Purpose To Be A 'Friend Only' To Opposite Sex?

[Retrospective81]

I was thinking. Do any of you feel that its your purpose in life' to be a 'friend only' with ABSOLUELY NO romantic connections to it?

Just I remember someone here (cant remember who) saying something along those lines in a thread here (sorry, can't remember which on now)

Personally reflecting on my success in relationships (very scarce) and the women always 'friend zoning' me after a month, maybe 2, I wondered if there is a purpose to it like the one above.

Not that it bothers me nor, is this isn't a complain thread I'm just wondering if any of you believed that's this is a purpose of genuine possibilities?

Your thouhts please.

 

[Lukyduke]

This is a good one. Friendship is just as good as romance when it is deep enough, I believe anyway.

 

[Retrospective81]

This is a good one. Friendship is just as good as romance when it is deep enough, I believe anyway.

Thank you. I certainly cannot disagree with you here!

 

[Peaches]

I would love to have just friends who are men, but for some reason most men can't stand me, or what to get close only for one reason, who knows why
It's great to have friends of the opposite sex, if nothing else for a change in energy

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Most of my friends are women. I tend to get along well with them. That is, when I'm not trying to date them...then they can't stand me.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Most of my friends are women, have a few male friends and get along fine with most of them. Women like to talk more though and I like to talk. I'm hard to shut up once I get going.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Most of my friends are women, have a few male friends and get along fine with most of them. Women like to talk more though and I like to talk. I'm hard to shut up once I get going.

I'm sort of the same way. I am really quiet, and then when you uncork my shyness (usually when I feel comfortable around you), I just talk and talk.

I'm having a problem with a male friend right now, though. He tends to be really judgmental, and then pass it off as joking...so I never know if what I'm saying will be judged or not. A different guy friend, though, is always relaxed and friendly towards me, so I act completely different around him.

It really depends on how you act towards me, on how I act towards you.

 

[Solivagant]

Friendship is just as good as romance when it is deep enough, I believe anyway.

^ I too think friendship can be just as deep as other love. I had a very close friend once, and while it only lasted a short time, they felt like a part of me. When I lost them, it tore me in pieces, and their absence has left a hole in me ever since.


I've had female friends, but the majority of my friends have been male. The ratio is probably about 70/30. But even most of my female friends have been a bit "guyish".

It's never been a problem for me personally, but it has presented problems at times when they get girlfriends and their girlfriends become jealous.

Also, the stereotype that male friends are somehow less emotional and less drama-mongering than female friends is not at all true, in my experience.


I don't believe it is my "purpose" or anything to be always the girl friend and never the girlfriend, that's just how it goes. I don't make friends with men secretly hoping that something more will come of it in the future, I just enjoy them as people. What happens, happens.

 

[Retrospective81]

I would love to have just friends who are men, but for some reason most men can't stand me, or what to get close only for one reason, who knows why
It's great to have friends of the opposite sex, if nothing else for a change in energy

I agree with you. But why cant men stand you? I wouldn't worry about those men, they aren't worth your time anyway. Fortunately, lots of men would be able to stand you

---

Most of my friends are women, have a few male friends and get along fine with most of them. Women like to talk more though and I like to talk. I'm hard to shut up once I get going.

I'm sort of the same way. I am really quiet, and then when you uncork my shyness (usually when I feel comfortable around you), I just talk and talk.

I'm having a problem with a male friend right now, though. He tends to be really judgmental, and then pass it off as joking...so I never know if what I'm saying will be judged or not. A different guy friend, though, is always relaxed and friendly towards me, so I act completely different around him.

It really depends on how you act towards me, on how I act towards you.

Judgemental but in a 'joking' fashion? I've never sat well with anything like that. In my honest opinion being judgemental never has any joke/humour references to it whatsoever.

You would do well to speak to him about this. I personally wouldn't find his 'humour' very funny. of course, that is just me. He may have his good points though but do, talk to him about it if you can. it doesn't sound too goo to me IMHO.

Yes, its true I think we all have a certain level of comfort zones around different people and that, for the best part, is completely natural.

---

Friendship is just as good as romance when it is deep enough, I believe anyway.

^ I too think friendship can be just as deep as other love. I had a very close friend once, and while it only lasted a short time, they felt like a part of me. When I lost them, it tore me in pieces, and their absence has left a hole in me ever since.


I've had female friends, but the majority of my friends have been male. The ratio is probably about 70/30. But even most of my female friends have been a bit "guyish".

It's never been a problem for me personally, but it has presented problems at times when they get girlfriends and their girlfriends become jealous.

Also, the stereotype that male friends are somehow less emotional and less drama-mongering than female friends is not at all true, in my experience.


I don't believe it is my "purpose" or anything to be always the girl friend and never the girlfriend, that's just how it goes. I don't make friends with men secretly hoping that something more will come of it in the future, I just enjoy them as people. What happens, happens.

Yes, 'stereotypes' IMHO never really carry any elements of truth, if any, none at all.

 

[Among the Sleep]

I love women, but I have less girl friends than guy friends, for sure. I have kind of an obnoxious sense of humor...I also curse a lot (something I'm working on) so I feel like I kind of make women uncomfortable sometimes just by being myself...their sensibilities are quiiite different from ours.

What annoys me is when I'm friends with a girl and people assume that I'm trying to bang her or that there must be something going on between us. I can't just hang out with a girl without it being something like that?

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Judgemental but in a 'joking' fashion? I've never sat well with anything like that. In my honest opinion being judgemental never has any joke/humour references to it whatsoever.

You would do well to speak to him about this. I personally wouldn't find his 'humour' very funny. of course, that is just me. He may have his good points though but do, talk to him about it if you can. it doesn't sound too goo to me IMHO.

Yes, its true I think we all have a certain level of comfort zones around different people and that, for the best part, is completely natural.

I spoke to him about it, but it just led to us not talking for many months.

I think it's just his personality. A lot of people think he's strange, and he has some learning difficulties. I probably shouldn't say more, in case he reads this. But he doesn't understand why I get so offended.

 

[Mr.YellowCat]

I like this thread.
I could write a lot...So I will...But wont try to overdo it.

"Friend only" for me, would be kinda fitting. I have both male and female friends, but the relationship, even though its still friendship, often differentiates. The thing is, I would like to see myself as some "helper", a gentleman, trying to beat the demons inside the female soul. I do not offer this to the male audience so automatically as I do for females. You may call it the chauvinism or something in me. But for me, its different. Helping ladies is something that makes me happy in a way. Even if it saddens me sometimes realizing that the romantic relationship is not a possibility, not now, unfortunately, not ever. For that: "friend only".
For this, the relationship between me and female friends is not often that long, or rather said, long-lasting. I kinda, we both I think do, move on, when there is nothing more I can do for her. Even if she needs it, there are things that are not in my power.

To jump to the end, and to the answer to your question. Yes, I do see that my purpose is to be a "friend only", as I said, someone who helps, if possible.


....I guess none of this will make sense to the eyes of the reader

 

[zero]

I could write a lot...[...]
I guess none of this will make sense to the eyes of the reader

It makes sense to me. DO write more.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I'm going to keep my options open. I may meet her tomorrow, who knows?

 

[Walley]

to me, a persons gender is almost as unimportant to a friendship as race or nationality.
the only place where it makes a difference is in your own head.
I am a happily married man, but I've always had female friends.
I have a friend I know from my high school days who used to date a friend of mine, and even to this day I still just think of her as "one of the guys". I have a friend online that Ive known since 2001 and we play online games together, and another that I met on this very website and we chat every day and she has become my closest friend.
people are people and it shouldn't really matter who they are. it's just a matter of who they are, to you.

 

[Solivagant]

to me, a persons gender is almost as unimportant to a friendship as race or nationality.
the only place where it makes a difference is in your own head.
people are people and it shouldn't really matter who they are. it's just a matter of who they are, to you.

^ Agreed!

 

[Gutted]

For some reason, I sometimes I think I'm not supposed to have relationships. I sometimes think I wasn't made for them. Or that I can't live up to modern standards, so I shouldn't have them.

 

[Retrospective81]

For some reason, I sometimes I think I'm not supposed to have relationships. I sometimes think I wasn't made for them. Or that I can't live up to modern standards, so I shouldn't have them.

I don't believe that to be true you'd be a good catch for anyone

 

[constant stranger]

Not sure if any comment I make here is even valid because the 'friendship zone' is the only form of relationship-hood with women that has ever approached successfulness with me.

So yeah, 'friends only' works for me. It's the sexualized relationship department that's problematic.

Actually, a relationship mutually pursued and achieved, that is of a spiritual nature, would seem to transcend gender. Although I guess that could change with a guy starting to see and consider his 'friend's' hot body. As repressed as I am, I usually start distancing myself when I notice a man/woman tension start to develop.

Too bad I'm not Roman Catholic....I could have tried out for one of the monastic orders.

 

[edgecrusher]

I say accept a friendship for what it is, regardless of gender. I have become very good friends with a woman. We did try dating(and long distance at that) first but we wanted different things as far as a relationship goes. There was no bad feelings on either side and we still talk every day. She even knows something about me that no one else does. That's how close we became and even though it didn't stay a romantic relationship, I am very glad to have met her and think that we will always remain friends.