deliveryguy.
Active member
Hello, one and all.
Came across this forum earlier today, and after reading around quite a bit, I figured I'd register. You all seem like very nice and open people, and I guess you could say I see much of myself in a lot of stuff that's written here. It gives me a good sense of not being alone.
Some hours ago, I watched the movie "The Wackness", and I got freakin' sad. The main character could in many ways be me (without the pot and the fact that he "sort of" got the girl towards the end). That's when I typed in "lonely" on google and ended up here.
Well anyway, I'm 19 years old, residing in Norway. Been working as a mailman (package delivery) for a while now, which is good for me. It's a decent job, and it keeps me from going off the walls, since I've got nothing else to do. However I might not have the job that much longer, because of the financial crisis thing, but we'll see.
Other than that, I mostly stay indoors, except when I'm walking my dog (she makes my days a lot better than they would be without her).
I'm shy as hell, I haven't really had any friends in a long long time (years), and I certianly don't go out on the weekends, or talk with people outside of work. I guess I really only have one friend (known him for a few years (school)), but we don't hang out or anything, just talk to him at work sometimes.
As far as girls go... well, it doesn't "go". I'm scared to death just talking to them (at least when I don't have a buffer (like another guy there, who i know a little bit). I've never had a girlfriend, never been kissed, and of course that means I'm a virgin and blah, blah blah... that old story.
I guess the most physical contact I've ever had with a girl, is when she kissed me on the cheek when we were both like.. i don't know, 13-14 years old or something. So yeah... p-a-t-h-e-t-i-c.
I did talk quite a bit with a girl at the end of the workday the other day tho, but my one guy friend was there too, so I really relied on him as a buffer. He's good with the girls. Anyway, when I went home that evening, I couldnt describe the feeling I had (still can't). It was surreal, sort of. I had actually exchanged more then a "good morning" or "hello" with someone of the opposite sex. I felt scared and sort of "proud" of myself at the same time. Still do. Along with a bunch of other stuff I have no idea what the hell is. Also, it makes me **** sad. Something as simple as a bit of interaction with another human gets me all weird and bent out of shape? What does that say about me, how freaking much of a lonely loser am I? I don't even wanna think about a possible answer there. Failure.
In addition to anxiety (both social and "general"), I've got what's called OCD, which, excuse my language, is a *****. Going to therapy tho, hopefully it'l get better. If you don't know what it is, check out wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive-compulsive_disorder . I've been dealing with that, and depression/anxiety and stuff for 6-7 years. Been on quite a few meds, mostly anti-deppressants, seen a bunch of shrinks, not much help. The therapy I'm doing now, is group therapy with other "OCD-people". Scared the living daylights out of me the first time, but i made it, and it seems to go better and better.
(I'm amazed if you've actually read this entire text about my boring life).
Anyway.. don't know what to say really. Hello.
Came across this forum earlier today, and after reading around quite a bit, I figured I'd register. You all seem like very nice and open people, and I guess you could say I see much of myself in a lot of stuff that's written here. It gives me a good sense of not being alone.
Some hours ago, I watched the movie "The Wackness", and I got freakin' sad. The main character could in many ways be me (without the pot and the fact that he "sort of" got the girl towards the end). That's when I typed in "lonely" on google and ended up here.
Well anyway, I'm 19 years old, residing in Norway. Been working as a mailman (package delivery) for a while now, which is good for me. It's a decent job, and it keeps me from going off the walls, since I've got nothing else to do. However I might not have the job that much longer, because of the financial crisis thing, but we'll see.
Other than that, I mostly stay indoors, except when I'm walking my dog (she makes my days a lot better than they would be without her).
I'm shy as hell, I haven't really had any friends in a long long time (years), and I certianly don't go out on the weekends, or talk with people outside of work. I guess I really only have one friend (known him for a few years (school)), but we don't hang out or anything, just talk to him at work sometimes.
As far as girls go... well, it doesn't "go". I'm scared to death just talking to them (at least when I don't have a buffer (like another guy there, who i know a little bit). I've never had a girlfriend, never been kissed, and of course that means I'm a virgin and blah, blah blah... that old story.
I guess the most physical contact I've ever had with a girl, is when she kissed me on the cheek when we were both like.. i don't know, 13-14 years old or something. So yeah... p-a-t-h-e-t-i-c.
I did talk quite a bit with a girl at the end of the workday the other day tho, but my one guy friend was there too, so I really relied on him as a buffer. He's good with the girls. Anyway, when I went home that evening, I couldnt describe the feeling I had (still can't). It was surreal, sort of. I had actually exchanged more then a "good morning" or "hello" with someone of the opposite sex. I felt scared and sort of "proud" of myself at the same time. Still do. Along with a bunch of other stuff I have no idea what the hell is. Also, it makes me **** sad. Something as simple as a bit of interaction with another human gets me all weird and bent out of shape? What does that say about me, how freaking much of a lonely loser am I? I don't even wanna think about a possible answer there. Failure.
In addition to anxiety (both social and "general"), I've got what's called OCD, which, excuse my language, is a *****. Going to therapy tho, hopefully it'l get better. If you don't know what it is, check out wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive-compulsive_disorder . I've been dealing with that, and depression/anxiety and stuff for 6-7 years. Been on quite a few meds, mostly anti-deppressants, seen a bunch of shrinks, not much help. The therapy I'm doing now, is group therapy with other "OCD-people". Scared the living daylights out of me the first time, but i made it, and it seems to go better and better.
(I'm amazed if you've actually read this entire text about my boring life).
Anyway.. don't know what to say really. Hello.
