Relationships

[RckyMtnHgh]

I came to this site to meet people and try and understand what makes people tick :shy:
I grew up with my mom saying, "take care of the ladies, provide for them, protect them, love them. and they will always stand by you". Three marriages and two kids later, I'm still waiting for all of that to happen. I have all the material things, I'm an average looking guy, a solid job, and my friends all say I'm fun to be with. I have been used and abused and ridden to *ell and back to the point where it's an old routine. My brother keeps telling me that I 'rescue' women. I always seem to come riding in like a knight to save them. The scenario usually goes, they have no money, so I give them money. They have no job or home or car so I provide those. They all say how much they love me and want me. The next thing I know, I catch them cheating or doing something else crazy. I want to give up, I really, really do but a nagging little voice keeps telling me to hang on. I'm not a 'player' or bar hopper or any other game player. Come on guys, please tell me what's up?? Why am I sitting here all alone in this big house with my dog? Advice is most welcome! :club:

 

[LGH1288]

From one dog to another -- IMO society needs to be retrained. The "knight in shining armor" mindset is a fairy tale that should not be taught to little girls because it's detrimental to a woman's sense of independence, and it's very unfair to men that they'd be expected to be the 100% sole providers for their family's needs. It's supposed to be a team effort! LG

 

[The_Iblis_Trigger]

I came to this site to meet people and try and understand what makes people tick :shy:
I grew up with my mom saying, "take care of the ladies, provide for them, protect them, love them. and they will always stand by you". Three marriages and two kids later, I'm still waiting for all of that to happen. I have all the material things, I'm an average looking guy, a solid job, and my friends all say I'm fun to be with. I have been used and abused and ridden to *ell and back to the point where it's an old routine. My brother keeps telling me that I 'rescue' women. I always seem to come riding in like a knight to save them. The scenario usually goes, they have no money, so I give them money. They have no job or home or car so I provide those. They all say how much they love me and want me. The next thing I know, I catch them cheating or doing something else crazy. I want to give up, I really, really do but a nagging little voice keeps telling me to hang on. I'm not a 'player' or bar hopper or any other game player. Come on guys, please tell me what's up?? Why am I sitting here all alone in this big house with my dog? Advice is most welcome! :club:

I wouldn't listen to that voice cause all it does is bring you misery because you do hang on... but it's up to you

 

[EveWasFramed]

It appears to be a cycle for you. My two cents: look for a woman who doesn't "need" you. That way, if she wants to be with you, it's for YOU, not what you can give her. I'm sure you've likely heard that before, but it's true. (((hugs)))

 

[RckyMtnHgh]

Thanks everyone, I am trying to look for the basics now. Employed?, own place to live, own a car, don't really need me but wants me.

check
check
check
double check.
The search goes on.

 

[Seraphina]

Hello Rcky!

I am sorry to hear about your relationships. I can't imagine how stressful it must all be. I really hope that you don't give up on letting people into your life! I also make bad choices sometimes that allow people to take advantage of me. I guess that's the gamble we take with any kind of relationship, I hope you meet someone wonderful soon to light up your life.

I know I've had a lot of issues with bad relationships and terrible breakups. I spent a lot of time being honest about myself, my patterns with picking the people I was with and why I did it. It seems like you have done that already, you recognize a pattern in yourself. I think that's the first step. I think knowing what you want out of your partner is also important, don't settle. It's better to be alone than with someone who doesn't give you the love and respect you deserve. I have a few friends who are in marriages where they are not happy, it's sad to see.

You don't need someone to be happy, I'm sure you are an amazing person.

 

[Tiger lily]

Hiya, I'm a girl and I agree with what "Eve was Framed" said. I girl wouldn't like it if she thought a man was with her just because he NEEDED her, she wants to feel loved for being her, and thats just what you should search for too. Find girl he truely likes you and who has the independance to take care of herself. Any decent girl wouldn't want you to be the one to do all the running anyway. A relationship is ment to be a equal partnership. I wish you all the best.

 

[Sci-Fi]

You're mother taught you wrong...oh crap I feel a stampede of mothers coming to beat me...I mean she should have added when you find the right woman, one who's not looking to be saved or kept. There's nothing wrong with being the "Knight in shining armour" (i'm canadian i spell things with a u) if it's the right woman you are rescuing. I think everyone who's in a bad situation and wonders if there really is a true love out there, is wishing their Superman or Wonder Woman would swoop down and rescue them. But that's usually a fairy tale and happens rarely. A guy I used to work with found a woman after his first failed marriage who he praises and is thankful for everyday. He never realized you can be happy in a marriage and that it doesn't have to be a constant battle. So it can happen.

But in your case, stop saving the unsaveable or gold diggers. That goes for women too, stay away from the slobs and jobless no matter how much they say they love you.

You have your check list, its a good one.

 

[RckyMtnHgh]

Lots of good advice here, thank you so much. I think my biggest problem is the loneliness. Even though I know it's wrong, I always make the bad choices. I see the pattern and I know what I'm doing but I do it anyway. The whole thing makes me want to quit or do online dating (Yikes).