rejected for 30 years has bred extreme low self esteem

[BeyondShy]

Maybe if you changed your mindset about this, you wouldn't be alone.
No offense, but if you say to a woman to you just met: "You're going to run off with a more handsome guy because all you care about is looks", I doubt they will stay.

I wouldn't say it out loud at all but I **** well would be thinking it. Why the hell should I give them a chance if I never got one?

EVERYONE is a huge generalisation, now isn't it?

No, I don't think so. I'll quote the first post of this thread:

this world is based on looks, money and power... NOTHING MORE...

You want an example? Mick Jagger is 71 years old and he is going out with a 28 year old woman. Why? He's loaded. If he was Mick Jagger, retired schoolteacher this woman wouldn't be with him. But as lead singer of the Rolling Stones women overlook that he is 71. All of a sudden it is no big deal.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Maybe if you changed your mindset about this, you wouldn't be alone.
No offense, but if you say to a woman to you just met: "You're going to run off with a more handsome guy because all you care about is looks", I doubt they will stay.

I wouldn't say it out loud at all but I **** well would be thinking it. Why the hell should I give them a chance if I never got one?

EVERYONE is a huge generalisation, now isn't it?

No, I don't think so. I'll quote the first post of this thread:

this world is based on looks, money and power... NOTHING MORE...

You want an example? Mick Jagger is 71 years old and he is going out with a 28 year old woman. Why? He's loaded. If he was Mick Jagger, retired schoolteacher this woman wouldn't be with him. But as lead singer of the Rolling Stones women overlook that he is 71. All of a sudden it is no big deal.

Nobody can argue with that because it's true.

---

Life is all about pecking order.
People consider me to be at the bottom of this pecking order so I have little chance.
Anybody else like me, life is tough.
I could give examples but I am in a rush.
This grumpy guy at work has just met this woman.
Two women who I asked about it called it 'disgusting' - their words not mine. 'Disgusting' he is in a relationship.
Why ? Because he is too ugly and grumpy to be with somebody.
That's what goes on. That's how people think.

 

[VanillaCreme]

That's kind of sad to know people actually truly believe in this.

I agree with you. But I have seen it over and over.

I'm sure many of us have. I know I have. But being a common occurrence doesn't mean everyone thinks that way. Too many people accept common for normal instead of thinking on their own.

I'm sorry, but everyone thinks that way.That's why people are so alone.

No, not everyone does. You don't speak for the seven billion people occupying this planet, and you certainly don't speak for me. I'll admit, yes, there are many people who do think that way. But not all of us are mindless drones. And not everyone is alone. Don't assume things because you feel a particular way about things.

 

[BeyondShy]

No, not everyone does. You don't speak for the seven billion people occupying this planet, and you certainly don't speak for me. I'll admit, yes, there are many people who do think that way. But not all of us are mindless drones. And not everyone is alone. Don't assume things because you feel a particular way about things.

Ok, if you say so. Seven billion people you say are on our planet? Sounds about right. Among that many 6.9 billion people are exactly how I described them.

But you are right. I should not have said "all of them." That generalized things. I should have said 99% of them. And that I stand by firmly.

 

[LordofLosers]

so i will take some of the advice here and see where it goes... if and when nothing changes, even tho i will make drastic ones, i will make sure the masses upon masses know how society is and always has been, will be... you cant change the brainwashing of the world...

 

[Batman55]

Negativity will get you nowhere.

Attitude determines altitude.

You don't need looks, money, or power to get a mate. It's a fact. The longer you believe the opposite, the worse off you will be, your bitterness and anger will turn off everyone.

 

[VanillaCreme]

No, not everyone does. You don't speak for the seven billion people occupying this planet, and you certainly don't speak for me. I'll admit, yes, there are many people who do think that way. But not all of us are mindless drones. And not everyone is alone. Don't assume things because you feel a particular way about things.

Ok, if you say so. Seven billion people you say are on our planet? Sounds about right. Among that many 6.9 billion people are exactly how I described them.

But you are right. I should not have said "all of them." That generalized things. I should have said 99% of them. And that I stand by firmly.

The bitterness is unbelievable. No point in trying to tell you that not everyone thinks in such typical ways. Believe what you wish. But you complain, yet don't want to begin that change. Then you wonder why. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Why should you give someone a chance? Because that's where your journey starts. Because it's common sense that in order to do your best, you have to put your best foot forward. Don't complain about nobody paying you any mind when you don't care about how you present yourself. You'll attract more bees with honey than with vinegar.

And I firmly stand by my opinion. Your bitterness about the world doesn't affect me a bit. Good luck to you.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Negativity will get you nowhere.

Attitude determines altitude.

You don't need looks, money, or power to get a mate. It's a fact. The longer you believe the opposite, the worse off you will be, your bitterness and anger will turn off everyone.

Oh yes a negative person will get nowhere.
I respect people who always have a smile on their faces !
That's what everybody should aim for on here. Be Happy ! Stop whinging !

 

[LordofLosers]

and you people are so "perfect" right? you know everything, how the world turns? you have not been abused by people, each and every day for over 40 years... you cant just "change" all that abuse in one fell swoop... this is exactly why my theory is correct and yours is skewed...

 

[TheRealCallie]

Ok, if you say so. Seven billion people you say are on our planet? Sounds about right. Among that many 6.9 billion people are exactly how I described them.

But you are right. I should not have said "all of them." That generalized things. I should have said 99% of them. And that I stand by firmly.

Yeah, I disagree with this. Because of your experience and what you see and hear about, I can see where you might think this, but it's not true. You don't hear as much about the good things that happen.
It's kind of like with murders and terrorists, the media focuses so **** much on making the criminals infamous that the victims essentially thrown to the wind.
And also going to crime, you hear about crime and what's wrong with the world all the time, but you rarely hear what's GOOD with the world.
Look to the positive side of things and you may find your outlook getting better and eventually your situation too.

 

[BeyondShy]

Yeah, I disagree with this. Because of your experience and what you see and hear about, I can see where you might think this, but it's not true. You don't hear as much about the good things that happen.
It's kind of like with murders and terrorists, the media focuses so **** much on making the criminals infamous that the victims essentially thrown to the wind.
And also going to crime, you hear about crime and what's wrong with the world all the time, but you rarely hear what's GOOD with the world.
Look to the positive side of things and you may find your outlook getting better and eventually your situation too.

Maybe you're right and I certainly won't dispute you because that's something I didn't consider. And if I got a few good experiences under my belt I am sure my outlook would change. I would love for that to happen.

 

[Despicable Me]

Yeah, I disagree with this. Because of your experience and what you see and hear about, I can see where you might think this, but it's not true. You don't hear as much about the good things that happen.
It's kind of like with murders and terrorists, the media focuses so **** much on making the criminals infamous that the victims essentially thrown to the wind.
And also going to crime, you hear about crime and what's wrong with the world all the time, but you rarely hear what's GOOD with the world.
Look to the positive side of things and you may find your outlook getting better and eventually your situation too.

Maybe you're right and I certainly won't dispute you because that's something I didn't consider. And if I got a few good experiences under my belt I am sure my outlook would change. I would love for that to happen.

There is actually something called 'Negativity Bias'. It's a real phenomena in people that basically makes negative things effect them more. It is scientifically proven.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Negativity_bias

The media utilizes this situation themselves. This is why the media almost always reports negative things over positive ones. Positive stories are almost always withheld for 'slow news days', as they call them, or to fill in space gaps between other stories. This is because the media are all sensationalists and they literally profit off of making their stories more interesting to the viewers. So obviously they will use the most negatives stories possible so that they can maximize the effect on the viewers and therefore maximize their profits.
Negativity bias also demonstrates that people in general are more likely to report negative criticism than positive criticism because when negative they view something as needing to change and are more willing to do something to help change it, meanwhile positive things they can leave alone as they want them to stay the same.

From what I've seen, the people on this forum are often especially prone to this effect. You, for example, are overlooking any positive elements in your life by suggesting that if you had 'a few good experiences' you might think differently.
But is it true that you've absolutely never had any good experiences with people, ever? No, I highly doubt that.You're just allowing the negativity to effect your more, you're focusing more on that. You're forgetting the positive and not allowing it to be important to you. You're allowing the negativity to cloud your judgement.
So the question is then, if you did have more good experiences under your belt, would you REALLY feel differently? It's doubtful.

To be honest, about 90% of the problems on this forum can probably be summed up entirely by negativity bias and allowing it to cloud their judgment.

 

[BeyondShy]

There is actually something called 'Negativity Bias'. It's a real phenomena in people that basically makes negative things effect them more. It is scientifically proven.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Negativity_bias

I was not aware of this. Thank you.

From what I've seen, the people on this forum are often especially prone to this effect. You, for example, are overlooking any positive elements in your life by suggesting that if you had 'a few good experiences' you might think differently.
But is it true that you've absolutely never had any good experiences with people, ever? No, I highly doubt that.You're just allowing the negativity to effect your more, you're focusing more on that. You're forgetting the positive and not allowing it to be important to you. You're allowing the negativity to cloud your judgement.
So the question is then, if you did have more good experiences under your belt, would you REALLY feel differently? It's doubtful.

Yes, it is true that I have had many good experiences with people in my life and I am sure that if I stopped to think about all of them I would see that there have been quite a lot of them. But the negative ones have outnumbered the positive ones and therefore they stay with you so much longer.

So the question is if I did have more good experiences under my belt would I really feel differently? I don't know. I honestly don't. But I do know I would love to try.

 

[Despicable Me]

Yes, it is true that I have had many good experiences with people in my life and I am sure that if I stopped to think about all of them I would see that there have been quite a lot of them. But the negative ones have outnumbered the positive ones and therefore they stay with you so much longer.

So the question is if I did have more good experiences under my belt would I really feel differently? I don't know. I honestly don't. But I do know I would love to try.

I've been there before, too. If you stay positive and always try your best it gets better. You get those experiences.

I had more bad experiences than good in my past, but once I started being positive no matter what came to me it all just started getting put together. Now I can look bad and those negative things don't even bother me at all. They're just a part of who I am, and I wouldn't want to be any different. More importantly, the past is behind us all. It's gone, and I for one have learned to move on. I only look towards the future, now.

I can't tell anyone it gets better if they aren't positive or doing their best, though. People who don't try, or just aren't really trying very hard are obviously only going to get what they put into it. You can't just expect miracles, because miracles don't come.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I don't really feel like I am in a position to give advice, as I have been fighting with negativity bias for pretty much all my life, at least since school started. However, I do feel that I have something to say.

I know it seems like the world favors some really crummy people at times, especially as it relates to the worlds of dating and social life. I don't know for sure if it actually is that way, or if it just seems to be. But it just can't be unbeatable. They aren't unbeatable. The ones with the looks, the money, the power, the Joe Macho's, the "cool kids" and their grownup versions - they can be beaten. They can be beaten by someone who has something better to offer. And if you make yourself into that person, they can be beaten by you. And you wouldn't have to join them either. They can be beaten by a happy, interesting person who likes themselves. I'm talking to myself as much as anyone else here. You just have to remember that you, yes you, have something to offer, something good, something real. You have to set yourself up for it though. Reprogram your thoughts. It takes time because if you've been negative about yourself and your chances for a while, it will be almost instinctive to think negatively.

Remind yourself of all the good things that you have to offer. Even the small things or the passive things that you don't think about, like being a nice person. Make a list, write it down, and review it every day - I'm a big believer in the idea that things will be forgotten if they are not written down. And if you think it's not enough, add to it.

PS LordofLosers - I like your Darth Vader avatar. I'm a huge Star Wars fan, wearing a 3-D Boba Fett shirt right now. But see? There's one thing someone else thinks is cool about you already.

But, in my opinion, you should consider changing your name, though. Break the cycle of negative self-talk. Calling yourself a loser will only continue to fuel a negative view of oneself, and a lack of confidence.