never made me who the fresia wants a disabled son that is afraid of getting raped??? HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A MAN A ******* MAN even think about getting raped?? And i am afraid of that and i am afraid being alone on the street at nights. I really don't know what to do with myself.. You might find it stupid but suicide is the smarted thing i could do for myself i am wasting my therapists time i am wasting my parents money for meds. I yell at them all the time because they can't afford me enough meals and support my fail 15th month of gym that i have 0 results from. I haven't bought any clothes in last 2 years my parents can't afford them.. I go to most ghetto gym in the whole town cuz its cheapest.fresia i wanna die and change at the same time but the more i try to change i realize it's impossible. And i am wasting your time with this thread, i know you can't help me no one can but i felt a need to type this sad garbage at fail attempt at life. My strengths ?? Sad poor ugly weak pathetic irresponsible immature and i have no boundaries. They say i should be grateful of life i feel like i have chains on soul that prevent me from living. When i was young they thought i will be the smartest member of my family line and i turned out to be the biggest fail they could give life to. They still think it's not late for me but my hope is fading. I am afraid of telling you where i am from lol i am afraid of everything i am even afraid of being judged of how long this text is. Fear rules my mind.