Recurring Loneliness (a bit to read)

[MissUnderstood]

I'm here because I need to vent. Like most people here. I may not know exactly what true loneliness is but this is the worst it's ever been for me and I don't know how to react.

I'm your average sophomore college girl. Well, other than the fact that I'm absolutely rubbish at friend relationships. I've had friends before, even a "best friend" once, but all they ever seemed to do was stab me in the back and leave me out to dry. I always strive to be the good friend, the one everyone can run to, but I've never really had someone like that for myself. So I suppose I'm a little bitter. I've been lied to by people who said they'd always be there and left for their own warped reasons or I've been used by them (usually for my car) and I'm not as willing to trust people anymore. I admit that this could be the reason why I don't have any close friends but I'm sick of reaching out and trusting someone, then having it dashed to pieces. My mother isn't exactly encouraging in this regard, pushing me in all the wrong ways to try to help. It's easy enough for her to say, "Well, just go talk to people". It's different for me to actually go do that.

As long as I can remember, I've had this problem (with keeping friends), and it doesn't always bother me. I get used to it, stop moping, and move on but it always seems to come back to haunt me. Maybe it's the people I'm choosing. Maybe it's not my fault at all but who knows? I think sometimes that my standards are just too high for anyone to meet, but then other times I think, "Well, if everyone wasn't a total imbecile, I'd get along with everyone so much better". That seems harsh of me but I just can't change it.

I have no one to talk to about this except for my boyfriend, and good thing I have him. He doesn't understand how I feel though and it's very difficult to explain to someone who has never experienced it. I tried talking to my mother about possibly talking to a therapist but she's determined it's not my "gift", that it must be something that I'm doing. After hearing, "Well, I don't think you're *that* gifted. You would be doing much better in your classes if you were," I'm at the end of my rope. My mother is the very person that I thought would listen to what I was telling her, and the response I got wasn't what I expected.

I don't even know what I want out of this thread. Maybe advice from someone else who's been in a similar situation? Maybe just a kind word? I don't know what I want, but if you've read this, thank you. I know that I needed someone to listen and know where I'm coming from, so thank you again. I feel a little better posting here. It's just good to know that I'm not alone.

 

[LonelyInAtl]

Welcome to the forum. I think everyone, at one time or another in their life, has experienced what you are going through.

 

[Lilianna]

Welcome! I think you will like it here.

 

[Saucer]

Welcome to a lonely lifes forum, where everyone have/are experienced what you're going through, where you can ask your questions and state your problems and no one will judge you for them! But simply tell you their thoughts and experiences on the problem you're facing so that you may gain perspective and possibly even find a solution.

 

[Lady X]

Your situation sounds almost word for word the same as mine.

I have repeatedly been screwed over by people I have gone out of my way to do stuff for. I recently found out that the few people I thought were my actual friends would (and did) drop me in an instant the moment I was no longer convenient to their requirements. One of them has tried to contact me recently - it took about 2 texts for me to realise they just wanted me to fix something for them, so I ignored the rest.

I have a great husband, and have been to see therapists, but its the lack of solid friendships that really gets to me. Especially as I see so many people who are total arseholes seem to have so many friends?! How does that work?


You're not alone

 

[Sigma]

First off, Welcome to the forums (Lots of new people today it seems)
The story you wrote sounds near identical to me age 14-19, other than my mother's behaviour (Instead of not-helpful she was entirely passive) and the boyfriend part (pretty sure I aint gay, but hey who knows) it could've just as well been describing my life back then.

"Well, if everyone wasn't a total imbecile, I'd get along with everyone so much better"

Also seems like something my brain would come up with ^^;

Well anyways, I'd love to give you advice, but in all honesty it'd be kind of pointless since I'm still in the same situation; unable to properly talk to people, too **** shy to maintain a relationship, the whole loneliness package really.
You got one thing going for you though: you got a boyfriend, if being around him makes you happy than at least you have something not all of us do: companionship, count your blessings.
Yep, that's the best advice I can give, I really suck at this stuff

If you ever wanna have a pointless conversation about anything feel free to drop me a line, I'm sure that goes for most people on the forums though.
Plenty of good folk around here.

 

[isthatso]

Especially as I see so many people who are total arseholes seem to have so many friends?! How does that work?

I call it political acumen. They know instinctively how to influence others and make a good impression.

But I know my reason for not having many friends. Because I don't go out and seek them. In order for me to have more friends I need to be more friendly. However, it seems to me that some of the nicest people aren't available as friends. They don't need you because they already have a circle of friends.

---

"Well, if everyone wasn't a total imbecile, I'd get along with everyone so much better". That seems harsh of me but I just can't change it.

Interesting comment and thanks for your honesty. See, that reveals an arrogant streak not just in you but in a lot of us. (me included)
Sometimes it is just a compensation for our inferiority complex. A coping straegy. Other times it is a genuine feeling of superiority. But we need to be reminded that we are not superior in all areas. My weakness is pragmatism. No handyman ski8lls at home. Partner says for fun teasing..'would be nice to have a handyman husband!"

Anyway, we all need to work on this one I think.

 

[MissUnderstood]

You all are great. I feel so much better after reading all of your wonderful posts. It's good to know that there's people out there just like us, and that you don't have to worry about being the only person affected. Thank you all so much, you were all helpful. I'm in a great mood now.

 

[Misanthrope23]

I'm here because I need to vent. Like most people here. I may not know exactly what true loneliness is but this is the worst it's ever been for me and I don't know how to react.

I'm your average sophomore college girl. Well, other than the fact that I'm absolutely rubbish at friend relationships. I've had friends before, even a "best friend" once, but all they ever seemed to do was stab me in the back and leave me out to dry. I always strive to be the good friend, the one everyone can run to, but I've never really had someone like that for myself. So I suppose I'm a little bitter. I've been lied to by people who said they'd always be there and left for their own warped reasons or I've been used by them (usually for my car) and I'm not as willing to trust people anymore. I admit that this could be the reason why I don't have any close friends but I'm sick of reaching out and trusting someone, then having it dashed to pieces. My mother isn't exactly encouraging in this regard, pushing me in all the wrong ways to try to help. It's easy enough for her to say, "Well, just go talk to people". It's different for me to actually go do that.

As long as I can remember, I've had this problem (with keeping friends), and it doesn't always bother me. I get used to it, stop moping, and move on but it always seems to come back to haunt me. Maybe it's the people I'm choosing. Maybe it's not my fault at all but who knows? I think sometimes that my standards are just too high for anyone to meet, but then other times I think, "Well, if everyone wasn't a total imbecile, I'd get along with everyone so much better". That seems harsh of me but I just can't change it.

I have no one to talk to about this except for my boyfriend, and good thing I have him. He doesn't understand how I feel though and it's very difficult to explain to someone who has never experienced it. I tried talking to my mother about possibly talking to a therapist but she's determined it's not my "gift", that it must be something that I'm doing. After hearing, "Well, I don't think you're *that* gifted. You would be doing much better in your classes if you were," I'm at the end of my rope. My mother is the very person that I thought would listen to what I was telling her, and the response I got wasn't what I expected.

I don't even know what I want out of this thread. Maybe advice from someone else who's been in a similar situation? Maybe just a kind word? I don't know what I want, but if you've read this, thank you. I know that I needed someone to listen and know where I'm coming from, so thank you again. I feel a little better posting here. It's just good to know that I'm not alone.

at least you have a boyfriend, a companion to share yor feelings with. i have no one. i have a family but they're inept at trying to socialize, communicating, or trying to understand what i'm going through. i am utterly lost.

 

[dreamsurfer]

Is the world really that screwed up? It's like every other thread someone is getting stabbed in the back.

 

[Misanthrope23]

Is the world really that screwed up? It's like every other thread someone is getting stabbed in the back.

maybee <__< >__> ...or maybe i'm taking everything too personally...

also i see that you have a Yakko avatar so here's a quote from Animaniacs:
"early to rise, early to bed, make's a man healthy but socially dead." loll

 

[dreamsurfer]

Is the world really that screwed up? It's like every other thread someone is getting stabbed in the back.

maybee <__< >__> ...or maybe i'm taking everything too personally...

also i see that you have a Yakko avatar so here's a quote from Animaniacs:
"early to rise, early to bed, make's a man healthy but socially dead." loll

The relevance of that quote is unknown to me but I do have an utter disgust towards manipulative people. I never say that about anyone but people like that I don't get along with at all.

 

[Misanthrope23]

Is the world really that screwed up? It's like every other thread someone is getting stabbed in the back.

maybee <__< >__> ...or maybe i'm taking everything too personally...

also i see that you have a Yakko avatar so here's a quote from Animaniacs:
"early to rise, early to bed, make's a man healthy but socially dead." loll

The relevance of that quote is unknown to me but I do have an utter disgust towards manipulative people. I never say that about anyone but people like that I don't get along with at all.

i think most people would agree that they hate manipulative people. also the quote is from the bit at the end of the show where they spin the "wheel of morality;" wheel of morality turn, turn, turn, tell us the lesson we should learn" lol

 

[Annamar8031]

I know how you feel...all TOO well, and although its probably easy for someone else to tell you to just go up to people and start a conversation....its not easy. You are young and I hope you will find good people in your life and ones that will stay for a long time I am in my 30's and still to this day I can't even count how many friends that are there for me. Its sad but I have learned to accept it and yeah it hurts but I wouldn't want to suffer if someone did stab me rather than just me alone and not getting hurt. I think life does test you...and the only thing you have to do it try to not give up .

 

[Misanthrope23]

I know how you feel...all TOO well, and although its probably easy for someone else to tell you to just go up to people and start a conversation....its not easy. You are young and I hope you will find good people in your life and ones that will stay for a long time I am in my 30's and still to this day I can't even count how many friends that are there for me. Its sad but I have learned to accept it and yeah it hurts but I wouldn't want to suffer if someone did stab me rather than just me alone and not getting hurt. I think life does test you...and the only thing you have to do it try to not give up .

i'm 23 so you're not that much older than me >_> lol but thank you for the nice reply Annamar8031