Physical flirting

[Barbaloot]

It's a shame she turned out to be that way, but you're not a mug, there's no shame in wanting to share your life with someone. Just know that those women are exceptions rather than the standard - not all are so fickle and thoughtless. And at least you've been trying to interact with women at all.
However, a break sounds like a good idea.

 

[blackdot]

Could be how you say it, perhaps? I mean, do you gush out your affection for them or are you more restrained? Restrained is better I think.

Normally it just incidentally comes up in a conversation. I may ask them out. I may be I mention they are attractive. It may be I just mention I would date them.
It's nothing like me going on an offensive attack. Just a slight comment and they realize that I like them and they disappear. Sometimes they just get quiet. In other cases they vanish for 4 years. Only to come back, see me, and vanish again for another year.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

It's a shame she turned out to be that way, but you're not a mug, there's no shame in wanting to share your life with someone. Just know that those women are exceptions rather than the standard - not all are so fickle and thoughtless. And at least you've been trying to interact with women at all.
However, a break sounds like a good idea.

Thanks Barba

Yeah, sorry if it seems ranty or like I'm stereotyping. I understand that you can't generalise people and I hope I don't come across like that.

I'm just kind of confused (and frustrated) as to why it's so hard for me to find a decent girl that appreciates me, since it's not like I'm a really horrible person (I hope, anyway!)

All I want is a nice lady I can talk to, cuddle with and go fun places with. I don't have any demands of such a girl other than she be loyal and treat me with the same respect I give her.

I'm happy to try new leisure activities (even the "girly" ones many guys don't have patience for), I don't pre-emptively expect any sexual intimacy from a relationship at all and I know I'd never cheat on a lady.

Despite girls seemingly wanting these qualities (from what they tell me, anyway), it seems literally impossible to find a pleasant girl with the same simple desires as me and I find it utterly perplexing

Just a slight comment and they realize that I like them and they disappear. Sometimes they just get quiet. In other cases they vanish for 4 years. Only to come back, see me, and vanish again for another year.

That's strange! You always seem like a decent guy, what do you personally think puts them off? I think perhaps you should not mention any romantic inexperience if you are, or not even approach the subject.

If you just stick to being friends, you can then perhaps ask a girl on a date after a while and she'll approach it without any bias from previous discussions along those lines.

 

[blackdot]

Just a slight comment and they realize that I like them and they disappear. Sometimes they just get quiet. In other cases they vanish for 4 years. Only to come back, see me, and vanish again for another year.

That's strange! You always seem like a decent guy, what do you personally think puts them off? I think perhaps you should not mention any romantic inexperience if you are, or not even approach the subject.

If you just stick to being friends, you can then perhaps ask a girl on a date after a while and she'll approach it without any bias from previous discussions along those lines.

These are people that are friends already. In some cases they know of my dating troubles and in other cases they don't. I really have no idea what the issue is and no one has ever been able to answer me when I ask. I am the absolute perfect person to date, for anyone else.

 

[LonelyInAtl]

I've misread women before, too. A few weeks ago I was talking to a women at a weekly dinner get-together. We were sitting next to each other and laughing, chatting it up, good eye contact, and I thought I caught her looking at me out of the corner of my eye a few times.

Then I had a moment of clarity the next week at dinner and realized I had totally read something into it that wasn't there. I wish it had been. She's gorgeous and we had a lot of the same interests.

 

[blackdot]

I should get a name tag and wear it at all times. It would read: "My name is Dave and I misread all women's nice intentions."

 

[theraab]

When you guys say you "misread" women touching you, or hugging you, or whatever, do you sit there and think about what she means by doing that? This may be the problem, I think some of you guys may be way overthinking all this stuff. If you have an inner dialogue trying to dissect what her touch means, you have overthought it. If you want to get a "read" on her, if she touches your arm, touch hers back (later in the conversation, not while she is touching yours which would be physically awkward) - if she backs away, she didn't mean anything by the touch; if she doesn't back away, she may be interested.

---

I think some of you guys are way too smart for your own good. This is why dumb guys have so much of an easier time getting women.

 

[blackdot]

Some of us never have women talking to us or even rarer touching us so that when it actually does happen, the brain misreads it as something promising. I know it's happening when it happens and I do every thing I can to tell my brain to stop over thinking things but since it's so desperate to be happy for once in my life that it immediately jumps to the fact that there may just be a chance it means something.

When women start really getting interested in who I am or hugging me a lot or wanting to put their arm around me, it's an automatic battle in my brain. A losing battle none the less.

 

[EveWasFramed]

She's gorgeous and we had a lot of the same interests.

Im sorry to use you as an example, but look at what you wrote.
There are a number of men here on the forum who often speak of women being shallow and considering looks over personality, etc.
The very fact that the first quality you mentioned about her was that she is "gorgeous" is pretty telling.
Male and female alike initially "notice" a person's "looks."
That is a fact. It's natural. There are plenty of people out there who DO look at the entire package - not ONLY looks. Speaking realistically, you make the very best of what you were born with and hope that you find someone who appreciates you in your entirety. That goes for both sexes. This kind of issue isn't a sex-specific issue.

Also, anyone posting on the MANY threads like this one should be working towards improving themselves if they aren't satisfied with their own attributes (personal, physical, emotional, etc).
If anyone wants to discuss how lonely they might be due to a lack of an SO, that's fine. But STOP pointing fingers and trying to "blame" anyone for anything.
I don't have an SO and I don't rant because no guys notice me or ask me out. I deal with it.

 

[LonelyInAtl]

I think some of you guys are way too smart for your own good. This is why dumb guys have so much of an easier time getting women.

You're probably right. My Myers Briggs test indicates that I'm about 95% thinker. I'm in IT. I like Quantum Physics and Calculus. I hate liberal arts. I have a genius IQ.

I also couldn't tell if a woman was flirting with or interested in me unless she came over and just planted a kiss on my lips.

---

She's gorgeous and we had a lot of the same interests.

Im sorry to use you as an example, but look at what you wrote.
There are a number of men here on the forum who often speak of women being shallow and considering looks over personality, etc.
The very fact that the first quality you mentioned about her was that she is "gorgeous" is pretty telling.
Male and female alike initially "notice" a person's "looks."
That is a fact. It's natural. There are plenty of people out there who DO look at the entire package - not ONLY looks. Speaking realistically, you make the very best of what you were born with and hope that you find someone who appreciates you in your entirety. That goes for both sexes. This kind of issue isn't a sex-specific issue.

Also, anyone posting on the MANY threads like this one should be working towards improving themselves if they aren't satisfied with their own attributes (personal, physical, emotional, etc).
If anyone wants to discuss how lonely they might be due to a lack of an SO, that's fine. But STOP pointing fingers and trying to "blame" anyone for anything.
I don't have an SO and I don't rant because no guys notice me or ask me out. I deal with it.

No, what I was implying is that she was too good looking to be interested in a guy like me, and if she HAD been interested I would have been one very lucky individual.

What made me attracted to her was her charming personality and the fact that she is a bit of a sci-fi geek like myself. You don't find that often in a women and it was very alluring. She also seemed to be an intellectual equal to me and was is a HUGE turn-on (not in a sexual was, but in more of a "connection" way).

And as many people on here know, I am working on my physical appearance. I have hiked or walked over 15 miles this week, and in fact did a 6.4 mile hike just this morning. My eating habits have improved and I'm also eating healthier and including "power foods" in my diet, such as a green smoothie every morning for breakfast.

I know I'm not much to look at, and have been told so by women in the past. I'm just hoping one day for a connection with someone on a deeper level than appearance. I'm not trying to blame anyone for that, except myself. When I was married I let my ex lure me into a sedentary lifestyle and as a result I gained weight. That's my fault for allowing that to happen. I'm trying to fix that now.

And you can use me as an example anytime.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I think some of you guys are way too smart for your own good. This is why dumb guys have so much of an easier time getting women.

You're probably right. My Myers Briggs test indicates that I'm about 95% thinker. I'm in IT. I like Quantum Physics and Calculus. I hate liberal arts. I have a genius IQ.

Very interesting point theraab. I don't know if it's fair to define such guys as "dumb" - I'd say it's less analytical is a more even term. People who are prone to mentally dissecting things less (regardless of their intelligence) seem to find relationships easier.

Much like LonelyinAtl I work in an academic field and my studies require constant rigid technical thought. I wonder if this has conditioned me to constantly think about things that I should just take naturally in my stride.

Example: I dance as a hobby. The instructor has told me frequently that I'm doing the moves perfectly, but I stop the routine and get frustrated because I'm convinced I'm doing them wrong. The reason is that I view the dancing almost in scientifically precise fashion, whereas it's really more abstract than that.

My reactions to flirting are the same. My mind always kicks into overdrive and I start analysing all the small details, worrying what she thinks, panicking that I'm doing too much...even convincing myself that it'd be wrong to respond positively.

In fact, I'd say I generally just have real trouble relaxing my mind and flowing with things casually >_<