Ramblings

[Icarus North]

I've decided to keep a record of something here, just so I can calm down.

So let me begin by saying this:

In truth, I have no idea what I'm doing.

That goes for just about everything in my life from relationships of any kind to school and life. With school it's simple, I don't know what I want to do for a career, I mean yeah I'm an art major and I was thinking of going to an agriculture school to become a florist because my last girlfriend pressed the issue, since I was in a program like this for two years in high school, but do I want to do this? No, not really I don't much care for it or see it as a career I would want to do for the next 40 years. So what do I want? I don't know, but I'm trying to figure it out.

With the 'what are you going to do with your life?' questions is the most difficult, only because of my family. They ask me what I'm going to do, and it's frustrating because I don't know, I'll never know, I'm just a 20 something junior in college who doesn't know a **** thing about herself so why should I know what I will become or who I am?

My anxiety on this is getting worse. I mean, right now it's the second week of classes and yet I'm freaking out over this new semester system we have. I'm trying as hard as I can to keep track of everything, and I know it's beating down on me. I have to pass these classes and not fail them again, I have to make sure I understand the material and not screw up on tests, I also have to make time for myself so I can at least keep my sanity in tack and fresia I just can't do this anymore.

I think the worst problem of this, the one thing that ties this all together is this: I'M NOT READY FOR ANYTHING I'm not ready to know what I want and expected to follow through with it, I'm not ready to become a productive member of society, I'm not ready to become who I'm suppose to be (whoever she is), hell I'm not even ready for a goddamn relationship, or even what classes I'm going to take next year.

So fresia, fresia me, fresia this. I don't even know what to do anymore.

 

[Lost Drifter]

You’re not ready because you’re not supposed to be.

I don’t mean to sound demeaning here but at 20 you should be messing around, you should be making mistakes and learning from the experience, you should be taking a chance and going on a hunch, you should be exploring, pushing boundaries and living on a whim. It’s one big learning process that you need to undertake, hell I’m willing to bet that what most people wanted at 20 is completely different to what they want at 30 or even 25. You’re still learning to become you at that age so don’t ever force yourself into a box that you can’t escape from.

Concentrate on your studies, get the grades and see where the dust settles afterwards. I’m near 33 and I still haven’t got a clue what I want to do in life, it can be frustrating as much as it can be liberating but society isn’t forcing me into a role that I don’t want to play.

Good luck, chin up and go make some mistakes.

 

[CherrySlushie91]

heyy, relax. College is not a rat race. There is no rule saying you have to finish it as fast as possible. Study but not too hard. If you don't know what you want, try it all! you have time, don't worry. You learn who you are by learning what you are capible of. Don't let fear hold you back, because no matter what you say, YOU CAN DO SOMETHING! you may not want to and if thats the case then say so....Live boldly and take your oportunities as they come. Join some extra activities, travel to a foreign country.....explore yourself and the world

 

[PlayingSolo]

How are things coming along Icarus? College is a passionate subject for me, so I'd really like to hear how you're doing. I'd love to chat about it if you need to vent.