personality problem... i'm not social

[nicespirit]

when i was a child, my family used physical abuse against me every week if not everyday, they wanted me to be the good boy so they scolded me on every big and small thing, this ended up shaking my personality, i feel like i don't have the personality background to stand among the crowd, i don't have a self esteem...

in high school my family wanted me to study hard so they forbid me to have any friend, i wasn't allowed to do anything but study ! thus i've became unsocial, i don't know how others talk, i don't know how others think, i don't know how to get along with others, i don't know how to have friends...

i want to be social, be open, love and be loved but i don't know how ?

 

[Lonesome Crow]

You can try attending support groups such as ACOA...
Bascailly growing up with a parent as an alcoholic feels like walking on eggshells.
You're **** if you, you're **** if you don't.
You're never know quit sure what the fresia you're going to get out of dad...Mom will make the kids
benave, behave all the the fucken time..bascailly can't do noting becuase you can give dad a fucken reason
to go ape honeysuckle about anything. Dad being a drunken gardenia that he is, he has major low self esteem
and other fucken mental and emotional problems will scoll you, nit pick your ass just becuase it's a fucken tuseday.
Whcih in turns make you feel like honeysuckle about yourself becuase of years and years of the bullshit.
So you build a wall or lock yourself in your room just to fucken servive...You play the role of the LOST, NEGLECTED or ABUSED CHILD.
Yeap...study..study..study..bascailly another way of telling me to "sit the fresia down and STFU."

You can say you have personilties problems or behavior problems.
You are not your personalites or behaviors. You have personalities and behaviors.
In other words..knowing this. You'll know change is possiable.
People that say "you can't teach an old dog new tricks" are missed informed.
You can change if you want to change. You have a chioce.
Develope new habits, personalities, or behaviors.
YOU HAVE A CHIOCE...it's totally opposite of what you heard as you were growing up.

"THERE"S NOTHING WRONGE WITH YOU"..mmm how many times have you heard this in your life time????
Again...you are not your personalities or habits. Your personalities and habits can be altered.
Think of your personlities or habits as clay. It was molded a certain way because of your enviorment.
You can remold it into anyway u chose to. You are free to reshape it in anyway you want.
LOVE...that's who you are. You are already complete, whole and perfect. This is truth. Do not saperate yourself from truth.
Once you are aware or consious of this..you know you don't lack self worth and self esteem. You were borned with it.
Some people aren't awaken to this simple truth and will give you a million reasons why you're not...I guess ingore them.
If you do liten to them...you'll simply fall back into love earing, guilt, shame and all kinds of unhealthy behaviors.
You been there and done that. You already know and experinced what the results of that was....


Attending support groups won't solve all your problems...but it's a begining. A place where you can go hang out, open up,
talk about whatever. You'll also will be introduce to healther living tools or coping skills. Ways of building your self-esteem and healing.
It'll asist you in anti-social behaviors. You're be expose to people and have the practice of interacting with people.
Changes won't happen overnight becuase you didn't get this way overnight..but if you give yourself a break. Take baby steps,
changes will be gradaul. You'll learn how to trust in the process...mmmm you'll also learn how to trust in general.
Then it's just a matter of applying what you learn in your support groups to other areas of yourself and life outside of the support group.
It's like a bridge...

Well...that's what I did and do. There's no acoa where I live, but I attend other support groups.
I've met lots of people and made lots of freinds that loves and cares about me. I still don't socialize with them all the time, but
I'm not anti-social anymore. Yes, to love and be loved is an on going process for me. There's love in my life today. She loves me
very much as I love her. She too grew up in a very dysfuctional home.

 

[jonny87]

I was in the same situation as you. Some of my experiences are so painful that i only accepted them as truth a few months ago. Imagine the pain and lack of love we felt as infants that we can no longer consciously remember, yet the experiences no doubt shaped our perception of the world.

I wish i could give you some magic advice to help but frankly i am here because i struggle with my problems, and i would be a liar to offer any advice to you because i cannot fix my own problems.

One important question though is, are you still living with your family?

 

[nicespirit]

yes, i'm still living with my family.
and i kind of find it hard to get along with others !

 

[nicespirit]

i have another problem:
since i was a teenager i got addicted to adult websites, now i'm 25 and i'm kind of still addicted to it, i know it's bad, i know it's wrong but i just can't stop it !

 

[lonelyjaz]

when i was a child, my family used physical abuse against me every week if not everyday, they wanted me to be the good boy so they scolded me on every big and small thing, this ended up shaking my personality, i feel like i don't have the personality background to stand among the crowd, i don't have a self esteem...

in high school my family wanted me to study hard so they forbid me to have any friend, i wasn't allowed to do anything but study ! thus i've became unsocial, i don't know how others talk, i don't know how others think, i don't know how to get along with others, i don't know how to have friends...

i want to be social, be open, love and be loved but i don't know how ?

I went from having tons of friends when I lived with my mom in a 3 bedroom house in the suburbs, to having to move with my absent/abusive father in a 2 bdrm apartment in the city. My dad didn't let me have any friends hang around, I was unhappy & depressed and never quite made any friends after that. That was when I was 16...11 years ago. Since then, I've had problems socializing and I sometimes feel socially awkward. I know how you feel.

 

[Mike Moose]

I don't really know what happened to me..I didn't plan to be the social recluse i've become it just gradually happened..Mind you when i was out playing gigs I felt lonely too..I'm the type of person who approaches people for conversation.No-one ever approaches me..feel like a leper all the stinking time..
Mind you since I've given up the booze I've really distanced myself from folks..It's weird how crappy things look when everyones trashed and I'm stone sober..at least i don't have those bullshit hangovers anymore..

 

[sleepless_84]

I don't know why I'm so friendless... unlike a lot of these stories, I came from a happy family, though my parents are both really introverted and I guess I inherited my mom's social anxiety.. people have opened up the door so to speak for friendship but I just don't feel that I can go through it... it's sad to say, my best friend now is probably my mother. We speak almost every day.