The_long_journey
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- Jan 1, 2015
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I'm trying really hard not to shut down.....Sometimes when I'm at the college I'm sooo stressed about my studies I literally start yawning and falling asleep . This time I know it's because of my boyfriends family.
We fit each other soo perfectly that I dont want his family in my life and I literally want to move away. But my boyfriend said it wouldn't work.
I literally know our relationship wont last but I'm trying really hard for him to stand up to his family. But everyday they chip away a piece of me that I can never get back without alot of self work.
I'm very lonely....i'm scared to even eat sometimes . Back in 2012 I literally had a near death experience... I was sent out of my body like a vacuum into this black space then I saw a flash a vision then a white flash then a white tunnel.....I saw what I assume an Angel with no wings behind a mist like cloud that was all white.... It didn't talk but it somehow said to me like in telepathic saying in wasn't my time. I was sent back into my body like a vacuum like force ... I gasp for air and then I was pale sweating but overcame it. His family was present during that event.
sadly my life since then went on with the same depressing hatred against me.
How do I stop shutting down and learn how to cope with his family???
Since my NDE because due to health issues I was born with I also question myself. Since god knows my difficulty why would he bring me back it's soo depressing because nothing but bad things happen to me. I try to cope with thinking " maybe he wanted me to do something." but I cant do much of anything due to my learning disability .....I feel like god is sometimes punishing me .
( surreal event :::::btw.... 2 weeks ago I dreamt of coming out of my old biology class in high school and started chasing a butterfly down the hallway then the hallway gradually started disappearing . Everything turned white and asked me " Are you happy" ...A loving presence surrounded me and said " you are loved completely" " are you happy now? " I responded " Yes I'm happy now..." then I woke up into this hell hole. I was like noooooo......:club: This is a horrible prank from a religious perspective.
We fit each other soo perfectly that I dont want his family in my life and I literally want to move away. But my boyfriend said it wouldn't work.
I literally know our relationship wont last but I'm trying really hard for him to stand up to his family. But everyday they chip away a piece of me that I can never get back without alot of self work.
I'm very lonely....i'm scared to even eat sometimes . Back in 2012 I literally had a near death experience... I was sent out of my body like a vacuum into this black space then I saw a flash a vision then a white flash then a white tunnel.....I saw what I assume an Angel with no wings behind a mist like cloud that was all white.... It didn't talk but it somehow said to me like in telepathic saying in wasn't my time. I was sent back into my body like a vacuum like force ... I gasp for air and then I was pale sweating but overcame it. His family was present during that event.
sadly my life since then went on with the same depressing hatred against me.
How do I stop shutting down and learn how to cope with his family???
Since my NDE because due to health issues I was born with I also question myself. Since god knows my difficulty why would he bring me back it's soo depressing because nothing but bad things happen to me. I try to cope with thinking " maybe he wanted me to do something." but I cant do much of anything due to my learning disability .....I feel like god is sometimes punishing me .
( surreal event :::::btw.... 2 weeks ago I dreamt of coming out of my old biology class in high school and started chasing a butterfly down the hallway then the hallway gradually started disappearing . Everything turned white and asked me " Are you happy" ...A loving presence surrounded me and said " you are loved completely" " are you happy now? " I responded " Yes I'm happy now..." then I woke up into this hell hole. I was like noooooo......:club: This is a horrible prank from a religious perspective.