Relationship ending

[Zackarydoo]

What a day for things to end. Well it's just a long-distance thing I had with someone I'd never met, but at times it was quite intense with real feelings. It's been a big mess from the start though to be honest and I've suffered a lot more than I've felt good. Often there have been such tiny things she could have done to stop me stressing, but she usually didn't bother.

She's a really lovely girl though, and has a lot of problems in life, and she really needs someone - But that someone can't be me any more. I've tried hugely but she just isn't letting things work out. I keep telling her that I can't try any more than I have. Could I just be her friend instead? I don't think I could go backwards like that really, even though I do sort of want to.

I almost ended it last night when we were texting back and forth, and it got a bit nasty. I did apologise and said I didn't want it to end, but now I've thought more, I think I need to take advantage of feeling terrible and end things quickly. If I keep holding on, I'll get more and more in a state about things relating to the relationship, and it'll get harder and harder to pull out. I've already waited too long. It's a shame to happen on Christmas day but I have to let her go. We were planning on speaking today when she opened the Christmas gift I'd sent her. I don't know if I can cope with speaking to her though. It's a shame because the gift meant something and took me almost a day to prepare for her. That's typical over-emotional over-sensitive and over-caring me, that always gets me hurt.

I'm dreading hearing from her today, assuming I do. I don't know if she'll want to still speak as planned or if I'll want to or not. If we speak, it means ending it on the phone, but it might be easier to just say nothing.

So that's the way my life is going at the moment and is why I'm lonelier than ever right now.

I hope everyone reading this has a good Christmas.

 

[Coverage]

It seems you've decided on what you think would be best for both of you and I'd encourage you to follow through on it. Nobody should have to suffer or feel guilty in a relationship.

I hope things work out for you.

 

[Splenda-Kills]

Wow, surprisingly enough, I am currently going through the same exact thing as I type, except this person is already ready to go off with another girl and I'm just going to let him go. It sucks though, I tell him to figure out what he wants, and he wants to be so immature about that...I don't need just another "big kid" in my life. I have enough kids to deal with (long story). In my case, I suppose it is better that I do not celebrate holidays, or else today, Christmas day, would really suck even more. But, for me, this day will come and go like any other.

Well, I think you made a good decision, though this might be because I'm just another over-emotional, over-sensitive, over-caring person. ^^;
I wish you the best.

 

[Zackarydoo]

Thanks for your post Coverage, I hope you're having a nice Christmas.

I can't believe what's happening today. I hadn't heard from her like was planned, but after how things were last night I wasn't too surprised. I did want to talk to her but decided I'd write a letter instead. I finished the long letter, basically saying that I couldn't carry on like this. I decided I'd try to speak to her before sending it and I did manage to get hold of her. Well she said a few things that surprised me, and I was left having second thoughts. I was honest and told her that I had planned to end things, but now I'm not sure. So the way we've left it now is that neither of us want it to end, but I won't carry things on unless they change a lot. How we go about achieving that, I don't know. So for now, that's where it stands. I am confused and shocked to be honest, and am unsure of what I should do. If only she didn't stress me out so much then I'd like things to work out, but something big has to change.

---

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Hi Splenda-Kills. I'm sorry you're having a rough time too. Life's a real big plop at times isn't it? You're probably surprised by what I wrote above - Not as surprised as me!

Right now I'm so confused, but at least for this moment I'm feeling happier than I was. I hope it lasts.

 

[Splenda-Kills]

You're probably surprised by what I wrote above - Not as surprised as me!

Right now I'm so confused, but at least for this moment I'm feeling happier than I was. I hope it lasts.

Aw, I'm happy to hear that things have turned out a little better. It's good that you can enjoy a happier feeling, even with all the confusion

And yes, life can be a big, smelly plop. At least, for me. I just officially ended it with my person of interest, but I don't feel as bad as I would have if I didn't have this certain feeling of understanding and acceptance. Perhaps I'll take a brisk walk in the cold air tomorrow to shock the remainder of my senses back to life.

Seems like today turned out not so bad for the both of us

 

[Zackarydoo]

Aw, I'm happy to hear that things have turned out a little better. It's good that you can enjoy a happier feeling, even with all the confusion

And yes, life can be a big, smelly plop. At least, for me. I just officially ended it with my person of interest, but I don't feel as bad as I would have if I didn't have this certain feeling of understanding and acceptance. Perhaps I'll take a brisk walk in the cold air tomorrow to shock the remainder of my senses back to life.

Seems like today turned out not so bad for the both of us

Yea it's nice to feel a bit better. It's strange because I had totally accepted that things were over before we spoke.

Sorry that you've officially ended things yourself now - Well maybe I'm not sorry, if you feel ok about it? Do you feel some sort of relief now? I've often felt that in the past when things haven't been good, it's like a big relief that it's all over, and you don't realise it's going to feel that way until you actually end it.

 

[DysphoricMuse]

I'm ending a relationship too, but its hard because we live together. We've been together over 2.5 years...I thought I was going to marry this guy....Guess not, he's selfish and inconsiderate and loves himself more than he loves me. I need him to love me as much as he loves himself. Best of luck to you.

 

[roundasapenguin]

Sorry to hear you're going through this rough patch in the relationship. Hope things work out for you though

 

[Zackarydoo]

I'm ending a relationship too, but its hard because we live together. We've been together over 2.5 years...I thought I was going to marry this guy....Guess not, he's selfish and inconsiderate and loves himself more than he loves me. I need him to love me as much as he loves himself. Best of luck to you.

I'm sorry you're ending a relationship too. Sounds like it's for the best if he's the pig you say he is, but I know it's still a tough thing to go through. I've learned from the past that it does help if you hate the person as much as possible! LOL. It might sound like a bad thing, but I'll go for anything that makes me feel better when I've lost someone.

Good luck to you too, take care.

---

Sorry to hear you're going through this rough patch in the relationship. Hope things work out for you though

That's nice of you, thank you.

Things are confusing for me at the moment. I did think that it seemed like maybe things might be ok again, and I've been trying not to feel stressed about it, but then yesterday as soon as I got a text from her, I THEN started feeling stressed! She has an incredible knack of knowing exactly what to put (or more likely what NOT to put) in a text, to upset me. She knows what upsets me too, so that is something I will never understand, because it seems almost intentional on her part. I hope she'll speak to me today so I can discuss it with her.

 

[roundasapenguin]

Perhaps it is best to speak over the phone with her. I've learnt that text messages (or email) may sometimes convey the wrong message across. I've been in a long distance relationship before and it's catastrophic how a single sms that seemed pretty harmless to him, had a devastating reaction from me. And because it is in text, there's really nothing much to go on other than your own intepretation of it which can sometimes be not what the sender had intended.

Clearing up over the phone's always the best way to sort things out. Good luck.

 

[Zackarydoo]

Perhaps it is best to speak over the phone with her. I've learnt that text messages (or email) may sometimes convey the wrong message across. I've been in a long distance relationship before and it's catastrophic how a single sms that seemed pretty harmless to him, had a devastating reaction from me. And because it is in text, there's really nothing much to go on other than your own intepretation of it which can sometimes be not what the sender had intended.

Clearing up over the phone's always the best way to sort things out. Good luck.

I totally agree, and I'm forever trying to get her to speak to me. There are very often reasons she won't or can't though, and that is one of the reasons the relationship is so difficult.

 

[Splenda-Kills]

That's nice of you, thank you.

Things are confusing for me at the moment. I did think that it seemed like maybe things might be ok again, and I've been trying not to feel stressed about it, but then yesterday as soon as I got a text from her, I THEN started feeling stressed! She has an incredible knack of knowing exactly what to put (or more likely what NOT to put) in a text, to upset me. She knows what upsets me too, so that is something I will never understand, because it seems almost intentional on her part. I hope she'll speak to me today so I can discuss it with her.

Haha, is it just me or are we experiencing quite the coincidence? I also thought things were going a little better with me and my person of interest as he still wished to be good friends, something I didn't mind because it wasn't as if I was bitter about ending things. Yet, one thing led to another and the guy led me to believe he'd realized his mistake, only to turn around and crush that belief and hurt me simultaneously. Some other chick snagged him up. I have complete apathy for the thoughts and feelings of guys like that, so I laid my cards on the table and told him how I felt throughout the relationship and after't, and what I thought of his "new" (turns out she's his ex) girlfriend. Told him that even if she says she "loves" him, she would never, ever spill her heart in the manner that I did, so raw and truthful. The message he sent me told me, under no uncertain terms, that he had nothing but complete apathy for my feelings as well. He says he doesn't know me well, yet he knows the things to say to piss me off. Then it ended, perhaps for good--friends and all. I'm still a little hurt though, sitting here and eating candy canes for a little "Holiday Spirit" and nostalgia (haven't had candy canes in a while ) but I keep remembering how he likes candy canes. But I like candy canes too so what the hell, I'm eatin' 'em anyway

I d'know, it always seemed unfair to me, but now I remember and understand the advice my mother used to give me: Good guys like us are the ones who suffer for the bad guys' wrongdoings while the bad guys go off with their victory without feeling a shred of remorse.

It plays into the classic question: Who said the world was fair?

I truly am sorry your relationship took a wrong turn. I hope you will be able to work things out, and I also think maybe a chat on the phone would do you both some good.

 

[Zackarydoo]

Haha, is it just me or are we experiencing quite the coincidence? I also thought things were going a little better with me and my person of interest as he still wished to be good friends, something I didn't mind because it wasn't as if I was bitter about ending things. Yet, one thing led to another and the guy led me to believe he'd realized his mistake, only to turn around and crush that belief and hurt me simultaneously. Some other chick snagged him up. I have complete apathy for the thoughts and feelings of guys like that, so I laid my cards on the table and told him how I felt throughout the relationship and after't, and what I thought of his "new" (turns out she's his ex) girlfriend. Told him that even if she says she "loves" him, she would never, ever spill her heart in the manner that I did, so raw and truthful. The message he sent me told me, under no uncertain terms, that he had nothing but complete apathy for my feelings as well. He says he doesn't know me well, yet he knows the things to say to piss me off. Then it ended, perhaps for good--friends and all. I'm still a little hurt though, sitting here and eating candy canes for a little "Holiday Spirit" and nostalgia (haven't had candy canes in a while ) but I keep remembering how he likes candy canes. But I like candy canes too so what the hell, I'm eatin' 'em anyway

I d'know, it always seemed unfair to me, but now I remember and understand the advice my mother used to give me: Good guys like us are the ones who suffer for the bad guys' wrongdoings while the bad guys go off with their victory without feeling a shred of remorse.

It plays into the classic question: Who said the world was fair?

I truly am sorry your relationship took a wrong turn. I hope you will be able to work things out, and I also think maybe a chat on the phone would do you both some good.

Hi Splenda. It does sound like we're going through a similar thing. After my conversation with this lady yesterday, it was as good as over completely, even though she said she didn't want it to be. Then last night I had a nice text from her, that had hugs and kisses in, as if nothing was wrong!

In her defence though, she is very sick and emotionally weak and I realised yesterday that I'm probably just making her feel worse. It may be hurting me a lot but I no longer blame her for that. I think she's got so much on her plate that she can't think of much else. So I'm going to try and at least be there for her even if it only means being a friend.

I'm sorry that your guy went off with his ex. It must be hard knowing that the person you want to be with has gone with someone else. At least you know where you stand and that he's not worth making an effort for.

I do agree that talking on the phone with her would be good, and if I had my way, we'd talk for hours every day. I can't force her to speak to me unfortunately. She is often too sick lately to talk because she's throwing up all the time.

Next is yet another New Year on my own. I hope yours is happier than mine will be.

 

[Cwo5]

Honestly man,

There is a thing called emotional responsibility and maturity. The responsible part is in knowing what is a worthwhile investment of you time and energy. Along with that, asking the most pertinent question of all; "Is this worth getting involved in, and is it worth my feelings?"

Maturity involves knowing where to cut off situations that are going nowhere, and ones that in your experience are just doomed for failure.

 

[Zackarydoo]

Honestly man,

There is a thing called emotional responsibility and maturity. The responsible part is in knowing what is a worthwhile investment of you time and energy. Along with that, asking the most pertinent question of all; "Is this worth getting involved in, and is it worth my feelings?"

Maturity involves knowing where to cut off situations that are going nowhere, and ones that in your experience are just doomed for failure.

What a lovely, charming person you are! Not even worth a detailed response. You must be one of those people who only uses forums to upset others. There are unfortunately many such people around.

<edit> I see you're newly registered and I just read part of one of your other posts. You don't by any chance have another ID starting with J, do you? </edit>

 

[roundasapenguin]

Zack, sorry to hear that the conversation with your loved one didn't go well. I think this is the most frustrating part of every relationship - the part where the whole thing is teetering at the edge and you're not really sure if at the next turn, it's gonna be game over. It must be agony, not knowing how this is going to end up especially the way things are now.

But you know what? If you really, really want to save the relationship, then do all you can to fight for it. Because the one thing worse than the 'not knowing where it'll go' part is letting go too quickly, only to look back years from now and ask yourself "What if I tried harder? What if?" Regret is an even more painful journey.

If it doesn't work out in the end, at least you can say you've tried it all because you love her and she was worth it. And no regrets

 

[Zackarydoo]

Zack, sorry to hear that the conversation with your loved one didn't go well. I think this is the most frustrating part of every relationship - the part where the whole thing is teetering at the edge and you're not really sure if at the next turn, it's gonna be game over. It must be agony, not knowing how this is going to end up especially the way things are now.

But you know what? If you really, really want to save the relationship, then do all you can to fight for it. Because the one thing worse than the 'not knowing where it'll go' part is letting go too quickly, only to look back years from now and ask yourself "What if I tried harder? What if?" Regret is an even more painful journey.

If it doesn't work out in the end, at least you can say you've tried it all because you love her and she was worth it. And no regrets

Thanks for writing roundasapenguin. Things are still really unsure, she is just confusing me, and I am trying to be understanding of the way she's feeling too due to other problems in her life. I know that things with me are really not what she needs at the moment, so I feel guilty pressuring her and I'm trying to back off. You're right, it's not good not knowing the outcome and in a way I'd rather just know it's over.

I do want to save it in some ways, but then that's really my heart talking and not my head. I've always followed my heart though as it's hard to ignore it.

What I try to ignore is the fact that we live so far apart and have no money, so can't afford to see each other. Other factors in her life make meeting almost impossible too. So it really is silly to carry on - Yet we both want to! It isn't logical at all. We both want the fairy tail, where things end up happily ever after. It is hard to really see that happening though, and I'm just hurting more and more.