relevence

[travis]

Hi Lonlly Types:

Tell me, do the majority of you all have a lack of self respect that accompanies your lonliness?

Do the majority of you make attempts at being "relevent" in the lives of others? And, if so, how did that work out? And if you have made only a few attempts at being relevant, and it did not work as you envisioned it would, did you try again with another person? A person that may have had their day, week, month completely turned around from despair to hope, based solely on your compassion for that idividual.... I find this a wonderful way to keep lonliness and despair at bay. Not relevence for the specific purpose of self, but relevence for the purpose of others, which incidently leads to self relevence...by default. I find this a good practice... Consider giving it a try.

travis

 

[Jeremi]

I always try to listen to other people, try to listen to their problems, and I try to give advice or cheer them up when they're feeling bad. I want to help others, and it do make me feel better as well. It's not like people come to me with their biggest problems. It's usually just small stuff people talk about, but still it's something. I'm trying to learn from a woman at work, who is ALWAYS happy, always optimistic and she always give people compliments. She's an amazing person ^^

Loneliness can make me feel down, but I don't want that feeling to spread to other people around me

 

[silentsithus]

It is easy to reflect back what people need to hear when you watch them all the time. I have a few friends that ask for advise about their relationship.. knowing full well I don't have a clue. But I think it's because most lonely types have the ability to be objective without letting what used to be an ego get in the way. Most people have a forest of emotional trees to go over before they can get to what they actually want to do about anything. Usually when they tell me it is complicated(cough) it means they REFUSE to make up their mind about who to sleep with.

 

[mimizu]

Not really... nobody needs me.

 

[Bluey]

Not really... nobody needs me.

not trow, we need u.

u never know wot a deferents u might make to someones life in tell its to let.
i guss that's wot having faith is all about.

have a rose my friend

 

[mimizu]

.. thanks.
Have a violet

 

[AaronAgassi]

Listening at all is but the bare beginning of relevance in relating to others and even being needed. -Let alone ever surmounting ambivalence! Indeed, that latter may take the proverbial village...

 

[InsectGod]

As to self-respect, I think I'm OK. I'm not a great person personally, but in my profession I'm among the world's best. (I can't say exactly what I do because then 5 seconds of googling would tell you my name -- suffice it to say that I'm a successful artist in an unusual specialty.) I gave up early on meeting any other type of standard, being a good person or a nice person, so that's what I judge myself by.

As to relevance, I've never really understood the whole compassion-for-others thing. Other than good old Mom, I don't feel like I owe them much. There are people I've mattered to; my art or advice has changed their lives, and probably I inspired some students during my teaching years; but I can't say that I've made a lot of effort in that direction -- if someone is positively influenced by my art, that's nice for them, but I didn't make the art for them.

Maybe you want to see me as a cautionary tale: I live in loneliness like a clam in mud. I don't inspire liking or compassion in people, and rightly so: most of the time I don't like them. Being nice to others makes me feel like a patsy -- what did they ever do for me? I don't have anything against them as long as we can stay out of each others' way, and that's as far as it goes.

It's going to suck when I'm too old to work and need help; indeed, it's already not very nice having no friends and being too old to have lovers; but I feel like it's late to be thinking of that now. If I wanted to be a nice person with friends, I'd have had to do it all differently from the start.

 

[AaronAgassi]

If you ever hope to become capable of love, then perhaps it might make sense to begin by more narrowly defining the parameters of being made a patsy.

Certainly, it is important to avoid being exploited, but even that requires a clear understanding and distinction of the phenomenon. Otherwise, misguided defenses will not only keep the good at arms length, but leave you confused and vulnerable as the bad close in.