I totally disagree with frey on the grounds that I felt that way about sex WAY before I saw my first porn.
Perhaps I think this way because I don't associate sex with relationships, but why is it that sex has to be some magical moment shared with a partner? Sometimes I just want sexual gratification; no strings attached, no hearts broken. During times when I'm perfectly fine being alone, why do I have to hook up romantically with someone just to get laid?
Yes, due to unrealistic ideas about sex, it can be very emotionally abusive, but 9/10 times I've found that it's not something that can be solely attributed to viewing porn. More often than not, I've found that the person themselves have deep seeded emotional issues of their own that would not only make them unsuitable as sex partners but also in romantic relationships.
In addition to that, porn has opened up avenues of sexual exploration to me that actually deeply satisfies me. No, I do NOT watch vanilla porn. And no, I do NOT think that it has ruined me. I've had thoughts about kinky sex for as long as I can remember. Before I was able to meet like-minded people and express my desires, porn is what gave me validation for my thoughts. Thanks to that, I didn't feel like a freak. I thought, "other people enjoy this, so it's okay that I do as well." Sure now I realize a lot of it is mere acting, but at the time that's what I thought.
Any man who is out to get sexual gratification from his partner without providing the same pleasure to her is outright selfish. This wouldn't be at the fault of porn, but at the fault of the man himself. I've met men who get off solely on the pleasure of his partner and as a result makes it a point to achieve that level of pleasure each and every time. Guess what? They watch porn too.
All the problems with porn you've stated are either biased (for instance, I ENJOY obscene sex and awkward poses. Just because you don't doesn't mean it's a bad thing) or can't be solely blamed on porn. Problems such as rushing straight into sexual gratification and masochism (also a non-problem for me) have been around before porn even existed.
And, what is all this about a "healthy sexual relationship?" So what, "healthy" is missionary position with someone you're deeply in love with then? Guess I'll
never have sex. How healthy is that? For me, sex is merely an act of physical satisfaction and procreation. Essentially, that's
all it is. And, believe me, there are PLENTY of women who think the same way I do.
In the same way you called out Limlim for being on the bandwagon, so are you. X people agree that porn is bad, so it must be. X people agree that "this and that" are traits healthy sexual relationships, so it must be.
My post is all over the place, but the bottom line is, my thoughts about sex have been the same before and after I viewed porn. Porn simply allowed me to express and validate my desires without feeling like a freak. I am not a person who lets porn dictate my life because I accept it for what it is and do not feel guilty for watching it or expressing my feelings towards it. It doesn't affect my feelings towards romance and relationships. In fact, it made me realize that relationships are more than "the sex was great". Anyone can give you great sex - and so what I seek in a romantic partner is something much deeper than that.
In my experience, only people I've met who felt guilty about their porn viewing have let it control and alter their lives. I, however, realize its fiction and treat it as such. Your opinion, to me, would be the same as saying action movies alters us to believe we are invincible and that all conflicts should be handled violently and with guns. So, are action movies inherently bad? Again, it depends on the person viewing it. The majority of us will accept the movie was fiction and leave it at that.
So, regardless, the bottom line is, I disagree with you.
Nevertheless, good for grainofrice. If you realize you're allowing porn to run your life (which again means you realize this is your own doing and not at the fault of porn itself), then it's best to cut back on it. It's the same with any kind of attachment to something. I hope you find the results you were looking for.
