neo651
Active member
This is a long story.
I have a friend. A best friend to be a little more precise. But I call her that for lack of a better term. We met my junior year in high school and I've known her for 10 years now. We're deeply connected on a level that still blows me away. I know her better than anyone and she knows me better than anyone. The problem is that I'm a man and she's in love with me.
At the time this was great news. I felt so lucky. I could immediately see myself marrying her and starting a family and living the dream of a lifelong partner who was also my best friend. So we tried it out and I quickly ran into a problem.
I love her deeply. No matter how much time we spend together I want to spend more. No matter how much we talk, I want to keep talking. When I'm with her I feel like anything is possible because we can do it together. She's kind, supportive, brutally honest and highly intelligent. But she's overweight and I find that I have no physical attraction to her.
I'd like to think I'm not a shallow guy but I can't look at a problem like this and not question myself. I've dated girls with a little meat on their bones before and I had no shortage of attraction to them. But with her I kept finding that the physical intimacy was forced and when it came to actual sex I'm ashamed to admit that I had to imagine someone else to be able to actually do it. (For the record she's 4'11" tall and weighs 160lbs).
Now I know that with any relationship issue it's always best to talk about it. I also know that I can avoid the "I don't find you attractive" conversation by talking to her about losing weight for the sake of her health but that's not necessarily an option in this situation due to a set of other health issues.
She has hypothyroidism, a heart condition and is a former anorexic. During recovery for her anorexia she was, of course, encouraged to gain weight. She was also placed on anti-depressants which caused her to gain more weight. It was during this time they discovered her hypothyroidism. This condition would make it nearly impossible for her to lose the, now excess, weight that she'd gained. When she was placed on hormone replacement therapy she started having severe heart palpitations and had to be taken off of the hormones. So in summation, she's probably not going to ever be able to lose the weight.
She's the love of my life. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I love everything about her except for this and I just don't see how we can have a solid relationship without any kind of sex life. I can't continue to force myself to have sex with her but I also don't think I can learn to find her attractive either. What do I do?
I have a friend. A best friend to be a little more precise. But I call her that for lack of a better term. We met my junior year in high school and I've known her for 10 years now. We're deeply connected on a level that still blows me away. I know her better than anyone and she knows me better than anyone. The problem is that I'm a man and she's in love with me.
At the time this was great news. I felt so lucky. I could immediately see myself marrying her and starting a family and living the dream of a lifelong partner who was also my best friend. So we tried it out and I quickly ran into a problem.
I love her deeply. No matter how much time we spend together I want to spend more. No matter how much we talk, I want to keep talking. When I'm with her I feel like anything is possible because we can do it together. She's kind, supportive, brutally honest and highly intelligent. But she's overweight and I find that I have no physical attraction to her.
I'd like to think I'm not a shallow guy but I can't look at a problem like this and not question myself. I've dated girls with a little meat on their bones before and I had no shortage of attraction to them. But with her I kept finding that the physical intimacy was forced and when it came to actual sex I'm ashamed to admit that I had to imagine someone else to be able to actually do it. (For the record she's 4'11" tall and weighs 160lbs).
Now I know that with any relationship issue it's always best to talk about it. I also know that I can avoid the "I don't find you attractive" conversation by talking to her about losing weight for the sake of her health but that's not necessarily an option in this situation due to a set of other health issues.
She has hypothyroidism, a heart condition and is a former anorexic. During recovery for her anorexia she was, of course, encouraged to gain weight. She was also placed on anti-depressants which caused her to gain more weight. It was during this time they discovered her hypothyroidism. This condition would make it nearly impossible for her to lose the, now excess, weight that she'd gained. When she was placed on hormone replacement therapy she started having severe heart palpitations and had to be taken off of the hormones. So in summation, she's probably not going to ever be able to lose the weight.
She's the love of my life. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I love everything about her except for this and I just don't see how we can have a solid relationship without any kind of sex life. I can't continue to force myself to have sex with her but I also don't think I can learn to find her attractive either. What do I do?