Regrets

[LoneHistoric]

Been a loner all my life. Even back in high school and college I was a bit of drifter, always in my own world and had no problem with it. And I am people person too, at least at work. I get along with others and have no problem public speaking or being a project leader.

But partly by choice and partly due to failed relationships, I am alone. And I do not want to be anymore.

First, I would like a date who is not terrified when I explain my stable, happy, but very solitary existence. No friends and very little family connection are a huge red flag for most women. I do not seem to attract women who are also alone or lonely. I stopped looking for the love of life many years ago, and the results did not change. I get to a certain point with people and either I lose interest or they do and friendship is impossible for me for some reason. I am too independently focused - I am too selfish - and I can't seem to hold on to someone in any capacity.

I do not want to be alone, I can't be alone anymore. I just want to share life with someone in some way and I just can't do it.

Thanks for letting me vent.

 

[Badjedidude]

Welcome to the site.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Welcome to the site. I'm not sure how not having friends is necessarily a red flag of doom; I've personally always been not extremely good at maintaining long-term friendships(except with a very few), and I don't think that has exactly stopped me from getting interest from women. You just need to show yourself as healthy and a reasonable individual otherwise, and it sounds like you're doing well at work - which in itself is a positive sign.

 

[Naleena]

There is nothing selfish about needing space. Space is a good thing in relationships. Perhaps if you knew what kind of woman you wanted or what kind of relationship would make you happy, then you could know what best to look for. AT least your not one of those guys who has to be in someone's hair all the time. That's a good thing...really.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

How long have you been single?

How many women have you had sex with or messed being indepensent going through you cant hold on to them stage?

Failed relationships?
You havnt been single all your life..

What is it that you really want from a relationship?

I know that lack of balance fucks everybody up eventually....

 

[LoneHistoric]

IgnoredOne: Actually I do give off a sense of health and stability - but I guess it's only on the surface. I've been told by more than one woman that I am a "conundrum." Very confident in certain situations, but I do have a very strange insecurity also, which I cannot explain. As though I assume she or I will eventually move on. Keeping everyone at arms length feels like an instinct and I'd like to at least get it under control.

Naleena: Well, I wish it was the case that I require space (and it sort of is/was), but the problem is lately I do not want so much space anymore - I want to include someone in my life. Of course I don't know quite how to do it so it contributes to the awkwardness in later stages of a relationship.

Lonesome Crow: honeysuckle man I love blunt honesty. Refreshing. It's been three years since I have had a relationship which lasted more than a few months (she was my fiancee), and I have had sex with only one woman since that time (little less than a year ago, and it was barely more than a one night stand). But I have fooled around with a few nice ladies. I am not quite an 'alpha male,' but that is part of my personality "conundrum." Don't get me wrong I love sex and can get it, but what I want is love, whatever that means, and I am not afraid to say so. Whatever form that love takes is fine, and maybe that fact that I don't know what it means is a sign I need to meditate on it or something. I'd like to just say fresia It, but that's just not who I am.

Thanks.

 

[JayW]

Hi,

I can relate to what you have just posted. I too can be very independent and am comfortable being alone. At the same time, I could interact with others when the need arises , be it in working or family life. I believe there is a fine line separating the terms independent and lonely. If you are truly comfortable in your own skin, you become your best friend. When you realize that your independent character is your strength, which many people do not possess, you start to love yourself more. But that itself is not selfishness.

Next, to attract like minded people in your life, your conscious and sub-conscious minds need to be aligned. If you are thinking of finding a partner but at the same time feel you are a loner, then one cancels the other and no progress is seen. Try to remember that you are a powerful being of love and light. Everything is energy. So feel that you deserve a partner and cancel negative thoughts that imply you won't. Your belief system is so important because all manifestations begin with a thought and that thought has got to be consistent with how you feel. In other words, your thought initiates, but it is your trust or faith which is the fuel for manifesting your reality. The scenario is no different from attaining success in business. Successful people first thinks, holds onto the thought firmly and then trust they will succeed. Later synchronistic events occur one by one, upon which action steps are taken. It is the same with prayers. Very often people who pray with great faith report getting what they asked for in life.

Know this dear one, the same opportunity is also available to you. The power truly lies within you. No doubt it takes effort to master your thoughts and emotions. So, be very clear with what you want life and focus on it lovingly.

I wish all the best.














.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

yeah..I Know what you mean about wanting to LOVE.

I hope you find someone. I guess if you're ready to love again give it a shot.
And I get ya about all that dating games or whatever it is a person has to go through.
Sometimes it seem like its more trouble than what it's worth.
Then all of that relationship building...ect..ect.

The love of my life had entered my life again. And it hasnt been so easy.
Im kind da like you in a lot of ways. I dont think I can love another woman
aside for her. And it feels like its taking everything out of me and than more
to love her. Yet at the sametime living without her lack luster or just surviving..
Not really living...just going through the motions...or whatever else I do to distract
myself from the pains of living without her. While I can get all the sex i want. I've even
live with prettier and nicer women than her...have all the sex I want.
I actaully walk away from a woman not too long ago..thats how much love i want
and need for her. Even some of my freinds are thinking I'm nutz.

Yeah I do understand that you want LOVE...what ever the heck that means sometimes..
becuase it drives me crazy too.

 

[LoneHistoric]

JayW: Thank you for the pep talk. It worked, a little. But I do appreciate it. I have wondered how to apply my attitude and philosophy in my professional life to my personal life - and I guess this is a very strange problem because professionally I am completely emotionless (in the sense that I do not acknowledge my own or others feelings when doing the right things at work). But, in relationships I am too emotional, almost as if I am compensating or need an outlet to just get it out. It's a little messed up, which is why I am a loner - half the time, emotions get in the way.

Lonesome Crow: In the same vein, emotions of which I feel like I do not have control really bother me. Like the desire for love. I know it is ridiculous to think life is a romantic comedy or disney movie, but after so long of being a solid rock I am now just melting when I see couple kissing on the street. It's frustrating and very stupid. And it's worse because I am self-aware and still can't keep my personal emotions in check. Embarrassing.

But thanks all for the support. I guess anonymous forums are best way to feel comfortable saying all this stuff. I never would otherwise!

 

[Naleena]

This may not make sense(I am totally exhausted and haven't slept), but I will share with you what is my truth. One of the hardest things you will ever do is learn to open up your heart to another human being. There is a part of you that yearns to be known, accepted and understood for all that it is. It hasn't had that opportunity. It gnaws
at you because it is in your being. You were designed to love someone. We all were.
You have a lot to give, and you have a lot to lose if you let the wrong one in. You try hard to protect your heart because you realize how sacred and fragile it is. I know it's scary to let someone get close enough to know your very soul. To let them come into that place where the masks fall away and the secrets dissolve. And what scares all of us....or should I say, scares me the most....is that the other person will take that for granted and walk away.
I like to think that when we meet the right person, there will be a recognition. That there will be something about them that makes us feel they are the one. I would say to you follow your heart. Use your intuition. Try not to let fear keep you from finding your destiny. Now I seriously need to get some sleep....

 

[LoneHistoric]

Naleena that not only makes perfect sense, but its like you are inside my head. I have given my heart to those who just walk away without realizing how difficult it was to do. Makes you regret doing it at all. Then you are not only back to square one, but it makes it even more difficult the next time - and if you hesitate you may miss something great.

I try to follow my heart, but I get burned and it starts to add up. You lose a little piece here and there, and pretty soon you need to preserve what you have left or else you'll be a lonely soulless zombie. I try to keep my head up, stay positive. I try not to drink too much when alone, because there are times I think it may lead to something awful. Happiness is so arbitrary and you can't look for it. It's supposed to find you when you work hard, help people, and do the right things. I still hold out hope that someone will find me.

 

[ninecrimes]

I hope you do meet a woman who "gets you" and thats why she falls for you......being alone isn't easy.

 

[LoneHistoric]

For a few minutes not too long ago, I thought I had met someone. Turns out for me the answer to the question in your signature was a big 'no.' As for the 9 crimes video - first time I have seen it. The end is all too familiar to me. I am very intelligent and talented at wide variety of things. But my weakness is personal and innate. I would seriously consider giving up all my ability to find that woman who "gets me." But I don't think she exists.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I feel ya...
I think I am actaully doing what you're considering doing.

I kind da met a chick that gets me a while back.
She would hug me everytime she sees me.
For some reason she would do that..even if I wanted to be alone.
She would just talk to me.
She knew all the pains and all the honeysuckle in my mind....
Becuase she was about as messed up, torned up and hurted as I was.
She's very young and beautiful. All she ever wanted was to love and be loved.
SHe couldnt nerver loved me like I needed to be love...not that I wanted to be loved by her anyway.

 

[mr p]

I managed to get a girlfriend who loved me, and I loved her. It was my first relationship, and it lasted 1.5 years. I was happy with her, and she was happy with me. We were really good together.
I was too ambivalent about moving in together; I had never had a place of my own before and I was afraid I wouldn't get space for myself. She really wanted to move together, and now I'm paying the price.
She left me, possibly for another guy, and I'm sitting here with a lot of free time. Useless time, I can't even seem to sleep it away.
I'm hardly the most emotional guy; I wasn't even sure I loved her--I've never felt love before. But now it hurts, it hurts like hell. I don't know what to do, except for crying my brains out. I really regret we didn't make plans to move in together, deep down I wanted to live with her!
She was perfect in her way, and it was so easy to be with her. I will never meet someone like her again. It sucks so much, I really ruined it. But at the same time, I feel betrayed. That actually helps a bit, though I can hardly say I have a positive outlook on the future.

 

[LoneHistoric]

I've been betrayed so many times, I've come to expect it. Trust and honesty are so rare that when you exhibit it, people become afraid, intimidated, and desperate to remove it by any means necessary. Ironically it is the opposite for me. I am honest all the time (not bluntly), and when I find honesty in someone, or better yet find someone I am able to trust, I am in complete awe and want to be a part of that person's life. I am alone, and I can detect bullshit from miles away... so is the problem with me or with everyone else. I don't know, and I'm sure as hell not going to wait around trying to figure it out. Onward.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I dont know if I can detact bullshit miles away. Even if I think it's bullshit. I'm a risk taker.
Betrayed? My heart had been ripped, torned, stump on, spit on, banage, stabbed, ran
through a blender.

I dont know if it's a trust thing for me anymore. Its more of an honor or respect kind of thing.
When people say to lower my expectations...
I'm thinking LOWER not NON existence, but it's less painful when I have NO expecations at all.
Which I find a hard fucken way to go about living becuase all the fucken vaules and morals
I was raised with to be a decent human being just gose out the fucken window.

It's like I'm fighting a loosing battle or an unfair fight.
My opponent keeps throwing fucken low blows and I'm still playing by the rules.

So it comes back to...how Im treated not necessary if I trust or not.