People expect me to be happy for them

[Fvantom]

This is something that kills me, people express their amazing friendships either over facebook or in person....as if theyre expecting me to be happy for them, I hate myself for saying this but I always find it very hard to be happy for most people in that situation, when I dont have fulfilling friendship of my own, its like rubbing salt in the wound.

Im gonna beat you to the punch here but usually when I post about this I get two answers "stop comparing yourself to others" and/or "be happy with what you have" when everything youve ever wanted in life is being enjoyed by everyone around you, its hard not to compare yourself to others, when you see pictures and commercials of the starving kids in third world countries, you wouldnt tell them "dont compare yourself to others" would you?

 

[flaneur]

you wouldnt tell them "dont compare yourself to others" would you?

Actually, I would ha. I have very Buddhist views (minus the non-scientific, spiritual distortions).
-
Be aware that those friendships only seem so desirable because you're only seeing the "front stage." Facebook is a place where people put up facades. Moreover, anyone who feels the need to advertize how amazing their life is precisely the kind of person who probably feels a little unhappy behind closed doors.

 

[Mouse]

I say please yourself what you do, and how you feel. Taking one day at a time, pacing your current state of mind may find you happier within yourself, for those so-called friends on your FB know nothing if all they do is criticise you. This is one good reason why I don't do social networking.

 

[Tiina63]

Hi Fvantom, I feel so much sympathy for you. I would never dream of telling you to be happy with what you have, because not many people could be happy with loneliness. Your desire for friends and contact with others is completely natural, and the lack of these things is so painful. I also would not tell you not to compare yourself to others, because when you see others with the things you long for, it is natural that you would compare your own situation to theirs.
I can identify with what you are saying so much though, with me, it is love relationships. When someone tells me how happy they are with their partner, I smile outwardly and say I am happy for them, but inside I feel so envious and their joy makes my own lack of love and closeness even worse. I have a friend who has a nice boyfriend and two lovely sons, and I am terrified she might invite me up at some point over Christmas. I couldn't handle seeing them together and then coming home to an empty house, to noone.

 

[Nolife Princess]

This is something that kills me, people express their amazing friendships either over facebook or in person....as if theyre expecting me to be happy for them, I hate myself for saying this but I always find it very hard to be happy for most people in that situation, when I dont have fulfilling friendship of my own, its like rubbing salt in the wound.

Im gonna beat you to the punch here but usually when I post about this I get two answers "stop comparing yourself to others" and/or "be happy with what you have" when everything youve ever wanted in life is being enjoyed by everyone around you, its hard not to compare yourself to others, when you see pictures and commercials of the starving kids in third world countries, you wouldnt tell them "dont compare yourself to others" would you?

Welcome to *MY* world......

 

[blackdot]

It is annoying when everyone else thinks you should be happy about feeling crappy.
Most people sit around talking about their own relationships. Since they are happy, they expect that everyone else is happy. If they ask how i feel, I say I feel terrible since I am alone. They tell me i should enjoy being alone.
It's obvious they have no clue what it's like being alone.

 

[Tiina63]

Blackdot-I have also been told by people in relationships that I should be happy alone. It really annoys me when people tell me to be happy in a situation which they would be unhappy in. I agree with you that they have no clue of what it is like to be really alone.

 

[Sci-Fi]

I've been told by some that I should be happy I'm not married and don't have kids. Yet they gush how happy they are. WTF?

But you know, god forbid anyone expect others to be happy for them, how dare they. How dare they share their happiness with others. How dare they expect us to wallow in our own self pity and not share something good with us. /sarcasm

Here's something to think about, the next time something good happens to you (by that I mean everyone as a whole) and you come on here to post about it expecting congratulations...just don't bother. Seeing as how it bothers you so much when others expect you to be happy for them, why should anyone be happy for you then. Or complain how no one was happy for you, cause well...there's your reason.

Something to think about. Let's not be all one sided here just because we're depressed or unhappy with out lives. It might suck but it's not their fault. Most people don't do it to make others feel bad.

 

[Lost Drifter]

I’ve always had the belief that is takes a strong person to appreciate the happiness of others despite being less fortunate themselves and I forever aspire to be that person.

I’m not going to tell you how to live your life or expect you to follow my morals but for me personally, no matter how lonely, depressed or envious I am feeling a part of me still feels happy when I see a family playing in the park, an old couple holding hands or friends sharing an innocent joke. I may not have those things myself but seeing them in others restores my faith in the human race and makes me think that deep down we’re going to be alright.

Sure it can be frustrating when others show off about their good fortune but I’d rather smile and be happy for them than wallow in self-pity. I don’t expect them to understand my life nor do I expect them to share my pain but more importantly, I never want to become a creature of bitterness with happiness forever beyond my grasp.

 

[Fvantom]

Ive lost so much of my heart....its not that I dont want to be happy for those people, its that I literally can't, I have to be reminded of everything I dont have, Ive spent my whole life trying to find that happiness and Im still searching at 21, and to see people all around me being able to enjoy their lives....its not much to ask for, just happiness, people around me who care, and an easier life

 

[Sci-Fi]

You're 21? Well jeez Fvantom, I'm sure you've heard this before but your life is just beginning. You will find you find your footing it just takes time. I remember being your age and not knowing where I was going, it was confusing as hell especially when others seem to go somewhere. This is going to sound weird but you don't have to feel happy to be happy for another person. A congrats, or nice job, or sweet is all you need to show that you acknowledge their happiness/luck/fortune. As long as they don't rub it in your face by singling you out, or posting it on your fb wall, cause then you can tell them to just fresia off. I'm kidding, you shouldn't do that, it's vulgar. Just post Princesses sig.

 

[Bones]

I have had a lot of the same feelings that everyone has described at one time or another.

 

[kinzeUK]

I’ve always had the belief that is takes a strong person to appreciate the happiness of others despite being less fortunate themselves and I forever aspire to be that person.

I’m not going to tell you how to live your life or expect you to follow my morals but for me personally, no matter how lonely, depressed or envious I am feeling a part of me still feels happy when I see a family playing in the park, an old couple holding hands or friends sharing an innocent joke. I may not have those things myself but seeing them in others restores my faith in the human race and makes me think that deep down we’re going to be alright.

Sure it can be frustrating when others show off about their good fortune but I’d rather smile and be happy for them than wallow in self-pity. I don’t expect them to understand my life nor do I expect them to share my pain but more importantly, I never want to become a creature of bitterness with happiness forever beyond my grasp.

That was beautifully put, sir. And I completely agree. I TRY to look at it the same way as you do. But a lot of the time (especially now) I can't. But that's just down to being severely depressed. I at least know that I've felt like that and will feel like that again sometime. Just not yet.

And to Fvantom; I felt the same way at 21 and feel the same way now. But as someone said, you are really only just starting to find your way in this crazy world of ours. I don't know how many people had it together at or by 21 but I know I definately wasn't one of them

Good luck, man. At least you're with like-minded folk on this here site now

 

[Ak5]

People are selfish, end of story.

 

[jjam]

Lost Drifter's post wins!

I am 100% with LD on that.

 

[HappyYogi]

Fvantom~

What you are feeling is very natural. Just allow yourself to feel, it's OK. It's OK to feel that way and don't make yourself bad for doing so.

Just try not to go the bitterness route towards the other person. That is something to avoid.

Also, probably get used to it. I think this is a common emotion people feel throughout their lives. There is always going to be someone who is better looking, has a better career, more and better friends, better this and that...that you will come across.

When I come across this bragging I just smile and say "wow, that's great". Sometimes I do feel bad and think they have no idea how deprived I feel. I just sit patiently, listen and try to share in their joy as much as possible. I'll feel a little low for awhile and then OK as I ponder the good I do have in my life. And I remind myself that life is not fair, that there are spiritual reasons for our differences and my job is to only be the best person I can be. Somehow it gives me peace.

And I agree with the others...I can't stand that type of bragging! Some personalities just feel the need to do so! I am NOT one of those personalities. When I first met my bf I definitely felt a love connection and knew something special was happening but I NEVER bragged to the world. NEVER!!! People who do that can be irritating, be glad you are not like them.

Lost Drifter...great post.

 

[passage]

I havent logged into facebook in years, lack of activity